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is dating a transsexual gay? Does that make me bisexual?


justaguy19

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I am dating a girl at my school who looks like legit female. We've been dating 3 weeks and no sex at all. Basically she has a body similar to like draya/niykeeheaton and has a face very similar to like gwynneth paltrow in the early 90's. She doesn't at all have anything that looks in the least masculine. She's even dated guys I knew and no one ever warned me that she might be transsexual. She told me she has an intersex condition and that she has a dick. And I'm attracted to her. But I don't want to have gay sex. But I feel like if I was attracted to her doesn't that mean I'm at least bi because she was born a guy? Or what? Advice?

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does it make me gay or bisexual or not at all??

 

 

Also I haven't quite broken up with her I just needed time to think. But I feel like I can't do that with her. So I feel like we'd be going nowhere fast.

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PrettyEmily77

A little confused is what you seem to be right now, understandably.

 

Figure out your feelings / level of attraction for her first and see if you want to / can have a sexual relationship with her whichever way you feel is right for you both without worrying about labeling yourself.

 

If you can, live your relationship without concerning yourself with what other people think. If you're both happy, then that's that :).

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A little confused is what you seem to be right now, understandably.

 

Figure out your feelings / level of attraction for her first and see if you want to / can have a sexual relationship with her whichever way you feel is right for you both without worrying about labeling yourself.

 

If you can, live your relationship without concerning yourself with what other people think. If you're both happy, then that's that :).

 

 

 

The thing is literally I don't want to have gay sex with her. Not anything to do with society or anything.

 

 

I don't find dicks attractive I have one myself.

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PrettyEmily77
The thing is literally I don't want to have gay sex with her. Not anything to do with society or anything.

 

 

I don't find dicks attractive I have one myself.

 

Ok. Well, you are either going to have to accept that sex as you want to have it is off the table with her, and you'll have to satisfy yourself with all the other sexual stuff you could do with her if you are truly interested in her in that way.

 

If you can't do that, then let her go.

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Ok. Well, you are either going to have to accept that sex as you want to have it is off the table with her, and you'll have to satisfy yourself with all the other sexual stuff you could do with her if you are truly interested in her in that way.

 

If you can't do that, then let her go.

 

 

 

 

I guess I have got to find a girl that looks like her.

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Of course it doesn't make you gay, bi, or anything like that. You're attracted to women. Your girlfriend is a woman. I was born female but I may be infertile; does that mean I'm not a "real woman" either? Who gets to define what makes a "real woman"?

 

I think it's a good thing (in an odd way) that your biggest concern is what this says about you, rather than your girlfriend. If you still care for her as she is now that's all that matters. All you have to do is be supportive and loving.

 

I have known at least two people with nonstandard chromosomes, both of whom were XXY. One looked mostly male and identified as a man, while the other considered herself intersex. They were both secure in their identities and felt good about who they were. They also had active and happy romantic lives, too. They didn't let other people's expectations of what they were "supposed" to be determine how they felt about themselves or others.

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Intersex is not to be confused with transsexual

 

Intersex is a condition where a baby is born with genitalia which doesn't typically look like either gender. And no, you're not gay for dating a woman who was born with genitalia which looks a bit different.

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OP, no you are not gay or bi.

 

Your gf is female, however, unfortunately she was born with a male body.

 

But inside, her feelings, her emotions, how she relates to the world are female, which is why she became transsexual.

 

She identifies as female.

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Intersex is not to be confused with transsexual

 

Intersex is a condition where a baby is born with genitalia which doesn't typically look like either gender. And no, you're not gay for dating a woman who was born with genitalia which looks a bit different.

 

I'm not confusing intersex and transsexual people; I'm just saying that plenty of people don't meet the criteria for what men and women are biologically "supposed" to be and they function just fine. There are many, many, many shades of gray between male and female. Gender is a social construct. If your girlfriend identifies as female, you're dating a woman, so you aren't gay or bi.

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Intersex is not to be confused with transsexual

 

Intersex is a condition where a baby is born with genitalia which doesn't typically look like either gender. And no, you're not gay for dating a woman who was born with genitalia which looks a bit different.

 

 

She said she had a dick though not that she didn't have either male or female genitalia. I'm confused. Wait I'm looking this up.

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I guess I have got to find a girl that looks like her.

 

 

With this, it's probably best that you simply let her go.

 

You are not interested in her as a person at all, but are simply attracted to her looks. If it's true that she has a penis (as you indicated she told you she does; "intersex" can also mean a large clitoris that looks like a penis), then it doesn't matter if your attraction makes you "gay", "bisexual", "pansexual", or any other label...

 

...you're simply interested in how she looks, i.e., her physical attractiveness. You've already indicated you don't find "dicks attractive". This means once you do see her naked, you will no longer find her attractive...and it IS all about looks, for you.

 

 

 

Best of luck to you, OP...

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Of course it doesn't make you gay, bi, or anything like that. You're attracted to women. Your girlfriend is a woman. I was born female but I may be infertile; does that mean I'm not a "real woman" either? Who gets to define what makes a "real woman"?

 

I think it's a good thing (in an odd way) that your biggest concern is what this says about you, rather than your girlfriend. If you still care for her as she is now that's all that matters. All you have to do is be supportive and loving.

 

I have known at least two people with nonstandard chromosomes, both of whom were XXY. One looked mostly male and identified as a man, while the other considered herself intersex. They were both secure in their identities and felt good about who they were. They also had active and happy romantic lives, too. They didn't let other people's expectations of what they were "supposed" to be determine how they felt about themselves or others.

Well she is who she is I can't really blame her she said she's naturally this way. I just feel like I don't know how I'm going to proceed. I guess I need to talk to her further.

 

She actually mentioned something about having an extra X chromosome. I'm confused I am looking at an article about xxy syndrome in people who don't identify as a man. What I'm confused about is how can someone have male genitals and still be able to have children? I read that some of these women can have children???

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With this, it's probably best that you simply let her go.

 

You are not interested in her as a person at all, but are simply attracted to her looks. If it's true that she has a penis (as you indicated she told you she does; "intersex" can also mean a large clitoris that looks like a penis), then it doesn't matter if your attraction makes you "gay", "bisexual", "pansexual", or any other label...

 

...you're simply interested in how she looks, i.e., her physical attractiveness. You've already indicated you don't find "dicks attractive". This means once you do see her naked, you will no longer find her attractive...and it IS all about looks, for you.

 

 

 

Best of luck to you, OP...

 

No I like her as a person I just don't think sexually I can get past that. Umm yeah I don't know when she said she had a penis I figured she meant shehad the same parts as like I do which is not what I'm into

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Ok, I dont know if this is a serious post or not, but here are my thoughts:

 

You are normally attracted to females only, right? You are never attracted to males, right? If you answer 'Yes' to both, then you are straight.

 

When it comes to this person, your consciousness sees what it thinks is a female...if this person had not told you they have a penis, then you would have never known the difference. The 'reptile brain' thinks its a woman, therefore, you are attracted to that.

 

But you know that there is a penis under the clothing...as long as you have no sexual desire to do anything with said penis, then you are not bi, or gay...you are straight.

 

This person may have a female mind, but they have a male body, all the way down to the chromosomal level. Its a GUY...but your mind visually cannot tell the difference. Your nose may pick up that its a guy though, at the pheromone level. But you can still be attracted. Your mind is currently 'tricked' into thinking that its a female.

 

It is possible though, that if you two are making out etc, if you fall 'in love', you may be totally ok with doing, uh, 'other' things with her (oral, anal), because you love her. At that point, you will do anything she asks, or wants, because you love her. You wont mind doing the other things, because you just love pleasing her, and letting her please you.

 

I dont know though; I have never been in that scenario. These are all just my guesses. LOL

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No I like her as a person I just don't think sexually I can get past that. Umm yeah I don't know when she said she had a penis I figured she meant shehad the same parts as like I do which is not what I'm into

 

 

If you "like her as a person", then why did you say (and I quote):

 

I guess I have got to find a girl that looks like her.

 

 

You didn't say "I guess I have got to find a girl like her (but without a penis)"; you were very clear it's just about her looks...i.e., her physical being and her physical presence.

 

 

Since you know you don't find a penis attractive, it's going to be difficult for you to be sexually attracted to her once she's completely naked...which is an important component to normal, healthy, adult relationships.

 

That's why I said you should let her go. You both deserve a normal, healthy, adult relationship.

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LivingWaterPlease

OP, is this a guy who identifies as a girl? Or is it a person who was born with both male and female genitalia?

 

Given your age, I would advise you not to be sexually active with anyone and friends with boys and girls both.

 

Given your post, though, it seems you expect to be sexual. If you have any doubts at all you would be wise not to engage in sex with anyone you have doubts about as it could come back to mess with your mind afterwards.

 

You're young and still developing your belief system and your psyche. Don't do anything to cause extra confusion in your life at this age and which may haunt you later on. Being a teenager is difficult enough without throwing in something out of the ordinary, such as getting sexual with a woman who has a penis.

 

When you have sex with a person it is healthy to be certain of what you are doing and give your whole heart and mind to them with no reservations. This is both for your sake and for the sake of the person you're engaging with.

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You are bi...how do I know?

1st-No straight guy would even attempt to get close to a girl with a dong like that..let alone be physically involved.

2nd- if you have to ask then you most certainly are.

 

I think your problem lies in finding yourself and what you like but if you like her even with being born as a guy and can see pass that, then you shouldn't have to change your mind because you believe you're not gay or bi. The fact of the matter is you don't have to even label what you are or what she is , as long as it's working for you.

If you like her then go for it. The physical part of it not working though I understand..as it's not close to have a real woman's genitals so if you're a sexual person and looking for the real thing, it might not work out..

This really sucks I guess. Wish you good luck.

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You're not gay, you're not bi. A childhood friend of mine is transsexual. Was born as a male and always identified with being female. Unfortunately for her, we both were raised in traditional catholic families and went to catholic school. Her parents fed her hormones, which caused her to go through puberty- as a male- much sooner than the other boys in our grade. Recently, she has posted suidical things on Facebook, despite the fact we've grown apart- as people do- I reached out, and learned this entire story, that I knew nothing about.

 

Anyway, my friend has since undergone the surgery and is a living, breathing female in identity and appearance. We keep in touch, and I've felt so much pain personally for the pain she's experienced. Learning about her struggles has put any problem in my own life in serious perspective.

 

I'm so grateful for your own open mind and acceptance- I really hope more people can learn to think as you do. You're in a very difficult position, and it's unfortunate that anyone would judge you for the questions or concerns that you have. It's okay to ask the questions you're asking. It's okay to be confused about the situation you're in. I don't have much advice for you...other than you're not gay. And you're not wrong for feeling the way you feel.

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You are not bi or gay.

 

She is a full woman who happens to have a penis attached to her body. It doesn't mean that penis is functional, or normal looking. She probably has a normal vagina, or a vagina with no opening. She may have full female organs inside to carry and deliver a baby. Each case is different.

 

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Oh wait. This is chromosomal? She's a hermaphrodite. It is a very rare condition. I'd read up on it and have a conversation with her. And no - you're not gay or even bi because you're attracted to her. If anything you're pansexual because you can be attracted to her regardless of her plumbing's conflict with her gender identity.

 

Start here: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/True_hermaphroditism

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Oh wait. This is chromosomal? She's a hermaphrodite. It is a very rare condition. I'd read up on it and have a conversation with her. And no - you're not gay or even bi because you're attracted to her. If anything you're pansexual because you can be attracted to her regardless of her plumbing's conflict with her gender identity.

 

Start here: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/True_hermaphroditism

 

The term hermaphroditism hasn't been used for a long time :) people born I Intersex may have a chromosomal gender (or not) but the usual male/female sex. CharActeristics often develop differently.

 

Back in the day, babies were assigned a sex early. However the thinking here has changed a lot and it is now best practice to wait until kids are around 13-14 to look at what treatment, if any is required. This also allows for the person to determine their own gender identity rather than having it assigned.

 

Intersex is an endocrine issue with complex psycho social aspects

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PrettyEmily77
The term hermaphroditism hasn't been used for a long time :) people born I Intersex may have a chromosomal gender (or not) but the usual male/female sex. CharActeristics often develop differently.

 

Back in the day, babies were assigned a sex early. However the thinking here has changed a lot and it is now best practice to wait until kids are around 13-14 to look at what treatment, if any is required. This also allows for the person to determine their own gender identity rather than having it assigned.

 

Intersex is an endocrine issue with complex psycho social aspects

 

I have a feeling OP isn't really looking into understanding his GF's condition better - from what I understand, he's figuring out how to go past the sexual hurdle. He's attracted to her, but not enough to disregard her penis. I don't think there are a whole lot of feelings involved at that point but will happily stand corrected by OP should this be wrong.

 

 

Not judging OP, btw - that's entirely within your rights and isn't making you a bad guy or anything.

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