Stood up again...

[rockmanmegaman]

I just want to express my emotions right now. In the past, I've tried Tinder only to get stood up by a guy who I thought were hitting off really well. He called me on the day, and said he is not interested. I told him well it's okay, nice meeting you. After that, I've never tried Tinder again.

 

I've recently got back to Tinder because I don't want to be single anymore. I've encounter this guy on tinder, and we really hit it off. We had great chats, and I really opened up to him. He then suggested to meet up with me, and we planned a date. I canceled all my plans for that day, traveled to the City and waited at the cafe. I even came early a bit. Then I've waited for hours. I messaged asking where he is, but he ignored my messages. I then checked Tinder and saw that he unmatched me. At that point, I really just want to cry in at the cafe.

 

I'm not the most confident person in the world, and it takes me awhile to open up to people. So it's just really upsetting when a person do that kind of stuff to me. I still don't understand why would he organise to meet up with me if he was just going to stood me up and unmatch me.

[Jinx01]

People can be inconsiderate some times.

 

However you do keep pointing out that you want to express you feelings. You might be better off making friends to do this with rather than on a first date.

[kpl]

My rule of thumb with tinder is to try not to think of them as real ppl until after the first date. I don't open up in chats and I usually just have pleasant texting until we meet in person. What happens for me is I will go on a lot of first dates, b/c I barely weed ppl out in the beginning. I find this method works best for me b/c I don't end up getting upset over the flakiness of Tinder.

 

Ppl OLD are notoriously flaky and I can't count how many ppl i have set up dates with only for them to not respond day of and then respond two days later with "hey." You aren't doing anything wrong but you never know why ppl are OLD to begin with. They could be married or in a relationship. OR a lot of ppl use OLD when they overestimate their availability (like coming out of a relationship). Dating can be tough but try not to see these as it being your fault, it is a numbers game...keep at it.

[Oli.]

 

I've recently got back to Tinder because I don't want to be single anymore.

 

 

This is where you're going wrong. The vast majority of guys do not go looking for a girlfriend on a casual sex app.

[Miss Peach]

Haven't tried Tinder but I've been stood up a few time on OLD. I've even been stood up DURING a relationship. Some people just don't have reliability and follow through as a personal value.

 

I don't really consider them someone I know until meet them. I do screen people with a phone call though because I've had a lot of dates where I drive across town and then we mumble for 15 minutes and then leave. I don't care so much whether it's a match but I would like to have a decent conversation.

 

Also I don't put up with flaky behavior but reliability and consideration are qualities I look for. Just move on. There are a lot of men out there.

[candie13]

OLD is for the tough people, girl. Loads of flakes, inconsistent irrational behaviors.

 

MAybe the guy freaked out. Most likely.

 

Don't emotionally invest until you meet that in real life. Tinder is to get a decent dating pool. Weed men - make sure they aren't in it for sex or are married or in a RS. Steady job. Nice banter. Then date. You'll know a lot more about them in real life. And when and if they show up, then you'll be able to assess the situation much better.

 

why the hell would you question yourself over a guy whom you didn't even meet ? don't get all your knickers in a knot over this. Just a loser. Weed them better next time.

 

MAybe OLD is not your thing. Try meetups, hobbies and stuff.. Meeting people IRL helps a LOT !

[Revan32]

This is where you're going wrong. The vast majority of guys do not go looking for a girlfriend on a casual sex app.

 

Online gets a bad rap for one big reason in my opinion. Because so many guys are messaging so few girls, usually the girls only end up replying to the better looking guys. Guys that they would never had made a move on in real life. So this good looking guy may have been open to a relationship if he met an equally attractive girl, but due to the nature of online dating, he only gets dates with girls who he doesn't feel a lot of attraction to. Then as the girl is totally up for hooking up with a hot guy, they sleep together. After which the guy losses interest because he thinks he can get someone more attractive.

 

Just as a hypothetical, I think if everyone was only allowed to message people within 2 points of themselves online, there would be a lot more success. Of course there could never be such a system due to different preferences in looks, but it would still be much more effective for finding real relationships.

[losangelena]

OP, that sucks and I'm sorry. Before he met me, my ex got stood up for a first date once. It's got to be an awful feeling. I would say though that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with that guy—good riddance, what a cad.

 

But don't throw the baby out with the bathwater; OLD is still a good way to meet people. It'll give you skin thicker than crocodile hide, but in and of itself, it's not bad.

[jam.over.jelly]

 

Just as a hypothetical, I think if everyone was only allowed to message people within 2 points of themselves online, there would be a lot more success. Of course there could never be such a system due to different preferences in looks, but it would still be much more effective for finding real relationships.

 

That's why there is Tinder where only people you are matched with (based on their looks) can talk to you.

 

But OP, to avoid being stood up like that, try to confirm the date a couple hours before, and if you can, try to talk to the guy on the phone first, you more likely can sense if he's a flake or not if you have some kind of interaction with him other than just tinder messages or texts

[kpl]

This is where you're going wrong. The vast majority of guys do not go looking for a girlfriend on a casual sex app.

 

One long term bf I met on TINDER and current guy I met on Tinder...really depends on the person and maybe the city. I live in a large city and everyone I know is on there including guy friends looking for something more real.

[Revan32]

That's why there is Tinder where only people you are matched with (based on their looks) can talk to you.

 

But OP, to avoid being stood up like that, try to confirm the date a couple hours before, and if you can, try to talk to the guy on the phone first, you more likely can sense if he's a flake or not if you have some kind of interaction with him other than just tinder messages or texts

 

Tinder is even worse with this. The problem is completely normal guys usually get zero matches. Because once again, girls only swipe right on the top guys, while guys swipe right on everyone just hoping to get a match.

[jam.over.jelly]

One long term bf I met on TINDER and current guy I met on Tinder...really depends on the person and maybe the city. I live in a large city and everyone I know is on there including guy friends looking for something more real.

 

OMG where do you u live? I should just move there, wherever it is. LOL

[rockmanmegaman]

Thanks for the advice. After sleeping on it, I feel much better now.

[joseb]

One long term bf I met on TINDER and current guy I met on Tinder...really depends on the person and maybe the city. I live in a large city and everyone I know is on there including guy friends looking for something more real.

 

Yeah this seems to be dependant on a few things - where you are located, age range and the 'type' you go for.

 

I'd say most of the women I match on Tinder seem to want a LTR rather than anything else. Which is a pain, as I'm not looking for that!

[joseb]

I just want to express my emotions right now. In the past, I've tried Tinder only to get stood up by a guy who I thought were hitting off really well. He called me on the day, and said he is not interested. I told him well it's okay, nice meeting you. After that, I've never tried Tinder again.

 

I've recently got back to Tinder because I don't want to be single anymore. I've encounter this guy on tinder, and we really hit it off. We had great chats, and I really opened up to him. He then suggested to meet up with me, and we planned a date. I canceled all my plans for that day, traveled to the City and waited at the cafe. I even came early a bit. Then I've waited for hours. I messaged asking where he is, but he ignored my messages. I then checked Tinder and saw that he unmatched me. At that point, I really just want to cry in at the cafe.

 

I'm not the most confident person in the world, and it takes me awhile to open up to people. So it's just really upsetting when a person do that kind of stuff to me. I still don't understand why would he organise to meet up with me if he was just going to stood me up and unmatch me.

 

I can see why you would be pissed off. I would be in that situation.

 

For future, I suggest :

Don't get into too deep and meaningful convos on Tinder. That stuff should come later. It's ok to get a general idea of what you are looking for (eg LTR or fun).

 

Don't get emotionally invested in anyone until you meet them in person. Before that, it's not real.

 

I'm on the fence about confirming dates before - but if you do, don't word in in such a way as to induce flakiness - e.g. don't say "are you still ok to meet".

 

Realise that there will always be a percentage of flakes. Try not to invest too much time/energy on a first meet. If you are comfortable talking on the phone (and they are) then a chat pre meetup might help reduce flakiness.

[Frank2thepoint]

Then I've waited for hours. I messaged asking where he is, but he ignored my messages.

 

Damn, I'm really sorry you had to endure that.

 

I've recently got back to Tinder because I don't want to be single anymore. I've encounter this guy on tinder, and we really hit it off. We had great chats, and I really opened up to him.

 

First, you are desperate. And that somehow exudes through your behavior and the words you say. Proof of that is you opened up to some guy you only met through an app. You haven't even met him in person, and you are already giving him your life story. The guy was probably overwhelmed and freaked out.

 

Second, you need to stop looking for a relationship as a means to fix something about you. You need to do that on your own, for yourself. Once you do, you will be a stronger person. A relationship is for complementing you. Don't open up to a guy so soon. Wait after a few dates, and trickle the information out. Stay mysterious a bit.

[Stage5Clinger]

I'm not the most confident person in the world, and it takes me awhile to open up to people. So it's just really upsetting when a person do that kind of stuff to me. I still don't understand why would he organise to meet up with me if he was just going to stood me up and unmatch me.

 

That's really sad but don't give up! I have horror stories I could share to cheer you up but I'm still confident I will find someone for me. I promise you will too -- don't ever give up. Put it in the past and leave it there

[jay1983]

Same thing happened to me. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/off-topic/personal-rants-confessions/551022-no-show

[phineas]

eh.

whatever.

I get women all the time that set up dates, hit me up every day, want to talk on the phone ect then the night before bail on me with some of the lamest excuses.

 

what it comes down to is they found something better or just weren't that into you.

 

with experience you learn not to invest much at all into people until you get face time with them.

[LoveLady]

OP, I'm not trying to be rude but do you look like your picture? I hear guys at work complaining about going to meet girls Online who come to find out look nothing like their picture so they just act like they never showed up and then ignore them afterwards. Not nice but it happens. And with all these filter apps pretty much anyone can look like a model. My coworker is about 250 lbs but in her pictures she photo shops herself half the size. Not accusing you of this at all but that is what came to mind bc I hear coworkers talking.

 

Did you describe what you would have on or anything like that where this type of thing would be a possibility?

[rockmanmegaman]

I can see why you would be pissed off. I would be in that situation.

 

For future, I suggest :

Don't get into too deep and meaningful convos on Tinder. That stuff should come later. It's ok to get a general idea of what you are looking for (eg LTR or fun).

 

Don't get emotionally invested in anyone until you meet them in person. Before that, it's not real.

 

I'm on the fence about confirming dates before - but if you do, don't word in in such a way as to induce flakiness - e.g. don't say "are you still ok to meet".

 

Realise that there will always be a percentage of flakes. Try not to invest too much time/energy on a first meet. If you are comfortable talking on the phone (and they are) then a chat pre meetup might help reduce flakiness.

 

It's just frustrating because he was the one that asked for the date. Oh well.

[rockmanmegaman]

OP, I'm not trying to be rude but do you look like your picture? I hear guys at work complaining about going to meet girls Online who come to find out look nothing like their picture so they just act like they never showed up and then ignore them afterwards. Not nice but it happens. And with all these filter apps pretty much anyone can look like a model. My coworker is about 250 lbs but in her pictures she photo shops herself half the size. Not accusing you of this at all but that is what came to mind bc I hear coworkers talking.

 

Did you describe what you would have on or anything like that where this type of thing would be a possibility?

 

It's my Facebook photo. Nothing's been tampered.

[Redhead14]

I just want to express my emotions right now. In the past, I've tried Tinder only to get stood up by a guy who I thought were hitting off really well. He called me on the day, and said he is not interested. I told him well it's okay, nice meeting you. After that, I've never tried Tinder again.

 

I've recently got back to Tinder because I don't want to be single anymore. I've encounter this guy on tinder, and we really hit it off. We had great chats, and I really opened up to him. He then suggested to meet up with me, and we planned a date. I canceled all my plans for that day, traveled to the City and waited at the cafe. I even came early a bit. Then I've waited for hours. I messaged asking where he is, but he ignored my messages. I then checked Tinder and saw that he unmatched me. At that point, I really just want to cry in at the cafe.

 

I'm not the most confident person in the world, and it takes me awhile to open up to people. So it's just really upsetting when a person do that kind of stuff to me. I still don't understand why would he organise to meet up with me if he was just going to stood me up and unmatch me.

 

Rock, from OLD, the first time you meet them, it's not a date. It should be a short meet up over coffee or drinks just to confirm they are who they say they are, look like their pictures, and to see if things "click" well enough for a real date. etc. You should not go out of your way for this.

 

You should meet half way so neither of you is so inconvenienced if one doesn't show up. This is a common occurrence in OLD . . .

 

Like I said, these are not "dates".

[Miss Peach]

Online gets a bad rap for one big reason in my opinion. Because so many guys are messaging so few girls, usually the girls only end up replying to the better looking guys. Guys that they would never had made a move on in real life. So this good looking guy may have been open to a relationship if he met an equally attractive girl, but due to the nature of online dating, he only gets dates with girls who he doesn't feel a lot of attraction to. Then as the girl is totally up for hooking up with a hot guy, they sleep together. After which the guy losses interest because he thinks he can get someone more attractive.

 

Just as a hypothetical, I think if everyone was only allowed to message people within 2 points of themselves online, there would be a lot more success. Of course there could never be such a system due to different preferences in looks, but it would still be much more effective for finding real relationships.

 

I might be the exception but I don't do this with OLD. I find guys more attractive based on chemistry and personality than looks alone so as long as he isn't hideous in his pic I'll give it a shot. The things I want I have to largely access in real life like personality, character, etc.

 

I mostly use OLD to screen out bad behavior, people who seem to have a lot of baggage, people with ideal very different, etc.

 

Now I do believe guys think and act the way you describe. Women are a little different here IMO.

[oberkeat]

OLD is for the tough people, girl. Loads of flakes, inconsistent irrational behaviors.

 

MAybe the guy freaked out. Most likely.

 

Don't emotionally invest until you meet that in real life. Tinder is to get a decent dating pool. Weed men - make sure they aren't in it for sex or are married or in a RS. Steady job. Nice banter. Then date. You'll know a lot more about them in real life. And when and if they show up, then you'll be able to assess the situation much better.

 

why the hell would you question yourself over a guy whom you didn't even meet ? don't get all your knickers in a knot over this. Just a loser. Weed them better next time.

 

MAybe OLD is not your thing. Try meetups, hobbies and stuff.. Meeting people IRL helps a LOT !

 

OLD has become such a sideshow! Maybe it always was. I'm becoming convinced that it does not have the type of person I'm looking for. I was flaked on quite a few times, and the people I did meet were not relationship material. I'm sticking to meeting people in real life for now.

Edited October 9, 2015 by oberkeat