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She has not replied to my text message. What should I do next?


Philosopher

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A few days ago I sent a message to a girl I had been messaging on an online dating site suggesting we meet up. She replied a couple of days later saying she was free on Saturday evening (i.e. yesterday) to meet up. Unfortunately I was unable to meet up that evening as I was meeting friends. Therefore I suggested meeting up either earlier in the day on Saturday and on Sunday. She replied fairly quickly saying she could not do either because on Saturday she likes to sleep in and on Sunday the trains are not very good. Instead she suggested next Friday, which I agreed to. We then exchanged numbers and said she was looking forward to meeting up. We did not have arrange a time or location of where to meet however.

 

Yesterday I texted her asking her how she was, with the intention of later arranging a time and place of where to meet. However it has been 24 hours and she has not replied. I am quite keen on meeting this girl, however I am concerned that if I try to contact her again I will come off as clingy. Therefore out of the following four options, what should I do next:

 

1) Do nothing and wait to see if she does finally reply. If she does not reply I should assume she is not interested.

2) Call her up.

3) Send her another text with a time and location of where to meet on Friday.

4) Some other course of action I have not thought of.

Edited by Philosopher
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acrosstheuniverse

One is the correct answer. You messaged her, let her come back to you. If she doesn't, she wasn't interested anyway.

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You exchanged numbers by texting or via the online site? If it was via the website is it possible that she mistyped her number so you ended up sending your last text to the wrong number? If that is a possibility then call her to check i would say. The reason: if she is ignoring you because she lost interest then it wont make things worse as you wouldnt have met her anyway but of course it will feel like swallowing some ego tarnish..

Good luck!

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I forgot to add: if i was interested in a guy then infrequent sunday trains couldnt come my way. Waiting until the following friday would seem like a long time so i would only do this -turn down the offer for a sunday date and postphone for another 5 days- if i was not that interested in the first place.

What did you decide to do?

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They've never met! No way would I risk getting stranded for some guy I've never actually met.

 

Philosopher, make it convenient for her to meet you for the first date.

 

You are a guy. Set the date already (3).

 

Pretty much! How do you have a date, but not a place or time? Dating 101: nail this stuff down when she first agrees to the date.

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Number 1.

 

Never double text. If she's interested she will get back to you. And if she does, arrange a date at night, girls meet up with friends during the day. You don't want to be her friend. If she replies set a time and date. If she agrees say great see you there. Then let her text you if she feels like it. Stop the chit chat and live your life.

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They've never met! No way would I risk getting stranded for some guy I've never actually met.

 

 

I wouldnt risk getting stranded either but - to me- trains are not being good on Sunday just means they are not as frequent than the rest of the week , not that they might never come. If that is the case and she would risk getting stranded, then yes, her excuse is understandable. Otherwise it is just the case of not that interested- in my opinion. I suggested calling, just for the peace of mind.

Edited by JGirl83
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In the future, if I were you I'd confirm plans and not just agree on a date. You're in the dark due to your inability to make a date and confirm a time/location.

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I suggest leaving the ball in her court. She should be asking you what the plans or at least responding to your text. However there could be some confusion. I went off a guy before because he asked me on a date but didn't ask a time so I felt like he was playing and I wouldn't respond unless it was about making firm arrangements for the date. If she is neurotic like me, a phone call should clear the air. Maybe leave it a bit and if you don't hear in a few days, do a rain check for Friday :)

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I forgot to add: if i was interested in a guy then infrequent sunday trains couldnt come my way. Waiting until the following friday would seem like a long time so i would only do this -turn down the offer for a sunday date and postphone for another 5 days- if i was not that interested in the first place.

What did you decide to do?

 

I decided to wait for her to text back. She did text me back soon after I posted the thread and I texted her back asking how her weekend had been. She has not replied back. My thoughts are that either she is just very slow in replying to texts in general or she is not that interested. Her moving the date to Friday and using the trains are not very good on Sunday as a reason for not meeting up on Sunday does to me suggest she is really not that keen and therefore I am not too hopeful of any meetup happening on a Friday.

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Stage5Clinger

<picture of a skeleton> "Waiting for her to text me back..."

 

 

Just text her and say "hey I was thinking we could x-y-z friday if you're still down?"

 

Let that be your last text and let her decide your fate from there.

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travelbug1996

or maybe she doesn't like texting and would prefer if you actually pick up the phone and actually converse like adults. just my .02

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Well, maybe she is bored by your text messages. The "how was your weekend" or "how are you going" questions are kind of lame. No need to keep checking in with a girl. Set up the date and then go on the date.

 

If you want to engage her in conversation you could tell her about your weekend or about something that happened or whatever but don't expect her to carry the conversation by asking a "how you doing" type question.

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I decided to wait for her to text back. She did text me back soon after I posted the thread and I texted her back asking how her weekend had been. She has not replied back. My thoughts are that either she is just very slow in replying to texts in general or she is not that interested. Her moving the date to Friday and using the trains are not very good on Sunday as a reason for not meeting up on Sunday does to me suggest she is really not that keen and therefore I am not too hopeful of any meetup happening on a Friday.

 

Oh lordy. You got another chance to set a date and time and you instead sent another boring text message. If she does reply, just set a time and date for the date and be done with it. She isn't looking for a text buddy to ask her how her day is. It's possible that she is not super interested because you are sending these type of boring messages. At least give yourself (and her) a chance by meeting up.

She was happy to meet you Saturday, so it's not like it's all her avoiding meeting up anyway.

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Thanks all for the advice. I agree that speaking on the phone is usually the best way to go in setting up dates and normally I would call to set up a date and only resort to texting if they do not answer. However with this women the situation was a bit different than I am use to as I asked her for her a number a few messages earlier and she said she preferred to stick to messaging on the dating site. This gave me the impression that she was not that keen on speaking over the phone. Hence the date for the meetup was arranged through the dating site. I agree though it would have been better to arrange the location of the meetup in my first text to her, however given the date of the meetup was still some way off I thought that this could wait.

 

The good news is that a date for Friday with a time and location has now been confirmed.

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I don't think you should worry about not getting her number. I personally don't like getting a guy's number before meeting as I want to see how we get on during the date and I also don't enjoy the texting stuff. I hate aimless texting haha :) Good news on the date.

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fitnessfan365

For what it's worth, here's my advice for future women w/OLD.

 

Exchange a few emails. If you like the vibe say "It's been fun getting to know you so far. Let's have our next email over the phone and share an actual conversation. What's your number?" When she gives it to you, shoot her one text. "Hey Amy! Bob from OKC. I'll call u tmrw. When's a good time?" Let her give you a call time and then actually call her. If you like the call, that is when you arrange plans w/her. Doing it over the phone will make you stand out and is 10x more likely to lead to actual plans. Texting only gets women partially invested at best early on and makes it easier to flake.

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For what it's worth, here's my advice for future women w/OLD.

 

Exchange a few emails. If you like the vibe say "It's been fun getting to know you so far. Let's have our next email over the phone and share an actual conversation. What's your number?" When she gives it to you, shoot her one text. "Hey Amy! Bob from OKC. I'll call u tmrw. When's a good time?" Let her give you a call time and then actually call her. If you like the call, that is when you arrange plans w/her. Doing it over the phone will make you stand out and is 10x more likely to lead to actual plans. Texting only gets women partially invested at best early on and makes it easier to flake.

 

Or, even simpler, ask for the number and say it's to make sure you don't lose each other on the day :). Then the day before the date, maybe a quick text or call to confirm etc.

 

I respectfully disagree with your call vetting technique. Like it wouldn't put me off a guy entirely but I don't want a guy I haven't met to be insisting on a phone call when I am not invested yet and haven't even met him. But that's just me. All people are different.

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Or, even simpler, ask for the number and say it's to make sure you don't lose each other on the day :). Then the day before the date, maybe a quick text or call to confirm etc.

 

I respectfully disagree with your call vetting technique. Like it wouldn't put me off a guy entirely but I don't want a guy I haven't met to be insisting on a phone call when I am not invested yet and haven't even met him. But that's just me. All people are different.

 

Some girls are reluctant to give out numbers. I arranged a date, time and place with a girl recently all online. And gave her my number in case anything happened. She was happy to meet but still wouldn't give me her number!

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fitnessfan365
Or, even simpler, ask for the number and say it's to make sure you don't lose each other on the day :). Then the day before the date, maybe a quick text or call to confirm etc.

 

I respectfully disagree with your call vetting technique. Like it wouldn't put me off a guy entirely but I don't want a guy I haven't met to be insisting on a phone call when I am not invested yet and haven't even met him. But that's just me. All people are different.

 

That is true. Everyone is different. But here's some perspective for you.

 

How many guys have you met from OLD that you wished you hadn't? Now imagine if you'd spent ten minutes on the phone w/them and found out they were wrong before you met. Isn't that preferable to wasting time on a date you never should've been on? Now I know that a lot of people hate talking on the phone these days. However, I've found that having a real time convo over the phone, can give you insight into someone's actual personality. I mean if I can't stand talking to a woman for 5-10 minutes on the phone, then I know not to make plans w/her. It's a HUGE time saver IMO.

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Some girls are reluctant to give out numbers. I arranged a date, time and place with a girl recently all online. And gave her my number in case anything happened. She was happy to meet but still wouldn't give me her number!

 

That's a good method. I like that. It would work for me because I wouldn't feel like the guy was overly keen but I'd also be reassured that I have his number to text him on the day and let him know I'm there for the date. :)

 

I don't think reluctance to give out a number shows lack of interest as like me, the girl could just be reserved about giving out the number. Some guys can get really clingy and overwhelm your phone with texts. Then there is the fear that the guy will just want to text and never meet up.

 

It's a minefield this online dating. Some girls love phone calls and some don't so it's tricky for guys.

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I personally never like to set up a first meet over text...and this is the reason. If you text someone and they don't respond while chances are they didn't respond because they didn't want to, there is also the chance that they never received the text or as someone said, there could be a mistype situation. The problem is you just have to sit there and guess about it.

 

I ALWAYS like to talk on the phone first, even briefly and set up and confirm our first meet/date there. It's direct and clear that way. If they don't answer the call, you can leave a message. If they still don't respond, you have your answer. Whereas, when you text it's more of waiting game somtimes. I prefer to call and make the plans and even call the day to confirm, it makes everything way less ambiguous than waiting hours, days or whenever for someone to respond to a text. With a call you get instant real time confirmation of what's what.

Edited by MissBee
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The good news is that the date did take place in the end as was planned, albeit she arrived 30 minutes late.

 

The bad news, as I am sure many of you whom have tried online dating have experience of, was that I felt no attraction towards her and I could not really find much in common to talk about. I got the distinct impression that she felt the same way and we parted ways after 50 minutes. The ending of the date seemed like a relief to the both of us.

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