We work at the same company, went on a few dates, then...

[geminni]

Ok so here is a situation, there is a woman from work, she works in a same building, but different department, so we don’ work on projects together, we occasionally see each other. She is 10 years younger than me, I am 35.

 

We like each other and we went on a couple of dates, successful ones, since we had a great time together, chemistry is there from the beginning, we clicked pretty much from the moment i introduced myself and yes we have been kissing on dates, so set the record straight.

 

We were texting and having convos at work if opportunity arose, so it was mutual, i don’t think i was more aggressive in the aproach or anything like that

 

A couple of things : She later said that she is not sure if working and dating is a good idea, since it can get awkward. I told her that we don’t have to make soap opera or jump around the company holding hands, also since we both like each others company, that there is nothing wrong if we spend time together outside work, and that i would be happy if she would give our hanging outs a chance and we will see what future brings.

 

She agreed with what i have said and that she can’t argue that. If it is possible to give her alittle time to get her mind straight and we will find the best solution.

 

This is recap of our conversation pretty much. So i gave her space, which means no texting or calling, for like 10 days. but we did have some communication at work, all in good spirits and never mentioned personal situation.

 

Here comes an interesting part.

 

So then came Thursday, we had a company party and long story short, she made out with a coworker. Now you see the irony in this. I saw it but didin’t wanna be a jerk and confront her, since we aren't / weren't dating officially, so it is not my place, even though i do feel kind of stupid i would say.

 

As far as I could connect the dots is she had a bad experience at one of previous works, but she didn't go into details. And I can accept the dilemma of dating a coworker even one who works at different department, as it is in this case.

 

We have been straight forward with each other, she is sharp tongued and does say what she means. And when she said that she needs to get her thoughts together, I believed her, 'cause like I said, there were no red flags, that her interest in me was fading, if you know what I mean and I wasn't being needy or clingy in the meantime. It was two way interaction, so I was kind of mirroring her. I don't know, perhaps I just fall for the wrong ones.

 

Frankly it annoys me, that we went from "This is dangerous ground, since we are coworkers even though we enjoy each other's company" to "ups, I hooked up with a coworker".

 

Now I do not know how to proceed, as far as I am concerned I can’t really throw it in her face, we haven’t seen each other, so it is hard to say. First feeling was: what the f. But i Do like her and don’t want to f*** it up with immature actions.

 

What do you think. Any advice would be great.

Edited December 5, 2015 by geminni

[frus69]

Her concern is merely an excuse. Her real reason is she's not that into you. And the making out with another coworker proved it

[TaraMaiden2]

I would seriously re-consider wishing to date (even casually) someone whose words are so different from their actions.

 

Given the choice of which to believe, always, but always believe the actions.

There's a reason for the saying that they speak louder than words.

 

It's because they do.

 

She's untrustworthy, to say the very least, and even that is putting it mildly.

 

Turn around, walk away and don't think about her another moment. Don't give her the time of day.

Harsh?

Possibly.

But what second thought did she give you when she did that to you?

 

Not a one.

Dismiss this, forget it, and distance yourself.

 

You'll thank us in the end....

[ExpatInItaly]

I agree with another poster that her "not dating coworkers" was an excuse. She either had already started talking to this other guy or simple didn't feel the connection as strongly as you did when she said that. Going 10 days with no contact also indicates the spark just wasn't there for her anymore. I would never let that much time pass without reaching out to a guy I really liked.

 

Anyway, at least now you know she's not a good match for you. Forget about her and keep up No Contact.

[Buddhist]

I think you should realise that she actually has no problem dating coworkers. The real problem is she just doesn't want to date you. My guess is that she was fine to be with you until handsome turned up then it was the switcheroo. Its a dead loss, don't bother confronting her, save you dignity and just date someone else.

[geminni]

I would not be exaggerating by saying I am disappointed, was hoping this would work out, but apparently that is not going to happen and yes it did turn me off of course.

 

I get it that girls are flirty, but breaking statements which were apparently meant to be very solid, thats something that I was really like what the f.

 

I will be fine in time, yes. This kind of things just take longer with me. I am a picky person, but when I am in, I am normally 100% if I feel like the SO is worth it. So maybe that is the whole problem. With this situation the whole "process" felt natural and two way street from the start, so that is what bothers me. Obviously seeing the switch happen in an instant is something else.

 

So we will see how it goes at the office, gonna keep it professional, but I am emotional person and on the inside I normally have storms happening.

[kgcolonel]

Soooo.....I see this as a good thing....now you know who she is and what she's about. She was good enough to show you this before you were more invested than you might have been 6 months from now.

 

If this were me, I'd go silent. Not to get her attention but just the opposite, I would accept that we are not on the same page, did not know her well enough to begin to have these kinds of feelings for her and moving on to find someone more in my court as to what I would want and need. I don't see her as a healthy match for you and could have been really bad for your career at this job.

[geminni]

Soooo.....I see this as a good thing....now you know who she is and what she's about. She was good enough to show you this before you were more invested than you might have been 6 months from now.

 

If this were me, I'd go silent. Not to get her attention but just the opposite, I would accept that we are not on the same page, did not know her well enough to begin to have these kinds of feelings for her and moving on to find someone more in my court as to what I would want and need. I don't see her as a healthy match for you and could have been really bad for your career at this job.

 

It could be a good thing, when seen from the right perspective. Her actions definitely didn't do anything good.

 

So going silent, you mean no extra communication, except for when needed at work, besides greetings?

I was planing on doing that, just putting a smile on and greet her and go my own way.

[S2B]

Why not just act how you feel? No smiles and acting all happy when you're mad that she deceived you and then made out with someone at work?

 

 

She's lied! Then she did you wrong!

 

No need to act happy when she's actually treated you like crapola.

 

There's nothing redeeming about her qualities. She's shown you who she is by her actions not matching her words.

 

 

I can't see any reason to waste one more minute thinking you want to be with her. I hope you see it too and find a gal that honors you and their own boundary too.

[geminni]

So Yesterday we exchanged a few texts, I wanted to see if she was gonna bring up this other guy and guess what, apparently he became a part of her life ( her words not mine ).

 

Damn, I was obviously watching a different movie, didn't know this one was even playing:)

 

Anyhow that is that, she is obviously confused to say it mildly, it is possible she was sitting on two chairs at once and/or did a great job acting with all the sweet words etc...

[TaraMaiden2]

So what happened to this?

...So going silent, you mean no extra communication, except for when needed at work, besides greetings?

I was planing on doing that, just putting a smile on and greet her and go my own way.

I suspect you wanted answers and your curiosity got the better of you.

And now you know.

you were an option.

This thing, with this other guy? Didn't just materialise out of thin air, spontaneously.

She had him as a first choice, and you were being played to test her feelings for him.

She never intended to make anything happen with you. She was just looking at alternatives to gauge her interest in him.

 

Boy, you got used.

[geminni]

So what happened to this?

 

I suspect you wanted answers and your curiosity got the better of you.

And now you know.

you were an option.

This thing, with this other guy? Didn't just materialise out of thin air, spontaneously.

She had him as a first choice, and you were being played to test her feelings for him.

She never intended to make anything happen with you. She was just looking at alternatives to gauge her interest in him.

 

Boy, you got used.

 

I still think that I had to at least say something, even if only to get some closure. I mean, It's clear I got used as you said it, since this didn't happen overnight, but I wanted her to say it straight, one way or the other.

 

So moving on, With going silent from now on

[kendahke]

How old is the guy she was smooching at the party? Younger than you? Might be her issue. That or she'd already been cultivating something with the other guy longer than you'd been cultivating interest in her.

 

My advice always in this arena: never isht where you eat.

Edited December 7, 2015 by kendahke

[geminni]

How old is the guy she was smooching at the party? Younger than you? Might be her issue. That or she'd already been cultivating something with the other guy longer than you'd been cultivating interest in her.

 

My advice always in this arena: never isht where you eat.

 

All is possible, this probably didn't happen from one day to another, so she might have been cultivating with him before. He is the same age as she is, that also might be her issue. But it doesn't matter in the end. It is what it is.

 

As I have said, I don't have a problem with dating coworkers, been there done that once, and it went well, I left the company, we still dated and then ended it due to other reasons. But it has to be done with caution, imo.