Jump to content

He's being more attentive towards me yet hasn't made things official


misty1114

Recommended Posts

I've been going out with a 23-yo guy for the past 3 months. He used to text me every 2-3 days to set up dates. No phone calls in between. He always takes a long time to reply to a text (sometimes over 24 hours), even when he's the one to initiate the convo. We haven't had much physical contact besides just pecks at the end of the date. We've made out a couple of times but that's all. He seems pretty inexperienced as he said he's never been in a LTR. He told me he's only seeing me right now and he likes me but when I brought up if he wanted to be official, he said he's not ready and would like to continue to spend more time with me and see if he can juggle a gf and school at the same time. I told him that I believe if he was truly into me, he'd make the time and make the relationship work. I'm not the type to demand attention from him 24/7. I'm a busy student too and I'm fine with how often we've been seeing each other (about once/week). However, I'd like to hear from him more often in between dates (ie. calls and texts). I also told him how I've noticed he doesn't reply to text promptly. I said I'd continue to see him for now without putting pressure or rushing him to commit, but at the same time I'm keeping my expectations low and I'd stop seeing him if I get too emotionally invested.

 

Since then, he's been way more attentive and been calling/texting me everyday. Yet still hasn't tried to make things official. Do you think he truly likes me and wants to make the relationship work or is just afraid to lose me? He hasn't pushed for sex at all so I don't think his motive is to be a fwb.

Edited by misty1114
Link to post
Share on other sites

You need to be dating other people. This guy is lukewarm and is very unlikely to want a relationship with you. Please don't invest in this one person who isn't investing in you. Go out and meet and get to know other guys.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
You need to be dating other people. This guy is lukewarm and is very unlikely to want a relationship with you. Please don't invest in this one person who isn't investing in you. Go out and meet and get to know other guys.

 

Agreed. And if he was afraid of losing you, he would have given you a relationship by now.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

In the same paragraph you say you will keep your expectations low then you go on about why he is not making it official. I wouldn't call that having low expectations unless you were lying to the guy? And lying to men serve what purpose? Hiding what you truly want accomplishes what? About you be a big girl and tell him what you want out of this.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
In the same paragraph you say you will keep your expectations low then you go on about why he is not making it official. I wouldn't call that having low expectations unless you were lying to the guy? And lying to men serve what purpose? Hiding what you truly want accomplishes what? About you be a big girl and tell him what you want out of this.

 

I told him I'm looking for a committed relationship. I like him enough to stick around for a little while and wait for him to be ready. When I said I'm keeping my expectations low, I didn't vocalize that to him, but more so I think to myself that I'm going to not initiate much nor do I expect him to try to progress thing. I'm giving him time while keeping my options open to meeting other potential guys. The fact that he's putting in more effort is giving me hope that he does want something serious after I've voiced my needs. But it looks like I might have misinterpreted the whole thing.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I told him I'm looking for a committed relationship. I like him enough to stick around for a little while and wait for him to be ready. When I said I'm keeping my expectations low, I didn't vocalize that to him, but more so I think to myself that I'm going to not initiate much nor do I expect him to try to progress thing. I'm giving him time while keeping my options open to meeting other potential guys. The fact that he's putting in more effort is giving me hope that he does want something serious after I've voiced my needs. But it looks like I might have misinterpreted the whole thing.

 

You should never have to ask a man for a commitment and certainly shouldn't wait for him to be ready after this long. A man who is interested enough will want to commit to you without you suggesting it. He won't want to risk another man coming into the picture. You should do more than "keep options to meeting other potential guys" and actually go out and date them. Make an effort to really meet others to take your mind off of a man who just isn't interested enough. A woman should only be with someone who is crazy about her. This man is not that person. You deserve better.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I've been going out with a 23-yo guy for the past 3 months. . . . We haven't had much physical contact besides just pecks at the end of the date. We've made out a couple of times but that's all.

 

A 23-year-old man who dates for three months and is content with a peck at the end of the date? That's a red flag.

 

He hasn't made things official? Hell, it sounds like he hasn't even made things romantic. He sounds like a pal. What the hell does he want? It's not unreasonable for you to want to know that!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
You should never have to ask a man for a commitment and certainly shouldn't wait for him to be ready after this long. A man who is interested enough will want to commit to you without you suggesting it. He won't want to risk another man coming into the picture. You should do more than "keep options to meeting other potential guys" and actually go out and date them. Make an effort to really meet others to take your mind off of a man who just isn't interested enough. A woman should only be with someone who is crazy about her. This man is not that person. You deserve better.

 

I agree. I just don't get why he's still contacting me if he's not that interested.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I agree. I just don't get why he's still contacting me if he's not that interested.

 

My guess is he's seeing somebody else and keeping you around as backup in case it doesn't work with the other person. After all, you two did meet through OLD.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...