ayeshau Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 I met a guy and we both hit it off really well on the date, we had a lot of fun and the entire next day talked about how great it was and were scheduling the next date. The catch is he got out of a 4 year relationship two months ago... we talked a bit about this because the date was going so well and he was trying to clarify that he was over her and that I wasn't a rebound. He said that he knew for probably the last 7 months that he didnt want it anymore but it was difficult to leave as his ex a bit crazy. She actually found out we went on a date and him messaged him saying she had a dream of us..? Anyway I feel very hesitant about it all and brought it up lightly and he tried reassuring me he wouldnt have gone on a date if he wasn't ready and that even though they broke up 2 months ago its felt over for much longer. Also, he broke up with her not sure if that makes the biggest difference but from my own experience, being the one to leave makes it easier to move on. I really like him but I dont know if I'm stepping into something weird. can anybody offer some insight? Do you think its a bad idea taking this any further Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 The time factor isn't such a big issue if he was the dumper. The bigger issue is the communication he still having with his ex. How did she know you went out on a date? Did he talk to her about it? Are they still talking in general? Telling him she had a dream about you both is strange. My advice would be to take things very slow, and see what happens with their dynamic before you invest any feelings in him. If she starts showing up, attempts to contact you or making any threats, I would walk away. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 (edited) The time factor isn't such a big issue if he was the dumper. The bigger issue is the communication he still having with his ex. How did she know you went out on a date? Did he talk to her about it? Are they still talking in general? Telling him she had a dream about you both is strange. My advice would be to take things very slow, and see what happens with their dynamic before you invest any feelings in him. If she starts showing up, attempts to contact you or making any threats, I would walk away. This ^^ and also the fact he referred to his ex as *crazy* = red flag. Whenever a guy has told me his ex was crazy, my first thought was always "was she crazy *before* she started dating you, or did she become crazy *after* dating you"? Lol It is also bad form to badmouth your ex to any new woman (or man if roles are reversed). No new woman wants to hear that shyt ...plus it might suggest he is still bitter and not fully over it. Edited January 31, 2016 by katiegrl 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Don't touch that - not even with a 6' pole. People in rebound swear they are not in rebound. You don't know when you're in rebound because you don't feel it. It's after a few months in a relationship that it hits and suddenly you suffocate and you suddenly lose all interest in the person you spend all of your time with. A rule of thumb someone needs about 25% of the length of the relationship to all on their feet. That's a full year for your guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 When I am the dumper, I'm over the relationship before I end it. So if it was me, that 7 months would be significant. However, I also don't talk about the other person on a 1st date with somebody else. I don't know whether they are dating & even if it was true I would never bad mouth an EX, especially not to a new date. You may not be a rebound (but I doubt it). However he's not a good catch. Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 I have to say it would me off too hearing someone badmouthing an ex partner. I would choose not to do the same, just because you would leave the person thinking "who's telling the real story?" and not to mention that it's not particularly classy. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmissjava Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 It isn't always the case that it's easier for the dumper to move on. I was the dumper in my last LTR and it was really hard to move on. 2 months is not nearly enough to process the exit of a 4 year relationship no matter how good or bad things were, especially if they are still in contact. You knowing the timelines and the extent of their relationship is still a little too much information at this point. He said she was a bit crazy, and a person who has truly moved on wouldn't have spoken about his ex positively or negatively because he would have been indifferent to her. This is not the case. Link to post Share on other sites
xcupid Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Be cautious. Very cautious. He might be over his ex. He might not be. Depends on the reason he dumped her. His ex being a "bit crazy" doesn't mean anything unless you/we know the specifics. Link to post Share on other sites
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