Haven't heard from my bf in 5 days

[MzLady]

Hello.. I’m at a loss and am needing some help. I’m in a new relationship with a guy for about 2 months now. I really like him and we seem like we have a lot in common and have been talking about having a great future together. Last week he went out of town for 4 days and the first day I heard from him the second day he sent me some texts only, the third day less texts, and no call. The fourth day he came home and I get a text that he’s home and that’s it. No call then either… Even though I texted him asking him to call me when he got some time.

 

The next day I finally hear from him and he says he’s not feeling well but by then I’m pretty worried because we haven’t spoke several days. So I calmy tell him that I’m sorry he’s not feeling well but I thought I would have heard from him when he got home. He says that he was texting me. I explanined that a text isn’t the same as a phone call that it’s important to me that we talk because we don’t get to see eachother much. He agreed that a text wasn’t the same and apologized.

 

I was still a little frustrated by the end of the call, but I got past it and sent him a text later in the day saying I hoped he felt better and that I was sorry for earlier.. I was just frustrated because we don’t get to see each other often and hearing his voice makes it a little easier. He wrote me back saying he just didn’t think I would be so mad at him.

 

I responded that I wasn’t mad I was just worried and I was sorry it came across that way.

 

Our conversation wasn’t a bad one though. We just talked about it. No yelling or whining happened, so I was surprised when he said he thought I was mad and I felt awful for it.

 

That was 5 days ago.. I haven’t heard from him since. I feel terrible because I let my anxiety get the best of me and I shouldn’t have said anything at all. I tried to call him back later that day and he didn’t answer. So I left it alone. The next day I sent a text just asking if he was feeling better (Tues).. But he ignored that too.

 

I waited 3 more days and finally called him yesterday and left a voicemail and followed it up with a text. I told him that I am qorried about him and us. That I miss him and care about him and to just let me know something. . with no reponse.

 

Honestly, I don’t think that what I said was all that bad. Yes it could have waited or not have been brought up at all.. But I don’t feel like 5 days of no communication is warranted. This seems like such an overreaction. I apologized for coming across as angry. I've let him know I care and am worried.

 

What do I do from here? Do I just wait indefinitely? Assume we are broken up? Do I apologize for asking him to call and it wasn't fair to him for me to ask that of him when he was texting me?

 

I am so hurt, worried, and confused by his reaction. We went from telling eachother how great the other is almost everyday to complete shutout.

 

Your advice is greatly appreciated.

[Guyouthere]

he isn't too interested in you, and just going about the "sweet" way to let you know it.

 

Date others.

[ExpatInItaly]

I would assume you're broken up. Barring some unforeseen emergency, there's no real reason why he couldn't at least respond even if just to tell you it's not working for him. He would've got in touch by now, if he'd wanted to. If this is how he reacts to a relatively minor disagreement, can you imagine what he'd do if you had a serious argument?

 

You've been together quite a short time so I have a feeling you're seeing his true colours now.

[MzLady]

You're right.. I probably am seeing his true colors.. Just so hurtful.

[sportygirl89]

I had an ex who I didn't hear from him the last three days of relationship. When he did come over he gave no explanation of the break up. He broke up with me and left. Started heavily drinking on his part. I just would wish he would have done the break up with a little more respect as he was my first serious boyfriend. Typically means he is about to pull the plug unfortunately. It's not right, but I would try doing it before he does it so at least you have some dignity left. I had none after the way my ex broke up with me.

[Ami1uwant]

With him traveling I could see not talking/texting...that's understandable.

 

You guys have been dating about 2 months so him disappearing after is odd.

 

Maybe this traveling wasn't just work related but he met with someone somehow so there is someone else now.

[GoldDragon]

Ball is in his court now unfortunately. You've done all you could. If he wants you, he will come back. If not, you know where you stand.

[katiegrl]

It sounds like things (feelings) started to change for him while out of town for four days ... hence the reason he was texting less, etc.

 

Then when he returns, it doesn't get much better, which is the reason you started getting anxious in the first place.

 

All your texts and calls after his return (seeking reassurance, which let's face it, is what you were doing) only compounded the problem and pushed him away further.

 

So now he is at the point where he is totally done.

 

Please don't call or text him again. He has your number, IF he wants to see or even talk to you again, he knows where to find you.

 

In the meantime, go live your life, date other guys. Assume it's over.

 

Sorry....

[EricaH329]

In my experience, not hearing from a significant other for that long means the beginning of the end (if not already the end).

 

I agree with the others that said you've done your part. You've reached out to him enough times. When/if he's ready to contact you, he will.

 

I don't know if you guys are broken up. I feel like when you don't have the conversation it leaves things in the air. I wouldn't start going out and seeing other people (not like you should right after a break-up any way), but I also wouldn't wait around to hear from him.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this HUGS! Go out and enjoy yourself! Have a girls night, or whatever you do to have fun! The more you keep yourself occupied, the less time you have to think about this jerk (sorry, but he is) calling you.

[jam.over.jelly]

There is a possibility he cheated on you. He probably feels so guilty about it and doesn't know how to face the consequence. It's just one possibility. Don't take my words for it though. My ex bf of 3 years went 10 days without talking to me. Eventually I found out he cheated and couldn't face me.

[Terry8889]

Sounds like you're being too clingy and needy. Let him be, give him space. If he doesnt wanna call and just text let him do it, at least he is thinking of you. If you keep pushing him and telling him he needs to call and keep contact evry single day he will get tired of you. Guys hate clingy women. If you keeping pushing you will loose him eventually. But I guess you already lost him, stop being pushy and needy and clingy in future relationships. It will do no good and men will run away.

Edited September 26, 2015 by Terry8889

[d0nnivain]

While it's most likely that he has chosen the rudest way possible to end things by ignoring you, my mind tends toward worst case scenarios, like he's dead in a ditch somewhere.

 

 

Do you have other ways to confirm he's alive -- post on social media, read receipts for your messages etc.?

 

 

If so, realize he's a jerk. Assume you are broken up & act accordingly.

 

 

If there is a possibility that he is dead or unconscious, not that somebody else would not have noticed by now, but go over to his house & make sure he's blinking & breathing then dump his sorry butt.

[Gaeta]

Last thread with this very problem I told the lady to call her boyfriend but to block her number. To her surprise he picked up. So she had the proof he was ignoring her.

 

So, give him a call from someone's else phone, if he picks up you have your answer.

 

I am sorry. Some people (men and women) can be heartless. It would take him 5 seconds to let you know he doesn't wish to pursue. After 2 months dating what he's doing is weak. You want a man in your life that has a spine, not a man that lost his balls god knows where.

[MzLady]

I realize I came across as needy.. that's why I backed off for a couple of days. This was also our first "argument" if you even want to call it that. I don't see how one instance is enough to be a deal-breaker, but if it was, I am definitely the one who was more invested. I'm not perfect and we all make mistakes. I do not walk on eggshells and accept someone treating like I am less that worthy of their consideration.

 

Yesterday, I felt like I should at least try one more time to contact him just so he was clear that I am taking this seriously. 3 text messages in 5 days does not equal cray cray in my book. At first I was feeling like I should apologize even more, but I am realizing that if that's all it took for him to do this to someone that cares about him and has been nothing but good to him, then that's on him.

 

People shouldn't be afraid to talk things out and communicate their thoughts and feelings with their partners. Not every conversation is going to be butterflies and rainbows.

[Gaeta]

I realize I came across as needy.. that's why I backed off for a couple of days. This was also our first "argument" if you even want to call it that. I don't see how one instance is enough to be a deal-breaker, but if it was, I am definitely the one who was more invested. I'm not perfect and we all make mistakes. I do not walk on eggshells and accept someone treating like I am less that worthy of their consideration.

 

Yesterday, I felt like I should at least try one more time to contact him just so he was clear that I am taking this seriously. 3 text messages in 5 days does not equal cray cray in my book. At first I was feeling like I should apologize even more, but I am realizing that if that's all it took for him to do this to someone that cares about him and has been nothing but good to him, then that's on him.

 

People shouldn't be afraid to talk things out and communicate their thoughts and feelings with their partners. Not every conversation is going to be butterflies and rainbows.

 

You did nothing wrong. You've been dating for 2 months so it's normal to show some vulnerability at some point. It's not like you had 2-3 dates and that's his first impression of you.

[J21]

Sorry to speak bluntly, but I think this may be the beginning of the end.

[MzLady]

Unfortunately, I think you're right.

[spiderowl]

5 days of no communication is not warranted. This is not a relationship, he already left it when he didn't contact you for days. I don't think there is any point trying to contact him; in fact not contacting him is more likely to result in him making an effort. But, I think he's lost interest or become distracted by someone else. Please forget this guy because he's drifted away of his own free will. I don't think you've done anything wrong.

[MzLady]

Just an update.. Still no word. I am feeling ok, but I am hurt and in disbelief this is even happening. But this is out of my hands now and I am coming to terms.

[Lois_Griffin]

You've sent more than enough texts and made more than enough calls.

 

He's chosen to act like a cowardly d*ck and ghost you rather than man up and tell you he doesn't want to see you anymore.

 

What an attractive trait.

 

Not.

 

You're well rid of this jerkoff.

[Maggie4]

Do you think you'd do things any differently with the next man you get involved with? I'm talking about the interaction where you told him you'd expected him to call, and he felt you were angry, for which you apologized?

[kpl]

Just want to stress you did NOTHING wrong!!!! Please understand that. You only came off clingy b/c you sensed him pulling away. If he had been pulling his weight in the relationship this would have never come up. He lost interest for whatever reason (you may never know why).

 

A little disagreement is not enough for a guy to pull away. A guy that really likes you looks past a lot. This is not on you. This is his issue. Go out live your best life and chalk it up to this guy not being a fit. 2 months is not that long you guys were still discovering who each other were and you discovered he was a prick.

[MzLady]

I'm seeing that now (he's not the guy I thought he was). Yesterday was a pretty good day overall, but this morning I woke up thinking about it again and cried about it for a few min. I honestly felt like something wasn't right when his text messages started to become further and fewer over the weekend and then there was no affection in them like normal either. It was just strange.

 

Then when I barely heard from him on the day he came back, it was even odder. If I were to do anything differently, I would have waited until I wasn't so worried to talk about it. I'm sure the worry came thru in my voice and that's why he thought I was mad. I still don't know what's wrong with asking for a quick call just to say hello, but from what I'm getting on here.. it was too much to ask. When I was out of town the week before, I called him each night when I got back just to say goodnight. It was a 2 min phone call.

 

But when we spoke, I wasn't yelling or crying or anything like that - so when he said he thought I was mad, I was totally shocked. I did apologize for coming across that way, and that I wasn't mad. Just worried. But maybe the apology should have gone deeper than that? I just don't know. What I do know is that if that was all it took to tip the scales after an incredible 2 mos, then there is something else going on that I'm just not aware of and probably will never know. Talk about feeling helpless, clueless, and hurt.

[katiegrl]

I'm seeing that now (he's not the guy I thought he was). Yesterday was a pretty good day overall, but this morning I woke up thinking about it again and cried about it for a few min. I honestly felt like something wasn't right when his text messages started to become further and fewer over the weekend and then there was no affection in them like normal either. It was just strange.

 

Then when I barely heard from him on the day he came back, it was even odder. If I were to do anything differently, I would have waited until I wasn't so worried to talk about it. I'm sure the worry came thru in my voice and that's why he thought I was mad. I still don't know what's wrong with asking for a quick call just to say hello, but from what I'm getting on here.. it was too much to ask. When I was out of town the week before, I called him each night when I got back just to say goodnight. It was a 2 min phone call.

 

But when we spoke, I wasn't yelling or crying or anything like that - so when he said he thought I was mad, I was totally shocked. I did apologize for coming across that way, and that I wasn't mad. Just worried. But maybe the apology should have gone deeper than that? I just don't know. What I do know is that if that was all it took to tip the scales after an incredible 2 mos, then there is something else going on that I'm just not aware of and probably will never know. Talk about feeling helpless, clueless, and hurt.

 

MzLady, seriously girl, you did nothing wrong.

 

His feelings just switched, most likely while he was gone, maybe he met someone else.

 

If he had been into you, your asking him to contact and/or whatever else you did, would NOT have turned him off. A woman can do almost no *wrong* in his eyes when he is super into her....

 

It was only two months, feelings often change in these early stages..... you just have to try and roll it off...

 

The right man is out there and you will find each other.

 

Don't beat yourself up about this, try to let it go.

 

Think his loss. Next!

[Speika]

He's a massive idiot/much ruder word. You did absolutely nothing wrong. I know you can't help it in this situation but there's no point trying to think about what you did wrong or would change. Some people are just like that, it probably has nothing to do with you. You sound awesome and caring and definitely deserve someone better than this piece of dirt.