Long-term love interest is finally single- should I make contact? (Read first)

[Miss J89]

Hi I'm new on here.

 

There is a male acquaintance of mine who I fell in love with three years ago this October. I met him five years ago and the attraction to him was instant, sort of like a rush, lightning bolt thing, but I thought no more about him until two years later, when he came to sit at our table and the same happened again. A close friend told me that he (my crush) thought that I was "stunning" and "fit". But needless to say, a few months later he began dating someone else and I was hurt. I didn't like the girl he began dating and pined for him the whole time. Tried to meet other guys but nothing materialised. Now, 2 1/2 years on they've broken up. According to my friend it was a bad break up and I have noticed that he recently deleted his Facebook profile and made a new one under a different name hmmmm....

 

This man is the most amazing man I've ever met. He is not the type you meet everyday. He has inspired me to become a better version of what I was prior to meeting him. I'm more creative and began to play musical instruments again because of him, something I'd always wanted to do but gave up on. But here's the kicker: I was quite forward with him before he got with is now ex-girlfriend. Plus, when he was with his ex I can't say I acted totally mature. Nothing major, just one outburst at a bar one night where I told them both that she would never be good enough for him and he could do better. I was also suffering from severe depression at the time and was drinking too much which I don't think he knew.

 

The question is, what can or should I do now? I haven't contacted him yet and want to give him time, as I don't know the circumstances of his breakup. Part of me wants to contact him, just to tell him I hope he's ok and that I care about him, both a) to show him that I genuinely care and b) because deep down I'm scared if I don't contact him he won't think about me and will just be dating another girl within a few weeks/months. Will he even want to hear from me? I was thinking of writing him a letter explaining my mental state at the time and why I did what I did. He's a nice guy who has suffered from depression himself so i think he might understand. The one thing I've always wanted is a chance with him. A bit of advice on what's the best thing to do would be beneficial right now

 

J x

[jen1447]

How 'crazy' was the episode at the bar? Depending on that he might not want to see you or hear from you at all. (I know it's tough to self-read those things ....were there any friends there who could give you an honest take?)

 

If it wasn't so bad then sure, reach out to him. I wouldn't go the explanation route tho bc that will just tell him it's been on your mind, which would be a (obsession) warning sign. Wait for some later time for that if it's really an issue.

 

Watch out for hero worship tho. It sounds like you think this guy is impossibly awesome.

[Popsicle]

Sure it's worth a try. I firmly believe that if someone really likes or loves you, they will be more a bit more forgiving, assuming they know you aren't malicious. If he doesn't forgive you, then he probably doesn't really have the feeling for you, that you need, or he just wants to be with someone else. In those cases, you shouldn't feel bad because it just wasn't meant to be. I think you should give it a good try though.

[Miss J89]

I agree with you. The bar incident wasn't that bad actually and my friends agreed. I don't want him to think that I'm constantly thinking of him- I have my own life ya know! I think it's best to give him time and leeway and if he wants to come to me he will

Thanks xx

[Celeste.Carol]

I would personally wait. If he has recently broken up from a passionate and loving relationship...he is going to rebound. You do not want to be the rebound girl!

[sid3]

I think you're done. Whether or not he knew you had too much to drink or not. Take my opinion with a grain of salt, it's 50/50 as to whether I'm right or wrong.

[katiegrl]

Plus, when he was with his ex I can't say I acted totally mature. Nothing major, just one outburst at a bar one night where I told them both that she would never be good enough for him and he could do better. I was also suffering from severe depression at the time and was drinking too much which I don't think he knew.

 

 

 

I wouldn't worry too much about this. Believe it or not, many men like women who are "feisty" like that.... plus I bet he was flattered that you were willing to "fight" for him the way you did....:bunny:

 

 

I think you should go for it.... and contact him (casually). Send him a short text...and if he responds, great, take it from there.

 

 

I mean why not? Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

[Miss J89]

Popsicle- he's a very forgiving guy, so I'm hopeful. I think this girl had a bad influence over him but now that she's gone he might, in time, come back

 

Celeste.carol- I wouldn't say their relationship was THAT loving or passionate- they seemed more friends than lovers to me. She REALLY seemed to hate me from the get-go as well

 

Katiegirl- I daren't do anything in case he thinks I'm "sniffing around" him or coming out of the woodwork, so to say. But a little part of me REALLY wants to practically beg him for a date!!

[PogoStick]

I'm concerned with how you think about this man says about your mental health. You mentioned depression already. Crediting him with positive changes in your life is a tricky position. It sounds like you're living in a fantasy and attributing things him that may or may not be real. I would rather hear that you are self-inspired to make those positive changes in your life.