Is this my business? Sorry for the long post, I desperately need help.

[Waterlily]

I met a guy in the our condo community gym on lazy Saturday afternoon.He mentioned he was a dentist and he was obviously very interested in me -- I am a really attractive young woman -- and offered to whiten my teeth for $99. so I asked for his number. Actually, I was very attracted to him too, I just used this as an excuse to know him better.

 

I was to take GMAT on the coming Monday, so after test, I dropped by his clinic and got the teeth whitening knit. That evening he invited me to take a walk with him and introduced me to his dog. After the walk we made out at his place and that was how he relationship started. Before long, I started to stay at his place over night. We spent a lot of time together.

 

After a month, his parents came to visit him from another state. He took me out to have dinner with his parents. At this point, I felt as if I met the right person. Then things suddenly took a turn. Later he told me that his parents actually came to meet his son -- an 11 month old. And he has another son that is 17 years old, who is now living with his parents. Though he was married once, the two kids are from two different women other than his ex-wife. And his marriage to his ex-wife only lasted for a year and a half.

 

Part of me wanted to leave him right away, part of me wanted to know more about this mess hopefully I would find a reason to stay in this. So I tried to dig more information from him. Two weeks passed by, it was Thanksgiving already. He invited me to spend the Christmas with at his parents' house and met his elder son. I refused instantly and said I didn't want to have anything to do with his son. I thought I pissed him off, surprisingly he said I could change my mind any time before Christmas.

 

We still saw each other a lot and started to fight a lot too. Meanwhile, we did have some talks like: I told him that I don't believe we have future together etc. But he didn't seem to mind, and seemed trying to make me change my mind. And he stressed that he regretted telling me about his son.

 

For some reason, he didn't go to visit his parents for Christmas. Instead, he invited me over for both Christmas Eve dinner and Christmas Dinner. On Christmas day, he took me over to visit his sister's family. While we were there talking, he called his ex-girlfriend, with whom he had the baby son and also asked his sister to talk to her. For some reason, I got mad over this. He told me that his ex-girlfriend will always be involved, if I could not handle this, maybe we should just be friends. I got so upset that I stopped taking his calls. He kept calling me and left message saying he booked table for us for New Years Eve at an expensive restaurant etc. So, I sort of got back with him and we spent New Year together.

 

The weekend after New Year, I had a friend coming over for a visit, and he was really nice to her and took both of us out for dinner that Sunday night. At this point, I was more convinced that maybe I should give this relationship a chance.

 

Then, this happened. The next day after my friend left, on my way to grocery store, I drove past his condo (we are neighbors). I saw him come home with a young girl. Enraged, I parked my car and went up the stairs knocking at his door. He came out and told me that he was busy. I got mad and asked him if the girl was his new girlfriend. He just went in and shut the door. I was so mad, I kept pounding the door. And I heard the girl was arguing with him loudly inside. After a while, he came out again and told me not to make a scene of myself: He and I had discussed just being friends. I suddenly became calm and told him: "I finally realized what kind of person you are, this is good for me. Bye". He seems both upset and surprised at what I said. Later that night, I left him a formal breakup message. At that time, he was my dentist. I had a root canal scheduled with him -- the deal is: he was not going to charge me for copay. I canceled that and told him that I was going to see another dentist -- even that means I would have to pay some money out of my pocket.

 

I felt so betrayed and miserable after this that I started to see a psychologist. My psychologist told me to stay away from the guy and she thought I should be glad that he was finally out of my life. Against her advice, I contacted him nevertheless --- I just wanted the bad feelings to go away. He called me up and asked me to meet him at the same gym we met. The instance he saw me, he became emotional. I told him that another dentist has done the root canal for me. He seemed upset and asked me why I wanted to see another dentist. I said I just didn't think he still wanted to treat me for nothing after what had happened. Then I started to question who was the girl. He seems to be overtaken by emotion that he didn't talk for a while. I asked him again, he said she was just a friend. I didn't believe him and told him so. He insisted: "Believe it or not, I was not seeing her. You has crossed line. I am not seeing anybody else. Even so it is not your business." This comment got me upset and I decided to leave. Before I left, he suddenly put on an evil smile, and told me:" I had hoped she could be more than you". That was last time we talked face to face. The next day, he called me and told me not to call him. I asked him if what he wanted was from now on we have nothing to do with each other. He said: " No, let's not to do that. I just don't want to argue with you whether I am seeing somebody else or not". I was confused but determined to leave him.

 

A week ago, When I was driving out of the complex I ran into him. He pulled his car beside mine, flirting to me. He seemed sincerely happy to see me and was full of love and passion for me. I still felt strongly attracted to him myself, and I was scared by this. So I drove away really fast.

 

Friends on the board, please help me out here. What happened in this relationship? Did he betray me? Is it my business to know who else he is seeing?

[Merin]

NO it isn't your busniness IF he is seeing anyone else.

 

You broke things off with him right? So yeah.. I don't see why it would or should be your concern if he is seeing someone or not.

 

Honestly, the fact that he kept 2 children a secret should've given you an idea as to how upfront and honest he is.

 

A couple of other observations based on what you've said..

 

1) If you really felt/feel you want NOTHING to do with his oldest son.. then I guess I would question why you would've thought a relationship with this guy could go any where? Thats his KID.. so kind of a forever kind of deal IMO.

 

2) He also has a baby with another woman.. again all you if that isn't something you're down for.. but again this is another KIDDO of his that is forever.. so where was this going to go, ya know?

 

3) Him alone saying he regretted telling you about his son.. what?! see that alone would have been enough for ME to tell this guy to get lost.

 

4) In some ways it seems from what you've written that you liked the life style you felt he could provide more than you actually liked him.

 

My two cents.

[Waterlily]

It is not my business now. But did I have reason to be angry with him when he took another woman home? At that time, we were still involved. Or maybe the woman is really just a friend?

[LucreziaBorgia]

At this point, what would it change to know the answer to that?

[Waterlily]

I just feel it will be easier for me to move on if I get some answers. Some time I blame myself for messing up the whole relationship.

[Mz. Pixie]

Waterlily,

 

This guys sounds like a serious fruitcake- perhaps muliple personalities??

 

If you two were still seeing each other and it was understood it was exclusive then yes you had every right to be mad. It was rude for him not to explain and to shut the door in your face?? True you crossed the line by banging on the door etc but that was only because of what he did.

 

He's a liar- he never told you about the children- and he should have. That's not something you leave off when you date someone seriously.

 

Move on from this creep and don't allow him to touch your teeth again- he could do something while you are under the power of the drugs from the root canal.

[Stylin22]

He's playing with you...Save yourself the time. Why would you want to be mixed up with a shady dude like this one? He's what makes it so hard for the actual nice guys out there...