givemeanswer Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Hi guys, appreciate any advice on my issue. I have been dating this girl for about 3-4 months. We have been texting everyday, hanging out 3 to 4 times a week, did everything as a couple and had 'THE TALK' a week ago. So apparently, she said this was only an open/casual relationship for her and that we weren't exclusive although there's no one else involved on both parties at the moment. I have never been a FWB, open R/S kind so this is not the direction i want. However, i really really like this girl. I told her that this is not what i wanted and to remain as friends. We haven't spoke in 5 days but she did text me randomly 2 days ago. So i don't know. Would there be any chance to progress after casual dating? Or this is just false hope. I should just leave it as it is now - being friends? Link to post Share on other sites
ltjg45 Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 You two isn't compatible. Let it go, especially if being in an open relationship makes you uncomfortable. I am like you and I would have left her if I was in your shoes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Do not just give in to what she wants so you won't lose her. She can't/won't give you what you want, so you need to back away from her. Don't even try to be friends with her because you want more than what she wants. Link to post Share on other sites
Empyrea Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Yeah, I think an open relationship can only work if it's what both people want and in that case, it can turn into something else. But in this case, it wouldn't be fair to either one of you, because you're not on the same page. You'd just be waiting for her to change her mind, and she never would, because she would sense the pressure. A clean break is definitely in order here. Maybe if she realizes what she's lost, she'll reconsider. But don't hold your breath. Timing is everything! Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 If you're looking for a girlfriend and exclusivity, move on. She's made it clear the door is open for other men to come into her life. I don't think this will end well for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Posts are good. The only further thing I'll add is this isn't even really an open relationship she's offering. A real open relationship is you and your girl, then allowing others in in a way you are both comfortable with and that does not put your relationship at risk. This is just her wanting to bang a ton of dudes. Unless you want to be one of the group, you'll have to ditch her entirely. She's not ready for something real. She's not done hoeing around yet. (and i use that term in a non sexist way.. guys hoe around too) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 You sound like you both are very young. She just told you EXACTLY what she wanted. So that leaves you two choices and they are NOT complicated (1) either you stop dating her and move on (2) you accept the fact that she is going to have sex with other guys. And nothing you posted shows any signs that she is willing to alter her pposition and you cannot force her to. Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful30 Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 If she says she wants an open relationship, then she wants to be with other men, or at least have the option. You want exclusivity so it's evident you aren't a good match. Period. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Hi guys, appreciate any advice on my issue. I have been dating this girl for about 3-4 months. We have been texting everyday, hanging out 3 to 4 times a week, did everything as a couple and had 'THE TALK' a week ago. So apparently, she said this was only an open/casual relationship for her and that we weren't exclusive although there's no one else involved on both parties at the moment. I have never been a FWB, open R/S kind so this is not the direction i want. However, i really really like this girl. I told her that this is not what i wanted and to remain as friends. We haven't spoke in 5 days but she did text me randomly 2 days ago. So i don't know. Would there be any chance to progress after casual dating? Or this is just false hope. I should just leave it as it is now - being friends? The purpose of having "The Talk" is to clarify and be sure a dating couple is on the same page. She isn't, don't expect this to be more than it is. And, really, you should have had a conversation very early in the dating scenario about what you each were looking for out of your dating journeys in general. If at that time she said she was looking for a relationship for herself and things were progressing between you two when you had "this talk", you might have been in the position of having at least an exclusive relationship at this point. If she said she wasn't looking for a relationship for herself and just wanted casual dating in the beginning, that would have been the time for you to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Glitters Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Open relationship would be non exclusivity, a casual relationship. There is nothing about open here !! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 So i don't know. Would there be any chance to progress after casual dating? Or this is just false hope. I should just leave it as it is now - being friends? It doesn't sound promising to me ....she either legit wants an open relationship or she's just hedging her bets and leaving her options open bc she's not that into you. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 There is the open relationship of couples who have been together for many years, they get bored, and approve each other to find some excitements outside. But I never understood the young people who want open relationship already in the beginning. She doesn't want you to be totally into her. She wants you to be with other girls too. And of course she wants other men. I say only this: If she was mad in love with you, she wouldn't have wanted an open relationship. That means she doesn't love you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 You want this, she wants that....there is no way you can make her want this....end it and find someone who wants to be monogamous....it's pretty simple. Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 she wants an open relationship because.........she's not that into you- sorry- it's her way of saying it. (passive aggressive) if she felt in her heart that you were her husband, she'd be on her p's and q's for you... truth hurts but it sets you free.. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 I told her that this is not what i wanted and to remain as friends. You shouldn't be her friend. You want more. Being around her & seeing or hearing about the other men in her life will rip your heart out. Be civil to her when / if you see her but stop dating her & don't make an effort to be her "friend". You are fundamentally incompatible. Why waste your energy? Link to post Share on other sites
oberkeat Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 A girlfriend I had in college asked me what I thought about her seeing other guys (and girls) while we were bf and gf. I said, no way and that I wouldn't be okay with it. The relationship didn't last, but if that was a major reason she decided to end it, tough. I had no interest in an open relationship, and still don't. Link to post Share on other sites
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