FaithInTheDark Posted December 11, 2015 Share Posted December 11, 2015 My bf and I have been together for over 4 months. He now works away for over two weeks, back for 1 week. While he's been gone before he would call every day and keep in contact, and make me feel special. But this time he's been gone is different. He hasn't been calling and the texts have been brief. I'm going thru a hard time with my life so I really feel it. I asked why he's so quiet and he said he's just focusing on work. I told him to call me sometime since it makes me feel better when he's gone. He didn't really respond to that.... Or call. The next day there was hardly any contact so I asked if everything was ok between us and a couple hrs later he said "yes" Finally I said "you hardly keep in contact these days, this isn't cool when we're long distance... I dunno what to think " He didn't respond , it's been the next day and still no response and I've seem him online. What an awful feeling. When we said goodbye before he left things were good and he said how much he loved me. So I don't understand What should I do when my bf ignores me for no reason Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 11, 2015 Share Posted December 11, 2015 Have you been contacting him and he's not responding? Or are you wanting him to do the lion's share of the initiation of contact? Link to post Share on other sites
Author FaithInTheDark Posted December 11, 2015 Author Share Posted December 11, 2015 I want him to respond to me and keep in the contact like he did before. I've mentioned how important it is to me and my last message was saying how it isn't cool of him to not care to keep in contact and he hasn't responded to that Link to post Share on other sites
One_Made_of_Silver Posted December 11, 2015 Share Posted December 11, 2015 I think one call a day is a reasonable request. You mentioned you're going through a tough time right now. Are you sure you're not smothering him, i.e. trying to engage him in super long, endless texting conversations, calling constantly, getting upset if he doesn't text back immediately, things like that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author FaithInTheDark Posted December 11, 2015 Author Share Posted December 11, 2015 No I've really kept myself in check. And don't expect long convos, not constantly text. I've only called him once since he's been gone since I let him reach out. I do send messages just saying I love you but no I haven't been messaging him much at all. Link to post Share on other sites
pizzaro Posted December 11, 2015 Share Posted December 11, 2015 You probably did something to piss him off. Think of the past few days or weeks. You'll probably remember something. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 11, 2015 Share Posted December 11, 2015 Maybe his work has really stressed him out...and I know guys they like their alone time to decompress like playing video games, watch youtube, listen to music, watch sports while sucking on a beer.....pretty much not have to think. You see him on line, but that doesn't mean he's actually doing anything or talking to someone. One thing guys hate, is someone who keeps asking them what's wrong, when they tell you there isn't anything wrong. all you are doing is aggervating him. back off, give him his space, go talk to a GF for your other troubles, and reassess when he gets back home. Then you can see for yourself if things have gone sideways. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 11, 2015 Share Posted December 11, 2015 You cannot convince a man of anything certainly not convince him to be attentive. Did you notice that more you requested attention less he gave it? Your next move is to stop contacting him. Keep busy. Life is about a lot more than having a boyfriend. What ever hard time you are having take care of it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted December 11, 2015 Share Posted December 11, 2015 His behaviour changed, and you want to know why. That's reasonable. Doesn't mean the relationship is ending. It's just not going to be like how it was before. 4 months, might mean this is how he really is in the communications department, and what he did before, was the honeymoon phase. No point asking him. Consider him as how he is now, that's what you have. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FaithInTheDark Posted December 11, 2015 Author Share Posted December 11, 2015 I just think its bizarre to quit contact with someone I'm in a relationship with. I understand to not chase him, give him space. But we're not just seeing each other and playing cat and mouse. We're in a relationship... I don't know if I want to be with someone that doesn't borther getting back to after I expressed feeling hurt from his lack of attentiveness. I don't exkect things to be perfect all the time but if you're away working for almost 20 days and your gf is waiting loyalty , you best make sure she's happy. You're right, I need to stop thinking the relationship is ending. That's a bit exteme.. I think though if he doesn't get back to me I need to call him and have a conversation instead of text. And stop wondering about what's going on... Or is that a bad idea? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 Is he always going to work 2 weeks away than 1 week home? Is this a new schedule or it's always been like this? How far is he? Can't you visit him on his 2 weeks away? Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 I knew this guy who was working away two weeks, and home one weeks. They were mostly just men there and so they get pretty homesick. Many would text or call a lot more than normal, just because they feel so lonely. If my bf was doing this and suddenly stopped being responsive, I would get suspicious, only because of what I've seen. I would suspect he's talking to another woman, but then I'm thinking of this guy I knew. I don't want you to be alarmed, cos it might be nothing. Dunno... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 I just read your last thread. Your boyfriend found the best way to not having sex with you didn't he. He only wants sex once a week and now he's absent 3 weeks out of 4. That's down to sex once a month. Now that he stopped physical intimacy between you 2 he's now stopping the emotional intimacy. You've only been dating 4 months and already you're experiencing distress from the lack of sex and now he's emotionally blocking you out. Is this even a relationship? This is not a healthy relationship, heck it's not even a viable relationship. You are mid 20s and he's early 30. You really think this is the man of your life? End it. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
seekingpeaceinlove Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 I don't mean to sound harsh but...He's just not that into you. It doesn't sound like you're being too needy so I don't see why he wouldn't want to connect with you often if he was really into you. If there's something else going on in his life that's weighing heavily on him, it's his fault for not telling you when you ask. Being stressed with work is understandable but not fair to you if he's ending up ignoring and neglecting you. Bottom line, if you've expressed to him your needs and he's unwilling or unable to fulfill them, perhaps it's time to stop wasting time and move on. He may be stressed with work/life but so are you. You're reaching out..and he's not. You can only chase and try so much. If he's not reciprocating the effort and care..he's not that into you and you need to stop wasting your time. There is someone else out there for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 He's not keeping in contact because he doesn't want to. Men are not TOTALLY braindead. He knows you'd like to hear from him. You don't need to text him asking him to call, or nag him about it. He knows how to act as a boyfriend. He's not acting like a boyfriend because he doesn't want to be one. No sex, you don't see him often, and now you rarely hear from him. At one month, this is just stupid and a waste of time. I'd move on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 If he really liked you, he'd make time and would use you as an escape from his stress. I've seen countless threads here where everyone says "chill! You're being needy! Sometimes people get busy and don't respond" and 9 times out of 10 that's BS. Sure if it's a one time thing and a brand new relationship, you're probably overreacting. But if it's a pattern and a change in the norm, it means something and it means he's not very interested right now. If I even REMOtELy cared for a woman and she told me she wanted me to call, I'd call to both help her and to make sure she doesn't breakup with me for being an inconsiderate ass. Don't text him until he texts you back. If he doesn't, he probably will eventually and at that point you ghost him. If he doesn't have some amazing and believable reason for the lack of contact and you stay with him you're likely setting yourself up for heartbreak. Turn it around on him first. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 Like I always say date those who treat you the way you want to be treated....he isn't treating you they way you want to be treated, you leave. You are kidding yourself if you think he needs to be fixed....he doesn't need to be fixed, he needs to admit he doesn't really want to see you or he isn't sure he wants to be in a relationship. Smart posters for looking at past threads.....if the intimacy is gone, the emotional will soon follow. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 This relationship is now unhealthy. You're not happy and he's not treating you with love and respect, he's choosing to not respond and keep in touch with you much anymore while he's away. That's not love!! If he was very interested he would want to talk to you more often and he certainly wouldn't ignore you or make you feel unimportant. Ask yourself what it is you love about him. Do a list, pros/cons of your 4 month relationship. My guess is you'll find more negatives than positives.... Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 He's being a very bad boyfriend. He is pulling away. I'm sorry but that is all there is to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FaithInTheDark Posted December 12, 2015 Author Share Posted December 12, 2015 I guess so. We were in love... He told me and showed me that all the time. It doesn't add up. I tried calling but he won't answer. I could see if we had a fight but we didn't. I can't do this , I think I need to end it. It sucks because I love him more than anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 Faith ... I hope you don't take this as mean ... I just looked at your past threads about this guy. I don't see that it was EVER right, it seems that you've always been trying to make it something that it wasn't. I mean it all started out with an FWD who refused to commit, and the bi curious stuff you found, and the sex disconnect. This was never meant to be and it's only 4 months - not enough time to be in love. No matter how much it hurts now you will be able to put this behind you fairly quickly I hope, since not much time has been invested. Please don't keep grasping at straws!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 I guess so. We were in love... He told me and showed me that all the time. It doesn't add up. I tried calling but he won't answer. I could see if we had a fight but we didn't. I can't do this , I think I need to end it. It sucks because I love him more than anything. Stop calling him and get busy doing other stuff, spending time with friends and family. Go silent for a while and let him call you next. My guess is, if you do that he'll wonder wtf and want to talk. That's when you tell him you're hurt and fed up with how he's been treating you - Ask him to be completely honest, that if he wants out, wants to end it to just say so and get it over with, not to play games with you and treat you like crap. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 I guess so. We were in love... He told me and showed me that all the time. It doesn't add up. I tried calling but he won't answer. I could see if we had a fight but we didn't. I can't do this , I think I need to end it. It sucks because I love him more than anything. Take off your pink glasses. He was only nice when he was in chasing mode and that was a very short time at beginning. People's feelings change it happens all the time. There is no need for a fight or disagreement for feelings to die out. Don't stay in a bad relationship because he was briefly nice to you at the beginning. That means nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 You've continually ignored red flag after red flag after red flag. You're clearly MUCH more invested in this 'relationship' than he is. For the most part, he's not interested in you sexually and he's now showing you he's not interested in you emotionally. Quite clearly, he's got issues with being a closeted homosexual or at the very least he's bisexual, and you refuse to open your eyes and see this for what it is. If you want to believe the crap you saw in his email related to his sex hookup profile is just spam and not representative of who he STILL is, then you need a serious reality check. Stop humiliating yourself and throwing yourself on the sword for someone who clearly doesn't see you in the same way. While he's a damned coward for treating you this way, he's none the less SHOWN you how he feels. Believe him. Have some dignity and just let go. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FaithInTheDark Posted December 12, 2015 Author Share Posted December 12, 2015 After attempts of reaching him he finally said " I'm fine, I'll call you tonight" No idea what it is or what to say Link to post Share on other sites
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