Odinani Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 I've had 7 dates with the man I'm dating and we've not gone beyond first base. I am perfectly happy with this situation. The reason I started this thread is because I assumed it's unusual for a man to be content with not having had sex or at least something close to it by the 7th date. He's made it clear that he really likes me and around the fourth date he asked for us to date each other exclusively. He's very enthusiastic to kiss lots. It has come up in conversation a couple of times that I'm very shy and not all that experienced. He is a very sensitive and intuitive person so it's possible that even though I haven't said so he might sense that I am somebody who doesn't rush into sex quickly, and I have to be in love with the guy. I am used to guys being really aggressive and pressuring me to have sex even on the first date. Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Perhaps he's a guy that just doesn't value sexual compatibility all that much? Maybe it just isn't important to him? I'm the opposite. I personally wouldn't stick around much longer if I didn't get past first base after 7 dates. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Odinani Posted October 22, 2015 Author Share Posted October 22, 2015 Perhaps he's a guy that just doesn't value sexual compatibility all that much? Maybe it just isn't important to him? I'm the opposite. I personally wouldn't stick around much longer if I didn't get past first base after 7 dates. He definitely seems to be a guy who values love and putting in time and effort to court rather than giving the girl a test-drive early on to see what her vagina feels like before dating her seriously ;-) There's absolutely no reason to assume we won't be sexually compatible and I really look forward to finding out in the not too distant future. Link to post Share on other sites
empresario Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Just enjoy it. Or make the move yourself if you're into it. Maybe he just doesn't know how to make that first move? Some guys don't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Odinani Posted October 22, 2015 Author Share Posted October 22, 2015 Just enjoy it. Or make the move yourself if you're into it. Maybe he just doesn't know how to make that first move? Some guys don't. Maybe I will make the first move His patient, loving attitude is having the effect of making me feel like I want to tear his clothes off. Link to post Share on other sites
jam.over.jelly Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Sounds like you got yourself a keeper! I'm happy for you! Maybe he just really respects you and likes you a lot, and he's letting things happen naturally. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
empresario Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Maybe I will make the first move His patient, loving attitude is having the effect of making me feel like I want to tear his clothes off. We live in a liberated world! Men are staying home with the kids. There's a black president. And now Odinani is going to learn how to come onto a man. God bless modern society. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Odinani Posted October 22, 2015 Author Share Posted October 22, 2015 Sounds like you got yourself a keeper! I'm happy for you! Maybe he just really respects you and likes you a lot, and he's letting things happen naturally. Thanks x :bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Peachland Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 I actually waited 2 months before having sex with my current boyfriend and we've dating for almost 6 months now. In the 2 relationships prior to this one I was intimate within a week or two of knowing the guy and I got burned both times. Early sex could turn into meaningful relationships when I was in my 20s but not so much in my 40s. If a guy is really interested in you he will wait. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Odinani Posted October 22, 2015 Author Share Posted October 22, 2015 I actually waited 2 months before having sex with my current boyfriend and we've dating for almost 6 months now. In the 2 relationships prior to this one I was intimate within a week or two of knowing the guy and I got burned both times. Early sex could turn into meaningful relationships when I was in my 20s but not so much in my 40s. If a guy is really interested in you he will wait. Did you talk about it? Or did it just naturally take 2 months before you both decided to have sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Peachland Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 (edited) Did you talk about it? Or did it just naturally take 2 months before you both decided to have sex? I didn't talk about it in the beginning. I just naturally kept the dates public. I didn't want to make a big deal out of the fact that I was waiting to see if he was the real deal before I had sex. Early on he did suggest a "pizza and movie night" at his place and I casually offered an alternative. Later on I did bring up sex in our phone conversations and we openly talked about being ready. Edited October 22, 2015 by Peachland grammer Link to post Share on other sites
Author Odinani Posted October 23, 2015 Author Share Posted October 23, 2015 So, tonight the guy I'm seeing said he's been reading Freud (for work). He said something about Freudian theory that when a daughter reaches her teens, the mother starts to feel competitive and inadequate. To quote him "suddenly the mother is no longer star of the show, the daughter is the star. And it can be difficult when the mother's used to lots of male attention." He said something to imply I must have faced a similar situation myself. I am in my 30s and I have a daughter in her teens (I was a teen mom). Other than this weird tactless comment he has been attentive, sweet and loving. Is he negging me??? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Not at all, he was trying to make a parallel between what he's reading and your daughter-mother relationship and he did it with not much tact. He was probably also trying to impress you with his 'knowledge'. Freud also said little boys are secretly jealous of their dad and want to sleep with their mother. You could have asked him at what age he started having erection thinking of his mom Negging would be to critic you in a way that makes you want to defend yourself or prove yourself. Example blond jokes. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Not at all, he was trying to make a parallel between what he's reading and your daughter-mother relationship and he did it with not much tact. He was probably also trying to impress you with his 'knowledge'. Freud also said little boys are secretly jealous of their dad and want to sleep with their mother. You could have asked him at what age he started having erection thinking of his mom Negging would be to critic you in a way that makes you want to defend yourself or prove yourself. Example blond jokes. Good post. What he said didn't seem like "negging" at all to me either. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Odinani Posted October 24, 2015 Author Share Posted October 24, 2015 Good post. What he said didn't seem like "negging" at all to me either. pretty tactless though, right? He said something about a scenario where a mother and daughter go to a beach and suddenly it's the daughter getting all the attention and not the mother. Seemed like a pretty strange thing to talk about when out on a date with a woman you supposedly want to make feel appreciated and desired. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 pretty tactless though, right? He said something about a scenario where a mother and daughter go to a beach and suddenly it's the daughter getting all the attention and not the mother. Seemed like a pretty strange thing to talk about when out on a date with a woman you supposedly want to make feel appreciated and desired. Did you feel insulted by what he said? If so, why? I think he was playing with you -- teasing you, perhaps to gauge a response and mess with ya a little in a fun way. You should have bantered back with "Hell no, I still get most of the attention, thank you very much"!! :bunny: Or something like that.... You're taking his comment far too seriously, and personally IMO. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 pretty tactless though, right? He said something about a scenario where a mother and daughter go to a beach and suddenly it's the daughter getting all the attention and not the mother. Seemed like a pretty strange thing to talk about when out on a date with a woman you supposedly want to make feel appreciated and desired. Guys are allowed to make mistakes :-) Maybe you've made your own set of mistakes with him and he's letting it slide cause he likes you so much. Don't sweat the small stuff. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Odinani Posted October 24, 2015 Author Share Posted October 24, 2015 Did you feel insulted by what he said? If so, why? I think he was playing with you -- teasing you, perhaps to gauge a response and mess with ya a little in a fun way. You should have bantered back with "Hell no, I still get most of the attention, thank you very much"!! :bunny: Or something like that.... You're taking his comment far too seriously, and personally IMO. Not insulted, but fed up. Would it be so hard for him to tell me for once that I look nice or something. He's always very tactile and physically affectionate. But never has a compliment knowingly escaped his lips. And no he wasn't teasing. This is his idea of a normal conversation. He works in academia and his conversations sometimes feel like he is talking to people in a lecture hall. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Odinani Posted October 24, 2015 Author Share Posted October 24, 2015 Guys are allowed to make mistakes :-) Maybe you've made your own set of mistakes with him and he's letting it slide cause he likes you so much. Don't sweat the small stuff. I'm sure I have. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Not insulted, but fed up. Would it be so hard for him to tell me for once that I look nice or something. He's always very tactile and physically affectionate. But never has a compliment knowingly escaped his lips. And no he wasn't teasing. This is his idea of a normal conversation. He works in academia and his conversations sometimes feel like he is talking to people in a lecture hall. haha I would have a lot of fun with this guy. Maybe your interest and personality don't mesh? Do you really need him to give you compliments? Don't you see in his face he finds you attractive when he looks at you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Odinani Posted October 24, 2015 Author Share Posted October 24, 2015 haha I would have a lot of fun with this guy. Maybe your interest and personality don't mesh? Do you really need him to give you compliments? Don't you see in his face he finds you attractive when he looks at you? Yes I do see it in his face when he looks at me. I am not used to guys not giving compliments though. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 (edited) Not insulted, but fed up. Would it be so hard for him to tell me for once that I look nice or something. He's always very tactile and physically affectionate. But never has a compliment knowingly escaped his lips. And no he wasn't teasing. This is his idea of a normal conversation. He works in academia and his conversations sometimes feel like he is talking to people in a lecture hall. Does not sound like you're very compatible, why do you continue to date him? In any event, you shouldn't be "mad" at him or "fed up," you have different "love languages," tis all. Your love language is "words of affirmation" (compliments) and his is "physical touch." (See bolded) Mine is "quality time," I don't need compliments. I know I look hot...lol.. I know my fiance knows I look hot, that's all that matters to me. Don't need the compliments. Words mean jack shyt to me anyway at the end of the day.... it's all about actions for me. But you do, you need that attention, which is fine. But does HE know that? It's important that people who date/have a RL understand each other's love language so they can accommodate each other's needs. In case you're not familiar, the five love languages are: Words of affirmation (yours) Physical Touch (his) Quality time (mine) Gifts Acts of Service You should read up about them.... they might help you understand him a little bit better so you won't be so "fed up" with him.... Good luck... Edited October 24, 2015 by katiegrl 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Odinani Posted October 24, 2015 Author Share Posted October 24, 2015 ]Does not sound like you're very compatible, why do you continue to date him? [/b] In any event, you shouldn't be "mad" at him or "fed up," you have different "love languages," tis all. Your love language is "words of affirmation" (compliments) and his is "physical touch." (See bolded) Mine is "quality time," I don't need compliments. I know I look hot...lol.. I know my fiance knows I look hot, that's all that matters to me. Don't need the compliments. Words mean jack shyt to me anyway at the end of the day.... it's all about actions for me. But you do, you need that attention, which is fine. But does HE know that? It's important that people who date/have a RL understand each other's love language so they can accommodate each other's needs. In case you're not familiar, the five love languages are: Words of affirmation (yours) Physical Touch (his) Quality time (mine) Gifts Acts of Service You should read up about them.... they might help you understand him a little bit better so you won't be so "fed up" with him.... Good luck... because I am attracted to him, find him intelligent and funny and aside from lack of compliments and this silly comment today he treats me beautifully Link to post Share on other sites
Author Odinani Posted October 24, 2015 Author Share Posted October 24, 2015 Does not sound like you're very compatible, why do you continue to date him? In any event, you shouldn't be "mad" at him or "fed up," you have different "love languages," tis all. Your love language is "words of affirmation" (compliments) and his is "physical touch." (See bolded) Mine is "quality time," I don't need compliments. I know I look hot...lol.. I know my fiance knows I look hot, that's all that matters to me. Don't need the compliments. Words mean jack shyt to me anyway at the end of the day.... it's all about actions for me. But you do, you need that attention, which is fine. But does HE know that? It's important that people who date/have a RL understand each other's love language so they can accommodate each other's needs. In case you're not familiar, the five love languages are: Words of affirmation (yours) Physical Touch (his) Quality time (mine) Gifts Acts of Service You should read up about them.... they might help you understand him a little bit better so you won't be so "fed up" with him.... Good luck... No he does know that. I should tell him? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 because I am attracted to him, find him intelligent and funny and aside from lack of compliments and this silly comment today he treats me beautifully Is it a very new relationship? how many dates? Link to post Share on other sites
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