American dating vs rest of Western world?

[siriusp]

In the last few months I've been reading a lot on LS about dating - and many of the things people say - sort of shock me. I believe most posters are from North American and are more conservative.....

 

Maybe I am wrong??

 

I think I have become more confused - rather than less so - by reading the advise here in LS

 

I am not starting to think it is a cultural thing?

 

Any comments??

[siriusp]

Reading the comments here - I am amazed at how sexist they are (in general).......

 

The advise and comments are what I'd expect from those following Islam or something like that - in fact I think if you followed the teachings of Islam you'd be much less sexist.

[Guyouthere]

In the last few months I've been reading a lot on LS about dating - and many of the things people say - sort of shock me. I believe most posters are from North American and are more conservative.....

 

Maybe I am wrong??

 

I think I have become more confused - rather than less so - by reading the advise here in LS

 

I am not starting to think it is a cultural thing?

 

Any comments??

 

I'll sum it up for you.,,, we have mostly those from north america on here.

 

Having been to other countries (quite a few actually), I am going to say that we have a loss at dating true quality here. Just look at the posts. Yes I had bad experiences with foreigners in dating too, but overall I have seen the differences in cultures too, and I would seriously prefer to be in another one (just might do it one day too). In fact, I was just talking to mom about this a half hour ago.

 

Sell the house, move, go to another relocation where people are (in general), more sincere.

[Buddhist]

In the last few months I've been reading a lot on LS about dating - and many of the things people say - sort of shock me. I believe most posters are from North American and are more conservative.....

 

Maybe I am wrong??

 

I think I have become more confused - rather than less so - by reading the advise here in LS

 

I am not starting to think it is a cultural thing?

 

Any comments??

 

Yes I've noticed dating culture in the US is a thing unto itself. This whole exclusive, not exclusive, when am I your gf stuff completely foreign and unnecessarily complicated. It also seems to give North American's serious anxiety issues about dating.

[Snaggletooth]

Yes I've noticed dating culture in the US is a thing unto itself. This whole exclusive, not exclusive, when am I your gf stuff completely foreign and unnecessarily complicated. It also seems to give North American's serious anxiety issues about dating.

 

Yup. I'm English, my partner is French, and we are often bewildered at the American dating culture. So many rules, so much analysis, so insincere, fake, calculated and practised, so much unnecessary complication, insecurity and anxiety. People also seem to view each other in such an insensitive, disposable and skin deep manner, as if shopping for a new car. So little romance.

 

Or maybe LS gives a false impression.

[Buddhist]

Yup. I'm English, my partner is French, and we are often bewildered at the American dating culture. So many rules, so much analysis, so insincere, fake, calculated and practised, so much unnecessary complication, insecurity and anxiety. People also seem to view each other in such an insensitive, disposable and skin deep manner, as if shopping for a new car. So little romance.

 

Or maybe LS gives a false impression.

 

Glad I'm not the only outsider who finds it contrived. Whatever happened to....I like you lets hang out until eventually we get nekkid and are an item.

[Siquijor]

Yup. I'm English, my partner is French, and we are often bewildered at the American dating culture. So many rules, so much analysis, so insincere, fake, calculated and practised, so much unnecessary complication, insecurity and anxiety. People also seem to view each other in such an insensitive, disposable and skin deep manner, as if shopping for a new car. So little romance.

 

Or maybe LS gives a false impression.

 

 

I'm English too and TBF, from what I can see, there is not much difference between the dating culture in the UK than in North America, apart from the exclusivity thing.

 

 

Maybe that's why you went French

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm Canadian and I've lived in Italy for the past 3 years. My boyfriend of nearly one year is born-and-bred Italian.

 

There are a number of differences in dating, romance, relationship patterns and so on. There are upsides and downsides to both approaches, though I will say it's been a learning process for me.

[Piddle]

I think about that. I live in a reserved society where we don't talk about our emotions and are always guarded. Don't speak and text friends particularly frequently. Dating is all so american focused that we may not take individual cultures into the picture.

 

Is the whole american 'he'll definitely make a move if he likes you' and 'he / she just isn't into you if he / she hasn't basically shouted from the rooftops' is at all relevant to us? I have listened to some advice from reading similar posts and let go of one man I really liked because I figured (from the advice) that if he liked me he would have asked me out clearly, as in sat me down and said 'I like you and want to date you.' I now wonder if he was acting with the same reserve I act with and needed me to say something. Who knows? I think other cultures feel their way around more cautiously if that makes sense.

[siriusp]

Yes - I think taking advise from LS alone might not always be wise. It is nice to get other peoples opinions but all these rules etc. seem crazy to me.

 

I don't find the American system very appealing at all. I like being able to meet someone and we either like each other and want to be with each other or we don't.

 

I also think most people come to LS because they are having issues in their dating lives.... Some people say they are in long term relationships - but that makes me wonder why the'd spend time in a dating forum.

 

I'm glad to see I am not the only person bewildered by the American dating system!

[Maggie4]

I'm shocked too, and I'm American. LS is not real life. At least in my world, I don't know anyone who talk about relationships this way. However, you can find these advice like the "no contact rule" in every language. I don't believe in the no contact rule to get your ex back, so I hate seeing it go global. But that's the internet for ya...

Also, America is multicultural. I was talking to a Chinese American student who was born in the US and of course completely fluent in English, in fact she can't speak Chinese. But her views and values come from her parents and imo she has Asian views on dating.

So if you read something that sounded like Muslim values, maybe the poster IS Muslim.

[Guyouthere]

It is nice to know I will have the freedom to go just about anywhere someday in the future, not deal with the american culture if I don't care to.

 

 

Yup. I'm English, my partner is French, and we are often bewildered at the American dating culture. So many rules, so much analysis, so insincere, fake, calculated and practised, so much unnecessary complication, insecurity and anxiety. People also seem to view each other in such an insensitive, disposable and skin deep manner, as if shopping for a new car. So little romance.

 

<----------very true. You are fortunate to not live in the USA actually.

[joseb]

I don't believe in the no contact rule to get your ex back, so I hate seeing it go global. But that's the internet for ya...

 

Thats not the purpose of the no contact rule, at least not as i understand it and see it used here. Its supposed to help you move on. I did it naturally after my last rl ended, without knowing it had a name

[road]

I'm Canadian and I've lived in Italy for the past 3 years. My boyfriend of nearly one year is born-and-bred Italian.

 

There are a number of differences in dating, romance, relationship patterns and so on. There are upsides and downsides to both approaches, though I will say it's been a learning process for me.

 

So what's the difference?

[Guyouthere]

I can tell you that in Brasil, it is much different.

 

While I was already with my ex wife while there, I noticed how her family interacted with each other (like her cousins and their boyfriends/dates).

 

Generally it was a lot more respectful and sincere.

 

For instance… they all held doors for the woman, were publicly more affectionate in a decent manner, overall cleaner in their language, etc.

 

Coming back to the USA and it was a shame to leave the great people I interacted with there.

[katiegrl]

Yes - I think taking advise from LS alone might not always be wise. It is nice to get other peoples opinions but all these rules etc. seem crazy to me.

 

I don't find the American system very appealing at all. I like being able to meet someone and we either like each other and want to be with each other or we don't.

 

I also think most people come to LS because they are having issues in their dating lives....

 

 

***Some people say they are in long term relationships - but that makes me wonder why the'd spend time in a dating forum.***

 

 

 

I'm glad to see I am not the only person bewildered by the American dating system!

 

People in LTRs (such as myself) come here hoping to help others not make the same mistakes we have....

 

Would a poster struggling with an issue prefer to get advice from others also struggling? Or from people who have learned from their mistakes, and have moved on to have healthy, happy relationships?

 

That is why I come here anyway, and would venture to guess that is why others in LTRs come here also.

[katiegrl]

I think one of the reasons people have a hard time in the U.S. is because ...well there are 318 million people living here...as opposed to approximately 50-60 million in Italy and England, for example.

 

There are just so many people living here, that naturally one has more options within which to choose and so the *grass is greener* syndrome is more prevalent here than in other countries.

 

There are also a lot of terms like trade up, leagues, commitmentphobia, and so on here, that I am not sure exist in other parts of the world. Perhaps ExpatinItaly can address that, I don't know.

 

I also think, despite what we hear on LS, there are ALOT of couples who *are* in happy healthy relationship, and who don't struggle .... we just don't hear about those because they are busy living their lives happily and privately.

 

For me? I enjoy helping people (or trying to anyway), always have, that is why I am here.

 

I do see many bitter, negative people here though giving advice who probably should not be IMO. Could do without those, although like everyone else, are entitled to their opinions.

Edited November 1, 2015 by katiegrl

[bene]

A few things that seem very American for me compared to where I live (Eastern or Northern Europe depending where you draw the line)

 

1) The amount of men lamenting that it is impossible for a man to get a date if he's not a Nobel prize winning 7 feet tall supermodel. Also, the idea that any average woman gets to choose from the infinite pool of those men throwing themselves at her and doesn't have to do anything besides just showing up. I have never seen such patterns where I live.

 

2) The whole exclusivity and multidating concept. Often someone makes a thread describing how they have dated someone for a few months, are spending the nights together and meeting friends and family, but now the other part has gone cold or whatnot. And usually someone asks "but are you exclusive?".

I don't even know, is it some official discussion to state that you are now dating exclusively? Do you fill a form or something? I would say it is sort of the default that after several dates you are dating exclusively unless you say otherwise. I would find it totally rude if someone would continue dating others past the 3-4 dates where it should be clear if you want to explore this option further.

[Buddhist]

For me, the big differences I've noted between the US and Australia.

 

Dating multiples...WTF? Why? I've never seen this happen in my entire lifetime. In fact if you did that here most people would walk on you and seek someone who wants to focus on them. That **** is not going to roll here. Where do people even find the time or opportunity to do that? I'm lucky if I can find even one I would get out of bed for.

 

Exclusive? Usually happens from date #1, see above.

 

BF/GF status, yeah that's a given from say sexual experience #3 or #4. If it doesn't most people move on. Moving on happens a lot here, people don't seem to get overly attached or try and play commitment games, hanging in there for dear life waiting for the 'commitment' moment.

 

Moving in together, hell I've had bf's move in after first-time sex. Why is this a big deal? It's only house sharing not getting a mortgage together. Can easily be undone FFS.

 

 

Women get all the attention/ men need to earn big money/ focus on marriage/ is she a fit mother for my children etc. Just none of that is really a focus here.

Edited November 1, 2015 by Buddhist

[Guyouthere]

For me, the big differences I've noted between the US and Australia.

 

Dating multiples...WTF? Why? I've never seen this happen in my entire lifetime. In fact if you did that here most people would walk on you and seek someone who wants to focus on them. That **** is not going to roll here. Where do people even find the time or opportunity to do that? I'm lucky if I can find even one I would get out of bed for.

 

Exclusive? Usually happens from date #1, see above.

 

BF/GF status, yeah that's a given from say sexual experience #3 or #4. If it doesn't most people move on. Moving on happens a lot here, people don't seem to get overly attached or try and play commitment games, hanging in there for dear life waiting for the 'commitment' moment.

 

Women get all the attention/ men need to earn big money/ focus on marriage/ is she a fit mother for my children etc. Just none of that is really a focus here.

 

Years ago I had a friend in Aussieland. She was quite nice, respectable. We just chatted online, but got along well as friends only. She told me a lot about life there, I was impressed.

 

You said it well in your post. You described many Americans well…. and I will add to it more even…… that the differences you see here also contribute to the fact that so many get discarded/divorced here in the USA.

 

If I had the real ability to actually move to your country, I would do it (and for many reasons).

 

What you described in terms of women also matches what I have heard before,,, and it is what I look for.

[alphamale]

Any comments??

no, not really

[stillafool]

 

I think I have become more confused - rather than less so - by reading the advise here in LS

 

Any comments??

 

Yes are you going to stop coming to LS?

[No Limit]

I'm from Germany and the only difference I've noticed the few times I met Americans here is that they're more active to engage with the opposite sex. From what I read here Americans also still do the pay-for-the-first-date-thing, which would be very irregular here.

[Shepp]

The big thing I notice is the "exclusivity" talk, when should one become exclusive? When should one bring up exclusivity?

 

 

As far as I'm concerned in my experience and the experiences of those I know its something that just doesn't happen in England.

 

 

Multi-dating past date 1 would make you a scumbag tbh. If we're dating, then you'd assume your exclusive.

[joseb]

For me, the big differences I've noted between the US and Australia.

 

Dating multiples...WTF? Why? I've never seen this happen in my entire lifetime. In fact if you did that here most people would walk on you and seek someone who wants to focus on them. That **** is not going to roll here. Where do people even find the time or opportunity to do that? I'm lucky if I can find even one I would get out of bed for.

 

Exclusive? Usually happens from date #1, see above.

 

BF/GF status, yeah that's a given from say sexual experience #3 or #4. If it doesn't most people move on. Moving on happens a lot here, people don't seem to get overly attached or try and play commitment games, hanging in there for dear life waiting for the 'commitment' moment.

 

Moving in together, hell I've had bf's move in after first-time sex. Why is this a big deal? It's only house sharing not getting a mortgage together. Can easily be undone FFS.

 

 

Women get all the attention/ men need to earn big money/ focus on marriage/ is she a fit mother for my children etc. Just none of that is really a focus here.

 

I'd mostly agree with this post, living in Aus myself.

 

However, I do know people that multi date - I've don't it myself for a little but didn't like it, felt a bit ****ty. I can see the advantage, especially if you are in a hurry to find someone.

But honestly, most doing it here are players.

 

And although yes, people do move in easier here, they are potentially setting themselves up for a world of pain with the de-facto laws here.