GF needs attention, but doesn't let me give it

[Ic1]

It's been over a week since I've seen my girlfriend except briefly. We've had a great relationship for about 2 months now, and this is the first unstable thing that's happened.

 

The basic story:

Last time I saw her we spent the night at my parents house so she could meet them. Had a great time. She had to go to work the next day, and all was well. The week carries on as usual, except I notice she isn't sending me as many messages. (Not that we text-chat all day). When she gets some free time, she keeps having reasons for not wanting to hang out or do something. (Or excuses?)

 

I give her two whole days with no communication, and call her on the third day because I'm going by her place and want to pick up my thermos I let her borrow because hot coffee is important to me. She actually invites me into her place and I bring it up to her that I feel she's being distant and I'm worrying about her. I find she has a lot of new stresses she hadn't communicated to me, and she's feeling down. She also had just given blood and was a bit out of it, but upon leaving she gives me a hug and kiss that I didn't initiate at all.

 

Telling her I wanted her to be happy, I give her another day of NC. Then yesterday, which she knows is my last day of school and getting my degree, and I just got a job using it! She has no contact, and I ask when she'd get out of work. She tells me it's a closing one until 11pm, and I go out anyways with some other friends. On my way home, I swing by her work, and see her truck isn't there. She lied...

 

Sent her a message: "I need to talk to you. Let me know when you're available." A few hours latter (as I type this) she tells me she just got up, and will call me before work.

 

My intention right now is to let her call, and leave it to telling her we need to talk in person. Any thoughts could be helpful.

Edited December 18, 2015 by Ic1

[Countryredneckbae]

It's been over a week since I've seen my girlfriend except briefly. We've had a great relationship for about 2 months now, and this is the first unstable thing that's happened.

 

The basic story:

Last time I saw her we spent the night at my parents house so she could meet them. Had a great time. She had to go to work the next day, and all was well. The week carries on as usual, except I notice she isn't sending me as many messages. (Not that we text-chat all day). When she gets some free time, she keeps having reasons for not wanting to hang out or do something. (Or excuses?)

 

I give her two whole days with no communication, and call her on the third day because I'm going by her place and want to pick up my thermos I let her borrow because hot coffee is important to me. She actually invites me into her place and I bring it up to her that I feel she's being distant and I'm worrying about her. I find she has a lot of new stresses she hadn't communicated to me, and she's feeling down. She also had just given blood and was a bit out of it, but upon leaving she gives me a hug and kiss that I didn't initiate at all.

 

Telling her I wanted her to be happy, I give her another day of NC. Then yesterday, which she knows is my last day of school and getting my degree, and I just got a job using it! She has no contact, and I ask when she'd get out of work. She tells me it's a closing one until 11pm, and I go out anyways with some other friends. On my way home, I swing by her work, and see her truck isn't there. She lied...

 

Sent her a message: "I need to talk to you. Let me know when you're available." A few hours latter (as I type this) she tells me she just got up, and will call me before work.

 

My intention right now is to let her call, and leave it to telling her we need to talk in person. Any thoughts could be helpful.

Sounds like she might not want to be with you anymore. But give it time..... Maybe something is bothering her and she just needs time to figure things out.

[Ic1]

Sounds like she might not want to be with you anymore. But give it time..... Maybe something is bothering her and she just needs time to figure things out.

 

I actually doubt she doesn't want to be with me because of what her family, friends, and even landlord has told me recently. She's not too experienced with dating though.

 

But I've decided I'm going to be ready to stop the relationship when we talk if she can't start communicating with me what's wrong when things are wrong, or why she doesn't want to spend time with me. Given her the benefit of the doubt too many times, and it can only be that's she's avoiding interaction. Might talk to one of her friends to see if it's not just on my side that she's being seclusive.

[ExpatInItaly]

I would let her know you've noticed she seems distant. Ask if everything's ok with her. It might be unrelated to you but I'd let her fill in the blanks.

 

Perhaps she wasn't ready quite yet to meet your parents. Maybe something is going on personally. Whatever it is, she needs to keep the communication open.

[Ic1]

I would let her know you've noticed she seems distant. Ask if everything's ok with her. It might be unrelated to you but I'd let her fill in the blanks.

 

Perhaps she wasn't ready quite yet to meet your parents. Maybe something is going on personally. Whatever it is, she needs to keep the communication open.

 

I already did tell her she's been distant. As for meeting parents, I met hers WAY before she met mine. My current theory is that she's depressed. She did tell me when I told her she was distant that much was happening in her life. What's been happening is I want to spend time with her to make her happier, but she keeps dodging me!

 

But you're right, she needs to keep the communication open. That's what it's coming to now with my communicating with her. She knows she's being distant, and I've addressed that. Now I need to address that if it's going to work, I need to know what's going on.

[GemmaUK]

You say you've had a great relationship yet you also say you've given her the benefit of the doubt 'too many times'. Which is it?

 

You also say she has a lot going on. Working late is certainly exhausting if she is doing that. What things are going on in her life?

 

I will pull away if someone doesn't give me space to get the stuff done that I need to get done including some down time for just me. If I feel obligated or guilt tripped to entertain them when they already know I have a huge pile of extra things on my plate to take care of then the clinginess will kill the attraction.

Maybe she is feeling smothered?

[Ic1]

You say you've had a great relationship yet you also say you've given her the benefit of the doubt 'too many times'. Which is it?

 

Benefit of the doubt has only been given during the time I haven't seen her. Just so many excuses during that short time to avoid plans.

 

You also say she has a lot going on. Working late is certainly exhausting if she is doing that. What things are going on in her life?

 

I will pull away if someone doesn't give me space to get the stuff done that I need to get done including some down time for just me. If I feel obligated or guilt tripped to entertain them when they already know I have a huge pile of extra things on my plate to take care of then the clinginess will kill the attraction.

Maybe she is feeling smothered?

 

We actually just had a long talk over the phone, even though I intended to do it in person. She snapped about her stress and life. She is depressed, and I need to get and give her help.