ktragers Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 I've recently started seeing a pretty sweet, caring guy whom I'm getting along quite well with but everything is still new and in the early stage. We've had three dates in two weeks and have been texting every day since we first met. I've also slept over at his place once but we didn't have sex. He shows a lot of interest, is always eager to see me and make plans, has told me that he liked me a lot and that this is genuine, etc., so I'd like to see where this goes. However, I know we all have a past but he mentioned that his last relationship ended only six months ago and his ex was the one who broke up with him, so that got me a bit worried about whether he's truly over her. He never really talked about it unless it occurred in our conversation, which is understandable, and he always appeared very calm when talking about it. Normally I wouldn't care about this stuff but the reason I'm being overly sensitive about it is that over the last year I've dated two guys who both just got out of a relationship a few DAYS or WEEKS prior to meeting me while still having very deep feelings for the previous girl. I never knew this of course until later and was pretty bummed that it happened to me twice in a row back then. Nothing too serious ever developed between me and those two guys of course and they have both found someone else they want to be with now. Still, that two-time experience kinda "traumatized" me and I do not ever again want to be involved with someone who's not over their ex yet, or someone who's only out here looking because they want to fill that "void." Granted, this guy I'm currently seeing is not showing any signs for me to worry about on that front, but I don't know him well enough yet to say anything for sure or to come to any conclusion. I'm not a clingy and insecure kind of person. I can tell that he's genuinely a good guy and not a player but I feel like it takes a lot to get to know someone... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jam.over.jelly Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 You spoke my mind. You asked the same question I wanted to ask. And although I'm puzzled myself and can't really offer you any insight on this because this has happened to me recently, I'm sure there are many other posters on here that can help you with their insight. Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 6 months usually is fine. The general rule on this depends on a few factors: 1. Age 2. Relationship experience 3. Length of the relationdhip 4. Seriousness/level of commitment 5. How the break up happened..was it sudden or a low fade 6. Why did it happen...catching the person cheating is very different than realizing you two just font work well together as a couple or have problems living together. The thing is you never know if you are ready to date again after a break up until you actually date. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 I've recently started seeing a pretty sweet, caring guy whom I'm getting along quite well with but everything is still new and in the early stage. We've had three dates in two weeks and have been texting every day since we first met. I've also slept over at his place once but we didn't have sex. He shows a lot of interest, is always eager to see me and make plans, has told me that he liked me a lot and that this is genuine, etc., so I'd like to see where this goes. However, I know we all have a past but he mentioned that his last relationship ended only six months ago and his ex was the one who broke up with him, so that got me a bit worried about whether he's truly over her. He never really talked about it unless it occurred in our conversation, which is understandable, and he always appeared very calm when talking about it. Normally I wouldn't care about this stuff but the reason I'm being overly sensitive about it is that over the last year I've dated two guys who both just got out of a relationship a few DAYS or WEEKS prior to meeting me while still having very deep feelings for the previous girl. I never knew this of course until later and was pretty bummed that it happened to me twice in a row back then. Nothing too serious ever developed between me and those two guys of course and they have both found someone else they want to be with now. Still, that two-time experience kinda "traumatized" me and I do not ever again want to be involved with someone who's not over their ex yet, or someone who's only out here looking because they want to fill that "void." Granted, this guy I'm currently seeing is not showing any signs for me to worry about on that front, but I don't know him well enough yet to say anything for sure or to come to any conclusion. I'm not a clingy and insecure kind of person. I can tell that he's genuinely a good guy and not a player but I feel like it takes a lot to get to know someone... You sit back and observe. That's all you can do. As long as he is consistent with communication and seeing you, you go with it. Let him demonstrate his ability or readiness and intentions. Manage your emotions and expectations. It does take quite some time to really get to know someone. It takes years to know yourself. And, remember, this man is getting to know himself again too. Don't hang you hat on this one, but be hopeful. Date other men. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 How long was his relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ktragers Posted September 30, 2015 Author Share Posted September 30, 2015 How long was his relationship? That's a great question. He said they were together for two and a half years. I think they may have even lived together for a while since he moved in his current apartment shortly after the breakup. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 If you like him enough then you have to give it a try and wait it out. Ive just had my heart broken in this situation as he was a few months out of a very serious relationship . he thought he was ready but then he saw her and freaked. Even though the warning signs were there i ignored them. I don't really think you can tell for sure Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 use you gut feeling. trust me, you know ! Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 use you gut feeling. trust me, you know ! Yes i should have trusted mine but just doubted it although my gut feeling had very rarely failed me. In fact never when it comes to dating and relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ktragers Posted October 1, 2015 Author Share Posted October 1, 2015 Yes i should have trusted mine but just doubted it although my gut feeling had very rarely failed me. In fact never when it comes to dating and relationships. I agree that our gut feeling is such a powerful thing! I've chosen to ignore it a couple of times in the past too and definitely regretted it. However, I still think that it takes a lot of time to get to know someone well, and some signs just don't show up early on. But I will say that if this person is not interested, usually the signs are very obvious since the very beginning, and your gut feeling may have already told you so but you sometimes choose to turn away from it especially when you already have vested interest. Link to post Share on other sites
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