Boyfriend is acting weird, is it me? or him?

[Ashley S]

Ok, my boyfriend in the beginning was always all over me, and so lovey dovey. I lost my virginity to him, and I never been in a relationship, so this is all new to me. All of a sudden, just the other night we had sex, and he has been doing the pull out method. After he's "finished", he says to me "You have to get on some type of birth control." I said "You know I have been trying to but these doctor's are saying I have to wait to get my period, and then they'll do it. Plus, it goes both ways, you refuse to wear condoms." He said "I know it's not your fault." I said "They why did you say anything, when I have been wanting to get on BC?" He said "It was just a general statement."

 

I find that weird because that was my concern when I first had sex with him. I didn't want to because of the fact that I didn't have BC, and he still wanted to have sex, and he refuses to wear condoms, cause they are too "restricting" for him. So, ever since that night he has been acting distant, and not as lovey dovey. Not as nice, really. I keep saying to him "Is it me?" He keeps saying "No. You're fine." But he opened up a new facebook account. It says "In a relationship with (my name)", but he added this girl Lizzy, who is his ex, and she caused problems before I dated him, cause I wanted to take that step with him, but I felt like this girl Lizzy was causing problems. She was too flirty through texts, and he was cool with her, but I just didn't like how she seemed to cross boundaries, even knowing he was interested in me at the time, and said he was. So, I confronted him about that, and said "Are you two just FB friends?" He said "yeah, I haven't talked to her, and I don't. We are just FB friends. I have no shame, like I have our relationship status up, and my friends list is visible."

 

However, I notice since that night, he hasn't been sexual with me. He is not necessarily refusing sex, but he is not as touchy with me, and sexual. He's been more reserved. I know he said to me he would do things to make his ex angry so she would leave him. He said he stopped having sex with her, and would text other girls, so she would get angry and leave. I said "Don't ever do that to me. I will walk away, and not be spiteful. All I ask for is honesty, and I will do what you say. I can't force someone to like me, so if you feel different about me, then tell me, so I know what to do. I don't play games, nor do I want to go through that mental anxiety. I have an anxiety disorder as it is, and if you have any love in your heart for me, you will be honest with me." He said "I only did that to her because I told her multiple times for her to leave, and she wouldn't. I had to seek other avenues. It's not you, you're fine." But I don't know if I believe him or not. Do you think it's just my anxiety? My insecurities? Or is it him? and is he suspicious? I need opinions on this because I can't tell if he is being honest, but my anxiety is getting to me? Or if I am right in how I feel, and he's suspicious? Thanks for reading.

[EricaH329]

It's really difficult to say. Over time, people have a tendency to become comfortable in relationships which may lead to less sex and/or affection.

 

Aside from the physical aspect, does he treat you differently? Does he seem more distant? Less communication? Not making you a priority? Those are some signs that could potentially mean someone is pulling away from you. You'd know best if he was treating you differently than normal.

 

On a side note, I do NOT like that this guy 'made' his ex break up with him. Instead of breaking up with his ex like a normal person, he drove her to do it herself because he was too much of a coward to do it? I'm sorry, I really don't like people who can't own up to doing things themselves. But that's just my opinion.

 

(PS - I'm from Maryland too! )

[ExpatInItaly]

Sorry Ashley, but based on the multiple threads you've created about your boyfriend (including this one) I have to say he sounds like a shady guy. I don't think he's a good match for you, especially given that you have an anxiety disorder. He just doesn't sound stable; if I remember correctly, this is the guy who drinks a lot and has threatened suicide, no? And has a current legal battle concerning whether or not he punched his ex? Lots of red flags here.

 

Also, make sure you get yourself to a doctor soon not only for contraception but also an STI screen. If you've been having unprotected sex with him, you are at risk. I'm guessing he's never really used condoms so you need to be careful here.

[Ashley S]

Sorry Ashley, but based on the multiple threads you've created about your boyfriend (including this one) I have to say he sounds like a shady guy. I don't think he's a good match for you, especially given that you have an anxiety disorder. He just doesn't sound stable; if I remember correctly, this is the guy who drinks a lot and has threatened suicide, no? And has a current legal battle concerning whether or not he punched his ex? Lots of red flags here.

 

Also, make sure you get yourself to a doctor soon not only for contraception but also an STI screen. If you've been having unprotected sex with him, you are at risk. I'm guessing he's never really used condoms so you need to be careful here.

 

Yeah, it's the same guy. He was so into me, always wanting to be around me, and so forth. He has stopped drinking. He hasn't been drinking alcohol in two weeks, but he still wasn't distant, so I can't even blame his "quitting alcohol" and he's just angry over that, etc. I am suspicious because like I said he was wanting to get me pregnant, and I kept saying to him "i refuse to have a child in my 20's that will NOT happen. If it does I will get an abortion." I refuse to have a child under any circumstance, and if it does come to abortion, I will do that. He knows that, and I remember that night, I said "we have been doing the pull out method, and you are worried about birth control now?" He said "well, i know you don't want a child right now, I am just trying to respect your wishes. That is why I want you on BC so it's a slim to none risk of getting pregnant." I immediately thought when he said I have to be on BC that it's because he's afraid to get me pregnant and he would be trapped with me, but honestly, he doesn't have to worry about that, and I already explained to him that I adamant on NOT having a child in my 20's, come hell or highwater, I am sorry if I am pregnant I am getting an abortion. So, that doesn't make sense to me if he is afraid to get me pregnant, and is afraid I would have it, because he knows I certainly wouldn't. However, I just think it is all shady, and weird that he added Lizzy on fb, because to me that is just going to open doors for them to talk again, and I don't know why she's so important anyways to talk to. It's so weird how he wants to marry me, have a child with me, but it seems he's backing away, when I am not forcing a child on him what so ever. Maybe he is considering my feelings, I just don't know if that really is it or not? But he just seems different. He doesn't seem at all, like what he use to. He has his head in his phone, he is not as touchy or huggy or talkitive. He keeps saying it's not me, but who knows. Thanks for commenting.

[Ashley S]

It's really difficult to say. Over time, people have a tendency to become comfortable in relationships which may lead to less sex and/or affection.

 

Aside from the physical aspect, does he treat you differently? Does he seem more distant? Less communication? Not making you a priority? Those are some signs that could potentially mean someone is pulling away from you. You'd know best if he was treating you differently than normal.

 

On a side note, I do NOT like that this guy 'made' his ex break up with him. Instead of breaking up with his ex like a normal person, he drove her to do it herself because he was too much of a coward to do it? I'm sorry, I really don't like people who can't own up to doing things themselves. But that's just my opinion.

 

(PS - I'm from Maryland too! )

 

Hey cool! Another fellow Maryland gal! I agree with you, that is messed up, and i told him to never ever do that to me, and if he doesn't want to be with me, then just say it, and I will walk away, and not do anything vengeful or hurtful, or involve the law, etc. I will just walk away, and that will be history. He keeps saying "it's not you." "I know." I said "So, you would tell me straight up, if it's me, right?" He said "Yeah, I would." but I still for some reason am not believing him, but it could be either my insecurities, trust issues, and anxiety, or it could be that I have a reason. I just don't know. But thank you for commenting. I appreciate it.

[PogoStick]

A guy wanting you to be on BC is not shady! 99% of guys want that! And WTF are you doing with the pull out method? Why the excuse of "the doctors blah blah"? You could have the pill tomorrow. If you're going to have sex then be an adult and take care of business.

[EricaH329]

Hey cool! Another fellow Maryland gal! I agree with you, that is messed up, and i told him to never ever do that to me, and if he doesn't want to be with me, then just say it, and I will walk away, and not do anything vengeful or hurtful, or involve the law, etc. I will just walk away, and that will be history. He keeps saying "it's not you." "I know." I said "So, you would tell me straight up, if it's me, right?" He said "Yeah, I would." but I still for some reason am not believing him, but it could be either my insecurities, trust issues, and anxiety, or it could be that I have a reason. I just don't know. But thank you for commenting. I appreciate it.

 

I can totally understand your hesitation! It's hard not to think something is up, when in the past he has done some shady things. I would be a bit on edge myself. I think you are absolutely doing the right thing by being honest and upfront with him!

 

I wish I could tell you exactly what's going on, and what to do about it. But having an anxiety disorder myself, I do know that it can sometimes skew ones perception about things. It could just be your anxiety, or it really could be something bigger. It's *so* hard to tell!

 

The best advice I can give you, is to continue being honest and open with him. If you notice something drastically changes, then that's when I would start paying close attention to things. For now, proceed with caution.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yeah, it's the same guy. He was so into me, always wanting to be around me, and so forth. He has stopped drinking. He hasn't been drinking alcohol in two weeks, but he still wasn't distant, so I can't even blame his "quitting alcohol" and he's just angry over that, etc. I am suspicious because like I said he was wanting to get me pregnant, and I kept saying to him "i refuse to have a child in my 20's that will NOT happen. If it does I will get an abortion." I refuse to have a child under any circumstance, and if it does come to abortion, I will do that. He knows that, and I remember that night, I said "we have been doing the pull out method, and you are worried about birth control now?" He said "well, i know you don't want a child right now, I am just trying to respect your wishes. That is why I want you on BC so it's a slim to none risk of getting pregnant." I immediately thought when he said I have to be on BC that it's because he's afraid to get me pregnant and he would be trapped with me, but honestly, he doesn't have to worry about that, and I already explained to him that I adamant on NOT having a child in my 20's, come hell or highwater, I am sorry if I am pregnant I am getting an abortion. So, that doesn't make sense to me if he is afraid to get me pregnant, and is afraid I would have it, because he knows I certainly wouldn't. However, I just think it is all shady, and weird that he added Lizzy on fb, because to me that is just going to open doors for them to talk again, and I don't know why she's so important anyways to talk to. It's so weird how he wants to marry me, have a child with me, but it seems he's backing away, when I am not forcing a child on him what so ever. Maybe he is considering my feelings, I just don't know if that really is it or not? But he just seems different. He doesn't seem at all, like what he use to. He has his head in his phone, he is not as touchy or huggy or talkitive. He keeps saying it's not me, but who knows. Thanks for commenting.

 

Why on earth did he want you to get pregnant?

 

this situation is all kinds of messy. Getting on contraception is smart, so I'll give him that. But have you asked him if he's been tested for STIs recently?

 

This guy sounds like trouble to me. Doing what he did to get his ex to break up with him is cowardly and manipulative. He might indeed be doing the same thing to you. I wouldn't put a lot of trust in him, based on what you've posted about him in the past.

[Ashley S]

A guy wanting you to be on BC is not shady! 99% of guys want that! And WTF are you doing with the pull out method? Why the excuse of "the doctors blah blah"? You could have the pill tomorrow. If you're going to have sex then be an adult and take care of business.

 

No, that's not shady at all. I just find it shady now, because he I was the one that didn't want to have sex with him because I wasn't on birth control, and he talked about all the time, how he didn't like condoms. I kept saying "I don't feel comfortable having sex with you if you refuse to wear condoms, and I am not on BC." He said "I'll just pull out, it's not a big deal. I've done it before." I trusted that, and figured "Whatever", but i do want BC, and I was misinformed. I was suppose to go into my gyno's office on the 3rd say of my period for the depo shot, but they didn't inform me that I had to go in on my period. I called them 6 days into my period, and the nurse said I have to wait till my next period, because they have to do it on my 3rd of my period, and it's too late. I was livid because they misinformed me, and never told me to come in on the third day of my period. I am limited on birth control options cause I have high blood pressure, so i can only do the depo shot or IUD. I just find it odd that he is acting so concerned about it now, when it was his idea to begin with. I find that very shady.

[Ashley S]

Why on earth did he want you to get pregnant?

 

this situation is all kinds of messy. Getting on contraception is smart, so I'll give him that. But have you asked him if he's been tested for STIs recently?

 

This guy sounds like trouble to me. Doing what he did to get his ex to break up with him is cowardly and manipulative. He might indeed be doing the same thing to you. I wouldn't put a lot of trust in him, based on what you've posted about him in the past.

 

I know he doesn't have STDs because he got tested, and I got tested as well. Both are negative. However, I do agree with you that his break up with his ex was messed up, and I didn't like that what so ever. He claims though those were last resort options, and he did that because he told to her leave multiple times, and she wouldn't so he seek other avenues to get rid of her because she wouldn't leave when he told her to. However i am having a hard time believing him. My friend made a good point that he pursued me since March and finally we are official after only a month of actually dating each other. She said if he only wanted sex he would've dropped me after two weeks, cause no guy holds out that long if they are just looking for sex. He doesn't have a reputation of cheating either. His ex that he lost his virginity to always informed me, that he only had sex with girls that were his girlfriend, he never was the type that had **** buddies, or "friends with benefits" if he slept with a girl, she was his girlfriend. But still, I have no idea. Hopefully it all just him, but who knows. Thanks for sharing your input. I appreciate it

[Ashley S]

I can totally understand your hesitation! It's hard not to think something is up, when in the past he has done some shady things. I would be a bit on edge myself. I think you are absolutely doing the right thing by being honest and upfront with him!

 

I wish I could tell you exactly what's going on, and what to do about it. But having an anxiety disorder myself, I do know that it can sometimes skew ones perception about things. It could just be your anxiety, or it really could be something bigger. It's *so* hard to tell!

 

The best advice I can give you, is to continue being honest and open with him. If you notice something drastically changes, then that's when I would start paying close attention to things. For now, proceed with caution.

 

Thanks girl! Yeah it is a bit nerve wracking because I don't know what to believe, but in the same breath I can't let it eat me up inside. I just have to forget about it until I figure out what to do. I suffer with anxiety, and bad depression, my friend died August 15th, she was my best friend, and the girl my current boyfriend lost his virginity to, and she lost hers to him as well when they both were 18. I discovered her body and everything so i have been having the worst anxiety and depression I've ever felt in my life. This is a crucial time for me, and i especially need his support and love. He's completely over it and fine it seems. He even has a negative attitude about it. So, I know it's not because of her death why he's acting this way. I know that for a fact, but it is pure torture how the way he is towards me cause I am in the worst spot in my life right now. Thank you though for commenting xoxo

[clia]

God, I wish we had that head slamming on the desk emoticon on this site.

 

Ok, my boyfriend in the beginning was always all over me, and so lovey dovey. I lost my virginity to him, and I never been in a relationship, so this is all new to me. All of a sudden, just the other night we had sex, and he has been doing the pull out method. After he's "finished", he says to me "You have to get on some type of birth control." I said "You know I have been trying to but these doctor's are saying I have to wait to get my period, and then they'll do it. Plus, it goes both ways, you refuse to wear condoms." He said "I know it's not your fault." I said "They why did you say anything, when I have been wanting to get on BC?" He said "It was just a general statement."

 

I find that weird because that was my concern when I first had sex with him. I didn't want to because of the fact that I didn't have BC, and he still wanted to have sex, and he refuses to wear condoms, cause they are too "restricting" for him.

 

You're really young, so I'm going to cut you some slack.

 

If a man refuses to wear a condom, you refuse to have sex with him. Too restricting? Please. Tough luck. If you are as adamant as you say you are about not having a baby at your age, the pullout method is not the way to go. It's sooo risky. What are you thinking?

 

If you need to wait a few weeks to have sex until you can get on the shot (or whatever is going on), then you'll both live without sex. Do oral. Handjobs. Whatever. You'll both survive. Don't feel like you have to have sex with this guy to keep him. If he doesn't want to wait a few weeks, he doesn't like you that much. That's the truth. If he refuses to use a condom with you (and won't see you if you refuse to do it without a condom), he doesn't like you that much.

 

So, ever since that night he has been acting distant, and not as lovey dovey. Not as nice, really. I keep saying to him "Is it me?" He keeps saying "No. You're fine."

 

Have you had sex with him once, lost your virginity, and then this happened? Or is this multiple times into it?

 

Because...seems like maybe he got what he wanted and is fixing to move on...

 

However, I notice since that night, he hasn't been sexual with me. He is not necessarily refusing sex, but he is not as touchy with me, and sexual. He's been more reserved. I know he said to me he would do things to make his ex angry so she would leave him. He said he stopped having sex with her, and would text other girls, so she would get angry and leave.

 

Why would you want to date a guy like this? Can you blame his ex for getting angry?

 

Do you think it's just my anxiety? My insecurities? Or is it him? and is he suspicious? I need opinions on this because I can't tell if he is being honest, but my anxiety is getting to me? Or if I am right in how I feel, and he's suspicious? Thanks for reading.

 

I think you should dump this guy and find someone better. And I do think your insecurities and anxiety feed into your settling for a relationship with a guy like this. You deserve better. How can we all convince you that you deserve better?

[Ashley S]

Thank you everyone. I appreciate the feedback. @ExpatInItaly I forgot to answer your question when you said "Why would he get you pregnant?" That I do not know, honestly. I found it very strange myself. Actually, when I first started being sexually active with him, he finished, without pulling out, and I said "i noticed you didn't pull out" He said "I didn't, cause I want you pregnant." I said "WHAT THE ****??????" So I immediately got Plan B, the emergency contraceptive. I had a major, big talk with him after that, and told him that I refuse to have a child in my 20's.

 

My birthday is coming up in couple of weeks. I heard my boyfriend say to me about a week ago, that he has big plans for us. Then him and his friend were on my porch, and they were talking, and he said "Yeah man, I'm not going to go for that car because it is too much of a high payment, and it's not worth it, plus I have big plans in a couple of weeks." Then last night we met up with a couple of friends, and my one friend Eric and my boyfriend kept looking at me and whispering in my friend Eric's ear, and Eric was like "Aww man that's nice. She'll like that." I said "Eric what are these huge plans?" He said "I am not going to spoil the surprise, but it's really nice, you'll love it Ashley. Don't worry."

 

So, what I'm saying is if he is planning to do something big for me or us on my birthday, I hope it's not an engagement, but hopefully it's a nice get away. But I guess then he's off in his own world of problems maybe, because why would he plan something for me/us if he's planning on getting rid of me, or not even wanting me around etc. I might be wrong, but I want to hear some feedback. What do you think? Thank you.

[Ashley S]

Hi Everyone! I wanted to get some opinions on this. I am very confused. Ok, my boyfriend has been acting distant, but he keeps telling our friends that he has "big plans" for me on my birthday. I was saying to him today that I get scared when I am happy because when I feel happy either someone leaves or dies. I said i was happy with him, and so I feel scared. he said "Well, I would never leave you high and dry, I still would be your friend." I said "What? I can't do that. You either have me as a girlfriend or not, and if you are so in love with me, then wouldn't that be painful to see me with another guy? Like how can you revert to being friends if you are in love with me?" He said "Guys can do that, but you women can't seem to do that." I said "Well, it depends on the girl, but that indicates to me that you're not in love with me then?" He said "no I never said that."

 

This confuses me cause he was SO persistent, he wouldn't stop with me! I knew him since October of last year and we started dating literally in May. He said how I am the "one", the one he's going to marry, he loves me so much, I heard it all. I kept putting him off because I have severe trust issues, but i liked him a lot, so I kept trying to end the friendship, everytime I did, he would call me incessantly, threaten suicide, confess his feelings again, confess how much he loved me. Beg me to talk to him. Every one of our friends said "He so in love with you, give him a chance." I finally gave him a chance after 7 months. 7 months of him being persistent, and trying to date me, in a result of that I lost my virginity to him. After a month of dating him he is distant, and seems to want to do his own thing, and now it's worse. He seems cold, and I didn't like what he said. In my opinion, he is basically saying to me he doesn't give a **** whether he's my boyfriend or not, when that wasn't the notion he was giving me for 7 f*****g months! He was so damn persistent!! Now he seems to have a "I don't care attitude" and seems more rude towards me. Now this is validating my trust issues, cause I thought if a guy was constantly persisting you for 7 months that he really was into you, not he doesn't seem into me. Do you think it's my anxiety and insecurities? or is it weird of him to say he would be my friend if we never worked out if he is supposedly in love with me?

[Omei]

Ive never really responded to your posts but read them, to me you're not capable of picking and having a successful relationship yet.

 

The amount of drama you have and the types of guys you choose is just silly.

 

The type of choices you make like unprotected sex I just dont feel like your mature and educated enough to maintain any successful relationship

 

I think you have a lot of soul searching to do.

Edited September 30, 2015 by Omei

[EricaH329]

Hey Ash! Sorry I haven't been keeping up with this thread!

 

Honestly, I think you are thinking too much about it at this point. He seems to want you in his life. My ex fiance would say that he'd like to remain friends with me if we ever broke up. I think the point he is trying to make is that you are too important for him to just 'drop'. He would/will need you in his life some way.

 

I'll be honest with you, when anyone gets into a relationship with someone else and hasn't sorted through their own issues, it always causes problems. Lack of trust, insecurities, etc. can actually *create* problems where there were none to begin with.

 

Since you are already in a relationship with someone you don't want to leave, i'd suggest starting to work on your issues and acknowledge when you may be putting your issues on someone else. After all, no one enjoys being around someone that is constantly saying things like "Do you want to be with me?", "Do you love me?", "Can I trust you?".

 

I hope you know I say all of this out of love

[EricaH329]

Ive never really responded to your posts but read them, to me you're not capable of picking and having a successful relationship yet.

 

The amount of drama you have and the types of guys you choose is just silly.

 

The type of choices you make like unprotected sex I just dont feel like your mature and educated enough to maintain any successful relationship

 

I think you have a lot of soul searching to do.

 

We all need to start somewhere, right? I know I wouldn't have half of the knowledge I do now if I didn't have those relationships when I was younger.

 

It's hard to do soul searching when you don't know what you're searching for.

[pteromom]

I don't know what he is thinking. It could be he wants to end it. Or it could just be he is getting settled in and doesn't feel like he has to try so hard.

 

But -

 

I have to speak to you just saying you will get an abortion if you get pg. It's easy to say that, but why take that kind of risk? Abortion can lead to scarring, both physical and emotional. It could even interfere with future fertility.

 

You don't have to take that risk. You can go to a doctor and start pills or shots right away. You can force him to wear a condom if he wants intercourse.

 

Don't make a huge mistake when you can prevent it from happening. This is YOUR body and YOUR life - don't risk it because some guy feels "restricted" wearing a condom. Please!

[justabottle]

I can't comment on why he had a change in his attitude but, my bf actually wanted to get my pregnant few years back because he thought that was the only way to "keep me by his side". Because few years back I was preparing to enter uni and he was really afraid that I'll dump him for another guy. And so he kept pressing me for sex, which I kept refusing, so he told me that he though by having sex with me or whatnot, it can make me stay with him. Its ridiculous how guys can come with such conclusions.

 

And, regarding the part where you mentioned that he has been less touchy. I had similiar experiences too, so sometimes I'll like give a gentle reminder to my bf that "heyyy... can you like hug me or something?" hahaha, it works! My bf said that all guys tend to get comfortable with their gfs and that they treat you like their buddy. But I always remind my bf that, I'm your gf, not your buddy.

 

But you also need to notice that other than this, does his communication with you becomes slightly off? In a sense like, does he call you less often, is his texts becoming less frequent?

[Ashley S]

Hey Ash! Sorry I haven't been keeping up with this thread!

 

Honestly, I think you are thinking too much about it at this point. He seems to want you in his life. My ex fiance would say that he'd like to remain friends with me if we ever broke up. I think the point he is trying to make is that you are too important for him to just 'drop'. He would/will need you in his life some way.

 

I'll be honest with you, when anyone gets into a relationship with someone else and hasn't sorted through their own issues, it always causes problems. Lack of trust, insecurities, etc. can actually *create* problems where there were none to begin with.

 

Since you are already in a relationship with someone you don't want to leave, i'd suggest starting to work on your issues and acknowledge when you may be putting your issues on someone else. After all, no one enjoys being around someone that is constantly saying things like "Do you want to be with me?", "Do you love me?", "Can I trust you?".

 

I hope you know I say all of this out of love

 

I understand that completely and you nailed it. I actually talked to him and he told me he doesn't want to be friends with me, and that he wasn't planning on it, and that he was just saying if worse came to worse he would be friends with me. He wants things to be how the way they are now. Thanks girl! I appreciate the advice, and your feedback.

[Ashley S]

Ok, i just wanted to give an update that I did talk to him, and dished all of my feelings, and how I felt how the way he was acting towards me. He wasn't really vocal, and he said "LIzzy and I were friends and we dated for two months. I broke it off cause I thought she was immature, and I thought she was too young, and it felt weird cause I was 22 and she was 17." I said "But when we would fight, and I was fighting with you about your alcohol problem, you would say "**** this im going to date Lizzy." So, that makes me think you feel some type of way about her to even mention her during an argument where she was completely irrelevant." He said "I just said that cause I knew it would bother you. I don't want her."

 

Then I told him about the distance, and he said "I didn't know I was being distant, and Amanda (my brother's wife who lives in my parents house with me, and my family.) Amanda bothers me cause she's always rude to me and causes anxiety in me, that's why i go out on your porch a lot, and a have a cigarette, cause I can't be around Amanda, she's rude, and disrespectful towards me, and I feel uncomfortable in your house. Plus I think it's the anti-depressant I am on, it made me feel weird." I said "Ok, I understand. So, what do you want?" He said "For things to keep going how the way they are going." I said "So, you still want to be in a relationship?" He said "Yeah." I asked him about the "friends" comment, and I said "It's weird to me that you would be friends with me, yet back in June, I said to you that I wanted to be friends with you, and you said that is would be too painful for you, cause you are a long term relationship type of a guy, and you can't do that." He said "Yeah, I wouldn't want to, I am just saying that if worse comes to worse I would be your friend. I don't want that though." So, what does everyone think? Should I take him at face value, and believe him? Like I said he wasn't really vocal, but it just might be the person he is. I am new to a relationship so it is all different to me. Just tell me what you think? Thank you.

[Ashley S]

Great! I just seen that Lizzy girl like his cover photo, and it triggers me to think that they are talking or there are going to be doors opened for them to talk. I can't tell if it's my own insecurities, or if I have a right to be angry about this? Is it just Facebook? I know I keep going back and forth, but he made such a big deal out of her when we first met. When we first met and the couple of times we hung out, he was saying how hot she was, and had the cutest body, and he was going to get back together with her, but his room-mate Tony messed it up because he was messaging her under my boyfriend's name and saying crude, weird things to her, and it made her angry and thought it was him, so she blocked him. Then she pops in March, and she asks him if he was dating anyone, and who the girl is in the pictures, (which was me) etc. She was being very flirty, and crossing boundaries, saying she got her nipples pierced and she wanted to see him one last time before she moved to Ohio.

 

I wanted to go further with him, so it made me upset, and I said forget the friendship. He said "**** you then, I am going to date Lizzy if you are going to act like this." His friend was around him when he said that, and he said that he doesn't want Lizzy and he just said that. Lizzy is an intimidation for me because of the fact he spoke highly about her before we got close then when we would get into fights either about her or his drinking he would say "**** this I am dating Lizzy." So, it makes me feel uncomfortable. Makes me weary if he feels some type of way about her, and he keeps denying it and saying that he only said those things because he was angry and upset that I was trying to cut him out, so it was a immature, hurtful thing to say. He keeps claiming he doesn't want her, but he knows it bothers me and he felt rejected so that's why he would say that. I don't know. I can't seem to get over it, and her liking his cover photo of him when he was a kid with his dad, kinda triggers me. Do you think he's being truthful? Or do you think I am over-reacting? I want to hear opinions about me and him, and what an outsider thinks. Thank you.

[ExpatInItaly]

Great! I just seen that Lizzy girl like his cover photo, and it triggers me to think that they are talking or there are going to be doors opened for them to talk. I can't tell if it's my own insecurities, or if I have a right to be angry about this? Is it just Facebook? I know I keep going back and forth, but he made such a big deal out of her when we first met. When we first met and the couple of times we hung out, he was saying how hot she was, and had the cutest body, and he was going to get back together with her, but his room-mate Tony messed it up because he was messaging her under my boyfriend's name and saying crude, weird things to her, and it made her angry and thought it was him, so she blocked him. Then she pops in March, and she asks him if he was dating anyone, and who the girl is in the pictures, (which was me) etc. She was being very flirty, and crossing boundaries, saying she got her nipples pierced and she wanted to see him one last time before she moved to Ohio.

 

I wanted to go further with him, so it made me upset, and I said forget the friendship. He said "**** you then, I am going to date Lizzy if you are going to act like this." His friend was around him when he said that, and he said that he doesn't want Lizzy and he just said that. Lizzy is an intimidation for me because of the fact he spoke highly about her before we got close then when we would get into fights either about her or his drinking he would say "**** this I am dating Lizzy." So, it makes me feel uncomfortable. Makes me weary if he feels some type of way about her, and he keeps denying it and saying that he only said those things because he was angry and upset that I was trying to cut him out, so it was a immature, hurtful thing to say. He keeps claiming he doesn't want her, but he knows it bothers me and he felt rejected so that's why he would say that. I don't know. I can't seem to get over it, and her liking his cover photo of him when he was a kid with his dad, kinda triggers me. Do you think he's being truthful? Or do you think I am over-reacting? I want to hear opinions about me and him, and what an outsider thinks. Thank you.

 

Good heavens...

 

Ok, Ashley. Here are my thoughts, simply-put:

 

1) You are generally very insecure and anxious and probably not in the best place emotionally to be in a relationship, because it seems your man-picker is broken. You cannot love someone else until you love yourself. Because you don't think much of yourself, you choose guys like your current boyfriend who is no prize (based on your several threads about him) but knows exactly what to say to get what he wants.

 

BUT

2) You have a reason to be concerned. I think Lizzy is Plan B here. He knows that's a sensitive point and he used it to antagonize you. He would probably go back to her.

 

3) A healthy and loving relationship doesn't look like yours at all.

[stillafool]

No, that's not shady at all. I just find it shady now, because he I was the one that didn't want to have sex with him because I wasn't on birth control, and he talked about all the time, how he didn't like condoms. I kept saying "I don't feel comfortable having sex with you if you refuse to wear condoms, and I am not on BC." He said "I'll just pull out, it's not a big deal. I've done it before." I trusted that, and figured "Whatever", but i do want BC, and I was misinformed. I was suppose to go into my gyno's office on the 3rd say of my period for the depo shot, but they didn't inform me that I had to go in on my period. I called them 6 days into my period, and the nurse said I have to wait till my next period, because they have to do it on my 3rd of my period, and it's too late. I was livid because they misinformed me, and never told me to come in on the third day of my period. I am limited on birth control options cause I have high blood pressure, so i can only do the depo shot or IUD. I just find it odd that he is acting so concerned about it now, when it was his idea to begin with. I find that very shady.

 

Ashley it doesn't matter what the f--- he wants, it's your body and you need to protect it. You should not have had sex with him until you were on the pill. This guy sounds shady to me and I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't start treating you the way he did his other girl once he gets tired of you.

[PogoStick]

I think you're a freaking mess. You shouldn't freak out because of a "like" on facebook. You need to be single and work on your insecurity. Get your life together before you start dating.

 

And he's an Ahole. He knows you're weak and he manipulates you with it. He's a bad boyfriend and you shouldn't want to be with someone like that.

 

So you're both wrong. End it NOW. Get on birth control. Still, don't sleep with anyone soon. Just get on birth control and stay on it until your mid 30's. Then get a therapist and ask for help getting your life together. Whatever isn't going well, ask for help.

 

I'm not being mean. I'm being serious.