Jump to content

HELP! Made a mistake and had sex on 2nd date!


jgs78

Recommended Posts

OK so I know I shouldn't have done it but I did, I had sex on my 2nd date with a guy I met online. I felt like there was an attraction between us and I was for it so I didn't feel bad about it. BUT now I am worried because all my friends are telling me that if you have sex too soon with a guy you're dating he'll just chuck you out like last night's garbage. We are supposed to have a date coming up and he has invited me over to his place to watch a movie. I'm worried that he is going to just use me until he has had his fill. I know I should have waited but I like this guy. I know he is not dating anyone else because he told me but it is too soon to tell if he wants to be exclusive. Is there anyway to find out without seeming like I am desperate? Is there anyway for me to save face with what happened? I don't want him to get the wrong idea but I feel as if it is too late. Help I really need someone's advice, does anyone have any? Has anyone ever been through a situation like this before????

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ok yes i have been through a similar thing....

 

When i met my current boyfriend at a uni party..... the next day he called me a couple times and wanted me to go out with him and his friends. So i went and to be honest i really wasn't all that into this guy and was in the process of getting over someone else... but i slept with him that night because i was like this is something i want to do.... and i really didn't care if i never saw him again... i thought he would be a one night stand.... and it was what i wanted... i was going to have sex like a man basically ... no real emotion .. it was just sex.

 

Anyway when he dropped me to my car and said I will talk to u later today i was thinking like .. oh please No!

So then later that day when i heard from him i had to make the decision whether i wanted to see if this could be something more or whether i should just end it and take it for what it was.

 

But he ended up being a really nice guy etc and we have been together for 3 and a half months.

 

Saying that though I will probably dump him soon.... I'm getting bored etc.

 

But the point is for a girl... having sex very soon is only an option when you don't care about the outcome....If you are worried about seeing the guy again don't do it...Only do it when you have nothing to loose and its just about sex because in the begginning there are no feelings there anyway all there is , is an attraction.

Link to post
Share on other sites

hmm...sticky situation. if it were me, i'd cut off the sex. no more til you know him. til you know him much better.

 

my cousin met a guy online, they met, had sex, now she's a mommy :confused: and her little girl doesn't have a daddy. so, she *was* a piece of garbage thrown out the window.

 

you should give yourself more time w/this guy. not tryin to come across as mean, but you gotta watch yourself, meeting someone online can be very very VERY dangerous (not saying u didn't know that, lol just making a statement).

 

and if you are wondering if he wants to be exclusive, just ASK. you've every right to know, so why not? :p

 

best wishes to you :)

 

 

~Sarah~

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thanks for the reply. Well I am not really sure if I want something more with this guy or if I don't. I do think it has been the initial attraction that brought us together. I got out of a 7 year relationship more than a few months ago and this is the first time I have had sex since my ex. I mean we have this date planned but like I said, I don't know if this is the good-bye date. I am worried that after this, he will make his exit. I mean I know he is not seeing anyone else right now but I just don't know if he is turned off by me now. My one friend said that if he wasn't interested or if he felt strange about it, he wouldn't have called me and he wouldn't have planned to have another date. I just think that I will not know until after we are out again.

 

I was wondering if there are people out there who have had sex early in a relationship and then it ended up working out? My ex and I had sex early in our relationship too and we were together for 7 years. I know there is a basic dating etiquette that you are not supposed to sleep with the guy until you are sure but I just wanted to do it, I suppose. Does anyone have any advice of what I can do now??? I am kind of lost and don't have a clue what to do.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hmm.. While I won't say that being used doesn't happen.. because it does.. I will say how about giving this guy the benefit of the doubt here?

 

It's all okay that you're feeling a little uncertain.. it's not hard to get pretty wrapped up in things when you like someone, and have a mutual attraction.. but I do think you're being kind of hard on yourself here.. he is just as responsible for what happend as you are.. and he also invited you out for another date right? So, yeah.. not a bad thing.

 

IMO the best thing to do here because you're feeling kinda freaked about this.. is to talk to him. Tell him that you're feeling a little uncertain about what happend.. and then ask him again IF you're the only person he is intimate with.. and let him know that IF that's what YOU would expect (that you be the only person he's sleeping with) that you wouldn't be down for being a "casual partner"

 

This doesn't mean that you're trying to get this guy down the alter.. it just means you're a smart girl, who isn't going to allow anyone "benefits" without some kind of a committment to the relationship.

 

Good Luck Girl ;)

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thank you so much for what you wrote. You made me feel a lot better. I know I should give him the benefit of the doubt because he did ask me on another date but I am worried that he is going to expect to have sex again on the next date. I just don't know if I want to do it again so soon. I don't want him to freak out and tell me that I am a tease either if I tell him I am not comfortable having sex until we know each other more. I mean he wants me to come over to his place for the next date but I am afraid that if I say I want to do something else, he will just think that I am regretting it all. AND I know the story that if he was to get upset or drop me like the plague if I told him all of what I just said above, then he isn't worth it. I'm just worried that I made a mistake.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by jgs78

Thank you so much for what you wrote. You made me feel a lot better. I know I should give him the benefit of the doubt because he did ask me on another date but I am worried that he is going to expect to have sex again on the next date. I just don't know if I want to do it again so soon. I don't want him to freak out and tell me that I am a tease either if I tell him I am not comfortable having sex until we know each other more. I mean he wants me to come over to his place for the next date but I am afraid that if I say I want to do something else, he will just think that I am regretting it all. AND I know the story that if he was to get upset or drop me like the plague if I told him all of what I just said above, then he isn't worth it. I'm just worried that I made a mistake.

 

You're Welcome girl ;)

 

Just breathe a little here okay? This is the thing.. you should only do what YOU'RE comfortable with.. regardless of what anyone thinks.

 

Again.. I really think that talking to him and not freaking out here is the best option. Let him know you like him.. let him know as well that you got "caught up" in that moment.. AND it's because you DO like him that you're concerned about what happend.

 

Let this guy know that you want to go slower.. that you want to get to know him better, and you want to give him the opportunity to know you better as well.

 

Don't stress over telling him you want to do something "different" for the next date.. it's my experience (and I'm not saying this to be a jackass lol) but MOST guys don't read into things the same way girls tend to.. I really doubt he will think that because you suggested something different as an option for getting together means you regret the whole deal-e-o.. AND honestly even if he wonders if it's that you are being cautious about being alone together again.. thats okay.. it's okay to be cautious girl.

 

Don't trip.. casually suggest a great Movie thats playing at the THEATRE that you would like to see.. you'll be fine ;)

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...