Jump to content

i emailed about tonight's plans. should i call too?


kanga

Recommended Posts

Now that we're communicating again ... any recommendations to this situation?

 

Our group of friends is going out tonight to celebrate a friend's birthday. My GOI (guy of interest ... trying to get this phrase to spread, unless there's a better term) wasn't on the original email invite, even though the sender clearly stated she didn't have everyone's addresses, feel free to invite more people, bring friends.

 

Well, I would've notified GOI much earlier, but we weren't talking and I was sad/mad at him and it turns out, he was sick. So this morning I sent him an email saying, "oh, by the way, M is having a party. Don't know if you're feeling up to it or if you have other plans already, but just thought I'd let you know about this." (not exact words)

 

I then realized he may not get the message until later tongiht or even tomorrow. He doesn't check email too often (once a day or so) and he could be working, etc. etc. So my gut is saying I should call him and also let him know about it. My over-thinking girl mind is saying that I don't appear like I'm contacting him too much. Also, I'm afraid he'll say, "Oh, no, can't go because I have other plans" because, well, that would hurt. And leave my brain wondering and over thinking who and what he's doing.

 

But that's silly stuff. Just call, right? My focus group says ...?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I would call him. A guy cancelled a date with me 2 days in advance by e-mail. I never got it and never spoke to him again because a phone call would have been the considerate thing.

 

An e-mail invite is always a little impersonal and vague. I wonder am I a 3rd wheel on his date, does he want a date with me, are we friends or is it a "by the way in town this weekend this is happening" where we may not hang out at all? So I usually don't go. A phone call on the other hand says that person wants you there as a friend.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Ok, so I won't look too stalker-like by calling a few hours after emailing?

 

Because this is a big group of generally mutual friends, getting just an email about the gathering would really not be a big deal. Actually, usually, after hearing about such people getting together, he'll ask me if I'm going to also go. I'm just concerned that he won't receive the email in time to meet up with everyone.

 

And, yes, looking back, I realize I should've just called in the first place and not sent an email. But I'm dumb sometimes.

Link to post
Share on other sites

no, don't call, go have fun with your friends. if he gets your email and contacts you and says he can go then that is fine. if not then you get to pal around with your friends and have fun and also don't come of as being to clingy or desperate.

Link to post
Share on other sites

So, just say......

 

"I sent an e-mail but realized you may not get it in time. I'm going out tonight in a group and if you want to join us your welcome to, it will be fun. Sorry for the short notice".

Link to post
Share on other sites

AlphaMale and I always disagree on to call or not.

 

I think a phone call is not desperate, especially when your hanging out with a group of people to party with. Now if you called and said "I have no plans for Saturday, do you want to do something, I'm bored" that would be different. Here you have plans with or without him and are out having fun!

Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by Groovy

AlphaMale and I always disagree on to call or not.

 

I think a phone call is not desperate, especially when your hanging out with a group of people to party with.

 

Hi GROOVY!

well i guess you may be right. it is a group thing afterall. so after further thought i retract my previously posed opinion.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by kanga

Well, I would've notified GOI much earlier, but we weren't talking and I was sad/mad at him and it turns out, he was sick. So this morning I sent him an email saying, "oh, by the way, M is having a party. Don't know if you're feeling up to it or if you have other plans already, but just thought I'd let you know about this." (not exact words)

 

I'm with the others on calling him. Groovy said almost exactly what I would have suggested to you. Also, you were hurt or angry with him and a phone call will give you both the opportunity to know and express that you are no longer angry.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Hehehe. And there I was feeling totally lame for ignoring alpha's original advice.

 

I called him while running errands. Left a very casual message. "Hi, it's me. I sent you an email earlier this morning, but realized you may not get it in time. Just calling to let you know about (the birthday girl's) thing tonight at (the bar we're going to). You may not feel up to it, or have other plans, but just wanted to make sure you knew about it. People are meeting at 8. (Gave list of some of our friends who will be there too.) Call me if you have any questions. Catch ya later."

 

So I called. And if he calls back or show up, great. If not, then I'll have a great time with all my friends, and at least tomorrow or whenever we talk again he won't be asking why no one told him about this ... which has happened before when I tried to play it too cool and not give him a heads up.

 

Thanks again, all.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

He didn't call back. And he didn't show up.

 

But I was totally OK with it. I was out with the friends, and we went to a very cool house party that lasted until 4 a.m. I was out all night and day. And when I arrived home at 5:30 tonight, I saw I had two little IMs from him waiting for me. Both were simply "hi" and "hello?" followed with my auto away response.

 

He knows my number. He can call.

Link to post
Share on other sites

playing hard to get are we? ;)

 

Good move there...you called him letting him know about the party and everything. You've done your part, now it's his turn. Since you're not replying to his short txt msgs....he is prolly wondering what the dillio is. I bet he gives in and calls you in a day or two. You're reeling him right in :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I'm not playing hard to get, I don't think. I'm not avoiding him or not returning his calls.

 

I'm just not obsessing over what's going on and why isn't he calling, etc. etc. If I'm awake and he's online, I'll answer. Chances are -- he'll dash off an IM or two tomorrow morning.

 

I'm so tempted to send an email detailing everything that happened this weekend. But no. No. No. No.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It sounds more like he's playing hard to get. Personally I don't like men with half a$$ed efforts. But I will say some men just don't get the idea of how important a phone call is, or like phone conversation so they don't call unless they have to. One guy I dated I just told him he needs to call more if he wants me to think he cares at all. He called regularly the rest of the time after. He IM'd me all the dang time though! Dated a lot of computer techies, it seems to be a common thing.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Predictably, he did contact me last night as I winding down to sleep. "I assume you received my messages regarding Saturday night," I said. "Yeah, I was just still not feeling so great." He then proceeded to ask about the fun and if anything happened. It was actually a kind of bland conversation. Hm. Maybe it's fizzling. Whatever. I think I'm starting to get bored with the guessing and wondering and over thinking. His window of opportunity is slowing shutting down.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by kanga

His window of opportunity is slowing shutting down.

 

thats too bad for him KANGA, you seem like such a nice gurrrrl.

 

but i guess in retrospect my first bit of advice on not to call was correct. i must stop double guessing myself.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thank you, alpha.

 

It IS too bad for him.

 

Or perhaps this is part of some ingenious plan of his. Who knows. I'm really tired of trying to figure out his intent. The best lesson learned by me so far from this board, is that one just never really knows.

 

Siiigh. I'm such a girl. I'm all panty wrinkled when he won't talk to me for a few days; all annoyed when he's predictable.

 

And no, I disagree, I still think it was fine to call. I mean, I don't think it caused any damage. And I was able to go out that night and have more fun knowing that if he wasn't there, it wasn't because he didn't know.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You hit the ball in his court without much pursuit but a simple offer. Now you get to move on and realize he just doesn't give you what your worth ;)

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...