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Dating After LTR is a Little Odd!


SSM3

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I've just come out of an LTR and started dating again. The person I have met has also come out of an LTR (marriage for her). I haven't dated for 12 years now and quite rusty on certain things.

 

I know how to charm and treat a woman but certain things are a little odd and take some time to adjust. To go from seeing someone each day to seeing someone 2-3's per week is abit weird, but it's part of the game.

 

There are certain things which are exciting, but its stepping into the unknown isn't it! You just never know if it's going to workout do you.

 

Certain sites say play games/tactics to keep the other person interested, but I really can't be bothered with that. The person either likes me or she doesn't. I think she does.....and I haven't played any games!

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Smitten and Bitten

I'd be very interested in hearing further experiences, if you're willing. The whole "game-playing" thing has me stymied. It seems like it's required.

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Certain sites say play games/tactics to keep the other person interested, but I really can't be bothered with that. The person either likes me or she doesn't. I think she does.....and I haven't played any games!

 

Don't bother playing games.

 

I'm similar in that I came out of a 10 yr relationship and once I started dating again, I couldn't be bothered to play any games. If I liked someone, I would tell them. If I thought they were beautiful, I would tell them. If I wanted to do something, I would call them and ask.

 

Games are for people who don't want to be in a relationship of equals. They do it so they feel like they have more power than the other person.

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I have to say, after coming out of a 10+ year marriage, dating is foreign to me as well. I'm used to someone always being there. It did take time to realize that is not going to be the case at least for awhile. It's kind of nice though. I can text call or meet up. Or do none of the above. I don't play games and will not participate with others doing that to me. This really doesn't have to be difficult, it's disturbing that so many make it hard for the good ones:(

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I'd be very interested in hearing further experiences, if you're willing. The whole "game-playing" thing has me stymied. It seems like it's required.

 

Well, we are about the same age (I am 3 years older but hey ho!) and neither of us have played any games. We text each other all day from morning till bed time (we are not kids either - I am 39 she is 36) just keeping in touch etc, which is nice.

 

Some sites say you should wait 2 or 3 hours before replying, why?? Whenever she reads my message within a matter of seconds I get a reply! Is this bad? I don't think so, it just means that she wants to communicate with me.

 

There is also the question with 'the next date' and when do you ask for one? Do you ask for us straight after your last? During a date or what?? If you ask soon after it makes you look desperate right? Do I ask or let her ask for another date? Some sites say women like a man to be in control!!!

 

It's all so confusing!!!

 

We have had about 6 or 7 dates now and things are going well, and quite relaxed.

 

I would love to know what she is thinking, but I wouldn't want to ask!!

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Don't bother playing games.

 

I'm similar in that I came out of a 10 yr relationship and once I started dating again, I couldn't be bothered to play any games. If I liked someone, I would tell them. If I thought they were beautiful, I would tell them. If I wanted to do something, I would call them and ask.

 

Games are for people who don't want to be in a relationship of equals. They do it so they feel like they have more power than the other person.

 

My girl/date or what-ever she is, is beautiful and I tell her this too! She never had real compliments from her ex and finds it quite odd, but nice she says too.

 

Websites also say that you shouldn't over compliment a woman either! ;)

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Well, we are about the same age (I am 3 years older but hey ho!) and neither of us have played any games. We text each other all day from morning till bed time (we are not kids either - I am 39 she is 36) just keeping in touch etc, which is nice.

 

Some sites say you should wait 2 or 3 hours before replying, why?? Whenever she reads my message within a matter of seconds I get a reply! Is this bad? I don't think so, it just means that she wants to communicate with me.

 

There is also the question with 'the next date' and when do you ask for one? Do you ask for us straight after your last? During a date or what?? If you ask soon after it makes you look desperate right? Do I ask or let her ask for another date? Some sites say women like a man to be in control!!!

 

It's all so confusing!!!

 

We have had about 6 or 7 dates now and things are going well, and quite relaxed.

 

I would love to know what she is thinking, but I wouldn't want to ask!!

 

It sounds as if things are progressing nicely. Why all the questions? Keep doing what you are doing!

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It sounds as if things are progressing nicely. Why all the questions? Keep doing what you are doing!

 

Just wanted to chat with other members on here my friend, but thank you :)

 

It's also very new (again) to me!

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Missed abit
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Just wanted to chat with other members on here my friend, but thank you :)

 

I reread your first post and it was more or less a statement piece but the post that followed was a barrage of unnecessary questions. Lol I think sometimes we are our own worst enemy. Don't read about "what if's" or start questioning until it's NOT going as great as it seems.

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There is also the question with 'the next date' and when do you ask for one? Do you ask for us straight after your last? During a date or what?? If you ask soon after it makes you look desperate right? Do I ask or let her ask for another date? Some sites say women like a man to be in control!!!

 

It's all so confusing!!!

 

We have had about 6 or 7 dates now and things are going well, and quite relaxed.

 

I would love to know what she is thinking, but I wouldn't want to ask!!

 

The current girl I'm dating I texted immediately after our first date and said I'd love to go on another date with her. After our second date, I immediately texted her and said I'd love to go on another date with her.

 

Right before our third date I told her I was very interested in her and that I found her very attractive. I didn't wait to find out what she "might" be thinking. I just threw it out there.

 

After our third date, I made her breakfast. I also told her that going forward on any future dates, I would likely want to hold her hand when we were out.

 

Moral of the story is I told her exactly what I was thinking when I was thinking it. We're both late 30's, early 40's so the no games thing works very well for us. I figured if at any point she came back with anything negative or that what I was doing was too much, at least I knew exactly where she was at. But she never had to question where I was at in the relationship.

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The current girl I'm dating I texted immediately after our first date and said I'd love to go on another date with her. After our second date, I immediately texted her and said I'd love to go on another date with her.

 

Right before our third date I told her I was very interested in her and that I found her very attractive. I didn't wait to find out what she "might" be thinking. I just threw it out there.

 

After our third date, I made her breakfast. I also told her that going forward on any future dates, I would likely want to hold her hand when we were out.

 

Moral of the story is I told her exactly what I was thinking when I was thinking it. We're both late 30's, early 40's so the no games thing works very well for us. I figured if at any point she came back with anything negative or that what I was doing was too much, at least I knew exactly where she was at. But she never had to question where I was at in the relationship.

 

That's it, right there!! RightThere!!

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I reread your first post and it was more or less a statement piece but the post that followed was a barrage of unnecessary questions. Lol I think sometimes we are our own worst enemy. Don't read about "what if's" or start questioning until it's NOT going as great as it seems.

 

Haha...it's just nice to hear from others in my shoes really and to see how are they finding things.

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I just started weeding out anyone who was playing games. I didn't care for it.

 

I did cut out a LOT of prospects, but it worked, I'm with a great lady right now. Communication could never be better than with her.

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The current girl I'm dating I texted immediately after our first date and said I'd love to go on another date with her. After our second date, I immediately texted her and said I'd love to go on another date with her.

 

Right before our third date I told her I was very interested in her and that I found her very attractive. I didn't wait to find out what she "might" be thinking. I just threw it out there.

 

After our third date, I made her breakfast. I also told her that going forward on any future dates, I would likely want to hold her hand when we were out.

 

Moral of the story is I told her exactly what I was thinking when I was thinking it. We're both late 30's, early 40's so the no games thing works very well for us. I figured if at any point she came back with anything negative or that what I was doing was too much, at least I knew exactly where she was at. But she never had to question where I was at in the relationship.

 

Similar to myself really. Whenever we have a 'date' by the time I get home I will always have a message from her saying "thank you for great evening etc etc"

 

Whenever I am thinking of her, I tell her. She reciprocates when I say nice things to her..

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Smitten and Bitten
I reread your first post and it was more or less a statement piece but the post that followed was a barrage of unnecessary questions. Lol I think sometimes we are our own worst enemy. Don't read about "what if's" or start questioning until it's NOT going as great as it seems.

 

Questions I'm constantly asking myself...could it possibly be true that they are unnecessary? That open and honest communication from the beginning is the way to go? Dare I dream?

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Questions I'm constantly asking myself...could it possibly be true that they are unnecessary? That open and honest communication from the beginning is the way to go? Dare I dream?

 

Don't dream it, DO it!! You just have to hope the other party is the same way. But it's beyond your control lol Can't win, right?!?!

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We are also going on holiday to Dubai in a few weeks time, so I'm guessing things are going ok! :cool:

 

Lucky girl. #1 dream destination for me. One day! I say be happy where you are in the relationship as it stands.

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Lucky girl. #1 dream destination for me. One day! I say be happy where you are in the relationship as it stands.

 

I am..she is lovely!

 

I have also arranged a surprise weekend away too, she knows nothing about this apart from we are going away! I can't put it on here where we are going or what we are doing in-case she (slim chance I know) is also on the site! ;)

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I am..she is lovely!

 

I have also arranged a surprise weekend away too, she knows nothing about this apart from we are going away! I can't put it on here where we are going or what we are doing in-case she (slim chance I know) is also on the site! ;)

 

Please update the thread afterwards. I'm always happy to see others positive experience for a change!

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Please update the thread afterwards. I'm always happy to see others positive experience for a change!

 

I certainly will, no problem.

 

It's still quite early for us but we both feel like we have known each other for a-lot longer.

 

I do have a good feeling about this young woman, and quite optimistic. I hope I don't screw things up now! :o

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So we all agree then.....

 

  1. No games
  2. No playing about
  3. Be yourself
  4. Don't lie or exaggerate
  5. If you want to message the person, do it
  6. If you want to call the person do it (???)
  7. Is there anything else us 'back on the scene' daters should be doing?

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How great!

 

I never played any of those games when I was divorced and online dating. I think I was really fortunate. I had great experiences and met really wonderful fun men. Everyone I met was upfront and honest.

 

I will say I did have some of my "own rules" which to me were just common courtesy and weeded out the wankers.

 

Basically my rule was if you wanted a date with me on Friday or Saturday you needed to be asking me by Wednesday. I didn't tell anyone this of course. But if they asked on Thursday. Or Friday for a date that weekend -- I was busy. And I was. If I didn't have a date then my date was watching Spartacus on my tv with wine and pizza! lol

 

What I found was the guys that wanted to see me... They did start asking the next day for another date and what fell out of that was I ended up pretty much dating one guy that I liked a lot and was fun and compatible. ..... And things were peachy until I accepted a date with my current DH. After date #3 he didn't want me dating anyone else. I had my own rule that I wasn't interested in being sexually involved with more than one guy....cause that icks me out ... The guy I was dating was cool with that rule and agreed to it too.

 

So those were my two "rules". They worked for me. I loved my singledom dating years... And I ended up meeting My husband and then having honest discussion with the guy I was involved with and told him I met someone that I wanted to see more of and see where it went.

 

I say be courteous and use common sense. Be honest and be yourself! Enjoy dubai!!!

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How great!

 

I never played any of those games when I was divorced and online dating. I think I was really fortunate. I had great experiences and met really wonderful fun men. Everyone I met was upfront and honest.

 

I will say I did have some of my "own rules" which to me were just common courtesy and weeded out the wankers.

 

Basically my rule was if you wanted a date with me on Friday or Saturday you needed to be asking me by Wednesday. I didn't tell anyone this of course. But if they asked on Thursday. Or Friday for a date that weekend -- I was busy. And I was. If I didn't have a date then my date was watching Spartacus on my tv with wine and pizza! lol

 

What I found was the guys that wanted to see me... They did start asking the next day for another date and what fell out of that was I ended up pretty much dating one guy that I liked a lot and was fun and compatible. ..... And things were peachy until I accepted a date with my current DH. After date #3 he didn't want me dating anyone else. I had my own rule that I wasn't interested in being sexually involved with more than one guy....cause that icks me out ... The guy I was dating was cool with that rule and agreed to it too.

 

So those were my two "rules". They worked for me. I loved my singledom dating years... And I ended up meeting My husband and then having honest discussion with the guy I was involved with and told him I met someone that I wanted to see more of and see where it went.

 

I say be courteous and use common sense. Be honest and be yourself! Enjoy dubai!!!

Wanker? On the east coast? Lol good turn out!

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Well, I sent her an email this morning out of the blue asking if she fancied meeting up later this evening. She replied straight back saying she can't but would love to tomorrow...ah....happy times! :D

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