Jump to content

Life Stresses and a Relationship- when to reach out?


ThisisIt606

Recommended Posts

My bf and I have been dating 9 months. I recently got laid off and was told I have 1 month to get a new job.

 

I called my bf the day it happened upset about the situation. He said he was at the gym but said he could come over. I told him yes, that would be nice.. we sat and talked and split a bottle of wine as he listened to me and offered advice. Neither of us slept very well that night (I was tossing and turning and not feeling well after the wine) He had to leave early in the AM to beat traffic, kissed me on the forehead, told me to sleep in and he'd see me that that night.

 

That night we met for dinner. When we got back to my place we cuddled and just fell a sleep bc we were both so tired from little sleep the night before.

 

I've been getting a lot of interviews which I'm thankful for but it's also left me pretty busy. My Bf is good about it and has been checking in asking how the interview(s) went, offering advice about salary negotiation, etc. I also ask how things are going with him,etc. (this is a mix of phone calls and text)

 

On our Wednesday phone call we agreed to do something Saturday. Thursday he checked in asking how my interview was and we texted for a bit. Friday no contact- he had AM doc appts, then had to drive out to a wedding where he stayed in a hotel over night. ** He did not get a +1 which is why I didn't go. Couple wanted to keep wedding small**

 

Anyways, I get a text from him this AM saying he feels awful and may have to cancel tonight. I said Oh no, are you ok? hungover?

 

He said it was just a hangover, but he had a really bad head ache which he never gets and was still in the hotel room/has to drag himself out to drive home.

 

I told him I was sorry and hope he feels better. Also suggested a shower and advil to make the drive home easier. Told him to get some rest and hangover headaches are the worst.

 

^ So i'm not mad, but I'm dissappointed. Especially after a week of not seeing him due to my interviews. (I don't want to go out and then have sleep overs the night before an interview bc I want to be well rested)

 

So my question is... should I wait for him to reschedule or should I?

 

He does not know my interview schedule for next week as I just found out myself on friday.

 

I can't have a sleep over date Sunday bc I have 2 interviews Monday AM. I can't have a sleep overdate Monday bc I have 1 really long and important interview Tuesday. I don't really want to do anything a night before an interview as I just want to review and relax.

 

I CAN do sunday afternoon/early evening (no sleep over) or Tuesday night and after with sleepovers.

 

I was thinking of texting him later this afternoon to ask how he's feeling.Then suggest the above dates to hang out. I just don't want to overwhelm him with a bunch of interview babble if he's not feeling well. Bc i feel that can be very annoying. Or should I just let him contact me to reschedule?

 

I'm just stressing out with this job business and I MISS him. I'm frustrated that my job hunt is taking up so much time and I can't see him bc of it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse

After nine months surely it's irrelevant who reaches out first? I mean, nine months isn't nine dates. If you're still playing the games of 'who contacts who first?' at this stage, there's a problem. I mean, usually the person to cancel is the one who should reschedule but if you can only see him on a certain day soon, go for it and let him know. Better than him contacting you the day after you're free and having missed your window of availability.

 

I wouldn't be too hard on him re the wedding and hangover. I went to a wedding last year, got wasted and the hangover wasn't anything I'd ever felt before... it sparked off a humongous migraine and I felt soooo poorly there was no way I was capable of doing anything for the rest of that day. Weddings can get wild.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

I'd do a quick sweet text, "hope you're feeling better," nothing else. He can reach out to talk about schedules when he's ready. Then you can tell him your best times. And it doesn't always have to be a sleepover! Just go to dinner or a movie and then go home and get your rest for the interview.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
After nine months surely it's irrelevant who reaches out first? I mean, nine months isn't nine dates. If you're still playing the games of 'who contacts who first?' at this stage, there's a problem. I mean, usually the person to cancel is the one who should reschedule but if you can only see him on a certain day soon, go for it and let him know. Better than him contacting you the day after you're free and having missed your window of availability.

 

I wouldn't be too hard on him re the wedding and hangover. I went to a wedding last year, got wasted and the hangover wasn't anything I'd ever felt before... it sparked off a humongous migraine and I felt soooo poorly there was no way I was capable of doing anything for the rest of that day. Weddings can get wild.

 

I guess it wasn't so much of a who should reach out first, but I feel like I'm always the one making plans (as in thinking of the actual activity). He usually picks the day or says "we will find a time to hang out".

 

As with the drinking at the wedding... I'm just annoyed that he didn't even THINK hmm i might be too hung over to hang out my my gf the next day after a whole week of not seeing her/she's been really stressed. it's like he didn't even care and alcohol was more important.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I would be upset by that. I mean even when I'm hung over you guys could have seen each other - watched a movie at home and ordered in food. I would have a chat with him and talk to him about how you feel - you have been dating nine months and you should be communicating your needs more.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I guess it wasn't so much of a who should reach out first, but I feel like I'm always the one making plans (as in thinking of the actual activity). He usually picks the day or says "we will find a time to hang out".

 

As with the drinking at the wedding... I'm just annoyed that he didn't even THINK hmm i might be too hung over to hang out my my gf the next day after a whole week of not seeing her/she's been really stressed. it's like he didn't even care and alcohol was more important.

 

I'm just annoyed that he didn't even THINK hmm i might be too hung over to hang out my my gf the next day after a whole week of not seeing her/she's been really stressed -- Really? When you're out and having a really good time, you're thinking about the next day especially after a couple of drinks?

 

I do understand that thinking and how you feel, but I wouldn't take it personally, especially if he's not in the habit of doing things like that. It's a blip. If he does this kind of thing a lot, that's another story.

 

Putting that aside, just call him in the evening. Say, "hey, I know my schedule has been crazy lately, but I've been missing you and this coming week I only have X day available. Can we get together then? You shouldn't be afraid to communicate with a guy you've been seeing for 9 months.

Edited by Redhead14
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thanks everyone. He actually ended up texting me first and apologized for having to cancel. He said he wouldn't have been much fun today/tonight anyways. He suggested a different day to hang out and go to a movie.

 

He also said he felt bad bc it was self induced sickness ( at least he knows/ it dawned on him later)

 

I could't do the day he suggested, however I suggested tomorrow night/ going out and then him coming over for a bit but calling it an early night. He said that would work for him and seems back to his normal (non-hungover) self! I think I just jump the anxious gun a bit sometimes...

Edited by ThisisIt606
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...