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Did any of your past relationships raise the bar for what you look for in a partner?


Hopeful30

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Have you ever had a partner who was so wonderful, that it became almost impossible to date anyone after because they set the bar so high?

 

Or have you had a past relationship that was so great, that now you hold everyone to a higher standard because you know how amazing it CAN be if you find the right person?

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Have you ever had a partner who was so wonderful, that it became almost impossible to date anyone after because they set the bar so high?

 

Or have you had a past relationship that was so great, that now you hold everyone to a higher standard because you know how amazing it CAN be if you find the right person?

 

My standards get higher each time.

 

OK a few twassocks have got through the net recently but I am lucky enough to have dated some of the absolute best of men.

 

On the whole my exes are amazing people. Just not for me.

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Have you ever had a partner who was so wonderful, that it became almost impossible to date anyone after because they set the bar so high?

 

Or have you had a past relationship that was so great, that now you hold everyone to a higher standard because you know how amazing it CAN be if you find the right person?

 

 

Yes, yes and thrice yes.

 

I miss everything about my ex, despite not wanting to be with him. The relationship became emotionally abusive from his end though, which negated his goodness. His problems stemmed from his own internal goings on, things to do with his parents and his ego and control.

 

I think it's a common thing to look at your last relationship with rose tinted specs if you are feeling lonely or feeling like you won't meet anyone who matched their standard. But I have to believe that I will meet someone who is right for me eventually and that they will reciprocate my love and admiration and commitment.

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Maybe I don't quite understand your question, but I think it's natural for the bar to be set a bit higher each time. Maybe not because my past relationships have been so wonderful, per se, but because I have a better sense each time what works and what doesn't work. Like with my most recent ex, I can look at that relationship and go, "well, abc was good, but I can see how we didn't work in xyz ways, so next time I will aim for something better in that area."

 

I do miss my ex, he's a good person with a gentle soul and we had fun together and it was nice being with someone, but that doesn't necessarily mean I want to be with him again. In that way, even though he's a great guy, we didn't necessarily have the greatest relationship, so I guess that's a very roundabout way of saying, no I don't think I've necessarily experienced what you're talking about. If the relationship was so wonderful, wouldn't you still be in it?

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My standards got higher with each relationship, but mostly because I realized what kind of crap I put up with when I didn't know any better.

 

The scenario being described in the OP sounds like the Widow/Widower that idealizes their departed spouse and now noone can compare.

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My standards are so high right now, I think the only person that I would be able to date is me. :cool:

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sportygirl89
Have you ever had a partner who was so wonderful, that it became almost impossible to date anyone after because they set the bar so high?

 

Or have you had a past relationship that was so great, that now you hold everyone to a higher standard because you know how amazing it CAN be if you find the right person?

 

 

A) but I want the good parts of the relationship with my next relationship. You should learn something from each relationship though.

 

B) Also B because I also believe there is more than one right person . I don't believe in "the one". I believe in happily ever after. Look at all the people who were divorced and remarried again.

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If the relationship was so wonderful, wouldn't you still be in it?

 

All of my relationships have been wonderful, but it doesn't mean they are the man for me. Just because it can be good doesn't mean it should be permanent/long-term.

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My current partner has raised my standards into uncharted territory. I think it would be difficult to find someone else who could match her. But I would try if I had to! Someone else would not be the same - but they might well be great in different ways that - right now - I can't even imagine.

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acrosstheuniverse

I know it's cheesy and a cliche, but I think my current relationship would make it super difficult to date anyone else if we broke up without comparing them. Maybe that's just because we're good so if we did split I'd assumedly have bad memories too, but yeah...

 

I'm lucky and sometimes I freak out thinking if we ever did break up I couldn't handle losing this! I'm pretty sure most people get that feeling though...

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Chemistry wise, I've felt fireworks before so now I don't settle for less than magnetic chemistry.

 

Aside from that, my exes were tight asses and because one lf my friends has a bf that spoils her, I also now need to be spoilt.

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introverted1

My past relationships have refined what I look for now.

 

I have a much better understanding of what matters.

 

I am also a much better partner as a result of my past relationships. If a person hasn't looked at how s/he contributed to the demise of past Rs, then I don't think that person will have any greater success in the future.

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If we are talking dating only: the man I am seeing now is making me wonder how and why I put up with the cheapness and flakiness of the men I dated before.

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mortensorchid

Absolutely not. I have had nothing but constant disappointment from all the men I have been with. They all just want trash and treat women badly no matter what they say otherwise. Sorry to say that I am getting more and more bitter as time goes on, but I am DONE at age 41. And I mean it this time.

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Aside from that, my exes were tight asses and because one lf my friends has a bf that spoils her, I also now need to be spoilt.

 

I mean, at least you're honest, but yeesh.

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Have you ever had a partner who was so wonderful, that it became almost impossible to date anyone after because they set the bar so high?

 

Or have you had a past relationship that was so great, that now you hold everyone to a higher standard because you know how amazing it CAN be if you find the right person?

 

I had a partner who was so wonderful and I'd never felt love like that.

 

He lied, cheated, ruined my self confidence. Since then I get treated like dirt by guys and I dont think I',m deserving of the bad ones.

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I am also a much better partner as a result of my past relationships. If a person hasn't looked at how s/he contributed to the demise of past Rs, then I don't think that person will have any greater success in the future.

 

Even if you're the one who always ended the relationships because you were ready to move 'up'?

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All of my long term partners were good guys who treated me well. If I wasn't getting treated well, I didn't stick around

 

 

None of them set the bar so high that I ever thought I'd never be able to do better than him. DH isn't even the best in every category but he is the best all around if that makes sense. One was the greatest lover. One had the best education. One made the most money. One "got me" the best. One was the most expressive. One was the most romantic. One was the smartest. One had the best body. Etc. Yes, DH is some of those ones but not all of them. He is the most balanced & the best overall match for me.

 

 

So don't think that the one that got away was all that. If he was the best for you, the relationship would not have ended.

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ExpatInItaly

My exes were generally quite good men, but obviously not that wonderful if the relationship didn't work out. Break-ups happen for a reason.

 

My standards have gotten higher with each relationship.

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Have you ever had a partner who was so wonderful, that it became almost impossible to date anyone after because they set the bar so high?

 

Or have you had a past relationship that was so great, that now you hold everyone to a higher standard because you know how amazing it CAN be if you find the right person?

 

Yepp.

 

With each new relationship I find a mixture of both things I now realize I don't want as well as things I do want in a future partner. One ex in particular we had such amazing chemistry in terms of him just getting me, me not having to say a word about certain things and him instantly understanding, connecting mentally, emotionally etc...and that's the standard for me in terms of what I'd want in say someone I'm going to marry.

 

But in general with each new relationship my ideals and desires in a partner become more refined and bits and pieces of each person that were good get added to what I look for next.

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mortensorchid

I hate to say it, but I have truly given up at this point in life. I have been with so many bad men it's unbelievable and have been dumped more times than I care to think about. I've had 3 serious relationships in my adult life (not counting my high school sweetheart) and they have all dumped me. Two of them met and married the next one who came along barely a year later, one is going to remain a bachelor for his whole life. It's little compensation to know that the two who dumped me for other women are now divorced from those women they dumped me for, but I am convinced of so many things that I was not when I was a kid. When you're young you think that you're going to get married / have children because that's just the natural progression of things in life, but it's so not. Men would rather have trashy girls who cause problems and throw tantrums instead of a woman who is flexible and never demands that things be all about them.

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I would say I've become more cynical over time but I wouldn't change that as I've used that to my advantage to some extent. I know better what I don't want than what I don't want. I'd also say I have a better idea of what's important in a relationship and what isn't. However I do honestly feel like I'm winging it a lot of the time.

 

I understand being lovesick but I don't believe in idolising the past. If you do that, you're living in a fantasy world. It's in the past and there is no going back to that. I don't see any of my past relationships as particularly great. I have not been treated well by certain people I've dated. But I also take responsibility for the mistakes I've made too and it's not all on them.

 

The worst thing for me is not knowing what I want and the longer I spend single, the more confusing it gets for me as I haven't been in a relationship for 5 years now. It's done me good as I'm more independent now and I was also kind of a commitment phobe. I'm coming around to the idea of a relationship again but it's just the matter of finding it.

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