Didn't kiss her on the second date...

[NC-Thomas]

The first date was reserved, but she liked it very much.

 

The second date we cooked dinner and watched a movie (in bed). We touched hands and cuddled for some time, it was very intimate (especially touching hands slowly). I didn't feel the need for a kiss, I was satisfied.

 

All of a sudden she had to take the last train... That's when I thought, blast! I totally didn't take the time for a kiss, even when I said goodbye. Not until I got back home I actually regretted not doing so. I had plenty of opportunity to kiss her while cuddling, but I didn't.

 

She gave me some compliments during the date, about my character. Even though I think we click, I can't help but wonder: absence of a kiss, not showing affection to a woman in that way is a turnoff ?

 

In my first relationship I waited for about 4 or 5 dates till I actually kissed her, because I did not want to ruin anything. Also I value other aspects of getting to know each-other, not so much as kissing (e.g. having good conversation, touching and cuddling, just lying next to each other...)

 

I am glad to hear a woman's perspective of this in this situation. Im pretty sure to go for it on the third date, if there is any... Any lessons to be learned? Should I feel regretful of just let thinks go their way?

Edited October 5, 2015 by NC-Thomas

[RightThere]

Yeah, you should have kissed her while you were cuddling in bed. Missed opportunity.

 

(If) there is another date, I would probably try to make the kiss happen regardless. 4-5 dates is way too long without trying a kiss. You're just friendzone at that point.

[Buddhist]

I'd be disappointed for sure, but I'd be willing to give you a third date to see if it happens. I once dated a guy who took 2 whole months to kiss, but once it happened it was pretty much game on for the home run that night.

 

Just the same I was wondering if I was dating a gay guy friend, instead of someone interested in me. Turns out he didn't want to make a move because he was scared.

[NC-Thomas]

How come there is so much emphasis on kissing on the first two dates? I mean there are other ways to show affection too right? To me it just feels like kissing is like the cherry on top, not so much the whole cake.

 

I have kissed women, that I had 0 connection, good conversation with or physical contact beforehand. I get that a kiss is a great way to show affection, but I don't think it should be a dealbreaker ( in my specific situation).

 

Also I thought women value men that can wait, it can even be exiting to wait for that moment (as long as it doesn't get boring..).

 

Anyway, I regret it for not doing it, just assessing the impact.

Edited October 5, 2015 by NC-Thomas

[Stage5Clinger]

I am pretty sure I lost a girl but not trying to have sex with her on the second date. She has issues though. She hinted at being molested or something but never told me the whole story...

 

I think you realize your mistake. You need to kiss girls even if you are crazy nervous. They are nervous too that's what makes it fun. Like a rollercoaster ride or something scary but fun like that. It's good that this happened so that you can learn from your mistake and fix it in the future -- possibly with this girl, possibly with a girl who is even more special.

[losangelena]

Mmm, it IS a way to show affection, but kissing is kind of its own thing. I don't know quite how to describe it. Like, cuddling is affectionate, holding hands is affectionate, putting your arm around someone when you walk with them is affectionate.

 

A kiss is ... different. A kiss is like a window, it's a peek into the sexual chemistry you share with someone. It suggests the depth of passion that you feel (or lack thereof). It's a prelude to other things. A kiss can tell you a lot! Also, no one ever went weak in the knees over a cuddle, ya know what I mean? Good kisses from like, over 10 years ago, still make my toes curl, I can still feel that exhilaration.

 

Don't feel too badly about not getting around to it on date two. Just don't wait too much longer.

[joseb]

I'm trying to get my head around the fact that your second date was in your place watching a movie in bed! Especially if you had not even kissed on the first date. I would think most girls would assume an offer like that meant sex.

[Stage5Clinger]

I'm trying to get my head around the fact that your second date was in your place watching a movie in bed! Especially if you had not even kissed on the first date. I would think most girls would assume an offer like that meant sex.

 

I'm a little jealous myself...

[losangelena]

Besides, kissing/making out is awesome! I went on a first date once that ended with us in the backseat of the guy's car, fogging up the windows; just making out, no sex. The cops had to come tell us to get out of there!

 

That night was totally awesome.

[NC-Thomas]

I'm trying to get my head around the fact that your second date was in your place watching a movie in bed! Especially if you had not even kissed on the first date. I would think most girls would assume an offer like that meant sex.

 

Yes I could have gone for sex. Actually that's what I do normally, but when im really into a certain girl I tend to slow down like hell. Because when you care for a girl, you value a certain outcome too much, so it holds you back in your actions. I prefer to make a solid foundation instead of rushing to get her pants down.

 

If I was to be with a girl I just wanted to have sex with and nothing more, I would have probably made a move asap. Because I care less if I would never see her again.

 

I just realized I was too careful and fuc-ked up by not kissing her? Then again, if she had a great time, it wouldn't really matter anyway...

Edited October 6, 2015 by NC-Thomas

[thecrucible]

No worries. It's only two dates and sometimes the moment just doesn't arise. Last date I went the guy kissed me when we were in the middle of a newsagent on the way to me getting my train home. I just wasn't in the mood and I quickly pulled away (whoops that was probably bad) but it just wasn't the right moment. Now that you guys have been in close contact, maybe next time you can have a kiss? Kisses are amazing...ahh it's been like 7 months without one for me

[joseb]

Yes I could have gone for sex. Actually that's what I do normally, but when im really into a certain girl I tend to slow down like hell. Because when you care for a girl, you value a certain outcome too much, so it holds you back in your actions. I prefer to make a solid foundation instead of rushing to get her pants down.

 

If I was to be with a girl I just wanted to have sex with and nothing more, I would have probably made a move asap. Because I care less if I would never see her again.

.

 

Yeah I can see that line of reasoning. And to be honest, if you did kiss in that situation, it might have been hard not to have it lead to sex. Maybe it was for the best. I'd suggest a less....intimate....setting next time, and go for the kiss.

 

ps

Nice Avatar

Edited October 6, 2015 by joseb

[Buddhist]

How come there is so much emphasis on kissing on the first two dates? I mean there are other ways to show affection too right? To me it just feels like kissing is like the cherry on top, not so much the whole cake.

 

I have kissed women, that I had 0 connection, good conversation with or physical contact beforehand. I get that a kiss is a great way to show affection, but I don't think it should be a dealbreaker ( in my specific situation).

 

Also I thought women value men that can wait, it can even be exiting to wait for that moment (as long as it doesn't get boring..).

 

Anyway, I regret it for not doing it, just assessing the impact.

 

It's not so much there's a huge emphasis but when you're dating someone the idea is for each of you to gauge the others interest. So naturally both sides want to see some escalation at every meeting.

 

Kissing is kind of the expected step after light touching. It's sexual in nature, there is no confusion as to what's going on at that point. Cuddling can be taken so many ways, people cuddle their friends all the time, they cuddle their pets too. It's a confusing message because it doesn't say sexual intent, it says a lot of things that could mean this is all going into the friendzone.

 

Women enjoy men who can wait for sex, because it shows a certain level of respect and also a certain level of self control. We all know men want sex, will take it when it's on offer etc, so to hold back kind of says to the female psyche, oh he sees me as perhaps something other than just a vagina.

 

I'm not saying you blew it, but I am saying don't leave your sexual intent very much longer or she might start seeing you as a shopping partner.

[d0nnivain]

You were in bed with her & didn't kiss her? Sorry that makes no sense to me.

 

 

I have posted my experience multiple times here on LS. DH did not kiss me on our 1st two dates. I was 39 & he was the only man who did not make a move at the end of the 1st date. I found it very frustrating & off putting. It felt like rejection. I wore a short skirt on our 3rd date & vowed that if he didn't kiss me or even give me the opportunity to kiss him, I was dumping him.

 

 

Other women are content to wait but if she's willing to get into bed with you on the 2nd date your failure to so much as kiss her goodnight registers as a huge negative. Try kissing her hello on the cheek for your 3rd date & do kiss her for real sometime during that date or I don't think she's gonna stick around much longer; I wouldn't.

[shet]

I find discussions like this and the people supporting them so insanely out of touch with reality.

[fitnessfan365]

Usually I read about women sending mixed signals in this area. They'll invite a guy to "watch a movie" at their place but then act shocked when he makes a move. Yet in your case, you have a woman over to your place to cook her dinner and watch a movie IN BED, yet you don't even kiss her?

 

If you know that you like to take it slower, you should be keeping the dates in public and only moving them to private when you're ready to escalate,

 

Women enjoy men who can wait for sex, because it shows a certain level of respect and also a certain level of self control. We all know men want sex, will take it when it's on offer etc, so to hold back kind of says to the female psyche, oh he sees me as perhaps something other than just a vagina.

 

This is one of the many reasons why I actually enjoy my time not rushing into sex w/a woman. The trust and intimacy that develop are just as hot as the sex itself for me. However, there is also a thin line between showing you want more than sex, and not being assertive enough to build sexual attraction. So even if a guy is holding off on full sex, kissing and foreplay are essential IMO.

Edited October 6, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[sas22]

The guy i'm seeing now didn't hold hands/kiss/anything until the 3rd date. Which i was very happy about since i get very anxious in romantic situations. Then again if she was already in your bed by the 2nd date I don't think she would have been opposed to kissing you haha. I'd just text her or something saying you had a great time and set up the next date, then make your move on the date If she gives up already just because you didn't kiss her by the 2nd date, then well..her loss.