dobielover Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 The guy I've been seeing for about a month hasn't brought up plans for New Year's. We haven't discussed exclusivity, but without going into detail, I think we're headed in that direction, although I think it's too early to discuss it outright. We did spend a lovely bonding Christmas Eve together, even put together, wrapped and hid his child's presents (Santa). We're both still on the OLD site we met on, I used to compulsively check but now I only do so once a day. He has "trust issues." We were just texting back and forth a bit, and I asked him of his plans, as it's a day of the week he usually has his child, and he stopped responding. I've already met and spent time with him and his child, so having his child on that day and night couldn't be the issue. Nor that it's a special holiday, as we've already done that, too. So, I can only assume he's got plans with another girl? I am tempted to bite my nails to the quick!!! Link to post Share on other sites
11012015 Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 We did spend a lovely bonding Christmas Eve together, even put together, wrapped and hid his child's presents (Santa). Nor that it's a special holiday, as we've already done that, too. So, I can only assume he's got plans with another girl? I am tempted to bite my nails to the quick!!! Depending on the age of the child, it is possible he is spending with the mother of the child (to make sure the kid doesn't feel super disconnected as a family unit). Maybe he is trying to figure out how to explain that to you? If you spent a bonding Christmas Eve you are #1 at the very least, if not the only one. I doubt you go from that to spending NYE with another girl - something you specifically reserve for the girl most special to you, with the NYE kiss and all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dobielover Posted December 27, 2015 Author Share Posted December 27, 2015 He's definitely not spending it with the mother. They split long before the child even understood the parents were ever together, and they do not get along at all. Link to post Share on other sites
11012015 Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 He's definitely not spending it with the mother. They split long before the child even understood the parents were ever together, and they do not get along at all. I'd then check in to see if they have a tradition (i.e. spending it with the grandpa/grandma and counting down together etc.). If that is the case, it might be weird for you to be there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dobielover Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 I'd then check in to see if they have a tradition (i.e. spending it with the grandpa/grandma and counting down together etc.). If that is the case, it might be weird for you to be there. Right, that's why I asked what his plans were. I didn't even get to suggest we spend it together, I was just initially asking what his plans were, and he stopped responding to our back and forth banter as soon as I asked. It's been 8 hours. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Right, that's why I asked what his plans were. I didn't even get to suggest we spend it together, I was just initially asking what his plans were, and he stopped responding to our back and forth banter as soon as I asked. It's been 8 hours. Ugh. This is the worst thing about texting. Hold tight and try not to assume the worst. He could have dropped off for any number of reasons. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dobielover Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 Ugh. This is the worst thing about texting. Hold tight and try not to assume the worst. He could have dropped off for any number of reasons. True. But he's never taken longer than like a couple hours to respond. I shouldn't have asked. I should have just waited, as I have backup plans with girlfriends anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 True. But he's never taken longer than like a couple hours to respond. I shouldn't have asked. I should have just waited, as I have backup plans with girlfriends anyway. Well, jesus don't blame yourself. It was just a question, there really should be no harm in asking. It's not like you even asked if he was planning to spend it with you. He's a man, not a skittish deer, so this shouldn't have made him bolt. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ic1 Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Ugh. This is the worst thing about texting. Hold tight and try not to assume the worst. He could have dropped off for any number of reasons. I don't think someone's dodging my message unless it's been over 24 hours and I've sent another they haven't responded to. (Not back to back of course) Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 I'd text him back and say "Hey are you still out there?" If he still doesn't respond, then either he's had an emergency or you're on the outs, but at least you'll know, and if he does then you know too and you can ask again. Pestering someone w/texts is one thing but all you're doing here is expecting a normal response from a normal exchange. Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 This is a very awkward time of year to be just starting out with dating someone. To me it seems like it was jumping ahead of yourselves to spend Christmas Eve together playing "Santa" for his child. That's very intimate after just a month of dating. It's possible he's uncomfortable jacking up the intimacy even more by spending New Year's Eve as a couple. It's also possible that he already has other plans you wouldn't fit into, and he feels weird/guilty about not being able to include you. Of course those are just two possibilities of many. I would suggest, though, that you move forward with your other plans, regardless of what's going on with him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dobielover Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 This is a very awkward time of year to be just starting out with dating someone. To me it seems like it was jumping ahead of yourselves to spend Christmas Eve together playing "Santa" for his child. That's very intimate after just a month of dating. It's possible he's uncomfortable jacking up the intimacy even more by spending New Year's Eve as a couple. It's also possible that he already has other plans you wouldn't fit into, and he feels weird/guilty about not being able to include you. You're very right. It's an awkward time of year, and Christmas Eve was very intimate. Putting together a Barbie Playhouse was a lot of fun though. He probably is uncomfortable, and he probably does have other plans that he doesn't want to include me on. I feel weird about that, I can't lie. Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 I'll admit I once dated a woman for a little more than two months and we both had separate plans for NYE. There was no hard feelings. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Right, that's why I asked what his plans were. I didn't even get to suggest we spend it together, I was just initially asking what his plans were, and he stopped responding to our back and forth banter as soon as I asked. It's been 8 hours. I think that speaks for itself dobie. Whatever he is doing, he does not feel comfortable sharing that info with you.. unfortunately. If it were me, I would make other plans. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Yeah, you know, come to think of it, I dated a guy once for a few months and we broke up on NYE. For us I think it was a combination of too many expectation and too soon, plus booze and a lot of hurt feelings. On second thought, maybe a night with your girls might be more fun. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 OP I dig your username. You need an avatar Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 My bf and I had been dating about 4 months by our first NYE and we each had separate plans... Since then, we've spent every NYE together but that first one wasn't as big of a deal. I think the bigger deal is his lack of response. For that reason alone, I'd stick with my other plans. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Give it 24 hours before you assume anything. He could easily have left his phone at home. Or smashed it. Or be busy. Or his reply could be lost in cyberspace. Or your message could be lost. Or one of your phones is playing up and not receiving texts. These things can and do happen! Other than his phone, what methods does he have of getting in contact with you? Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 NYE is an interesting time of the year for relationships. People decide whether they want to continue with their partner into the new year or cut their losses and start over with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dobielover Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 NYE is an interesting time of the year for relationships. People decide whether they want to continue with their partner into the new year or cut their losses and start over with someone else. Well, ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Well, ugh. I'm not sure that's what TS meant, exactly (correct me if I'm wrong), but OP, really you've been with this guy a month you say? That's not exactly a super-long time. Will it really be the end of the world if he cuts out because of this? Wouldn't you rather know sooner than later? I'm not trying to minimize what you have, just putting it out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dobielover Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 I'm not sure that's what TS meant, exactly (correct me if I'm wrong), but OP, really you've been with this guy a month you say? That's not exactly a super-long time. Will it really be the end of the world if he cuts out because of this? Wouldn't you rather know sooner than later? I'm not trying to minimize what you have, just putting it out there. Because of this? Because of what? Would I rather him end it at one month than a year? Yes. But I don't understand what you mean. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Because of this? Because of what? Would I rather him end it at one month than a year? Yes. But I don't understand what you mean. dobie, I highly doubt he has any intention of ending things with you... You just spent a lovely Christmas together, and you've said he is moving closer to you emotionally. NYE puts a lot of pressure on a new couple .... if you don't spend it together, while disappointing ....it does not mean the end IMO. Go out with friends ....and enjoy yourself. I know it's hard, and yeah I'd be a bit hurt and upset too...but try not to let it get to you too much. The holidays can do a number on a new couple..... the pressure to be together, the implications, etc. It will be okay....... from what you have shared about your relationship, he sounds very into you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 I don't mean to step on your toes, it just seems like you're a bit over-nervous about someone who you've only been seeing for a month. I understand you had a very close and bonding Xmas and may be expecting the same for NYE. At one month in, though, yeah it'd be great to spend all major holidays together, but I'm not sure I'd expect it. Or are you just nervous because you haven't hear back from him? I don't mean to sound insulting, but I wonder if you're a little over-invested. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dobielover Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 I don't mean to step on your toes, it just seems like you're a bit over-nervous about someone who you've only been seeing for a month. I understand you had a very close and bonding Xmas and may be expecting the same for NYE. At one month in, though, yeah it'd be great to spend all major holidays together, but I'm not sure I'd expect it. Or are you just nervous because you haven't hear back from him? I don't mean to sound insulting, but I wonder if you're a little over-invested. I'd like to think that after the time we've spent together, regardless of how short it's been, that he's not thinking about "cutting his losses and starting over with someone else" when the clock strikes midnight. Not sure how that equates to over-investment. I like the guy. Sue me. Link to post Share on other sites
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