Mjm1014 Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 (edited) I've been talking to this girl for about two months over the phone (we had a huge crush on eachother about 10 years ago, and shes finally moving back to my town this summer)...anyways right off the bat, she confessed that she's living with her ex boyfriend (of 3 years) still and that she wants out of the rent so bad, but can't afford to and she needs to finish her last semester of nursing school..plus she moved to the other side of the country with him which makes it even more complicated..she always calls me crying saying they got in a fight and how he is a huge jerk to her. She claims he recently cheated on her with her best friend, and she will never trust him again and is moving out as soon as the rent is up in October. Overall, we've had a lot of fun getting to know eachother in the past two months. Like I said, we had a huge crush on eachother for the longest time, and we both have been so excited about this. I even ran into her dad at the airport, and he told me she's so excited to see me soon. Here's the problem, I found out her "boyfriend" has me blocked on facebook so we can't see eachother's pages. I'm fairly certain she went on his page and blocked me. My friend let me go onto his account since he noticed it, and sure enough it says they are in a relationship together and they have a profile picture together. All pictures date back two years ago though. As for her page, she doesn't have a relationship status, her snapchats and facebook have no recent pictures of them together, and when I talk to her she always seems depressed and tells me how much she hates him and wants to see me. My question is...does she deserve a chance at explaining herself or should I just completely ignore her/block her out of my life? I mean her dad knows about me so I can't image she would let him believe she's cheating on him and leading me on , but why on earth would she have blocked this guy from me, and it says they are in a relationship (and they live together!!)..I have no idea what to do. I'm afraid even if she explains herself she will be playing me as a fool (stupid to get involved with this in the beginning). Lastly, some of you may recall that I posted a question or two about her becoming increasingly distant this past week..well she's finally back to herself today so I'm not sure what was going on but even her behavior has seemed a little off. My gut is telling me to run as fast as I can. Thoughts? Edited February 26, 2016 by Mjm1014 Link to post Share on other sites
strawberryshortstack Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 Listen to your gut. She sounds like trouble. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mjm1014 Posted February 27, 2016 Author Share Posted February 27, 2016 Thanks for the reply...I have a feeling you're completely right 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alamo657 Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 Thanks for the reply...I have a feeling you're completely right She's looking for a transition. You are the transition. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 Run Forest run!......... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mjm1014 Posted February 27, 2016 Author Share Posted February 27, 2016 so should I be fair and let her explain herself or should I just block her out of my life? I don't want to be played a fool (even though I already am) lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
strawberryshortstack Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 so should I be fair and let her explain herself or should I just block her out of my life? I don't want to be played a fool (even though I already am) lol Just walk away. Is there really any explanation she could give you that would really, truly be okay with you? It's not really about being fair at this point - she wasn't fair to you, was she? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gemma1 Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 She does sound like trouble, but not because of his fb. If all the pics are old, maybe he just doesn't use fb much and hasn't changed his settings, or is in denial about them being broken up. I'd just keep watching out and see what happens. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Saracena Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 (edited) IF she did block you (and it's very unlikely to be the boyfriend since it sounds as if you two don't even know each other and even then) I'd imagine it's because she didn't wish you give you a misleading impression ie that she was still in a relationship. I would first let her explain herself as frankly I find this notion of blocking people without doing so truly and utterly ridiculous. The only exception being if someone is being abusive/blowing up your phone when you've made it clear you're not interested etc It's not clear who contacted who initially but I'd be wary of getting romantically involved too soon with someone who's not long out of a relationship Edited February 27, 2016 by Saracena Link to post Share on other sites
Cherryz Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 Even if your gut not tell you : run anyways. People that tell you they still live with their ex husband, ex gf, they still married but not together, they sleep separated, the divorce gonna finish in a short period but lets see eachother,blah blah .......run from them. They are trouble! And you are putting yourself in the position to get hurt soon and easily. And also fooled. Once you still live with ex, it can easily lead you guys to have sex or whatever. There is no clear situation for you as new "bf" to trust on. If someone broke up or divorced but still live with the person i think they should go clean their life first and get their own house separated from the ex, before bringing other people in their mess. This girl is not ready for new relationship. It looks like she more having you as comfort freind. Because all the time shes crying on you about the other dude. How you gonna be happy and focus on you and her if all she do is cry about him to you? Beside i think there is always a option if you really dont want something. If she really want to leave this house she can go stay with a freind. Or see what she can arrange with landlord. And why is she still messing on her ex fb? If its really done? Do you really know that its she doing this? Either way confront her at your last meeting with her. But also go prepared mentally and emotionally to break up with her. If you want to leave this is the best moment to leave because now you are less involved with her. What you see on fb is not always the real life. But what ever it is, you may get hurt easily or end up being a rebound here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cherryz Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 Or you can choose to be friends just and keep her at distance and if you meet her meet in groups. And dont allow yourself to invest emotionally/romantically with her. ANd meanwhile you get to know her from distance and see what happen who she is and what happen when October pass. But dont relay on her. Just keep her as just friend on a distant. Meet other people. This will also give her the space to get her life together. And since you barely know her you get the space to know her in a relaxed way. Link to post Share on other sites
TunaInTheBrine Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 I have nothing to add that simply hasn't been said already. It's quite simple. Get out now, and get out fast. Don't hope for anything. Even if you and she do eventually get together, I can assure you it will get nasty pretty early and you'll be left feeling heartbroken in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 I'll give you a slightly more optimistic perspective, leave her alone for now. If she is genuinely single when moves to your town, revisit the issue then. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
EatYourVeggies Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 I honestly don't get men like the OP. They stopped doing what "worked" for some "new way" that is extremely complex, difficult, confusing that takes forever and rarely if ever works not to mention it's a lot more work. 90% of the posts on here from guys who try the "new way". Whatever happened to Results Oriented Men? Even though it didn't work the last 10 times they end up thinking they just didn't try hard enough and instead of doing what clearly works for the rest of us... They "double down" on their "new way" again. I just don't get it at all. New Way (Pen Pals, Friendzone, Shrink, Counselor, Gay Best Friend, Shoulder to cry on, Etc. Takes forever before you go on your first date which probably isn't going to happen anyway ) End up like the OP. A 12 paragraph story spanning months which is full of drama, headaches, confusing and what guy in their right mind wants to talk with some girl about her BF problems 24 / 7 and 99% of the other crap we all know he is dealing with. Mjm1014, forget this noise! Get in touch with your inner caveman, grab your nutsack and go "old school". Normal (Masculine, Direct, Easy, Effective) "If you are ever single and back in town... look me up". <Click> If none of the above happen, nothing else matters. Also on the plus side, you can't be a chump and you no longer have to waste months and be someone's pen pen, shrink, shoulder to cry or deal with their BS and drama. 1. Single = If you aren't into cockolding, important don't you think? 2. Geographically Desirable = You want to actually see / spend time together and go on a dates like a normal person, kind of important do you think? 3. Contact you after she takes care of 1 and 2 above, not before = You don't end up a single minute of your time listening to a bunch of BS / drama and twisting yourself into a pretzel on someone / something that might not ever happen. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 so should I be fair and let her explain herself or should I just block her out of my life? I don't want to be played a fool (even though I already am) lol Block her. There is a whole lot more going on here that she's choosing to not let you know about. Clearly, the guy she's still living with considers them to be in a current relationship and either he hasn't gotten the memo that they're done or he doesn't accept that they are done. Either scenario is messy and you don't want to be up in that. It's not really worth your time to give her an audience to weave lies about her situation. Her life is messy right now and she needs to concentrate on fixing that mess, not trying to drag you into it with her sobbing "woe is me" phone calls. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mjm1014 Posted February 27, 2016 Author Share Posted February 27, 2016 Thanks for the responses! When she told me she was still living with her ex, that should have been my cue to run, but I've had a huge crush on her for years, and when she was interested in me and telling me she fell for me years ago and always wondered what happened to me I just got sucked in. I really don't want to believe she would do this to me, she seems very genuine about things, and was honest (or so I thought) about her situation. It just sucks because her and I have talked more in the past two months than any girl I've ever been interested in, and even got my involved with her parents to an extent so I thought there was something there... Anyways thanks again-live and learn. Link to post Share on other sites
ilovemefirst Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 I would trust my gut..your gut is always right..she obviously has something to hide ( hence the blocking), and i highly doubt her bf would have done that. If his relationship status has in a relationship with her specifically, she has it on her profile too, which could be hidden. But, whatever it is...follow your gut! Good luck and keep us posted! Link to post Share on other sites
NYC-BigKat Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 I've been talking to this girl for about two months over the phone (we had a huge crush on eachother about 10 years ago, and shes finally moving back to my town this summer)...anyways right off the bat, she confessed that she's living with her ex boyfriend (of 3 years) still and that she wants out of the rent so bad, but can't afford to and she needs to finish her last semester of nursing school..plus she moved to the other side of the country with him which makes it even more complicated..she always calls me crying saying they got in a fight and how he is a huge jerk to her. She claims he recently cheated on her with her best friend, and she will never trust him again and is moving out as soon as the rent is up in October. Overall, we've had a lot of fun getting to know eachother in the past two months. Like I said, we had a huge crush on eachother for the longest time, and we both have been so excited about this. I even ran into her dad at the airport, and he told me she's so excited to see me soon. Here's the problem, I found out her "boyfriend" has me blocked on facebook so we can't see eachother's pages. I'm fairly certain she went on his page and blocked me. My friend let me go onto his account since he noticed it, and sure enough it says they are in a relationship together and they have a profile picture together. All pictures date back two years ago though. As for her page, she doesn't have a relationship status, her snapchats and facebook have no recent pictures of them together, and when I talk to her she always seems depressed and tells me how much she hates him and wants to see me. My question is...does she deserve a chance at explaining herself or should I just completely ignore her/block her out of my life? I mean her dad knows about me so I can't image she would let him believe she's cheating on him and leading me on , but why on earth would she have blocked this guy from me, and it says they are in a relationship (and they live together!!)..I have no idea what to do. I'm afraid even if she explains herself she will be playing me as a fool (stupid to get involved with this in the beginning). Lastly, some of you may recall that I posted a question or two about her becoming increasingly distant this past week..well she's finally back to herself today so I'm not sure what was going on but even her behavior has seemed a little off. My gut is telling me to run as fast as I can. Thoughts? She cant be trusted & she's gonna stay with him 'cause you'r just a friend to cry on til things get better with this other guy. I been down this road before & it really really sucks . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mjm1014 Posted February 28, 2016 Author Share Posted February 28, 2016 Yeah, it really does suck. She's on a cruise this weekend and gets back tomorrow. I'm taking today to figure out how I want to handle it since she gets back tomorrow. She's seemed infatuated with me so I dont think it's going to go well tomorrow Link to post Share on other sites
Jabron1 Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 Overall, we've had a lot of fun getting to know eachother in the past two months. Did you have sex? Any woman that gives you this amount of trouble before sex is the devil. And, you should cut her out of your life immediately. Literally never, ever speak to her again. Even if you've had sex, you should not emotionally invest at all in such a mess. Don't get drawn in to another persons problems. Law of Power #10 Infection: avoid the unhappy and unfortunate You can die from someone else's misery - emotional states are like diseases. You may feel that you are helping the drowning man, but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune onto themselves; they will also draw it onto you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead. In future, never play the social media game of 'liking' pictures or following women. And never be a shoulder to cry on for a woman complaining about her jerk boyfriend/ex/whatever. These are the behaviours of an orbiter; you are being exploited. 'Nice guy' game will only leave you prone for being used. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mjm1014 Posted February 28, 2016 Author Share Posted February 28, 2016 Thanks Jabrone1...great post. I'll keep that in mind. It was a dumb idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Jabron1 Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 Thanks Jabrone1...great post. I'll keep that in mind. It was a dumb idea. No worries, mate. We all make mistakes. You are a good man for accepting them and looking to improve. You will be better for it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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