st8toftheheart Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 Just wondering how you folks would react if you came across a pros and cons list of yourselves at your SO's place? Recently starting seeing someone and about 2 months into I accidentally came across a pros and cons list of me. I know how they dealt with it on Friends , but what's people real life experience? I myself was hurt at first and questioned the relationship. Eventually, I told myself it was her right to eveluate me since we were relatively new, even if I didn't like the format she chose to do it? Was I wrong? Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 It would weird me out a little. Are you sure it wasn't planted? I do believe in writing down your 'wants' before a relationship, that way when your brain is foggy with love, you can still go back and see what your true 'wants' are. So, how'd you rank?! Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 Each person has a different method for making decisions. While I would have a checklist in my head, maybe she found it easier to write it down. I think most people, when making serious decisions, weigh both sides. Link to post Share on other sites
Hund1976 Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 Most people probably do this in their head. She wrote it down and then left it around for some reason. I wouldn't be mad about it unless she had some really bad cons for you! Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 ...Yeah, I've definitely done it, moreso in my head though. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 :Thinks about the movie Along came Polly: I think everyone does this... regardless if it's written down, said out loud, discussed with thier friend's, or as Tiki said.. in thier own thought's... I can see your point that it would wig ya out a little to see the "List" especially when you get to the not so good crap about you... but obviously your girl still thinks there is enough good there going on... so good to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author st8toftheheart Posted January 12, 2005 Author Share Posted January 12, 2005 Originally posted by tiki It would weird me out a little. Are you sure it wasn't planted? I do believe in writing down your 'wants' before a relationship, that way when your brain is foggy with love, you can still go back and see what your true 'wants' are. So, how'd you rank?! It wasn't planted, because I came cross it totally by accident helping her move something. I picked it up thinking it was garbage and voila. She found the fact I was a gentleman, old fashioned and funny a pro, but cons were that I'm a metrosexual and a bit of a label queen. So I guess the pros meant more to her than the cons, cause she's still with me. But sometimes seeing something like that can send you into self doubt about yourself. Trying to understand why things would be seen as a Con to someone, especially one that you care about. Obviously I wasn't meant to see it. So I took that into consideration when I was assessing how I felt about it. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 Originally posted by st8toftheheart cons were that I'm a metrosexual and a bit of a label queen. Whaaa? Those are cons?! No way man. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 As long as "big d!ck" was in the Pro category, I'd be fine with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author st8toftheheart Posted January 12, 2005 Author Share Posted January 12, 2005 Originally posted by Hund1976 Most people probably do this in their head. She wrote it down and then left it around for some reason. I wouldn't be mad about it unless she had some really bad cons for you! I guess I was more hurt than mad really. Seeing cons, regardless of the level severity, can have an emotional impact. But you're right, everyone does this type of assessment. I can't honestly say that I didn't do the same. I just didn't write it down. But no one likes to see what other people don't like about them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author st8toftheheart Posted January 12, 2005 Author Share Posted January 12, 2005 Originally posted by tiki Whaaa? Those are cons?! No way man. That's what I thought. But I guess it made seem a little superficial. But I guess my other traits calmed that fear? Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 Originally posted by st8toftheheart But no one likes to see what other people don't like about them. Oh I don't think it's neccessarily that at all. I may like that you're a flirt, but find it to be a "con" in a relationship. There's a difference. Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 I have done this before, but only when I had to choose between 2 guys. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 Originally posted by naive_2001 I have done this before, but only when I had to choose between 2 guys. True. Link to post Share on other sites
Author st8toftheheart Posted January 12, 2005 Author Share Posted January 12, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 As long as "big d!ck" was in the Pro category, I'd be fine with it. Oddly enough, I could start a whole other thread on that topic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author st8toftheheart Posted January 12, 2005 Author Share Posted January 12, 2005 Originally posted by naive_2001 I have done this before, but only when I had to choose between 2 guys. Ouch. I never made the connection. You just brought something to mind. This could have actually been a reason. And the reason why she didn't feel comfortable talking about it, and could explain something else. Ok, I'm just scaring myself and jumping to conclusions. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 why not create a pro/con list of her and accidentally leave it somewhere where she may just find it... right, and you may want to leave "unable to suck kock properly" off the cons list. just so that you don't get put in the dog house for a wk or two. Link to post Share on other sites
NutellaGirl Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 Originally posted by st8toftheheart Ouch. I never made the connection. You just brought something to mind. This could have actually been a reason. And the reason why she didn't feel comfortable talking about it, and could explain something else. Ok, I'm just scaring myself and jumping to conclusions. Right! Don't jump to any conclusions. Given my past experiences - it isn't necessarily about chosing between 2 people at all, just because you are mulling over something in your mind.... And like you said - you did the same thing, you just did not write it down. You know in your intentions if you were evaluating her against another lady or just against want you want, think you should have, or just to see what is there. Make sense? Maybe she just didn't feel comfortable talking about it - because it was something no one aside from herself was supposed to see - kinda like reading someones diary or old emails without their permission. And if you have any issues with it - before jumping to conclusions, you should discuss it with her. I think that's a clever thing to do Link to post Share on other sites
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