Groovy Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 O.K, just curious what you'd do. .... My co-worker set me up with this guy. He'd tell me he really liked me, he'd talk about me with his friends, that he wanted to spend all his time with me. Even though he was unusually handsome, tall and established he'd get nervous and shake around me sometimes. So I don't think it was all acting, (maybe some). He called me so much I would have been scared had my co-worker not known him for 15 years. Yet he seemed to want to see other people when I brought it up. So I declined his attempts to take my pants off and said our pants stay on if we aren't exclusive. He said I was the only one who wanted to see other people. I seriously doubted the misunderstanding. So I declined again and waited a few weeks more for him to give me the idea it was us. Sex came after 2 months of dating. But I am 32, he's 40...it didn't seem really early. It had been a year and half for me! He only lasted 4 minutes. According to his friend he never sleeps around. A week later he leaves me a message he just wants to be friends. He avoided the phone so I left a message. I told him he should have told me these things before he slept with me, if he cared about me. I mentioned I'd expect an adult conversation with a 40 year old, not a voice mail. If he wants to just want to be friends than it's good we not date because I am looking for more. That he says he's honest and doesn't like games but hasn't shown himself this way. My co-worker yelled at him, she worried I'd be mad at her. She said he still planned to talk to me and he said I misunderstood, which is a crock. And that he wants to call me but won't so I should call him. I said he dumped me and acted inmature, he's the one who calls. The past month I have been mad at my co-worker for the way she does her job, and just in over my head at work. Sometimes I think she can sense my frustration and thinks I am mad at her over the issue. I come off as irritated but not due to that. Though confess I don't feel like the co-worker is someone I can relate to as much as I thought if this is the kind of guy she sets me up with. She no longer invites me places because the man was best friends with her husband. A month has gone by and the loser calls an hour ago tonight. I am thinking I am not a booty call girl and if I was you lasted way too short for me to bother. But do I call him and make amends for the sake of my co-worker's and I peace? I feel like it's making her uncomfortable as she did introduce us. I tend to be very confrontational and just will ask him why he said those things, why call now, what does he want, go away and add lots of sweet sarcasm to it. But I am thinking if I am not going to date him or sleep with him again what do I have to lose anyway...... Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Don't call him. Don't worry about what the co-worker thinks. Tell her it just didn't work out and to stop worrying about it. And find yourself some stress relief. Don't be too mad at the co-worker; you don't know what your friends are like when they date people - they don't behave on dates the way they do with you, after all. Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Interesting - I would have a totally different take on this one. Since you have no indication that he sleeps around - his quick performance could have just been a result of it having been a while. Then he could have been totally mortified and worried about what you would think. If you enjoyed his company enough for 2 months enough to take the relationship the next step - I say why not call and find out what he has to say? No expectations - no demands, just easy chat. What harm could it do? I am not saying you should run back into his arms, but why not give a call? Link to post Share on other sites
k57 Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 I am not saying you should run back into his arms, but why not give a call? Why trust at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 I wouldn't call him again to see what he has to say. IF he is so inclined to speak his mind.. then by all means he can call you. I wouldn't bring this up with the co~worker any longer either... IF she mentions it again... just tell her that things didn't work out, but you're all okay. Link to post Share on other sites
fo0hzy Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by Merin I wouldn't call him again to see what he has to say. IF he is so inclined to speak his mind.. then by all means he can call you. I wouldn't bring this up with the co~worker any longer either... IF she mentions it again... just tell her that things didn't work out, but you're all okay. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Yet he seemed to want to see other people when I brought it up. So I declined his attempts to take my pants off and said our pants stay on if we aren't exclusive. He said I was the only one who wanted to see other people. I seriously doubted the misunderstanding That's a pretty big signal to me......why waste your time with a 40 year old who won't even munch your carpet to satisfy you even if he DOES finish too quickly? There is a difference between being nervous and being considerate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Groovy Posted January 13, 2005 Author Share Posted January 13, 2005 I agree, the whole "I don't want to see others, I do" was a joke. However, most men in the beginning fumble with this and this guy was honest to a fault about everything he said. (So it seemed.) Many men don't know they want to be just with her until 6 months later but most people don't wait 6 months to go to bed together. One man did that to me and talked about marrying me later. So I figured whatever, he's felt this way for a few weeks now, maybe he does mean it. I have never met anyone who lied for a few weeks! Maybe in the heat of the moment, which is why I wait. My friend thinks he meant it but she's been married 3 times so WTF does she know..... I feel like he wanted a good girl with a clean spread to give while he plays the field. She expects nothing in return and is O.K with the vulnerabilities and imbalance that may cost her. Someone who does not love themselves and can blind to all his imperfections. So obviously I'm quickly over my losses. I wouldn't be so angry if he had spoken to me maturely and not bothered to call me 5 weeks later saying he's been meaning to call to me. I had griped to my co-worker/friend he didn't even call me for a conversation and he is a loser. She said call him andI said I felt that was just stupid based on circumstance. Well now he calls me, too damn late. She is seeing him tonight at her husbands job. I will just mention he called and I might call him this weekend, not sure I care to though as a phone call means little now. If I call I am tempted to call just to say it's so great you've called me after 5 weeks, I must be special! I could also thank him for the 4 minutes. (I'd be tempted anyway). Fine we spoke, it was great now go away and my co-worker can feel we both listened to her, so we can all drop it. Link to post Share on other sites
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