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stay together everyday after first meet?


Lily1234

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I met this guy at university randomly, and after a few minutes chat he invited me to a party and introduced me to some of his friends. It was a good party and he proposed to spent some time with me alone after that. We went to theater and slept together that night, which I didn't expect at all.

 

That night he told me that he never had a girlfriend(we are both 25), and the reason is either they know they could only be together for a few months or the situation is complicated. Actually this sounds a little bit incredible for me by the way he talk.

 

And the next day, he started to text me almost all day long and gave me his schedule. He asked me to go library with him everyday and had lunch with me.

 

It has only been a week, but I started to feel uncomfortable for no specific reason. It's hard to tell wether he took this serious or not, considering he never asked a girl to be his gf but wants to meet me everyday.

 

I didn't expect that we are going to see each other everyday after the first meet. And actually I will move to another city very soon as well since I'm graduating this May.

 

what should I do? And I don't know why I want to avoid him now. Any suggestion would help, thanks in advance.

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what should I do? And I don't know why I want to avoid him now. Any suggestion would help, thanks in advance.

 

Because he sounds needy and clingy.

He's slowly sucking your soul, and latching onto you.

 

That's what it seems to me...

 

He's never dated anyone before?

Well, he's found someone now, and he doesn't intend to let you go.

 

Does he know you're moving city soon?

 

What exactly rang an alarm bell for you here?

 

Actually this sounds a little bit incredible for me by the way he talk.

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TaraMaiden2, thanks for advice.

 

Yes he knew I'm going to move city soon. And he said he dated girls before, but never had a gf. I'm started to worry that this is because of the sex on first date (I even hesitated to call it a date, I don't know how would he define that). The way he asked me out makes me feel he is experienced in hooking up, and that's why I doubt his saying.

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Some people get turned off if a person is too keen but every day is overly keen abd since he likes you......a lot.

 

Lily1234 has the right to be a tad worried. Maybe this a a red flag. Could he be the jealous type? The insecure type?

 

All you have to do lily is maybe take longer to answer your texts. Dont be too available and mysteriousily disappear for a day or two.

 

You need you own space too you know.

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You are feeling uncomfortable because he has bulldozed into your life and tried to take it over.

 

You feel uncomfortable so let this one go. Just tell him sorry but you have to meet up with friends and family.

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I like clingy men. I say just go with it if you also want to see him that day but just casually mention it sometime in the next week that you'll be graduating in May and moving.

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WaitingForBardot

I'm not sure I'd call him clingy based on your description. He might be, but it reads more to me like he's just into you. That being said, no specific reason is needed, if you are feeling uncomfortable you need to see him less frequently. If you do continue to see him it is important to tell him sooner rather than later that you will be moving away at the end of school.

 

He actually sounds a lot like me and how my relationships start. In every single case where I've fallen in with a woman (after high school anyway), we've spent essentially all of our free time together once we've met. I have learned reading relationships forums like LS that this is something some women don't like, even regarding it as a sign of immaturity, clingyness, or the like, but this is not necessarily true; I don't need these women, I want them. And I want to be with women I want to be with and have never had problems finding ones with the same sensibilities and modus operandi.

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WaitingForBardot, thanks for your reply.

 

I actually don't think this means he is immature, I just feel confused. He already knew that I will move city soon, he knew that when we first met. And according to his saying that he would not ask a girl to be his gf if they can only be together several months, why is he doing that right now? So he wants to stay together with me everyday but not a relationship?

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I met this guy at university randomly, and after a few minutes chat he invited me to a party and introduced me to some of his friends. It was a good party and he proposed to spent some time with me alone after that. We went to theater and slept together that night, which I didn't expect at all.

 

That night he told me that he never had a girlfriend(we are both 25), and the reason is either they know they could only be together for a few months or the situation is complicated. Actually this sounds a little bit incredible for me by the way he talk.

 

And the next day, he started to text me almost all day long and gave me his schedule. He asked me to go library with him everyday and had lunch with me.

 

It has only been a week, but I started to feel uncomfortable for no specific reason. It's hard to tell wether he took this serious or not, considering he never asked a girl to be his gf but wants to meet me everyday.

 

I didn't expect that we are going to see each other everyday after the first meet. And actually I will move to another city very soon as well since I'm graduating this May.

 

what should I do? And I don't know why I want to avoid him now. Any suggestion would help, thanks in advance.

 

This guy wants an instant relationship. He's desperate and wants to hold onto any girl who will give him her time and attention and he will drain you dry. Tell him you never expected to be spending so much time with him and aren't looking to date anyone because you are going to be moving and that you've enjoyed meeting him. That's all you really can do. When there is a bulldozer coming at you, it's best to get out of the way . . .

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Oh I've been that guy, today I know how that makes your gender feel. It's too much too soon, he's probably terrified of letting his opportunity with you slip. He likes you a lot, but he's inexperienced and probably thinking he's gotta make sure he expresses he won't leave like the bad boys he's heard about. He haven't had many chances being so close to a woman, so when he first gets one he might be afraid he'll mess up. That's a probable cause for his behavior as viewed from inside his head, I know because I've been there although at a younger age.

 

He might turn out to be a great guy if he just calms down and sheds his fears. Try asking him if he's afraid you're going to walk away, comfort him by saying you won't and you'd like for him to just relax. Only do that if you feel you're sinciere about it though, if you don't see any hope for it to last you better end it right now or break his heart more severely later. He fears a repitition of his past rejection with women, that's all. Does he have other good qualities? Focus on those after this issue is dealt with and resolved, get the attention away from his desperation.

 

I really believe you just have to be calm and calm him down, it will release the tension for both of you. He stops being neurotic about losing you (which right now is becoming his self-fulfilling prophecy by his resulting behavior) and you feel more comfortable when he's not clinging so hard. This requires trust on both sides, from you that he'll be cool and from him that he has a reason to be cool.

 

This doesn't have to end in breaking it off, but you'll have to put just a little effort into it since he's inexperienced with relationships and stuff.

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Sounds like he is smothering you already.

 

I have tried to deal with that and requested a back off but it never lasted long with the guys who really were smothering and needy and clingy..and controlling and abusive.. but with the sane an sound guys it worked first time I said something.

 

Maybe you need to say something and see how it pans out.

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Oh I've been that guy, today I know how that makes your gender feel. It's too much too soon, he's probably terrified of letting his opportunity with you slip. He likes you a lot, but he's inexperienced and probably thinking he's gotta make sure he expresses he won't leave like the bad boys he's heard about. He haven't had many chances being so close to a woman, so when he first gets one he might be afraid he'll mess up. That's a probable cause for his behavior as viewed from inside his head, I know because I've been there although at a younger age.

 

He might turn out to be a great guy if he just calms down and sheds his fears. Try asking him if he's afraid you're going to walk away, comfort him by saying you won't and you'd like for him to just relax. Only do that if you feel you're sinciere about it though, if you don't see any hope for it to last you better end it right now or break his heart more severely later. He fears a repitition of his past rejection with women, that's all. Does he have other good qualities? Focus on those after this issue is dealt with and resolved, get the attention away from his desperation.

 

I really believe you just have to be calm and calm him down, it will release the tension for both of you. He stops being neurotic about losing you (which right now is becoming his self-fulfilling prophecy by his resulting behavior) and you feel more comfortable when he's not clinging so hard. This requires trust on both sides, from you that he'll be cool and from him that he has a reason to be cool.

 

This doesn't have to end in breaking it off, but you'll have to put just a little effort into it since he's inexperienced with relationships and stuff.

 

This doesn't have to end in breaking it off, but you'll have to put just a little effort into it since he's inexperienced with relationships and stuff -- Yes, but does she want to or even capable of being his teacher. She is young too . . .

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Sounds like he is smothering you already.

 

I have tried to deal with that and requested a back off but it never lasted long with the guys who really were smothering and needy and clingy..and controlling and abusive.. but with the sane an sound guys it worked first time I said something.

 

Maybe you need to say something and see how it pans out.

Yeah would like to add this to my previous response when trying to express you'd like for him to relax. Pay attention if he does it or not, it's pretty important he's capable of understanding how you feel and act appropriately. If he keeps going like before it's a red flag, he's gotta be sensitive to your feelings. Although not every guy is good at taking hints there's no excuse if you've expressed it clearly and understandably.

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This doesn't have to end in breaking it off, but you'll have to put just a little effort into it since he's inexperienced with relationships and stuff -- Yes, but does she want to or even capable of being his teacher. She is young too . . .

If she wants to is her choice. She's capable of it now that I expressed in detail how he feels, I can go deeper if OP wants that. I feel for the guy, it's really a pain to have the chances taken away not knowing what went wrong. He's inexperienced and he won't learn if everyone keeps rejecting and leaving without expressing what they feel, it's unfair to not get a chance to improve in my opinion.

 

I'm also young at 24, but I could do it with little to go on myself, but still more than her. All I cared for was and still care for is for us to have a good time, there's apparently a lot I can do about that if I put my mind to it. She's now catching on to my way of approaching things and it's balancing off a lot, we really enjoy our relationship.

 

Still it's OP's choice, I'm just suggesting a possibility.

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TaraMaiden2, thanks for advice.

 

Yes he knew I'm going to move city soon. And he said he dated girls before, but never had a gf. I'm started to worry that this is because of the sex on first date (I even hesitated to call it a date, I don't know how would he define that). The way he asked me out makes me feel he is experienced in hooking up, and that's why I doubt his saying.

 

My thoughts here....

 

I get where he us saying in not dating someone if you see no future or don't want to do l9ng fist acne dating.

 

If where you are moving yo is where he plans on moving yo in 1-3 yrs then be probably is more open to dating you.

 

His reaction could say he is just really into you.

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Hey Grewd, thanks for telling me this.

 

Maybe you are right but it's really hard for me to tell right now. The way he talk really sounds like he didn't take things seriously, but the way he wants to stay with me everyday seems serious on the contrary, which is really confused for me.

 

I mentioned I have a job interview next week in another city today, and he seems surprised but didn't talk much. And I didn't went to library this morning, he was disappointed and asked about it but didn't go further. It feels like he didn't say it clearly but think we could study together by default. He usually texted me like "I will be in library tomorrow" and then nothing else.

 

I think maybe we need a talk, but I even don't know what to see under this situation. :(

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Hey Grewd, thanks for telling me this.

 

Maybe you are right but it's really hard for me to tell right now. The way he talk really sounds like he didn't take things seriously, but the way he wants to stay with me everyday seems serious on the contrary, which is really confused for me.

 

I mentioned I have a job interview next week in another city today, and he seems surprised but didn't talk much. And I didn't went to library this morning, he was disappointed and asked about it but didn't go further. It feels like he didn't say it clearly but think we could study together by default. He usually texted me like "I will be in library tomorrow" and then nothing else.

 

I think maybe we need a talk, but I even don't know what to see under this situation. :(

Well, regardless of his experience level. He might struggle a bit to talk because he's nervous. You gotta remain aware of that, nervousness does cause a wide range of weird behaviors that could be interpreted as something else negative. Anyways, actions speak louder than words. That's valid even if he's aware of it or not, his actions seems like he wants to see you.

 

Maybe you need to calm down and relax as well, I don't see any of this as much of a serious problem. Try giving it some more time and reflect on things a little. :)

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