adelante Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 I urgently need the advice of a scandinavian (male prefered) for some "cultural translation". I am latin american and in love with a swedish guy but I have NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON. I don't know how to interpret the things he says or how he acts, I am completely lost anyone please? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 I urgently need the advice of a scandinavian (male prefered) for some "cultural translation". I am latin american and in love with a swedish guy but I have NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON. I don't know how to interpret the things he says or how he acts, I am completely lost anyone please? As in all relationships, if you don't understand something they say or do - ask for clarification from the person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author adelante Posted December 24, 2015 Author Share Posted December 24, 2015 this is not really a good idea, because on dating people rely on flirting, body language etc and there is some kind of courteship. He is sending all kinds of signals of his cultural context but we can't really read each other on that level because of lack of common background. And it's not really a good idea to ask him 20 times a day "did you say x because you are interested in me?" "does y mean you are interested in me?" "did you mean z as we are just friends?" etc. People of different cultures, or expats when living somewhere else, do usually need some kind of cultural learning for social interactions. Besides, I want to be able to understand swedish culture better Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 Oh, so he's not your boyfriend? Suggest you hold off on love till you actually understand how he works. At present, it's infatuation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author adelante Posted December 24, 2015 Author Share Posted December 24, 2015 Ah no, not my boyfriend.. unfortunately we are friends, close friends I would say. Yes, I don't love him, but I am in love with him, and that means infatuation I guess. I have been holding off so far cause I am cautious. But I hardly ever am interested in anyone and I have been in the frontier of falling pretty hard for him these last months cause I just like him so much.. It's like, it's so incredibly rare to find someone I like and I just like him way too much. so, I don't want not to be in love with him, I want to make this work Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 Even if he's Swedish I'm pretty sure that if he's interested in you he will make you aware of it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author adelante Posted December 24, 2015 Author Share Posted December 24, 2015 I already know he finds me attractive, because of some things he has said as jokes and teasing. I just don't know if it's anything romantic, or if I have any chance in this way. Maybe he is making me aware he is either romantically interested, or that we are just friends, but I just can't read it. Or what kind of way of making me aware are you thinking about? Does anyone know a forum on the internet where I can find swedes? I have been reading about them and all places say swedish males don't tend to take the initiative like in sexist cultures like mine. Also I read about the fika, that they tend to act distant, and that they tend to be "shy" when it comes to dating or approaching women. Hmm I want to be able to understand all this better and know where I stand and how I should proceed Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 you are too obsessed with the swedes thing. I am not swedish but have a ton of swedish friends. As far as I can tell, they act the same pretty much everyone else. As far as dating, I think in some respects they are closer to americans (less overly romantic) than other european countries. All the ones I know hang in big groups of friends and men/women are more equal than other euro countries--thus the friends thing can be good sign. Girls are bolder in a lot of ways there and guys can be more shy (in fact my friends and I make this joke often!). As a latin american (right?), your style of dating for the differences that exist is probably on the other side of the spectrum. That said, it's a dating problem and they are not all that different and also very specific to the two of you. Just post it for god's sake 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 There are important cultural differences I can see coming into play here. Men from your area are very, very forward. Do not expect a northern European to act this way. His smaller gestures (compared to what you are used to at home) will mean much more to him and others from northern Europe. (Italians are more like your own style) Just be aware every little sign of interest he makes might seem small to you, but may seem normal to him. As a people, they are much, much more reserved in their culture. If you see some signs, it will do you no harm to act on them. The worst thing is maybe he doesn't like you that way. At least you will know. Just remember, his signs will never be as "loud" as the signs you are used to men making at home. Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 Swedish and Latin Americans have a lot of cultural differences but still, Swedish people ask other people out on dates (I was in Sweden, I have experiences!) Also it's pretty normal for girls to ask guys, and also it's NOT so normal for a guy to pay for dates. Sex can be pretty casual without judgements compared with US or Latin America IMO. People in Sweden vary alot depending on where they came from, too. City people all over the world are more sophisticated than country people! Anyway I am pretty sure that he won't be freaked out or turned off if you make the first moves and since you're already in love with him what do you have to lose? If he doesn't feel the same way it's better for you to just get on with it and find out. Link to post Share on other sites
Empyrea Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 I'm kinda scandinavian.. Men in these northern parts are just bit more timid, aloof. If you think you're getting signals, but aren't quite sure, then odds are that the signals are there. Also, swedish culture is quite progressive and feminist, so a lot of men hesitate to act overly chivalrous, because it can offend instead of flattering. I.E. expect to pay your own bills and open your own doors. But there are exceptions to every rule. Maybe describe your situation in more detail? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author adelante Posted January 3, 2016 Author Share Posted January 3, 2016 Thanks everyone for the answers! I really appreciated them. Some comments-- There were very different opinions regarding how I should proceed, for instance: If you see some signs, it will do you no harm to act on them. The worst thing is maybe he doesn't like you that way. At least you will know. Suggest you hold off on love till you actually understand how he works. And another comment I should make: you are too obsessed with the swedes thing. I am not swedish but have a ton of swedish friends. As far as I can tell, they act the same pretty much everyone else. As far as dating, I think in some respects they are closer to americans (less overly romantic) than other european countries. I am not obssessed with this, I just can't read his intentions really. What do you mean by 'everyone else'? He doesn't act like anyone I know, at least... I would know if he is flirting with me if that was the case, that's why I am asking. I am neither american nor european, so.. And they are all westerners anyway, much closer to each other culturally. I'm kinda scandinavian.. Men in these northern parts are just bit more timid, aloof. If you think you're getting signals, but aren't quite sure, then odds are that the signals are there. I like this Let's hope so! haha And, of course, many were asking about specifics of my case: Maybe describe your situation in more detail? I would rather talk about this in private/inbox, so if anyone want to know more details, please PM me! Thanks for the help Link to post Share on other sites
FadedSign52 Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 I'm kinda scandinavian.. Men in these northern parts are just bit more timid, aloof. If you think you're getting signals, but aren't quite sure, then odds are that the signals are there. I am and although everyone are different I generally find it to be true. Just be direct and I'm sure he will be appreciative of your Latina charms Link to post Share on other sites
Empyrea Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 I am and although everyone are different I generally find it to be true. Just be direct and I'm sure he will be appreciative of your Latina charms True, but you also have to be careful not to scare an iceman off. Although it's very likely they'd be attracted to an exotic latina, if she's too forward and comes on too strong, then it can be a bit offputting. Scandinavian guys are timid themselves, but they're used to more timid girls as well. It's the same with nordic girls - since the guys here are very aloof and take a long time to warm up, the girls often dream of some romantic latino man to take them salsa dancing and sweep them off their feet. (Haha, sorry about all the cultural stereotypes, but they're not without foundation! ) But in reality, a lot of the italian and brazilian tourists here, for example, come on waaaaay too strong and are quite unsuccessful at picking up girls. In brief, there's definite benefits to being exotic, but you also have take into account the potential cultural differences of what might be construed as "too much" in their "natural inhabitat", so to say Link to post Share on other sites
Author adelante Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 hahah so still not sure how to act... So, let me explain the situation a little better. We met 6 months ago when he was a tourist here in my city, I am 20 and he is 27. He left back to stockholm but we kept on talking over the internet and became close. He confuses me a lot. An example, we talk quite often but suddenly it had been two weeks he hadn't sent me any message. So I was really wondering what was going on, and got a little worried to be honest. But then I decided to send him a message saying hi. after that we resumed talking normally! So it occurred to me.. was he waiting for me to talk to him? Cause in here it is ALWAYS the guy who initiates conversations and if the girl does so the guy may even lose interest! Maybe I was expecting him to initiate conversations and thinking he was not interested because he didn't do so, while he was expecting me to initiate conversations too once in a while and thinking that I wasn't interested because I didn't do so and he was always the one to try to keep in touch! haha In the beginning he said something like "our romance", but then I replied: "what romance?". I was still not in love for him back then! and then he stopped saying these things. He is confusing, the other day he said I am the most interesting woman he has met, which sounds like a romantic interest (I guess?). Then the other day he says the girl he went on a date with in sweden is really nice. I also talk to him about the guys I have sex with, does this mean we are only friends? In one of our conversations we were talking about cultural differences and he was saying swedish guys are more timid. He said that if he is being friendly to a girl, he is actually flirting with her. So I would guess he is flirting with me? And that if he compliments me, which he does a lot, this is flirting? But at the same time he seems to be quite a friendly guy, and I am hesitant to believe a guy is interested in me because of the compliments, makes me feel like an idiot to read things wrongly... He also calls me 'sweetheart' sometimes, what does it mean? So confusing Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Never talk to a guy you are interested in about the guys you are having sex with. He's going to think you are not capable of being faithful to him. I don't know anything about Swedish guys, but they do usually manage to get together with women, mate, and have children, so I'm sure he is capable of showing interest if he wants to. If he thinks you are sleeping with other men he won't want to show too much interest in you. Men talk a lot about sexual freedom but deep down they want sexual exclusivity and a totally faithful woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author adelante Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 Men talk a lot about sexual freedom but deep down they want sexual exclusivity and a totally faithful woman. I realized this with my ex. I always thought guys were crazy to have gfs that were open minded about not wanting exclusivity. We were doing long distance so I suggested we have an open relationship and to my surprise, he said "no, no way"! Haha Link to post Share on other sites
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