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Why does a guy stop talking to you?


jackie-brown

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jackie-brown

Hey!

 

This will be a bit silly (ok, so silly I'm actually can't believe I'm here), but please bear with me. I'm ridiculously insecure and though I've talked to a friend, I'd like more opinions.

 

Why would a guy stop talking to you all of a sudden?

 

So this guy added me on Facebook after he saw me at the beach. We didn't talk - he looked at me, I looked at him and when I got home I had a friend request. It seems creepy, but he isnt at all. He told he recognized me from my profile pic on Flickr, where we'd started following each other earlier. We then talked a lot on FB and had a really interesting conversation. He talked to me again a few days later. Didn't ask me out.

 

Then he went on vacation for weeks and understandably didn't say anything. I didn't want to leave the burden on him so I took the initiative of talking to him while he was still out. After that conversation ended, we haven't spoken again and it's been 1 or 1 1/2 months. Meanwhile, he likes most of my FB statuses, my photos on Flickr and the other day he 'liked' that I was attending an event, on Facebook.

 

What's the fuss, right? We haven't even met. Why am I being such a drama queen? I'm SO embarrassed to be here asking this. But it's just that he is exactly the kind of guy I've been looking for. We have so many interests in common and he's so smart etc etc.

 

So, opinions? Why did he have the trouble of looking me up on Facebook, took the initiative of talking to me, and then stopped talking but still interacts with me online? Shy or lost interest? (But still likes most of the stuff I post...) Should I talk to him again? I don't want to embarrass myself by being oblivious so help me out.

 

Forgive my teenager-ness. I'm think too much. Thanks in advance!

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Stage5Clinger

He's probably hoping you'll message him again. You both sound really shy. Gotta up the ante to see whether or not this is going to go anywhere. Get aggressive if you really want him!

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jam.over.jelly

It takes almost zero effort to look someone up online and to like, comment on their stuff. There isn't much to read in to this situation. He thinks you're pretty, he added you on fb, talked to you when he's browsing the net at the same time. But since he never asked you out, I'd say he was never interested in anything else other than occasional pen pal. If I were you I wouldn't even think twice about this guy.

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jackie-brown
It takes almost zero effort to look someone up online and to like, comment on their stuff. There isn't much to read in to this situation. He thinks you're pretty, he added you on fb, talked to you when he's browsing the net at the same time. But since he never asked you out, I'd say he was never interested in anything else other than occasional pen pal. If I were you I wouldn't even think twice about this guy.

 

Sure, but my name on Facebook is very generic and I looked myself up and couldnt find my own profile. It takes a lot of scrolling.

Plus we had two really long conversations, and it wasn't small talk at all.

I'm not trying to change your opinion, seriously, I'm just confused.

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jackie-brown
He's probably hoping you'll message him again. You both sound really shy. Gotta up the ante to see whether or not this is going to go anywhere. Get aggressive if you really want him!

 

I hope that's it. Thanks for the advice ;)

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jam.over.jelly

Maybe I'm wrong but scrolling through a couple pages on the internet isn't exactly qualified as effort in my book. Effort to me equals real actions: taking you out to a cute/nice place for dinner, pay for at least the first 2 dates, engage in face to face interaction with you. Talking on the internet means nothing at all! I'm doing what he's doing right now! I'm typing up my advice to you, a stranger to me. I do this on my free time, when I'm relaxing on my bed after a work day. Does this take too much effort? Absolutely not! Now for example, if i were your friend, and you had a bad day and wanted company, I could send you a text to comfort you (which would take zero effort), or I could physically come see you and listen to you (now this would be making effort).

But if you want to listen to a certain stream of advice that's opposite of what I can offer you, it's ok too. Just my two cents.

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jackie-brown
Maybe I'm wrong but scrolling through a couple pages on the internet isn't exactly qualified as effort in my book. Effort to me equals real actions: taking you out to a cute/nice place for dinner, pay for at least the first 2 dates, engage in face to face interaction with you. Talking on the internet means nothing at all! I'm doing what he's doing right now! I'm typing up my advice to you, a stranger to me. I do this on my free time, when I'm relaxing on my bed after a work day. Does this take too much effort? Absolutely not! Now for example, if i were your friend, and you had a bad day and wanted company, I could send you a text to comfort you (which would take zero effort), or I could physically come see you and listen to you (now this would be making effort).

 

Well that makes sense...

I just would never even think about finding out someones name, digging their profile and then talk to them in a way that would be very likely to make me seem creepy to that person, even online :confused: Do guys really do that? Wow. But I think it's a very good point.

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jam.over.jelly
Well that makes sense...

I just would never even think about finding out someones name, digging their profile and then talk to them in a way that would be very likely to make me seem creepy to that person, even online :confused: Do guys really do that? Wow. But I think it's a very good point.

 

Yes girl. Guys do this. A LOT! Some guys text you every single day from morning til you go to bed, this would make you think they like you a lot because otherwise why would they wanna text you everyday? But then again I know a lot of guys that just like to keep girls around by texting them but never really want to take them out. So it really is their actions that speak louder than anything. If a guy likes you, he will want to see you, he will want to take you out. It's that simple.

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He has no intention to put any real effort in you or make anything real happen between you two whatsoever.

 

 

He was bored, he looked you up. He was browsing on his phone, he liked some of your posts. He probably also liked everyone else's posts.When he feels like it, he moves his fingers and interacts with you. When he's otherwise engaged, he isn't thinking about hanging out with you.

 

 

Maybe if you are willing to take all the initiatives he will respond (because why not) but himself is not bothered doing anything to you at the moment.

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jackie-brown
He has no intention to put any real effort in you or make anything real happen between you two whatsoever.

 

 

He was bored, he looked you up. He was browsing on his phone, he liked some of your posts. He probably also liked everyone else's posts.When he feels like it, he moves his fingers and interacts with you. When he's otherwise engaged, he isn't thinking about hanging out with you.

 

 

Maybe if you are willing to take all the initiatives he will respond (because why not) but himself is not bothered doing anything to you at the moment.

 

Thanks for your input.

But we had such long interesting conversations about what we like... Just now, after I read what you wrote, I added him to my close friends list on FB and I'm seeing he hasn't liked posts from other people.

I'm really torn between uninterested and shy. Your comment has made me think.

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Thanks for your input.

But we had such long interesting conversations about what we like... Just now, after I read what you wrote, I added him to my close friends list on FB and I'm seeing he hasn't liked posts from other people.

I'm really torn between uninterested and shy. Your comment has made me think.

 

I mean you can ask him out by all means and then you will find out if its shy or uninterested.

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It takes almost zero effort to look someone up online and to like, comment on their stuff. There isn't much to read in to this situation. He thinks you're pretty, he added you on fb, talked to you when he's browsing the net at the same time. But since he never asked you out, I'd say he was never interested in anything else other than occasional pen pal. If I were you I wouldn't even think twice about this guy.

 

Uh you seriously don't know guys. If a guy looks up a random stranger he barely met then he is definitely interested. He's continuing to put in effort by liking her stuff too. She very likely did something that caused him to reconsider asking her out. It could be as little as her mentioning that she was hanging out with a guy friend at some point, or even him seeing pics of herself with a guy that has him questioning whether she is single or not. It could be a number of other reasons too.

 

Op, you should just ask him to hangout sometime. Or if you can't do that, mention something about not having anything to do on a certain night and ask him if he has any ideas.

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jackie-brown
Uh you seriously don't know guys. If a guy looks up a random stranger he barely met then he is definitely interested. He's continuing to put in effort by liking her stuff too. She very likely did something that caused him to reconsider asking her out. It could be as little as her mentioning that she was hanging out with a guy friend at some point, or even him seeing pics of herself with a guy that has him questioning whether she is single or not. It could be a number of other reasons too.

 

Op, you should just ask him to hangout sometime. Or if you can't do that, mention something about not having anything to do on a certain night and ask him if he has any ideas.

 

I do have some photos on my profile with my best guy friend and someone actually told me the other day they thought we were dating because of those photos.

We'll see, maybe I will :)

Thanks for your input!

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jam.over.jelly
Uh you seriously don't know guys. If a guy looks up a random stranger he barely met then he is definitely interested. He's continuing to put in effort by liking her stuff too. She very likely did something that caused him to reconsider asking her out. It could be as little as her mentioning that she was hanging out with a guy friend at some point, or even him seeing pics of herself with a guy that has him questioning whether she is single or not. It could be a number of other reasons too.

 

Maybe I dont! But I had guys add me on fb from my class in college before (no mutual friends), and mind you my name is super common and there are like tons of people with the same first and last name as I do. They still somehow found my fb. And they told me I was pretty and everything, asking to hang out but then just never followed up with it and in class they barely talked to me. Clearly they were only interested enough to look me up, but not enough to hang out in person.

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Uh you seriously don't know guys. If a guy looks up a random stranger he barely met then he is definitely interested. He's continuing to put in effort by liking her stuff too. She very likely did something that caused him to reconsider asking her out. It could be as little as her mentioning that she was hanging out with a guy friend at some point, or even him seeing pics of herself with a guy that has him questioning whether she is single or not. It could be a number of other reasons too.

 

Op, you should just ask him to hangout sometime. Or if you can't do that, mention something about not having anything to do on a certain night and ask him if he has any ideas.

 

Most cases when a guy looks a girl up, he is interested. But most cases they follow up by asking the girl out too.

Sometimes guys add a girl just because they want more facebook friends? I have had some guy add me the next day after we met at a club and he had zero intention of even seeing me again.

 

 

But I agree with your suggestion: OP can ask him out

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Maybe I dont! But I had guys add me on fb from my class in college before (no mutual friends), and mind you my name is super common and there are like tons of people with the same first and last name as I do. They still somehow found my fb. And they told me I was pretty and everything, asking to hang out but then just never followed up with it and in class they barely talked to me. Clearly they were only interested enough to look me up, but not enough to hang out in person.

 

Most cases when a guy looks a girl up, he is interested. But most cases they follow up by asking the girl out too.

Sometimes guys add a girl just because they want more facebook friends? I have had some guy add me the next day after we met at a club and he had zero intention of even seeing me again.

 

 

But I agree with your suggestion: OP can ask him out

 

 

Adding friends with zero follow up, I agree, doesn't mean much. But OP said they had talked quite a lot and he continues to like her posts.

 

So asking you to hangout isn't following up? Did you suggest a time, or express any excitement about it? I think guys and girls often have completely different standards in these things. Let me ask you this to get your thoughts on it. I got a girls number today in class. I sent her one message tonight asking if she is free tomorrow. She hasn't responded yet, and if she doesn't, I'll delete her number and pretty much ignore her completely in class. I get the feeling by girls standards, she's going to think I never followed up, or tried hard enough. By men's standards I asked her out and the balls in her court. What do you think?

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jackie-brown
Adding friends with zero follow up, I agree, doesn't mean much. But OP said they had talked quite a lot and he continues to like her posts.

 

So asking you to hangout isn't following up? Did you suggest a time, or express any excitement about it? I think guys and girls often have completely different standards in these things. Let me ask you this to get your thoughts on it. I got a girls number today in class. I sent her one message tonight asking if she is free tomorrow. She hasn't responded yet, and if she doesn't, I'll delete her number and pretty much ignore her completely in class. I get the feeling by girls standards, she's going to think I never followed up, or tried hard enough. By men's standards I asked her out and the balls in her court. What do you think?

 

I agree. Both parts have to show interest, period. But I don't think most girls would feel that you didn't try.

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jam.over.jelly

So asking you to hangout isn't following up? Did you suggest a time, or express any excitement about it? I think guys and girls often have completely different standards in these things. Let me ask you this to get your thoughts on it. I got a girls number today in class. I sent her one message tonight asking if she is free tomorrow. She hasn't responded yet, and if she doesn't, I'll delete her number and pretty much ignore her completely in class. I get the feeling by girls standards, she's going to think I never followed up, or tried hard enough. By men's standards I asked her out and the balls in her court. What do you think?

 

I expressed interest by telling him "Yes, I would totally hang out with you. You seem cool!". I couldn't have expressed interest in a better way. In my mind I always think that if someone asks me to hang out, they should have some idea when and where they'd like to go, because they're the one who asked. On the other hand, if I was the one suggesting hanging, then it's my job.

 

Your story is different. You asked her a simple yes or no question, unless she's genuinely busy and hasnt gotten time to answer, she's just ignoring you. The ball is indeed in her court. If I were you, I wouldn't try sending another text.

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I expressed interest by telling him "Yes, I would totally hang out with you. You seem cool!". I couldn't have expressed interest in a better way. In my mind I always think that if someone asks me to hang out, they should have some idea when and where they'd like to go, because they're the one who asked. On the other hand, if I was the one suggesting hanging, then it's my job.

 

Your story is different. You asked her a simple yes or no question, unless she's genuinely busy and hasnt gotten time to answer, she's just ignoring you. The ball is indeed in her court. If I were you, I wouldn't try sending another text.

 

Hmm ok fair enough.

 

Yeah i'm not. Kinda bummed about it, but at the same time its going to be kinda fun flirting with the other girls in class right in front of her. They aren't as hot, but It'll make me feel better. :D

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jam.over.jelly
Hmm ok fair enough.

 

Yeah i'm not. Kinda bummed about it, but at the same time its going to be kinda fun flirting with the other girls in class right in front of her. They aren't as hot, but It'll make me feel better. :D

 

There you go. And just maybe she'll turn around because she sees you arent too bothered by her not responding. I know I would ;).

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Yes girl. Guys do this. A LOT! Some guys text you every single day from morning til you go to bed, this would make you think they like you a lot because otherwise why would they wanna text you everyday? But then again I know a lot of guys that just like to keep girls around by texting them but never really want to take them out. So it really is their actions that speak louder than anything. If a guy likes you, he will want to see you, he will want to take you out. It's that simple.

 

As a guy, this boggles me.

I couldn't waste my time texting a woman all day if I didn't want to see here.

Hell I can't imagine texting someone all day even if I did want to see her.

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Why does a guy stop talking to you?

 

I m a guy and I ll tell you I ve dont this before. I used to go on OLD and then when i find out who they are. It might be a bit of a creep but I do a bit of research adn sometimes I fond them on Facebook.

 

When after a couple of weeks of talking we do add each other. I find out a lot about them and they things on Facebook do turn me off.

 

Sometimes pics of previous relationships or unflattering pictures make me decide. I then think er no thanks and move on.

 

I foind someone from you havent met and from the beach is a bit creepy I d say. Just remember to stay safe. You dont know what people`s intentions are these days.

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I agree, he was just checking you out on FB, something on their didn't catch his interest.....he's checked out. Ditch him, move on.

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GunslingerRoland

He sounds very passive aggressive... he didn't say hi to you in person and then he adds you on facebook. He chats you up, but then when you seem to be getting along well he stops communicating. But he likes all of your statuses?

 

Next he's going to pull your hair and snap your bra... clearly he has some issues expressing the fact that he likes you. I'm not sure if that is something you can deal with in a grown man... if you're willing to get over it, you'll have to be the aggressor.

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He sounds very passive aggressive... he didn't say hi to you in person and then he adds you on facebook. He chats you up, but then when you seem to be getting along well he stops communicating. But he likes all of your statuses?

 

Next he's going to pull your hair and snap your bra... clearly he has some issues expressing the fact that he likes you. I'm not sure if that is something you can deal with in a grown man... if you're willing to get over it, you'll have to be the aggressor.

 

Exactly.

 

I'd be really put off by someone who has never bothered to speak to me to then add me on facebook and like all of my status updates. Seriously, he's a grown man or a 14 yr old?

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