missk803 Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 So, I went on what I guess you can call a blind date last night. The reason I say "I guess" is because we had been communicating online for a while and have seen pictures of each other at least, so we did see how each other looks beforehand. I admit, I wasn't really falling over with hearts in my eyes when I first saw him online but I did enjoy our conversations. Well, it just so happened I went to visit family that live in his town (he lives about 45 mins away) for Thanksgiving and we had spoken of meeting before, so we both figured this was the perfect opportunity. Well, when I saw him, I already sort of knew what to expect for the most part but he is the total opposite of what I'm attracted to. I did, however, enjoy getting to know him better and hanging out. He really seems like a cool guy (so far) but physically, he just doesn't do it for me..I feel like a complete shallow jerk just for saying that but its true. I haven't looked at anything serious with him (or anyone else) right now because I just recently got dumped by a guy that I really liked and it happened only a few weeks ago, I'm still trying to cool the sting from that and get over him. But I'm not ruling out the possibility of us getting serious a little later on. It has been explained that I wanted to take things slow because of my recent break up, plus the fact that neither of us want to do the rebound thing and he says he totally understands. This would be my first time ever dating someone I don't find physically attractive but I've also met guys that I thought were totally hot that I wouldn't touch with a 10ft pole because of how terrible their personalities were. He has told me I was beautiful more than once, what if he asks me what I think of him? How do I approach this without hurting his feelings? Link to post Share on other sites
LilaMarie Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 I was never initially attracted to my exbfs. It took getting to know them to find them attractive. I know everyone is different. Do whatever works for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Iceshowers Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 I am on the exact same boat! So I'll be watching this thread closely. I also met someone on OLD and I seen what he looks like on pictures, but haven't really fell head over heels with the pics. But we have awesome conversation. He is really into me and I can actually tell. We met up for the first time this weekend, and I have zero physical attraction towards him, but love how we can talk and connect. He's asked me to see him again a couple of times sine then, but I don't know what to say since I don't find him attractive. And I am not shallow at all!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TunaInTheBrine Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 I am on the exact same boat! So I'll be watching this thread closely. I also met someone on OLD and I seen what he looks like on pictures, but haven't really fell head over heels with the pics. But we have awesome conversation. He is really into me and I can actually tell. We met up for the first time this weekend, and I have zero physical attraction towards him, but love how we can talk and connect. He's asked me to see him again a couple of times sine then, but I don't know what to say since I don't find him attractive. And I am not shallow at all!! All kinds of research shows that when you continuously meet up with someone, you become more attracted to them. Go meet with him three more times and you will notice you feel more interested sexually. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Iceshowers Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 All kinds of research shows that when you continuously meet up with someone, you become more attracted to them. Go meet with him three more times and you will notice you feel more interested sexually. Yea, I didn't want to tell him thanks but no thanks yet, so I asked him how his week and weekend is looking like so I could suggest to meet up again. I haven't yet, but I'm leaning more towards keep meeting him and see where it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 As a guy, I would not date someone I didn't find physically attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 I am on the exact same boat! So I'll be watching this thread closely. I also met someone on OLD and I seen what he looks like on pictures, but haven't really fell head over heels with the pics. But we have awesome conversation. He is really into me and I can actually tell. We met up for the first time this weekend, and I have zero physical attraction towards him, but love how we can talk and connect. He's asked me to see him again a couple of times sine then, but I don't know what to say since I don't find him attractive. And I am not shallow at all!! When I was single, I met someone online (not OLD though - a kind of professional website) and we hit it off straight away. When we exchanged photos is when things changed. I felt zero physical attraction to him despite everything else more or less matching up. It would have been a LDR ( different countries in Europe) so it felt like too much for me. I am now with the perfect guy (for me) and didn't need to get to know him better to be attracted to him bc it was pretty much instant so I'm glad I held out for someone would be completely right for me. OL guy and I have remained good friends though, and we all met for the first time in the summer (each with our partners) - great decision for all concerned. That's just my experience though - I know myself well enough to know I can't grow to be physically attracted to anyone but I know this isn't the case for everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 Long story short: No Longer story: When I was younger I only dated people I was attracted to. I also noticed that I wasn't really meeting the greatest people. One day I met this guy at a new job I started and we became friends. Us coworkers started going out after work, and me and this guy started hanging out after classes, etc. I wasn't attracted to him at all. There was never a point where I looked at him and said, "He's cute" or "I like his... [insert whatever here]." Because I was new to the area I started really hanging with him a lot, and he fell for me. He proposed that we start dating and I figured that I'd be "less shallow" this time around, and choose the guy I wasn't attracted to and see what happened. He did treat me well. He did put in a lot of effort, but no matter what he did, I just never found him attractive. As time went on, I started noticing quirks and habits that actually turned me OFF. Since there was no attraction for him to begin with, the things that turned me off continued to multiply and I woke up one day and just realized how repulsed I was by him. I never wanted to hold his hand, kiss him, be intimate with him. A good majority of the time I was honestly grossed out. It's a pretty crappy situation to be in when someone treats you well, but you feel repulsed by. You can't just dump them and be like, "I can't even stand to touch you." It DOES seem shallow, and I'm sure people will jump down my throat how I should have been "so grateful to even have had a guy who treated you well and you treated him like dirt." But what I learned was that you can't force attraction. It's there, or it's not. And that doesn't mean that the person needs to be a solid 10, they don't even have to be conventionally attractive to other people, but YOU MUST find at least ONE thing about him attractive. It doesn't even have to be the whole package, but just a few things. If you have that base level of attraction for one, or a few things, that's good. You can work with that, and I've found that attraction can grow in that case. However if you have NO base level of attraction, you cannot just manufacture that which does not exist. I thought that if I stayed with him longer that eventually I'd find him attractive. It NEVER happened. What did happen was I became really resentful of him. I was angry all the time. I became snappy at him, easily irritated, and I hurt him pretty badly. I wish that relationship never happened. I wasted time being with someone I wasn't happy with, and I hurt a person who didn't deserve to be hurt. I would never, and have never dated anyone I had no attraction to since. It doesn't mean your shallow. It means you like what you like. And to be honest, I've read this somewhere, that attraction for another person is very sub-conscious. It's your body's chemistry of determining if that other person's chemistry would make healthy kids together. If you feel nothing, LISTEN TO IT! That's your body's chemistry telling you that you two are not compatible on that level, so why force it?? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
AspenBaldwin Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 Don't waste your time and his. Plenty of fish in the Sea. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 I am so strongly attracted to personality that looks really don't enter the equation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TunaInTheBrine Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 As a guy, I would not date someone I didn't find physically attractive. Because men are attracted through the eyes, and women are attracted through the ears. If you don't find someone repulsive, enjoy their company, and are willing to meet up with them enough times, you will be surprised at the feelings you develop for them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Vilgefoz Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 I am male. Short answer: No. Long answer: not a chance. I believe partnerships is (also) about finding a person compatible with your genes. From biological point of view - having a baby with wrong partner might result in physically, mentally weakened person. For woman the situation might be a bit different as they might be willing to sacrifice part of child's healt in favour of resources less attractive but more resourcefull partnerer might offer. Unless they are not cheating, of course. Which is a common occurence ( I have read some studies where 20% children in Scandinavia does not belong to long-term partner but to a "side romance"). Link to post Share on other sites
Xiomn Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 I wouldn't want to. (male) Link to post Share on other sites
wheream_i Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 Because men are attracted through the eyes, and women are attracted through the ears. If you don't find someone repulsive, enjoy their company, and are willing to meet up with them enough times, you will be surprised at the feelings you develop for them. As a male, I pretty much have to be physically attracted to them. At the same time, pretty or not, if I ever heard someone say "I seen what he looks like on the pictures" I would be turned off immediately. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 As a male, I pretty much have to be physically attracted to them. At the same time, pretty or not, if I ever heard someone say "I seen what he looks like on the pictures" I would be turned off immediately. In my case, seeing him in the flesh completely confirmed that I would never have been physically attracted to him ever, and that's no way to start a relationship. Some people are so incredibly touchy on that subject it's almost childish. Not being physically attracted to someone means just that, and it includes photos - they're normally a very fair representation of what someone looks like. That's not to say he isn't attractive of course... The strange thing is the double standard on display whereby some people, often guys, think they have the prerogative to choose their partners based on how physically attractive the women are but consider women shallow for doing the same.. Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 The strange thing is the double standard on display whereby some people, often guys, think they have the prerogative to choose their partners based on how physically attractive the women are but consider women shallow for doing the same.. I think some guys think they have a chance with a woman that's out of their league looks wise if they compensate in other ways. I.e being rich, awesome personality. And it does seem to work a lot more for guys than the other way around. I don't think it would be unfair to say that women care a whole lot more than just the man's looks. Whereas most men are most concerned about the woman's looks. Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 I think some guys think they have a chance with a woman that's out of their league looks wise if they compensate in other ways. I.e being rich, awesome personality. And it does seem to work a lot more for guys than the other way around. I don't think it would be unfair to say that women care a whole lot more than just the man's looks. Whereas most men are most concerned about the woman's looks. Yeah, that's probably true but that doesn't mean to say women shouldn't / don't care about physical attraction too (different to looks IMO). Allowing yourself to get into a relationship with someone you have zero attraction towards is IMO a recipe for disaster. Luckily, physical attraction means different things to different ppl so as lobg as you find someone on the same wave-length, you're good to go. Link to post Share on other sites
JustGettingBy Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 That depends what you mean by 'physically attractive' Would I date someone who I have only a mild amount of attraction to? Yes, but to start a relationship I'd need the attraction to build. Not attracted to at all? No, I wouldn't date a woman like that, sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Myragal Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 Depends. I'm attracted to fit, athletic guys. Well groomed. Smartly dressed. These physical attributes reflect his lifestyle, attitude, etc. They are very imporant to me. He looks healthy. I'm less concerned about height, hair(or lack of it). I don't care if he has a big nose, funny ears, etc. I like a man with some character in his face. A flat stomach is way more of a turn on than a straight nose. In reverse, there is no way I'd want to date a man who didn't find me pretty and sexy. No way. I want my guy to lust after me. Link to post Share on other sites
shet Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I've tried. Feel lonely enough and you will try. Go on a bunch of dates with them. It just doesn't work though. You have to be able to find them physically attractive. Otherwise you just stop caring about seeing them. I hate that it works like this, and as a below average looking guy I suffer at the end of it far more than vice versa, but it's reality. Link to post Share on other sites
Matchmaker Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 If you aren't attracted to him then just tell him that you don't see it going any further. No need to waste his time. Not that it is bad but it sounds like you just enjoy the attention due to the recent break up. Link to post Share on other sites
kassy Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I'm a woman, and no, there has to be some level of attraction at the start for anymore to grow. If there is zero then don't waste both your time Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts