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How do I un-invite him to friend's wedding?


Eternal Sunshine

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Eternal Sunshine

I have been invited to a wedding that I was secretly dreading.

 

I have been seeing a guy for 6 months or so on and off and I invited him to come. I partly invited him because he is attractive and to show everyone that I can still attract hot guys (I know how this sounds, but trust me - some of the comments I have been getting were unbearable). Anyway. I asked him to come and he was excited.

 

I then told my friend that I am bringing a date. She got weird and said that I haven't mentioned it before. The gist of it was that she only catered for a certain number of people. I understand that and I was going to come to the after party only...wedding is very casual and basically a beach party so I didn't think it was a big deal. Anyhow she ended up telling me that it's "fine" and I can bring him. It obviously wasn't fine..

 

I was going to un-invite him today but he came to my place and showed me a suit he bought especially for the wedding. He was saying how we are going to be the hottest couple there etc etc (obviously very excited to come).

 

So what do I say? Or do I bring him anyways since my friend technically said it was "OK" if I ignore the subtext..

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PrettyEmily77
do I bring him anyways since my friend technically said it was "OK" if I ignore the subtext..
.

 

You want him to go with you, he wants to go, the bride said fine - there doesn't seem to be any subtext to me.

 

I'd say choose a nice frock and enjoy the wedding with your date!

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Stop caring so much about other people's feelings and go have fun. You got the green light, they will survive & You're going to have an amazing time!!!

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I don't understand, wasn't there an RSVP card that included or didn't include a plus 1?

 

I would tell him, I'm so sorry I thought it would be fine if I brought a date but when I mentioned it to X she wasn't on board, it's totally my fault and I should've run it by her sooner. Can we catch up afterwards?

 

I would be miffed if someone brought a guy they were seeing "on and off for 6 mos" to my wedding when he wasn't invited....

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Did your invite just say you or did it say you and a guest?

 

It was kind of rude for you to invite him when your invite didn't include him. The time to have said something was before your RSVP'd--you needed to call her once you got the invite and ask her if it was OK to invite him, since that's how the number of guests for the caterer to accommodate is arrived.

 

You have two choices:

 

1. tell him that you made a mistake--that you didn't have an invite for him to attend the catered aspect of this wedding.

 

or

 

2. Skip the catered aspect of this and attend the wedding ceremony and the after party. Go have dinner together someplace else.

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Unsure if your wedding invitation said you +1.

 

Its not fair or OK for the wedding couple to add another person intontjeir budget for a wedding and its bad manners. The couple would have to pay more for extra catering. You really should of thought of that before.

 

If everybody in the wedding did that them it would have cost them a fortune. Think if it was your wedding and people did that to you.

 

Besides the point now. Its OK for him to go and he's hot a new suit. Just go but in future pay attention to the invite.

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PrettyEmily77

If the bride said fine, then surely it's fine now? If I were her, I'd be even more annoyed if I ended up budgeting for an extra guest at the last minute for them not to turn up in the end...

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I agree with the above posters who say that if the bride said it's OK for him to come, if you want him to come and he wants to come - then just bring him. If anyone said something they didn't mean then it's their own fault.

 

But if you really want to un-invite him then just go with:

I then told my friend that I am bringing a date. She got weird and said that I haven't mentioned it before. The gist of it was that she only catered for a certain number of people.
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Just take him, shes fine with it. Shes going to be too stressed about how she looks and about the wedding going smoothly to seriously care.

 

Also someone is bound to not show up so the food portion will be fine.

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Its not fair or OK for the wedding couple to add another person intontjeir budget for a wedding and its bad manners. The couple would have to pay more for extra catering. You really should of thought of that before.

 

If everybody in the wedding did that them it would have cost them a fortune. Think if it was your wedding and people did that to you.

 

I think it's not fair for the couple to invite a single woman (or man) with the expectation that she will attend unescorted. Bad manners is a) not giving her the option in the first place, and b) acting like it's an imposition when she asked about it.

 

Now that bride has ok'd it, I would definitely follow through and don't even mention it to your date. She almost certainly would've had a few invitees respond with regrets, so the chances of his presence blowing the budget are slim to none.

 

If I were in your shoes and felt that your date wasn't welcome (even after being told it's ok) I'd send my regrets and explain that you don't feel comfortable bringing a date, and don't feel comfortable attending without a date.

 

I honestly don't feel that this one is on you at all.

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I have been invited to a wedding that I was secretly dreading.

 

I have been seeing a guy for 6 months or so on and off and I invited him to come. I partly invited him because he is attractive and to show everyone that I can still attract hot guys (I know how this sounds, but trust me - some of the comments I have been getting were unbearable). Anyway. I asked him to come and he was excited.

 

I then told my friend that I am bringing a date. She got weird and said that I haven't mentioned it before. The gist of it was that she only catered for a certain number of people. I understand that and I was going to come to the after party only...wedding is very casual and basically a beach party so I didn't think it was a big deal. Anyhow she ended up telling me that it's "fine" and I can bring him. It obviously wasn't fine..

 

I was going to un-invite him today but he came to my place and showed me a suit he bought especially for the wedding. He was saying how we are going to be the hottest couple there etc etc (obviously very excited to come).

 

So what do I say? Or do I bring him anyways since my friend technically said it was "OK" if I ignore the subtext..

 

You tell your friend that you will pay for your date's meal. You never invite a +1 to a wedding unless the invitation includes that.

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.

 

You want him to go with you, he wants to go, the bride said fine - there doesn't seem to be any subtext to me.

 

 

Based on first and second paragraph of ES's original post, I sense she does NOT really want to go with him (or at all), and is looking for a legit excuse to back out.

 

Any truth to that ES?

 

Like I said, just the sense I am getting, I could be wrong....

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Who invites ppl to weddings individually? I don't think I've ever seen that, literally. (I even know a career bachelor in my social circle who always gets "and guest" invites, even tho everyone knows he won't bring anyone.)

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You tell your friend that you will pay for your date's meal. You never invite a +1 to a wedding unless the invitation includes that.

 

I agree! If you plan to take a date then pay the bride between 100-150 dollars for bringing a date.

 

Things need to be arranged and adjusted - meals ordered and seating assignments etc.

 

 

It's not nice to ask to bring an extra person. Pay ahead of time as brides usually have a budget and may not have it in the budget to pay for extra people.

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Who invites ppl to weddings individually? I don't think I've ever seen that, literally. (I even know a career bachelor in my social circle who always gets "and guest" invites, even tho everyone knows he won't bring anyone.)

 

It happens. I was at a wedding last year where there was no opportunity to add a plus one. The bride made it explicitly clear I was the only one invited so my BF at the time did not go.

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