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Lily blue

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Hello

I need serious advise.

This is long try to explain it all.....

First off my English isn't great...I m Korean American so please excuse my lack of English skills.

I have been divorced almost three years now been married 24 years but ended up in Divorce because of cheating husband and I have been dating this wonderful man and now I have been living with this Man who I love very much almost year now.

 

He is opposite of my Ex and before my marriage, I never dated anyone and after the divorce, this man is first as well so I do not have much experience.

 

This man I am in love with has very high paying job, successful, well educated and affectionate and intelligent and all....he is well fit..work out and he has great body.

He is 51 and I m 46 and I am very thin and skinny and work out with him as well.

 

What's my problem?

When I was married, my life was hard, we are poor and I worked my butts off and he was emotionally abussive never physical and put me down constantly and I suffer depression and had no self esteem even thought outside of home, I get hit on constintly in public or at work and I had a lot of friends and I attend Church and all....

Anyway, my new relationship, he is very affectionate and appraise me and complement me and I don't work anymore because he say I never have to....he gives me kisses and hugs all the time and holds my hand when we go out or just sit and watching tv...he text me daily from work to say he misses me....

 

But there is this thing.....I moved from Oregon to NC so I have no friends yet, no job and I feel so lonely when he is at work.

I cannot have a pet because he say no...he is extreamly clean and organize person too. His house is always spotless and organized and if I leave stuff, he do not like it so he gets up clean and complain.

He also collects expensive antique glass and furniture and always reminds me to be careful....I want to work and I do not have much work experience other than retail or restaurant and Pharmacy job as assistance...so I put an opplication few places and when he found out he was not happy and he want me to stayed home just take care of the house and cook for him....but he do not gives me any money...he buys me anything I need or wants but never cash or card.

If I go out alone he gets so worried and tells me not to go out alone without him because it is not safe and because even with him, I get hit on a lot from other guys and even our neighbor man keeps come over and talks to me and show interest and he got mad and tell the man never to talk to me....

 

He never change clothes or show him self naked front of me other than when we have sex and he won't let me touch him other than his arm or hands and feet but allow me to touch when he have sex.....he said he is always been that way....he won't take shower or bath with me either.

Nothing wrong with his body....he has great body so....

I want to touch him and hold him in bed but I m so afraid to do so because he removes my hand or get mad....why?

 

He don't touch me either other than when we have sex. Only holds my hand and kiss on the lips and gives me hug but never touches me or let me touch him....

Have sex only when he wants no matter how I try to seduce him, he won't give in...he say he is stressed by demanding job and because I bleed a lot that too....yes I bleed often because he is well endowed down there.

His company...has 4 Christmas party in Dec...all are very formal and few are executives only party which he is second highest in his company for 20 years

He took me last year and proud to introduce me but because I lack of social function and not much talking..I am very shy too...he was disappointed so this year, he is going alone.

 

His ex wife and ex girlfriend was met his expectations in social and education and good job and he treated them differently too and was high mainence according to his mother and kids and ended because he was too tired of that and that they drink heavily....and gain weights...which he dislike over weight and drinking so he ended the relationship....

 

He always talks about our future together but he never talks about marriage and I don't either.

 

I make my own spending money buying and selling online and I never asked him for money other than he buys me things I need.

And I buy him stuff too all the time with my own money.

I love him so much and I do everything he ask and I am very submissive personality and very faithful and loyal to my Ex and to him too.

 

Anyway, I try to leave once because I felt I not good enough and never will meet his expectations and I am also very fear of him and always feeling nervous and fear and lonely...he beg me not to go....but I still feel the same now ....his mom and his kids adore me but I m not happy I love him but I cannot shake this feeling of worthless and lonely and not good enough and cannot do much of my own....

I am thinking just leave without telling him but I feel so guilty and sad.....

Do I even have problems? I don't know what to do....I know I will be working and have hard life without him but I m not looking for his money and never interested in what man has...I just want to be loved and feel worthy and wanted.

Just stay or leave?

Thank you

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He has a form of OCD, and it's a mental illness. It is not you, it's him. You are a good person and deserve better. You are caught up in a dysfunctional relationship, and you already know what you need to do.....leave.

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I think I have to disagree with you: he's not a wonderful man. A wonderful man doesn't deny you your autonomy; nor do they put you through an emotional meat grinder, rebuffing your shows of affection.

 

I think that you need to leave, but you need to plan this so that he cannot know about it. He has isolated you from everyone and everything and it's totally unreasonable for him to want you to stay locked up in a house 24/7, never talking to anyone, never going to work outside the home. I mean, if he's such a neat freak, how much cleaning does his place even need?

 

Right now, you're at his mercy for everything and that's not a good place to be. Instead of buying a wealthy man things, you should put that money aside in an account he can't touch and save enough so that you can move someplace that is close to people who know you and love you.

 

 

btw--your English is quite good! :D

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Yes, you should leave. It sounds like you are a prisoner in his house and because you are not married, if he ever gets tired of you, is going to be even harder for you to put your life back together. Make a plan to save enough money to find a place to stay and a job and leave, better go back to your former state or in another state, where you have friends and/or family to help in the beginning.

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He treats you as if you were a cute puppy. Plays with you when he feels like it and leaves you home when he doesn't want to be bothered. He is extremely controlling, that's not love. This thread and your other thread about him giving you his ex's engagement ring tells me he has no respect what so ever for you. You're just a cute puppy.

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Thank you for everyone. I appreciate.

I think I take your advise. I do love and care about him but can't live in fear and loneliness. I am getting depress again like my life with my Ex husband.

 

After holiday is over I m flying back to Korea see my family and from there I have to think.....I do not have Korean citizenship since I became American 20 years ago....

Anyway, thank you.

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Thank you for everyone. I appreciate.

I think I take your advise. I do love and care about him but can't live in fear and loneliness. I am getting depress again like my life with my Ex husband.

 

After holiday is over I m flying back to Korea see my family and from there I have to think.....I do not have Korean citizenship since I became American 20 years ago....

Anyway, thank you.

 

No offense but it sounds like you have bad taste in men.

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Lol

I don't know that I have a bad taste in men but I wanted a good man.

It just that, I don't date around or sleep around.

At first both my Exand him was so sweet, very gentleman and swept off my feet.

Never saw this is how I end up with until we move in together....things start to changes in men not me.

I stayed in loveless, cheating husband sake of my kids and after kids out of the house own their own and caught him cheating again....I pack my bag and left.

I gave him 100% of everything.

People said I was stupid but I want nothing from him even if half was mine.

 

I never look for a men for things or money...just true honest person who loves me for who I am and respect me and show me affection because I am very affectionate and devoted person.

I guess that kind of men isn't exist.

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This men have so many issues. And its clear he never worked on any of them.

Sad enough everyone around him just try to make him feel better with his issues.Instead of telling him go get help.

 

I think you really need to work on your selfesteem. That also will help you choose better man.

 

Beside .... you talk like hard work is a sin or weird or bad.

I think thats better then be with someone that is breaking you down as his puppet by taking all our power away from you by telling you: dont work, don go out without me,etc.

 

Hes making you dependent of him so he can have full control on you.

 

Maybe you need to stop dating and be single a year or more and get to know yourself and grow.

And for sure dont stop working! Money is not everything.

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