Jimmyjackson Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 I have been speaking to this girl for about 3 months, we have slept together and like each other. We haven't however been on an actual date, I have asked her on a couple and she agreed then flaked both times. She currently lives a couple of hours away from me at university and I work full time. I decided not to ask her out anymore because I knew there comes a certain point when you have to accept it for what it is and leave it be. She has since asked me out twice, the first time I couldn't and the second time I have agreed to it. It's difficult finding a time to suit us both with the distance and us both working and her studies. The thing is over this 3 months her interest has seemed to go hot and cold a lot. She even told me herself she has 'messed me around '. We are due to go out next week but she told me yesterday I have 'been a bit full on' (clingy, needy). I replied just saying 'ah right'. Since then she has been distant and seemed to have gone cold again. My issue is when I don't speak to her she seems to come running and when we speak i seem to become over eager and cause her to again lose interest. What should I do In this current situation? Just not speak as much and let her come to me? We are still due to go out next week as far as I know, haven't been told otherwise. But the fact she has called me needy is bothering me, I personally don't think I am I think she is just pretty cold. Is this situation salvageable? She's said when we don't speak for a couple of days and she reaches out that she misses me therefore she reaches out and she wants to spend time with me and is attracted etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted March 18, 2016 Author Share Posted March 18, 2016 Anyone?.... Link to post Share on other sites
TXGuy Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 (edited) She was happy to hook up and have sex with you right away. Since then, she thinks you are too clingy. If you want to continue anything with her (Primarily physical. She is not a LTR prospect): Treat her with indifference and let her do all the work from here on out (she dislikes the fact that you care about her and try to move the relationship forward). She has told you that is the type of guy she wants. Do not get emotionally involved. Remain indifferent. Her calling you 'clingy' means you care too much. Solution?: Care less. (but only if you don't choose to cut contact and drop her). Edited March 18, 2016 by TXGuy Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted March 18, 2016 Author Share Posted March 18, 2016 She was happy to hook up and have sex with you right away. Since then, she thinks you are too clingy. If you want to continue anything with her (Primarily physical. She is not a LTR prospect): Treat her with indifference and let her do all the work from here on out (she dislikes the fact that you care about her and try to move the relationship forward). She has told you that is the type of guy she wants. Do not get emotionally involved. Remain indifferent. Her calling you 'clingy' means you care too much. Solution?: Care less. (but only if you don't choose to cut contact and drop her). That's what I was doing really, letting her do the work. She asked me out twice when I acted indifferent. One minute she's telling me she didn't want a relationship so I said ok and cut contact. Next thing she comes back and says she wants something...very frustrating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted March 19, 2016 Author Share Posted March 19, 2016 She was happy to hook up and have sex with you right away. Since then, she thinks you are too clingy. If you want to continue anything with her (Primarily physical. She is not a LTR prospect): Treat her with indifference and let her do all the work from here on out (she dislikes the fact that you care about her and try to move the relationship forward). She has told you that is the type of guy she wants. Do not get emotionally involved. Remain indifferent. Her calling you 'clingy' means you care too much. Solution?: Care less. (but only if you don't choose to cut contact and drop her). Also, is there a way you can train yourself to care less? It seems to be in my make up that I naturally develop feelings and stuff which is good in a way but seems to cause me trouble more often than not. Link to post Share on other sites
ff12343 Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Also, is there a way you can train yourself to care less? It seems to be in my make up that I naturally develop feelings and stuff which is good in a way but seems to cause me trouble more often than not. Yes, you date multiple girls at once. The more you date, the less energy you will have to care about all of them. Sad but true. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Yes, you date multiple girls at once. The more you date, the less energy you will have to care about all of them. Sad but true. women who are hot/cold are usually dating other guys. so this advice is spot on. Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 The thing is over this 3 months her interest has seemed to go hot and cold a lot. She even told me herself she has 'messed me around '. We are due to go out next week but she told me yesterday I have 'been a bit full on' (clingy, needy). I replied just saying 'ah right'. Since then she has been distant and seemed to have gone cold again. She's just making excuses to go cold on you so she can date other guys and come back to you when she is bored, other prospects dry up. You're her puppet, OP. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 OP, she doesn't miss you ..... when you pull away, she misses the *attention* you give her. Please learn the difference. I am a woman ....I know this. Hot/cold = not interested. Same for men. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Hot/cold = not interested. Same for men. I'd like to add that hot/cold can mean not interested in anything serious. Some people like to stash others on the back burner and will come come calling when they're in the mood: lonely, horny, bored, etc... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 I'd like to add that hot/cold can mean not interested in anything serious. Some people like to stash others on the back burner and will come come calling when they're in the mood: lonely, horny, bored, etc... True that is actually what I meant.... Thanks for clarifying that for me! Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 I'd like to add that hot/cold can mean not interested in anything serious. Some people like to stash others on the back burner and will come come calling when they're in the mood: lonely, horny, bored, etc... As I said, I do agree, but then again, if they are only returning cuz they're bored, lonely, horny, how interested in the person could they avtually be? Not very....they're simply bored, lonely, horny.... Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 As I said, I do agree, but then again, if they are only returning cuz they're bored, lonely, horny, how interested in the person could they avtually be? Not very....they're simply bored, lonely, horny.... They not interested in the person but rather some attention and a warm body. Lots of guys are okay with this because it leads to easy sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted March 23, 2016 Author Share Posted March 23, 2016 Just to update, we had a first date yesterday and it was great, we met somewhere in the middle of us both and were together for about 7 hours, had food and drink. Parted ways at the train station but it seems she is into me after all... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts