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Dating a Top-Student College Girl


MikePage

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Hello... So me and my girlfriend we date for 1 year, she went to college 3 months ago. We went through some bad phase, where i was utterly pissed off she was talking alot with this new "friend" of her (well, i really think its only a friend after all, she let me read their convos bla bla bla).

 

Right now, she says she is feeling numbness over this and over our relationship, she says she loves me, but she is just different, like more cold with this.

 

She is also going through ALOT of changes that causes that numbness over me and our relationship.

 

1). Hormonal Changes from Birth Control Pill

2). Stress from college

3). Stress from our messed up phase where i just argued and acted like a kid and she created a numbness barrier so she doesnt get affected on her grades and mood.

4). Distance (which will end next month, since ill move to her city, not because of her but because of a job)

5). Talking alot with this new guy, it slightly affects the interest of talking with me, i know it does.

6). We dont see each other at 2 weeks, and last time i just went out from her house without warning her cus i was utterly pissed off.

7). That whole college change and living by herself.

 

She really likes me and she is also frustrated that she is feeling this, because she really wanted to preserve our relationship.

 

So.. The question is, should she try to maintain our relationship and see if this is only a bad phase? Should we break up?

 

Just tell me some preview if that numbness over me can really change, or if its permanently :(

 

Cheers,

Mike.

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All of those of just excuses.

 

I would bet she is seeing that guy.

 

Do you want to make it work?

 

I want to make it work.. But i also strongly agree with you, this guy is the whole source of the problem

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I want to make it work.. But i also strongly agree with you, this guy is the whole source of the problem

 

No he isnt. Your gf is the source.

 

She likes this guy and clearly feels for him as she's changed towards you.

 

It's only been a year, leave them to it I say.

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I agree with Amelie1980 that it is the GF's fault not the guy. If she is doing whatever with this guy then that is on her not him. I would move on and find you someone who doesn't hurt you.

 

Take care!

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mike,

 

College is a different phase and has all kinds of life changing experiences. Your GF is going to need to experience those to exit that phase a whole person, developed and ready for the next phase.

 

I was in a similar situation only reversed....I held on to a GF while i was in College and she was in HS and this cheated both of us from experiences we both needed to go through. It is hard but it is the right thing to do....let her go.

 

Don't be mean or vindictive just tell her that you love her enough to want her to have the chance to experience those things in life that help a person develop and grow into the person that will be healthy and productive. Many times skipping one of the important phases in life have devastating results later in life.

 

Don't tug at her to stay in a relationship that she's trying to exit, be gracious about this and let her grow. IMO, anything else is self serving.

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  • 5 weeks later...
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Hello people, hope you all have a rly good year and work on your dreams :laugh:

 

So.. I'm in a relationship with a girl i love, and she's at college right now.

As being the top-student of her degree, its obvious she doesnt have time for me, even if we live like 20 mins away, she is always studying or doing school works etc etc, for example yesterday i asked her out for lunch, she said she would do her best to come, guess what, she only left school almost at night because of a school work...

 

I TOTALLY get she must give her best but for example today, she is ****ING GOING OUT WITH A FRIEND (dont worry, he's really a childhood only friend) WHEN SHE HAD A LITTLE TIME TO BE WITH ME... I PUT MYSELF IN HER POSITION, AND I WOULD ****ING DO MY BEST TO HAVE SOME FREE TIME TO BE WITH HER, NO MATTER WHAT AND NO MATTER HOW COMPLICATED COLLEGE IS... I SEE NO GENUINE WILL TO BE WITH ME, EVEN IF SHE SAYS SHE LOVES ME AND THAT SHE WANTS TOO BLA BLA..

 

I mean, actions speak louder than words to me, in her case i would simply go out with her and with that friend.. She says that will be weird for him for me to go since its a 1:1 going out, what a stupid ass excuse...

 

What should i do? i love her, i know she loves me, but there is lack of genuine passion and all that stuff from her side... Id be gratefull for advices besides of "break up/dump her" cus id rly like to work things out, or at least try.

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SwordofFlame
What should i do? i love her, i know she loves me, but there is lack of genuine passion and all that stuff from her side... Id be gratefull for advices besides of "break up/dump her" cus id rly like to work things out, or at least try.

 

Do her actions show that she loves you or is it only words? Because actions speak louder than words.

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Do her actions show that she loves you or is it only words? Because actions speak louder than words.

 

Well, i honestly cant be sure anymore, we had a bad time a month ago when we broke up, and she kept fighting for me when i didnt wanted to.. I think its still not enough to prove it, if she simply included me on her plan like tonight for example, or found a way to be with me, i could say she do love me

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Hello people, hope you all have a rly good year and work on your dreams

 

So.. I'm in a relationship with a girl i love, and she's at college right now.

As being the top-student of her degree, its obvious she doesnt have time for me, even if we live like 20 mins away, she is always studying or doing school works etc etc, for example yesterday i asked her out for lunch, she said she would do her best to come, guess what, she only left school almost at night because of a school work...

 

I TOTALLY get she must give her best but for example today, she is ****ING GOING OUT WITH A FRIEND (dont worry, he's really a childhood only friend) WHEN SHE HAD A LITTLE TIME TO BE WITH ME... I PUT MYSELF IN HER POSITION, AND I WOULD ****ING DO MY BEST TO HAVE SOME FREE TIME TO BE WITH HER, NO MATTER WHAT AND NO MATTER HOW COMPLICATED COLLEGE IS... I SEE NO GENUINE WILL TO BE WITH ME, EVEN IF SHE SAYS SHE LOVES ME AND THAT SHE WANTS TOO BLA BLA..

 

I mean, actions speak louder than words to me, in her case i would simply go out with her and with that friend.. She says that will be weird for him for me to go since its a 1:1 going out, what a stupid ass excuse...

 

What should i do? i love her, i know she loves me, but there is lack of genuine passion and all that stuff from her side... Id be gratefull for advices besides of "break up/dump her" cus id rly like to work things out, or at least try.

 

 

I take it you're not in college yourself?

 

This might be very difficult. I can speak as someone for whom school has always been important, it can be difficult if you go off to college and are trying to date someone from back home esp if they're not in college. You have so many new experiences, meet so many new people, your world and ideas changes in a lot of ways that sometimes may be hard for your non-college-bf to understand or even non-college friends from back home. It's not anything bad on you or on her, it's simply that if you take two different paths sometimes, the relationship cannot work as you become very different people.

 

It seems your gf is busy with college, but more than that it seems she's being drawn more towards socializing with her friends there than with you. That, as you pointed out, is a choice. It's one thing if she was too busy for everyone equally, but if she gives you the excuse that she is too busy yet manages to hang out with her friend, then she made a choice deliberately not to hang out with you. The reason why, like I said, may be that she feels she is growing apart from you and doesn't quite know how to tell you or something else. I think you should ask her when she is free for an hour at least and ask if you guys can have lunch/dinner/tea, do something. If she says she cannot...that's a BIG RED FLAG that she doesn't want to. I went to college, I got a Masters and I'm now a PhD student, I know busy and believe me, there are weeks I have multiple presentations, I have to fly to a conference for the weekend, I have grant applications due, papers to grade, meetings, yet usually I can carve out 2 hours to have dinner with a friend and if I have a boyfriend I DEFINITELY can make time for him. So if she has no time for you over and over and doesn't seem to try to do anything about it, it means she simply doesn't want to be with you any more so won't make the effort and may be hoping that you get the hint and that you break up with her.

 

So ask her out, ask for her schedule and some times when she is free. If she makes the time then talk to her then about your feelings and ask how she feels. If she refuses to make the time, you have your answer. A relationship works only when BOTH parties want it to work. No matter how much you love her, if she is unwilling to make things work you cannot force it.

Edited by MissBee
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Sorry, but I'm going to post the bad news.

 

Any time a girlfriend goes off to do some huge thing like going to college, joining the Peace Corps, etc, etc, the current guy will be dumped.

 

Some Sweet Pete in her new environment will put the moves on her. Because he's so "worldly", "educated", "charitable" "fill_in_the_blank", the guy that represents her old self is viewed as dead weight, holding her back.

 

She'll fall for a new guy in her new environment.

 

It's only a matter of time before it's over...

 

Sorry, man, but I've seen this repeated over and over and over.

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