confuseddude88 Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 (edited) Hey everyone. I need some advice on what went wrong here. If anyone women can answer that would be great. Here it goes... I started seeing this woman about a month ago. We went on a couple of dates that went well. Flirting, some flirty touching, usual stuff. We made a plan for a third date to go out on the river for a day. She got a hold of me a few days later and told me she might be busy that weekend, but that I could come over to her place and stay the night. In my mind this means sex, and it probably did, but here is where it got confusing. I am at her place and she starts telling me I can sleep on the couch, she was joking, but she said it.. So we leave her place and go get a few drinks. She tells me she didnt want to give me the wrong impression, but she doesnt like to sleep with people unless she is in a relationship (I actually liked that she said this, I am the same way). I told her I have no problem with that at all. We get back to her place, and she tells me I better not make any moves on her because she is uncomfortable with it, or something similar to that. So I told her "Ok I promise I wont make any moves". So I dont do anything other than touching cuddling. I stay the night, kiss her goodbye in the morning, and leave. A few days later and I am barely hearing from her. I ask her what the deal is and she says she "doesnt understand why nothing happened". What the hell? Almost a week later and I havent heard from her since then. What the hell went wrong here? Why did she lose interest when I didnt try to make a move or take advantage just like she asked me not to? This doesnt make any sense to me at all. Anyone have an idea why she would tell me not to make a move, to sleep on the couch, ect, then lose interest after I dont try to screw her, just like she asked me not to?! Edited September 30, 2015 by confuseddude88 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Hey everyone. I need some advice on what went wrong here. If anyone women can answer that would be great. Here it goes... I started seeing this woman about a month ago. We went on a couple of dates that went well. Flirting, some flirty touching, usual stuff. We made a plan for a third date to go out on the river for a day. She got a hold of me a few days later and told me she might be busy that weekend, but that I could come over to her place and stay the night. In my mind this means sex, and it probably did, but here is where it got confusing. I am at her place and she starts telling me I can sleep on the couch, she was joking, but she said it.. So we leave her place and go get a few drinks. She tells me she didnt want to give me the wrong impression, but she doesnt like to sleep with people unless she is in a relationship (I actually liked that she said this, I am the same way). I told her I have no problem with that at all. We get back to her place, and she tells me I better not make any moves on her because she is uncomfortable with it, or something similar to that. So I told her "Ok I promise I wont make any moves". So I dont do anything other than touching cuddling. I stay the night, kiss her goodbye in the morning, and leave. A few days later and I am barely hearing from her. I ask her what the deal is and she says she "doesnt understand why nothing happened". What the hell? Almost a week later and I havent heard from her since then. What the hell went wrong here? Why did she lose interest when I didnt try to make a move or take advantage just like she asked me not to? This doesnt make any sense to me at all. Anyone have an idea why she would tell me not to make a move, to sleep on the couch, ect, then lose interest after I dont try to screw her, just like she asked me not to?! She wanted you to be so attracted to and turned on by her as to push for it and "break her down" so she could play like "oh, I never do this, you caught me at a weak moment" blah, blah, blah. Run, don't walk from this one. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Basically, ego-tripping. Link to post Share on other sites
Stage5Clinger Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 She was flirting by saying "you better not do anything!" and you became submissive. Fail. We all do it sometimes.. but you lost the game. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confuseddude88 Posted October 1, 2015 Author Share Posted October 1, 2015 She was flirting by saying "you better not do anything!" and you became submissive. Fail. We all do it sometimes.. but you lost the game. Move on. **** man, she told me not to do anything 4 times over a couple of hours. I didnt want to be some kind of a rapist at the point. I am way too simple, I take them at their word Link to post Share on other sites
Author confuseddude88 Posted October 1, 2015 Author Share Posted October 1, 2015 Basically, ego-tripping. What the hell is the logic behind this? She wants to feel so attractive she cant be resisted? She wanted to sleep with me after 3 dates, I figured she did this with all the guys... Link to post Share on other sites
Stage5Clinger Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 **** man, she told me not to do anything 4 times over a couple of hours. I didnt want to be some kind of a rapist at the point. Trust me, I am the same way. Just time to move on is all. Gotta roll with the punches. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
avintagegirl Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Those are crazy mixed messages. I would not worry about what you did wrong - in my opinion you did nothing wrong. You respected boundaries she laid down. She is not an effective communicator or is just plain playing games. Either way I would let this fish back into the pond. As Redhead 14 put it "Run don't walk from this one." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 What the hell is the logic behind this? She wants to feel so attractive she cant be resisted? She wanted to sleep with me after 3 dates, I figured she did this with all the guys... i bet she does . . . You did the right thing. Take the high road, its the safest. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 She was hoping the lure of sex would inspire you to proclaim 'relationship' status. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 ...I take them at their word As you should; women should be held to the same "say what you mean, mean what you say" standard that other adults are. Be happy you discovered this character flaw in her early on; I would imagine there is nothing more frustrating for a man than to fall in love with a woman who expects him to 'just know' what she's really thinking. Best of luck to you, OP... 7 Link to post Share on other sites
kpl Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 She wanted you to be so attracted to and turned on by her as to push for it and "break her down" so she could play like "oh, I never do this, you caught me at a weak moment" blah, blah, blah. Run, don't walk from this one. this is the problem when girls feel a need to be "good girls." i know there is another thread about this but this is that nonsense about girls not wanting guys to lose respect for them. She clearly wanted sex, inviting you over is one thing but saying you can spend the night she wanted something to happen but you were right to respect her. This is all a very immature attitude. She isn't mature to own what she wants. I'm sure if she follows that rule she follows a lot of other "rules" too Link to post Share on other sites
Author confuseddude88 Posted October 1, 2015 Author Share Posted October 1, 2015 Thanks everyone for the responses. I felt like an idiot but you all seem to think shes crazy, thats great haha! It's shame though because I was pretty damn attracted to her. Maybe I like women who are extra crazy.. Who knows. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author confuseddude88 Posted October 1, 2015 Author Share Posted October 1, 2015 I'm sure if she follows that rule she follows a lot of other "rules" too Such as?? Please go on! Link to post Share on other sites
kpl Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Such as?? Please go on! I feel so far away from these I don't know if i can even name them, just games girls play some times b/c ppl have convinced women they need to do things to win a man's affection. I think she is immature and probably plays games. Like one poster said she seems to think you should just know things. Which is a huge "rule" like girls should play it cool and let men lead and set the pace. It's all silly and immaturity isn't going to get her far. I agree with the other posters to walk away she isn't ready for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confuseddude88 Posted October 1, 2015 Author Share Posted October 1, 2015 walk away she isn't ready for you. Out of curiosity what do you mean by this? Shes not mature enough? Doesnt want a relationship? ect Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 this is the problem when girls feel a need to be "good girls." i know there is another thread about this but this is that nonsense about girls not wanting guys to lose respect for them. She clearly wanted sex, inviting you over is one thing but saying you can spend the night she wanted something to happen but you were right to respect her. This is all a very immature attitude. She isn't mature to own what she wants. I'm sure if she follows that rule she follows a lot of other "rules" too Oftentimes, this is part of a bigger issue for a woman like this. If he had pushed for it, it would have fed her ego. And, while she said she wants a relationship, she would be searching for more men to feed this. She would likely always be on the prowl for more fuel for that ego. Link to post Share on other sites
kpl Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Out of curiosity what do you mean by this? Shes not mature enough? Doesnt want a relationship? ect I really don't know if she wants a relationship. she probably does like you but to me all of this screams she wants you to work for her. I think the ego concept is interesting. I think what redhead is saying is she probably will continue need you to do things to feed her ego? Like her self worth is wrapped in your effort? Is that what you mean? Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I really don't know if she wants a relationship. she probably does like you but to me all of this screams she wants you to work for her. I think the ego concept is interesting. I think what redhead is saying is she probably will continue need you to do things to feed her ego? Like her self worth is wrapped in your effort? Is that what you mean? Actually, I took redhead's reply to indicate that once the newness of OP's ego-satiating attention wore off, she'd be looking for OTHER men to provide it to her. Kind of a built-in indicator she IS the cheating type, from the get-go. Proceed into a relationship with her, at your own risk. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Dude stay away from women who play manipulating games. This one is a **** disturber. Be glad you didn't screw her because she may have cried rape on you. You dodged a bullet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I really don't know if she wants a relationship. she probably does like you but to me all of this screams she wants you to work for her. I think the ego concept is interesting. I think what redhead is saying is she probably will continue need you to do things to feed her ego? Like her self worth is wrapped in your effort? Is that what you mean? Yes, that could be part of it. But more to my point, she feeds off the attention of men. She wants to feel desired. When that feeling fades or gets old with one guy, she will seek it elsewhere. And, I'm not saying that all women who use these mixed messages are like this. But this one's outright rejection of him for not pushing for sex, indicates that she was deeply offended. That's a problem. A woman might feel slighted if a guy didn't make a move, but she wouldn't reject him offhandedly like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 My take - she'd already decided (for whatever reason - it happens) that she didn't like you anymore before the 'date' - which as you know was downgraded from a real date to "you can come over." Then when you did come over she made it abundantly clear she didn't want you to move on her at all. (Usually when we actually do want you to or we're uncertain, we're not that adamant about telling you no. That tells me she really wanted you to stay away.) Then she needed to find a way to justify/rationalize rejecting you so she settled on the easy fact that you didn't do anything (and there also might be an "I think he's gay" rider there that she didn't tell you but she's telling her friends, sorry). As to why bring you over if she didn't like you at all, who knows ....guilt? Uncertainty? Indecision? Could be anything but most likely it wasn't right in her mind yet and she may be one of those who needs to appear 'just' with herself in her mind despite using lots of tortured psychological maneuvers to get there. Bottom line's the same as the others said - this one's a pass. If she puts herself thru contortions like that, you're better off down the road whatever the reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confuseddude88 Posted October 1, 2015 Author Share Posted October 1, 2015 My take - she'd already decided (for whatever reason - it happens) that she didn't like you anymore before the 'date' - which as you know was downgraded from a real date to "you can come over." Then when you did come over she made it abundantly clear she didn't want you to move on her at all. (Usually when we actually do want you to or we're uncertain, we're not that adamant about telling you no. That tells me she really wanted you to stay away.) Then she needed to find a way to justify/rationalize rejecting you so she settled on the easy fact that you didn't do anything (and there also might be an "I think he's gay" rider there that she didn't tell you but she's telling her friends, sorry). I thought this was a possibility too but she was contacting me, asking me how my day was, calling, probably 75% of the time, while I was the other 25. She seemed very interested. I dunno. Who knows. She probably doesnt either... Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I thought this was a possibility too but she was contacting me, asking me how my day was, calling, probably 75% of the time, while I was the other 25. She seemed very interested. I dunno. Who knows. She probably doesnt either... Sometimes we have to talk ourselves out of being attracted to someone, and sometimes that's done by weaning. (i.e. we act like everything's normal and slowly disengage.) I could be completely wrong about it all but that's my guess anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confuseddude88 Posted October 1, 2015 Author Share Posted October 1, 2015 She showed a lot of insecurity early on. Saying that she was afraid at first that I wasnt interested. That I wasnt going to want to see her any more for some reason. I am starting to think it was all just for attention. Really weird ****. Thanks everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
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