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Is It Over?! If not, should I end it?!


Carcar

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I have been dating a guy for two months now and it has been going really well. We slept together on the second date, which was extremely fast for me. We see each other 2x a week (with sleepovers), I have met all of his friends (which he chose to introduce me to), he is very PDA with me, and the longest we have gone without speaking/texting to one another is three days, when I was in a foreign country without good cell service. We have never fought, I only snapped at him once when he cancelled plans. Just last week, he got me a very sweet (albeit not too serious) Christmas gift out of the blue, talked to me about his family in depth, and told me he would go crazy if he had to go two weeks without seeing me. We were apart for New Year’s Eve and after two days of not speaking to one another (he was on a skiing trip with friends, so I was letting him have fun, and not be a bother, obviously!) He texted me a picture of him with a beer in a hot tub: Happy New Year’s Eve, pretty girl!

 

Then, everything turned sour on Sunday. We hadn’t spoken since New Year’s Day, so I texted him that I hoped he hadn’t decided to stick around and become a ski bum and I was glad he was coming home. He didn’t respond to me for 9 or 10 hours, that his plane was delayed. We chatted a bit, then I didn’t hear from him anymore. The next day, still no response, so I texted again to make sure he got in okay, etc. I got a short response. I let it go to give him some space (I try to never inundate him with texts, he’s not a great communicator unless we are face-to-face). I responded the next morning, and said I hoped to see him soon. He was short with me, more so than usual, mentioned that he would be busy all week, that we would hang soon. I’m not sure if I’m getting the point across here, but things were just very, very different. I gave him some space and didn't reach out, and then I didn't her from him till last night (Wednesday night). He sent me a text that said "Hey there... thinking of you." Once again, trying to play it cool, and since it was 9pm and I was out with friends, I waited to respond till this morning. I texted back a kiss emoji "hope things at work are going well" -- I didn't hear anything for three hours, but he liked my Instagram, so of course I was like WTF. So I texted him again (I know, I know so bad of me!) I said: "I hope you can come up for air soon" (with a smiley, blushing face emoji). Nothing, no response. Five hours.

 

I have no idea what's going on. The tiny bit of comfort I have is that none of his friends have heard from him this week (don't worry, I didn't ask them - we share a mutual best girlfriend who is the commisioner of his fantasy hockey league - he isn't participating this week, he said he had to go to CT for his side project tuesday and bailed on the hockey game to them, and hasn't talked to any of them, or responded to her texts).

 

I've gotten so many mixed opinions on what to do. This is the least we've talked since we met, and appears it'll be the longest we've gone without seeing each other. If at all... I'm sad, and confused, but want to play it chill.

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I’m not sure if I’m getting the point across here, but things were just very, very different. . . . I have no idea what's going on.

 

Call him and tell him you need to talk to him. Then, without drama, ask him what's up. If he starts getting all defensive, just explain that you want what you want, and that if he's not on the same page, well, good bye.

 

Whatever you do, stop all that strategizing and plotting and scheming. This is what they mean when they say to be yourself. When he texted you last night, you wanted to talk to him, and since he was obviously on his phone, you could have called him right back -- called him, not texted him.

 

Love is supposed to be an ongoing mutual accommodation, not an endless battle of wits.

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Sorry, OP. My guess is he either spent NYE with someone else (despite the pic...keeping you on backburner) or he met someone on the trip.

 

I wouldn't reach out again in any form. I would honestly just shed a few tears and move on quickly.

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ExpatInItaly
Sorry, OP. My guess is he either spent NYE with someone else (despite the pic...keeping you on backburner) or he met someone on the trip.

 

I wouldn't reach out again in any form. I would honestly just shed a few tears and move on quickly.

 

I was just about to wonder the same.

 

And I also agree with the advice above - don't reach out again. If he wants to see you, he needs to make a plan.

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I know he didn't spend NYE with someone else (he texted me mostly throughout the evening and very early the next morning, until he got on the ski lift) but he very well could have met someone else on the trip (he was there after all for 5 nights). Our mutual friend says the odds of that are doubtful knowing him, and knowing the group he was with, but still I am not ruling it out. That is definitely a concern of mine.

 

I think the situation is so uber disrespectful considering we share this mutual friend. He at least could just send me a message or tell me he doesn't want to see me anymore - if that is the case - since we share this close friend. She will go bananas on him otherwise. He always mentions how she is such a drama queen and I am so calm compared to her.

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I think the situation is so uber disrespectful

 

That's why I suggested that you talk to him. Even if it is over, you have every right to tell him that he acted poorly and that you didn't deserve it. If he wanted to break up with you, he could have had the balls to tell you to your face instead of just acting like a jerk until you got the idea.

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I'm with these guys, the amount of times people post threads on here talking about how the person they are dating has been all hearts and rainbows and then changed after a trip. He's met somebody else, and he hasn't told you so because he is keeping you hanging on while dropping a breadcrumb here and there in case things don't work out with the new person.

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Robratory, yeah. Agreed. I think I'm going to take a middle ground of what everyone is saying here and lay low for a few days (I probably won't hear from him, sigh) just so it looks like I don't care TOO much, and then sometime next week reach out and ask why he was such a jerk about everything (in a calm, adult way obviously).

 

Just really, so left field if it's playing out this way... So abruptly! Why the hell would he send me that "thinking of you" text last night?!?!??!

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Like I said, breadcrumbs, just in case his new interest doesn't work out. He's keeping you hanging on. You can hang on of course, or you can tell him you've realised after the last few weeks you aren't right for each other and you wish him well.. But that you are going to move on. It will save you kicking yourself in the future and feeling worse about yourself when he completely screws you over.

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Sam, I don't think I need to get myself more in a tizzy than I am being CONVINCED he met someone else.... he is after all not speaking to any of his friends right now either...

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I'm not ruling it out (not ruling anything out), but I'm not thinking for sure that's also the situation. I know for a fact he was with his mother the past two nights in a different state, so there's that.

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Do nothing. Don't contact him, don't assume it's over. Give it a month or so. That sounds like it's hard to do. But the difficulty lies in self control and regulating your emotions. It's not like you're turning down a marriage proposal from another guy in order to wait for him.

When you don't have enough information, and you have no pressure to act, the logical thing to do is not make a move.

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Like I said, breadcrumbs, just in case his new interest doesn't work out. He's keeping you hanging on. You can hang on of course, or you can tell him you've realised after the last few weeks you aren't right for each other and you wish him well.. But that you are going to move on. It will save you kicking yourself in the future and feeling worse about yourself when he completely screws you over.

 

I agree with this. And I think men always come back anyway if they are genuinely interested so it's not too risky to say "sorry we're not right for each other". But then I also agree with Maggie4's comment because it could be that doing nothing and mentally moving on is the best option.

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When you say give it a month, a month before i let it go or a month before I say something?

 

Also, it hasn't been the last few weeks of problems... this weirdness has only been going on for 4 days...

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When you say give it a month, a month before i let it go or a month before I say something?

 

Also, it hasn't been the last few weeks of problems... this weirdness has only been going on for 4 days...

 

Four days! That's way too early to react. Don't ask him what's wrong, don't contact him. First give it a week. Then go from there.

If you don't hear from him for a month, of course that's the end and no need to say anything to him. In the meantime don't be waiting around anxiously.

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Four days! That's way too early to react. Don't ask him what's wrong, don't contact him. First give it a week. Then go from there.

If you don't hear from him for a month, of course that's the end and no need to say anything to him. In the meantime don't be waiting around anxiously.

 

Although its only four days, I would bet something is up.

 

 

He broke his pattern, it's unusual. I'd be prepared to check out

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Although its only four days, I would bet something is up.

 

 

He broke his pattern, it's unusual. I'd be prepared to check out

 

Yes, I'm suspicious too. But it's so uncertain. I've been in that spot. She'll have doubt either way. Definitely be mentally prepared for anything.

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Thanks guys - I appreciate all the advice.

 

I guess here are my biggest concerns.

 

- This is unusual behavior for him.

- I showed neediness for the first time (via text) on Tuesday, so I thought maybe I spurned some of the behavior but...

- He hasn't been talking to any of his other friends either, didn't go with them to their hockey things or anything (he told me he was really busy with work, I know he was in another state with family for work stuff at least two nights)

- He sent me that text that said he was "thinking of you" which while it doesn't seem like much, he's such a poor communicator (so great in person though, just so awful via text), that I thought it was a good sign, until...

- He didn't respond to me at all the next day! And I saw he was on Instagram multiple times!

- But his friends say he's not even texting them back! (don't worry, I'm not asking for this info, it's like weird hockey league info I'm gleaning without asking for it and looking like a crazy person).

 

So I am all over the board with what to think. And just sad he's not giving me anything.

 

Thank you all for being my sanity (minus the one person who keeps insisting he found someone else - yes, that's a possibility, but not necessarily what happened, especially if you knew him/us).

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Thank you all for keeping me sane. I got a substantial response from him this morning - an apology for being MIA all week and asking to see me next week, specific dates and when I said those don't work, saying he'll go around my schedule - that made me feel like I was just blowing things out of proportion. I'm a busy girl too, I should know things happen. I also should take this into consideration though of how him being a bad communicator affects me.

 

Thanks everyone for the advice!

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Well looks like my help is not needed here :-)

 

I am glad it solved itself.

 

I was going to go against the grain here and say, if a man dates you for 2 months, keeps in touch daily, introduces you to his world, if you are at that level of dating then he better give you an explanation for being quiet on you for 1 week.

 

Women have to stop playing cool. All it does is send a message it's ok to put us in a corner, forget about us, and treat us like something they can use part time. Enough of this.

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