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My birthday ... nothing from BF yet


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When we started dating in October, we told each other our birthdays and his reply was, "I have to be honest, I am terrible with dates so you are going to have to remind me again." I laughed and we let it go. He also said that he is not into his birthday and really doesn't like the attention, to him it is just another day.

 

Regardless, I wanted to make his day special, so his birthday was in January and I took him to dinner, bought him a cake and a couple nice gifts. On his birthday, he asked me again when mine was. I admit, I was annoyed, and I made a joke (can't recall what I said) but I didn't tell him.

 

Well, today is my birthday, and we never discussed it again (until last night). My friends were giving me a hard time about the fact that I didn't let him know it was coming, so last night I sent him a text inviting him to have lunch at my office with my staff, who were buying me lunch for my birthday. (I knew he couldn't actually come, but I did it as a way to let him know) He thanked me for the invite, and said if he didn't have his meeting at another site, he would have come. Our conversation continued like normal with no further discussion about my birthday at all. (We don't have plans to see each other today, but generally have a standing Wednesday date night)

 

Today - not even a text yet to say Happy Birthday. :(

 

When we are together, he is extremely caring and affectionate, and I don't question how he feels. He treats me wonderfully. However, how can he not acknowledge my birthday?

 

I am writing here so I don't contact him or overreact, and I need some other perspective. I am very black and white and everything is always the best thing to happen or the end of the world, lol. I admit, I interpret things like this as "Well, he must have forgotten about me and doesn't care about me." It is very disappointing to me that I haven't heard from him yet.

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When we started dating in October, we told each other our birthdays and his reply was, "I have to be honest, I am terrible with dates so you are going to have to remind me again." I laughed and we let it go. He also said that he is not into his birthday and really doesn't like the attention, to him it is just another day.

 

Regardless, I wanted to make his day special, so his birthday was in January and I took him to dinner, bought him a cake and a couple nice gifts. On his birthday, he asked me again when mine was. I admit, I was annoyed, and I made a joke (can't recall what I said) but I didn't tell him.

 

Well, today is my birthday, and we never discussed it again (until last night). My friends were giving me a hard time about the fact that I didn't let him know it was coming, so last night I sent him a text inviting him to have lunch at my office with my staff, who were buying me lunch for my birthday. (I knew he couldn't actually come, but I did it as a way to let him know) He thanked me for the invite, and said if he didn't have his meeting at another site, he would have come. Our conversation continued like normal with no further discussion about my birthday at all. (We don't have plans to see each other today, but generally have a standing Wednesday date night)

 

Today - not even a text yet to say Happy Birthday. :(

 

When we are together, he is extremely caring and affectionate, and I don't question how he feels. He treats me wonderfully. However, how can he not acknowledge my birthday?

 

I am writing here so I don't contact him or overreact, and I need some other perspective. I am very black and white and everything is always the best thing to happen or the end of the world, lol. I admit, I interpret things like this as "Well, he must have forgotten about me and doesn't care about me." It is very disappointing to me that I haven't heard from him yet.

 

It seems you've been rather passive-aggressive about this. Your bf clearly stated that he's bad with dates AND that he doesn't put a premium on birthdays. Unless you told him that celebrating your BD is important to you, he may well have interpreted your non-response to him asking for the date again as you feeling similarly.

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It seems you've been rather passive-aggressive about this. Your bf clearly stated that he's bad with dates AND that he doesn't put a premium on birthdays. Unless you told him that celebrating your BD is important to you, he may well have interpreted your non-response to him asking for the date again as you feeling similarly.

 

Yes, you are right ... I realize I didn't handle this well and it was huge for me to step out of my comfort zone to invite him to lunch today to even let him know. I have some issues surrounding my birthday and asking for recognition, long story. I am working on it!

 

I guess I still felt it warranted at least some recognition though ...

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When we started dating in October, we told each other our birthdays and his reply was, "I have to be honest, I am terrible with dates so you are going to have to remind me again." I laughed and we let it go. He also said that he is not into his birthday and really doesn't like the attention, to him it is just another day.

 

Regardless, I wanted to make his day special, so his birthday was in January and I took him to dinner, bought him a cake and a couple nice gifts. On his birthday, he asked me again when mine was. I admit, I was annoyed, and I made a joke (can't recall what I said) but I didn't tell him.

 

Well, today is my birthday, and we never discussed it again (until last night). My friends were giving me a hard time about the fact that I didn't let him know it was coming, so last night I sent him a text inviting him to have lunch at my office with my staff, who were buying me lunch for my birthday. (I knew he couldn't actually come, but I did it as a way to let him know) He thanked me for the invite, and said if he didn't have his meeting at another site, he would have come. Our conversation continued like normal with no further discussion about my birthday at all. (We don't have plans to see each other today, but generally have a standing Wednesday date night)

 

Today - not even a text yet to say Happy Birthday. :(

 

When we are together, he is extremely caring and affectionate, and I don't question how he feels. He treats me wonderfully. However, how can he not acknowledge my birthday?

 

I am writing here so I don't contact him or overreact, and I need some other perspective. I am very black and white and everything is always the best thing to happen or the end of the world, lol. I admit, I interpret things like this as "Well, he must have forgotten about me and doesn't care about me." It is very disappointing to me that I haven't heard from him yet.

 

You downplayed your own birthday, so you are partly responsible for his approach to it. He told you straight up that he was likely to forget, asking you to remind him, and you reminded him the night before (ridiculous, childlike behaviour setting him up for a fall). Why didn't you ask him to store the date in his phone or to write it somewhere, if you were so offended by the idea of having to remind him?

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Yes, you are right ... I realize I didn't handle this well and it was huge for me to step out of my comfort zone to invite him to lunch today to even let him know. I have some issues surrounding my birthday and asking for recognition, long story. I am working on it!

 

I guess I still felt it warranted at least some recognition though ...

 

You're seeing him tomorrow, yes? See what, if anything, he does then and maybe discuss it with him. But keep in mind that he is likely unaware that he has disappointed you, and isn't a mind-reader.

 

Happy Birthday, by the way!

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The day's not over, and if you have a standing date night on Wednesday I think you should take a chill pill. He has been reminded so even if he initially forgot he has no excuse. He'd be an idiot to not even acknowledge it, in which case I wouldn't blame you one bit if you reconsidered whether this is the guy you want to be with. Happy Birthday!

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You downplayed your own birthday, so you are partly responsible for his approach to it. He told you straight up that he was likely to forget, asking you to remind him, and you reminded him the night before (ridiculous, childlike behaviour setting him up for a fall). Why didn't you ask him to store the date in his phone or to write it somewhere, if you were so offended by the idea of having to remind him?

 

Thank you for your honesty. At the time, I didn't consider needing him to write it down and I just figured it would come up again. Then, as the date neared, I got more anxious about it and was uncomfortable bringing it up. I didn't know how, which I realize sounds silly, but it is a struggle for me to ask for my needs to be met in certain ways. This is one of them.

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Thank you for your honesty. At the time, I didn't consider needing him to write it down and I just figured it would come up again. Then, as the date neared, I got more anxious about it and was uncomfortable bringing it up. I didn't know how, which I realize sounds silly, but it is a struggle for me to ask for my needs to be met in certain ways. This is one of them.

 

Then I think, in all honesty, it's not terribly fair of you to then just be so upset at him. Yes, it would have been nice if he remembered on his own, but often, relationships are all about teaching others how to treat us. If your birthday is a big deal, then that needs to be communicated. Your difficulty in doing so is not the sole source of the problem, but it's definitely contributing to it. You can't just be upset at him, that's not fair.

 

It's all good though, OP; an opportunity to practice, communicate, and learn from each other.

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Lesson learned the hard way eh!

 

When a man tells you he's bad with date believe him. The only person you've punished by being passive aggressive is yourself.

 

Accept who he is, he's bad with dates. He won't remember your birthday, your first year anniversary, or any other important dates. Remind him in a cute way 1-2 weeks ahead.

 

In the big picture this is really petty stuff you should not be sweating.

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If he doesn't think his birthday is important, then he will not think that others think differently no matter what you say.

 

As for dates, some people really do forget and it has nothing to do with the love they have. We all have our weaknesses. I am good with many dates of past events, but yet there are things that my wife remembers that I forget.

 

As for birthdays, I try to spoil her, but while I want people to say Happy Birthday to me, I truly do not need to have anyone make a big deal about it.

 

I know you probably are not thinking long term too much yet, but some of the best husbands are the least romantic They don't make a big deal of birthdays because they do the little special things every day of the year. And some who make a big deal of birthdays and anniversaries go back to the couch and ignore you until the next important date.

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I always cringe a little when grown adults kick up a fuss over their 'special day'. Grow up and get over it.

 

He told you he was bad with dates and that he doesn't place much emphasis on birthdays so what's the problem? It was my birthday a coule of weeks ago, I think I got one text. Was I annoyed? No, I couldn't care less to be honest, I'm not far off 30 now and I'm grown up enough to know a birthday is just like any other day.

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THIS! ^^^

 

I am always amazed at the adult noses that get all bent out of shape over a birthday! Past the age of 18, who gives a rip? It's not like you did anything special...your mother did, spitting you out! I have been known to forget my own, only to come home to cards or gifts from my kids. Obviously there are more important things going on in the world than having friends and family fawning over the day one joined the human race...

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I understand that birthdays aren't a big deal to everyone, and I get it that as an adult, I don't expect a parade and reception, lol .... but, if I reminded him last night (albeit, late ...) I still can't help but feel a simple HBD text today would have been thoughtful.

 

That said, I do appreciate everyone's perspectives, even those who tell me to grow up, lol. I am trying hard not to think that this is in anyway indicative of how he does or doesn't feel about me.

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When we are together, he is extremely caring and affectionate, and I don't question how he feels. He treats me wonderfully. However, how can he not acknowledge my birthday?

 

Well, he's not into birthdays. The day just doesn't mean anything. Now, granted, he could have clued in to the fact that birthdays mean a lot to you, and he could have made a fuss over you on your birthday even though his own birthday means nothing.

 

He didn't, yet on the other hand, you say he is extremely caring and affectionate. If you really mean that (I've seen women start their posts by saying their boyfriend is the "perfect man," but by the end of the post, it's clear their boyfriend is a jackass) then explain to him, perhaps once again but without recrimination, that you want to be celebrated on your birthday.

 

He may or may not, and you won't know until next year, but in any case, you're going to have to decide if his otherwise affectionate manner is enough to counterbalance his birthday insensitivity.

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I am trying hard not to think that this is in anyway indicative of how he does or doesn't feel about me.

 

I suggest you don't view the situation as an indication of what he feels. He could secretly hate you, but if he celebrated your birthday, you wouldn't know. The situation is about how YOU feel, about what YOU want.

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You have staff? And they buy you lunch for your birthday? Do you realise what they must think about you?

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I suggest you don't view the situation as an indication of what he feels. He could secretly hate you, but if he celebrated your birthday, you wouldn't know.

 

Player-fodder

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I understand that birthdays aren't a big deal to everyone, and I get it that as an adult, I don't expect a parade and reception, lol .... but, if I reminded him last night (albeit, late ...) I still can't help but feel a simple HBD text today would have been thoughtful.

 

That said, I do appreciate everyone's perspectives, even those who tell me to grow up, lol. I am trying hard not to think that this is in anyway indicative of how he does or doesn't feel about me.

 

Don't place any significance on text messages. Nothing meaningful will ever be conveyed in a text message.

 

You were inconsiderate and selfish. He communicated well and openly with you, and asked for you twice to help him to remember your birthday. You set him up to fail, you set yourself up for disappointment, and you have the audacity to play the victim. Don't do that. Care about your partner. Care about your relationship.

 

You let him know the night before, and assume his coming day was so unplanned that he'd be focused on it being your birthday.

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Text messages are lamer than lame.

 

However, I agree with the OP. How much effort does it really take to type a simple 'Happy Birthday!' tex and send it?

 

I mean, seriously?

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???? Elaborate

 

The OP sounds immature to be a boss of any kind. It is also not really the done thing to buy things for the line manager, the other way round yes but not buying lunch or stuff for management. This is because of the power imbalance. It looks kiss-ass. So the fact that she expects it makes her desire for external validation very obvious. As the whole thread does.

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The OP sounds immature to be a boss of any kind. It is also not really the done thing to buy things for the line manager, the other way round yes but not buying lunch or stuff for management. This is because of the power imbalance. It looks kiss-ass. So the fact that she expects it makes her desire for external validation very obvious. As the whole thread does.

 

I can assure you that while I certainly have struggles with my personal relationships, I don't have these issues with my professional team. We do this for each other every birthday. While I certainly have a lot to work on personally, this does not mean I am too immature to manage people professionally. For some reason, I do very well with professional relationships, not personal.

 

Involving my BF was simply a way to let him know a) about my birthday because I made the mistake of not doing so earlier and b) that I'd like to share that with him, if he could make it. I was never upset that he couldn't or expected him to drop everything for me (I realize he had a commitment), I simply wanted him to acknowledge my birthday today.

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We always buy our boss lunch on her bday, she's an awesome boss and she deserves it!

 

Well, this is going off-topic, but does your boss buy you lunch on your birthday? I assume you're an awesome worker.

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