Girls being interested in me but are not "interested" in me ?

[iff]

This is weird thing that happens very often. It is something I don't understand at all. I used to think that the girls were always "interested" in me and I somehow screwed it up which means there is something about me I should fix. It usually happens like this: Random girl comes up and chats with me and hangs out for awhile, I didn't know her before, and we usually end up adding each other on facebook or exchanging phone numbers and before she parts from me she hugs me.

 

I recently got in contact with an old friend she was one of the girls I thought she was "interested" in me, the conversation warped into how I thought that at first and she admitted that she was not "interested" in me but for some reason she felt that she had to get to know me. This concept is so very alien to me of someone saying they want to get to know me but aren't even interested in considering me as dateable, I do have girls who I am interested in but not "interested" in my life. But I could probably pinpoint where they failed to get me "interested" in them. Making friends with guys is different it doesn't ever involve something that seems like an interrogation of my personal life. Like how a lot of these chats with these girls start out.

 

 

The problem I am having with this is that if these girls were never "interested" in me in the first place then I have no clue on what I need to fix, where as before I could probably make up multiple things that I should work on and try to fix on how I converse or contact these women to make sure their "interest" in me doesn't fade.

 

Here is a story of one of my experiences: There was this girl who recognized me in a class we were taking. One day she went "iffy?!" I was all "Uh yea do I know you?" Oh I'm "pretty girl" we took the same class before. Then we hung out after class, she had class 6 hours later and I had no more classes, we talked about random stuff, like our interests, or interesting stuff we did. We ended up going to the library together where she proceeded to show me a bunch of pictures she took when she went on vacation overseas. I tipped her off how I am cheap on spending for textbooks by photographing the pages of the textbook on my cellphone. She gave me her number so I can text her the pages of the textbook. We went to a to a tea shop where she treated me for some tea right before her next class. I walked her to her next class and before she went into her next class she gave me a hug. Perhaps a few days after that I managed to get enough courage to ask her out on a date she said no she wasn't interested in me.

 

This is how things happen usually. It's pretty common. I hate it, and I'm too dumbfounded on what just happened to even realize that I should ask these girls out to go on a date. It really all happens too fast before I even realize "Do I like this girl?" I'm slow at these things, so slow I always feel like I miss opportunities and the girls start saying "Oh I wasn't interested in you in the first place". This has happened through-out my life. Happened in highschool too but lets forget highschool. The age ranges of these girls are 19-28. So I don't believe it's a maturity thing, all different types of girls.

 

As for my looks, I know I'm not attractive. I have attractive male friends who get way more attention than me and I'm secretly jealous watching how everyone likes their selfie photos on facebook, and how many women line up and hover around them to get a chance to date them once they turn single. Me and these guy friends aren't really too different besides looks, same lame loserish interests, same friends. Perhaps at best I'm slightly above average. Very slightly. I was once told I'm a 7/10 at best and a 5/10 at worst. I don't even get any hits on my online dating profiles. The best compliment I got on my looks in real life have been "you're not ugly". I've also been told by my ex gf's friends and family that I'm not handsome and she could do better. She wasn't that great looking either. But my ex gf's reply was "I don't care what you look like" she didn't even bother to reply with a "I think you're attractive". My appearance and this problem has been bugging me for a great deal of my life.. So I kinda been talking to a lot of people about this with no real answer.

 

 

I'm trying to figure out what it means when a girl approaches a guy being super friendly and seemingly expressing interest. Then claiming they weren't interested in the first place. When I approach people I always do it with a reason in mind. But people with no reasons? I don't understand it.

[thecrucible]

This concept is so very alien to me of someone saying they want to get to know me but aren't even interested in considering me as dateable

 

It could be any reason - they may not find you attractive, they only see you as a friend, or they're not looking for a bf. You are basing this only on women approaching you and not on you approaching them so you could try that? Also nothing wrong with a woman approaching a man for friendship, although I understand that may be frustrating you want more. I can say for me that I'm not instantly interested in most men - nothing to do with their attractiveness, I just don't know them or know much about them.Maybe some of these women were interested in you and they asked a few deal breaker questions for them (which you may not have spotted) and have come to the conclusion that it's not going to work out.

 

The problem I am having with this is that if these girls were never "interested" in me in the first place then I have no clue on what I need to fix, where as before I could probably make up multiple things that I should work on and try to fix on how I converse or contact these women to make sure their "interest" in me doesn't fade.

 

I think it's good to self-evaluate and figure out what you could improve but you shouldn't get fixated on this. It's better to just enjoy yourself around a woman, flirt, see if you naturally click and take it from there. If she's not interested, there's nothing you need to fix, you just need to accept it and move on to the next girl. Once it seems like someone has lost interest, it can be difficult to get their interest back anyway.

 

Here is a story of one of my experiences: There was this girl who recognized me in a class we were taking. One day she went "iffy?!" I was all "Uh yea do I know you?" Oh I'm "pretty girl" we took the same class before. Then we hung out after class, she had class 6 hours later and I had no more classes, we talked about random stuff, like our interests, or interesting stuff we did. We ended up going to the library together where she proceeded to show me a bunch of pictures she took when she went on vacation overseas. I tipped her off how I am cheap on spending for textbooks by photographing the pages of the textbook on my cellphone. She gave me her number so I can text her the pages of the textbook. We went to a to a tea shop where she treated me for some tea right before her next class. I walked her to her next class and before she went into her next class she gave me a hug. Perhaps a few days after that I managed to get enough courage to ask her out on a date she said no she wasn't interested in me.

 

Sounds like she was just being friendly. It may help to not do a formal asking out in future and just see if you can see her socially, go to that event, try flirting with her and see if she responds. Personally I prefer this to a man saying "do you want to go on a date?" as it's a bit out of the blue and confusing what to say.

 

As for my looks, I know I'm not attractive. I have attractive male friends who get way more attention than me and I'm secretly jealous watching how everyone likes their selfie photos on facebook, and how many women line up and hover around them to get a chance to date them once they turn single. Me and these guy friends aren't really too different besides looks, same lame loserish interests, same friends.

 

I know it's hard but try to ignore what your mates are doing and just focus on you - get fit in the gym, make the best of yourself and if you're not the kind of guy who wants to take loads of selfies, then don't be that guy. That behaviour can actually be kind of annoying imo. There will be someone out there who finds you appealing so you just need to find that one person and try and forget about the ones that say no.

 

I'm trying to figure out what it means when a girl approaches a guy being super friendly and seemingly expressing interest. Then claiming they weren't interested in the first place. When I approach people I always do it with a reason in mind. But people with no reasons? I don't understand it.

 

It's just being friendly. I approach men, women, dogs, cats, small children all the time and often it's nothing more than being friendly and getting to know me. Conversely, I think I would actually not approach a guy I fancied, I would wait for him to approach after I attempt to send some flirtatious signals.

[iff]

Thank you, I know a wrote a long post and perhaps rambled a bit. But I really appreciate the time you went through to respond to each of my points.

 

I repeated myself at the end in case other people got lost in my post. Most of my post is me trying to answer all possible questions that could come up so people can get a good idea of my exact situation. A picture is worth 1000 words. So I tried to paint a picture using words.

[elaine567]

Conversely, I think I would actually not approach a guy I fancied, I would wait for him to approach after I attempt to send some flirtatious signals.

 

Same here.

I guess the OP is deemed "safe" and not really dating material to these women, hence all the friendly chat and approaches.

 

OP

As thecrucible says there may be "deal breakers" hidden in all this friendly stuff, so would not do any harm to analyse what you are actually saying to these women or how you behave around them.

For instance checking out the competition over her shoulder, can be very off-putting, or saying stuff like "I am not looking for anything serious", or "I hope to travel the world soon", or "I hate this town and cannot wait to leave" or "I have not had a gf in years" or just sounding a bit depressed or desperate re dating or life in general, or other attitudes that can be off putting, anger, sarcasm, nervousness, worry, too much joking around etc. etc.

Attitudes that may not stop her being friends with you, but will not induce her to want to date you.

[road]

Also some women will lose interest when men take to long to ask them out.

 

 

Also letting her buy the tea, wrong sends the message your cheap.

 

 

You confirm the message that you are cheap by saying you are cheap.

 

 

You need to look into how you respond that could of turned them off. And, you should of asked her out on a date while you were walking her to her next class.

 

 

I do not understand all the game playing that you have to wait x days before you ask a woman out.