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DatingDirection

My life isn't turning out the way I thought it was going to. By now I thought I'd be married. Now my friends are telling me to have a baby on my own if finding the right guy is so hard. I've only been in love once. I came close to love a second time. I always thought of myself as a beautiful woman, both inside and out. I get many compliments from men on line. Although the really hot men are really vain and superficial. The not so good looking men are not my type either, I need to be attracted both physically and character wise. To be 100% honest, going on these sites makes me miss both men I truly loved a lot, and depresses me. I also keep reading articles about how monogamy is the thing of the past, and how we're living in a hook up culture. This depresses me too. I mean, what are people going to do when they get older and don't have families of their own? I will not settle, but I also want to meet my best friend.

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DatingDirection

Yes I think so actually. BTW, thank you to everyone who reads my post. I really appreciate your advise.

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I feel the same.

 

I just turned 26 and I'm turning 27 later this year. How did that happen? :eek: (you'll see I haven't updated my age on the left). Like you, I see people all around getting married and settling down and also like you, I want the real deal where I feel attraction both romantic and physical.

 

I also use dating sites and I'm thinking of deleting my profiles because it just depresses me how they highlight the lack of prospects and the huge amount of time wasters. My older adult friends are telling me to delete it and just try and meet someone in real life (obviously they found partners before the internet so they could be onto something).

 

I'm sorry I can't help much but one piece of advice I can give you is to ignore those news article. They don't reflect reality and every time you read the news, there is going to be another headline grabbing story which might contradict something else you've just read. Think the Daily Mail List of Things That Give You Cancer.

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Come on now, 27 is young! :)

 

I would agree with the previous poster, although I have not tried them myself those two sites are probably not the best when it comes to looking for something serious.

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I've only been in love once. I came close to love a second time. . . . The not so good looking men are not my type either, I need to be attracted both physically and character wise.

 

Is it possible, just possible, that you have set up unreasonable expectations that simply cannot be fulfilled? Yes, we need to be attracted physically, but far too many people sabotage themselves by creating an impossible image of what they are attracted to. Like eating mushrooms, attraction is an acquired taste.

 

I think men tend to sabotage themselves with being afraid to commit, but I think women sabotage themselves earlier than that, at the beginning stages. I sometimes read what women say they are looking for in their online ads or profiles, and criminy, if such men exist, why would they be interested in women like them?

 

I mean, seriously, this 51-year-old woman replied to my initial contact and picture by saying she couldn't date a bald man or a man more than five years older than her. I'm bald and 58, but how delusional is that? Two thirds of men over 50 have significant hair loss, and that number is even higher when you narrow it down to just white men, which is what she was looking for. I wasn't even offended LOL :rolleyes:

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DatingDirection

I'm not sure. I don't feel I have unrealistic expectations. I just need that spark. I don't need him to be rich, or look good on paper. I need him to be caring and funny, with a twinkle in his eyes, and a smile that makes me smile.

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I also use dating sites and I'm thinking of deleting my profiles because it just depresses me how they highlight the lack of prospects and the huge amount of time wasters. My older adult friends are telling me to delete it and just try and meet someone in real life (obviously they found partners before the internet so they could be onto something).

 

Don't give up and don't delete your profiles. Look, time passes whether you're trying or not trying. Why don't you do both? Search online and in the real world!

 

The thing is, you run into time-wasters in real life too. Last Friday, I met a woman on the bus. Our eyes met, and she smiled and said, "Thank God it's Friday!" We started talking, and I suggested me meet for coffee. She said yes, gave me her phone number, and said to call her. I called her, she got flustered and said she couldn't talk and to call her back later. I called back later, and sure enough, I went straight to voicemail. She had blocked me. She could have just said when I called her, "It was nice meeting you, but I really don't want to start anything." She owed me no explanation. And we're both over 50! You'd think people would be more mature by then, but no.

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Come on now, 27 is young! :)

 

I would agree with the previous poster, although I have not tried them myself those two sites are probably not the best when it comes to looking for something serious.

 

27 is young but... for a woman once she hits 30 the clock is ticking on marriage and having babies. Men have the advantage in holding out till their 40s to start a family.

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AverageJoe1986
I'm not sure. I don't feel I have unrealistic expectations. I just need that spark. I don't need him to be rich, or look good on paper. I need him to be caring and funny, with a twinkle in his eyes, and a smile that makes me smile.

 

I think most women need to ask themselves honestly if they would have been receptive to their ex-boyfriends/husbands had they seen them on a dating website. If the answer is no then they should rethink how they are going about it because they're limiting their options considerably.

 

I am pretty sure that none of my ex-girlfriends or my ex-wife would have been receptive to me online.

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I think most women need to ask themselves honestly if they would have been receptive to their ex-boyfriends/husbands had they seen them on a dating website. If the answer is no then they should rethink how they are going about it because they're limiting their options considerably.

 

I am pretty sure that none of my ex-girlfriends or my ex-wife would have been receptive to me online.

 

I have gone on some dates now with women in the late 30's and from what they are telling me the very very good looking guys are having a grand old time playing the field with no intention of committing to anyone. And the fact that some women are able to land dates with them may give them a slightly skewed perspective of what their real "number" is in the dating world.... and it doesn't get easier as they get older.... anyway don't mean to be a downer but thats what the women have told me. And some of them are very attractive themselves (in my eyes).

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27 is young but... for a woman once she hits 30 the clock is ticking on marriage and having babies. Men have the advantage in holding out till their 40s to start a family.

 

Not if they don't want kids with autism and other mental disorders. In fact, the risk is highest when the father is much older than the woman. A large age gap increases the risk.

 

https://www.autismspeaks.org/science/science-news/father’s-age-linked-increased-genetic-mutations-children

 

OP, lots of people aren't happy with how their life turned out, or is turning out. That's every person's challenge in life. You have to find ways to be happy that don't depend on others. I don't think you will find what you are looking for on Tinder or POF.

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I'm not sure. I don't feel I have unrealistic expectations. I just need that spark.

 

  1. I have met women and instantly been very interested in them and unable to get them out of my mind.
  2. I have met women and found them pleasant-looking enough to kiss and go to bed with.
  3. I have met women and instantly decided no way no how.

 

I have not found that I was happier with the women I met under scenario 1 than scenario 2. I think three times life put the perfect woman in front of me, and two of those times she turned out to be crazy, and the other one liked male attention far too much to become a permanent thing. That last one was 30 years ago, and I've actually thought of checking in with her and seeing if she's done sowing wild oats. Eh... maybe.

 

It seems to me that most women insist on #1 style attraction, while men are content with either #1 or #2.

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I can tell you most of the women who are interested in me IRL would not give me time of day if they saw me on OLD.

 

Again - OLD is all about stats. Pics, Height, Occupation

 

IRL a woman sees you what you really look like up close, how you dress, carry yourself, interact... things that can't be seen or felt on an OLD site.

 

People are treating OLD like the lottery: I keep at, maybe I'll hit the jackpot.

 

Just go out and live life. Putting pressure on yourself to get married and have kids will do you no good.

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Don't give up and don't delete your profiles. Look, time passes whether you're trying or not trying. Why don't you do both? Search online and in the real world!

 

Good point. Thank you. I will just lay low and only reply to something that particularly piques my interest. I've put on weight (which sucks) so I won't use it with the aim of meeting anyone for at least a couple of months until I've dropped some excess weight. I want to look perfectly primed haha

 

The thing is, you run into time-wasters in real life too. Last Friday, I met a woman on the bus. Our eyes met, and she smiled and said, "Thank God it's Friday!" We started talking, and I suggested me meet for coffee. She said yes, gave me her phone number, and said to call her. I called her, she got flustered and said she couldn't talk and to call her back later. I called back later, and sure enough, I went straight to voicemail. She had blocked me. She could have just said when I called her, "It was nice meeting you, but I really don't want to start anything." She owed me no explanation. And we're both over 50! You'd think people would be more mature by then, but no.

 

Euurgh that's rubbish. It sucks when people can't be straight with you. I think sometimes people say yes because they are scared to offend someone so they end up leading that person on. I just couldn't do that. I would somehow politely decline but thank them for their interest as I know it takes guts to show interest. The worst time I turned down a guy was like a moment from the movie Liar! Liar!. I was chatting to a guy and he was acting flirtatious but I didn't take it seriously (I actually thought he was batting for the other side). Anyway him saying "Can I kiss you?" and then me responding with "But I thought you were into guys?" wasn't trying to upset him, it was me being a blurting honest drunk, but it still makes me cringe.

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AverageJoe1986
I would still be receptive to them, if I saw them on line.

 

All of them? Really?

 

What about them would interest you on a dating profile?

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AverageJoe1986
The worst time I turned down a guy was like a moment from the movie Liar! Liar!. I was chatting to a guy and he was acting flirtatious but I didn't take it seriously (I actually thought he was batting for the other side). Anyway him saying "Can I kiss you?" and then me responding with "But I thought you were into guys?" wasn't trying to upset him, it was me being a blurting honest drunk, but it still makes me cringe.

 

Ouch!

 

I suppose it's better than "with that face?".

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AverageJoe1986
I have gone on some dates now with women in the late 30's and from what they are telling me the very very good looking guys are having a grand old time playing the field with no intention of committing to anyone. And the fact that some women are able to land dates with them may give them a slightly skewed perspective of what their real "number" is in the dating world.... and it doesn't get easier as they get older.... anyway don't mean to be a downer but thats what the women have told me. And some of them are very attractive themselves (in my eyes).

 

Yes well I ran into quite a few moderately attractive, 30-something women on POF who were only into dating really attractive men and complaining that after a date or two these guys weren't interested anymore. It just didn't occur to them that these men were using them for sex until someone more attractive came along.

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Ouch!

 

I suppose it's better than "with that face?".

 

I genuinely wasn't trying to insult him. I just lose my ability to think about what I say before I say it when I'm drinking. I apologised to him and at least looked slightly horrified. :o It was partly because I thought I wasn't showing him any particular interest so it came as a surprise that he suddenly said "can I kiss you?" out of the blue. Oh dear...anyway back to the OP's original topic.

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AverageJoe1986
I genuinely wasn't trying to insult him. I just lose my ability to think about what I say before I say it when I'm drinking. I apologised to him and at least looked slightly horrified. :o It was partly because I thought I wasn't showing him any particular interest so it came as a surprise that he suddenly said "can I kiss you?" out of the blue. Oh dear...anyway back to the OP's original topic.

 

Well alcohol can be the greatest social lubricator known to man or the casus belli.

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I feel the same.

 

I just turned 26 and I'm turning 27 later this year. How did that happen? :eek: (you'll see I haven't updated my age on the left). Like you, I see people all around getting married and settling down and also like you, I want the real deal where I feel attraction both romantic and physical.

 

I also use dating sites and I'm thinking of deleting my profiles because it just depresses me how they highlight the lack of prospects and the huge amount of time wasters. My older adult friends are telling me to delete it and just try and meet someone in real life (obviously they found partners before the internet so they could be onto something).

 

I'm sorry I can't help much but one piece of advice I can give you is to ignore those news article. They don't reflect reality and every time you read the news, there is going to be another headline grabbing story which might contradict something else you've just read. Think the Daily Mail List of Things That Give You Cancer.

 

Just turned 26 a couple of weeks ago. Never been into a relationship since birth :/ Good luck to me.

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Those are the two worst/lowest sites. Use okcupid, match, and maybe eharmony. Be realistic about choices and meet looooots of people. Do not have a baby on your ownm. Terrible idea.

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AverageJoe1986
Those are the two worst/lowest sites. Use okcupid, match, and maybe eharmony. Be realistic about choices and meet looooots of people. Do not have a baby on your ownm. Terrible idea.

 

I find OK Cupid as a website virtually unusable. It feels, in relation to POF, like myspace as opposed to facebook. Besides, everyone in my area who is on OKCupid is also on POF.

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My life isn't turning out the way I thought it was going to. By now I thought I'd be married. Now my friends are telling me to have a baby on my own if finding the right guy is so hard. I've only been in love once. I came close to love a second time. I always thought of myself as a beautiful woman, both inside and out. I get many compliments from men on line. Although the really hot men are really vain and superficial. The not so good looking men are not my type either, I need to be attracted both physically and character wise. To be 100% honest, going on these sites makes me miss both men I truly loved a lot, and depresses me. I also keep reading articles about how monogamy is the thing of the past, and how we're living in a hook up culture. This depresses me too. I mean, what are people going to do when they get older and don't have families of their own? I will not settle, but I also want to meet my best friend.

 

I feel like I wrote this... ;)

 

Same exact complaints, perspective and outlook.

 

I am noticing a shift though. The hookup culture is starting to fade, thank god. I see a slight inching toward people wanting actual relationships again.

 

I feel like it is only beginning to change, but there is a momentum.

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