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My girlfriend is black but my parents don't like black people?


Billybob23

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I don't know what to do, my parents haven't met her yet but I am nervous when they do. I really love her but I don't think they will accept her. Does anyone have advice or been in a similar situation?

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I don't know what to do, my parents haven't met her yet but I am nervous when they do. I really love her but I don't think they will accept her. Does anyone have advice or been in a similar situation?

 

How old are you and she? How long have the two of you been together?

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How old are you and she? How long have the two of you been together?

 

I am 19 and she is 20, we have been dating for 6 months. My parents are far from where I live, hence why they have yet to meet her.

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Fleur de cactus

Why do you need your parents approval to fall in love? Just let them now that you love her . Don't bring her to the family before you talk to your parents . Also you gf haS the right to know your parents, attitudes toward black people. Do you know why your parents do not like black people ? Maybe you can prove them that they are wrong. It is tough situAtion but don't get discouraged. I know people who went through similar situation but finally they are happy together . Good luck in this battle.

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I am 19 and she is 20, we have been dating for 6 months. My parents are far from where I live, hence why they have yet to meet her.

 

I am guessing that you are attending university and your parents are paying for it?

 

Are you afraid they will cut you off financially in addition to emotionally?

 

Does your girlfriend know that your parents are racist?

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One crucial thing I learned in dating is to never date guided by the approval of others. Your parents have each other. You will break up with the woman you love and have no one. How fair is that?

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I am guessing that you are attending university and your parents are paying for it?

 

Are you afraid they will cut you off financially in addition to emotionally?

 

Does your girlfriend know that your parents are racist?

 

I just chose to move, though I am afraid they will cut me off. She knows they aren't fond of black people, though she doesn't seem like she is worried about meeting them. Wish I wasn't.

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Are both of your parents equally racially prejudice against black people? My thinking is that if your Mom was a bit more openminded than your dad, that you could let her know first to test the waters.

 

Ultimately, you are the only one that has a say in your own happiness in life, regardless of what your parents think about your GF. Looking at this from my point of view, they may not be as racist as you think, because it obviously did not rub off on you. ;)

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Who knows. Maybe she'll be the one to open their hearts. They are likely to become accepting of her sooner or later if she's a great girl.

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You're in for a rocky ride, guy. There is no way to sugar coat this. I hope you and your gf are happy and are in it for the long haul together, because no one has a good time with this situation. I hope for the best for you both and your parents, because despite what people say or do, if they don't like it, they won't support it. Fact.

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A couple of years ago I chose to tell my family I was dating a black man during a family reunion. We were around 25 people present. You should have seen the wave of reactions that created lol. I am laughing each time I think back about it because I get a kick out of getting a reaction out of them. I know now that no matter the choices I make they will love me. I didn't know that at 19 that's why I feared their reaction in most my decision back then, like you do.

 

So time went by and I eventually took my boyfriend with me to meet them. It went very well. The following day I woke up to an email from one of my brother and his wife telling me how they were impressed with my boyfriend and that I had made a really good choice for myself.

 

Keep in mind I am not American so the prejudice and racism here is nowhere near what you have in the US.

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DivorcedDad123

Bumpy ride indeed. Some cant get past the fact of skin color. My gf's parents disowned her when she married a black man. They were married for almost 20 years. Two kids. She hasnt seen her mother since, who went so far as to tell people that she had died. (Imagine their surprise when they bumped into her) Her dad she only sees sporatically here and there. At the time, they even had her car towed that she had driven to work. The one they had paid for.

If its a problem with your parents, expect the financial aid to stop if they're that much of asshats.

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I just chose to move, though I am afraid they will cut me off.

 

As long as this is your policy, you will always be their child, not their grown son. Let them cut you off if you believe in your love for this woman. Work hard to build your own. Make your own money, carve your own so that no one ever again can threaten where you lay your head at night.

 

She knows they aren't fond of black people, though she doesn't seem like she is worried about meeting them. Wish I wasn't

 

She doesn't fear them because she wasn't raised by them. She doesn't know what they're capable of doing and saying. You do. She may be able to win them over with her charm, but you have to figure out where you're going to stand when (and they will) decide to go in on her. Are you going to protect her and stand by her or are you going to cower and let them savage her?

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Racism is disgusting.

 

Talk to your parents, and advise them that you've met an amazing girl, and tell them about her. Drop in casually that she is black, but talk some of her other great qualities first.

 

If they react negatively, then simply advise them that they are entitled to their own opinions, but if they do not love you and respect you enough to put aside their hatred, then you're going to leave it at that and go home to your girlfriend. If they continue to spout racist nonsense, then stand up, thank them for their hospitality, then go home.

 

Stay calm, and if your parents love you more than they hate black people they don't even know, they won't cut you off for dating a black woman. If they do, then I'd say it's for the best in the long run if that's the case.

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I don't know what to do, my parents haven't met her yet but I am nervous when they do. I really love her but I don't think they will accept her. Does anyone have advice or been in a similar situation?

 

 

Your an adult now, doesn't matter a damn what anyone but you thinks of your partner.

 

No offence to your parents, but they need to sort their racism out.

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Normally I am a big believer in honoring and respect parents, etc. especially when still being supported by them.

 

But THIS...uh uh....saying they get to be racist because they pay your tuition is just...twisted.

 

Your parents are just plain wrong about this.

 

I would be tactful with them and play up your GF's wonderful character. But in the end, if they go all racist and rude, your job is to protect your GF from their hate and ignorance.

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You're in for a rocky ride, guy. There is no way to sugar coat this. I hope you and your gf are happy and are in it for the long haul together, because no one has a good time with this situation. I hope for the best for you both and your parents, because despite what people say or do, if they don't like it, they won't support it. Fact.

 

I am black, here is my take. At this stage in my life there is no way I could be in a long term relationship where my partner cannot introduce me to his family because they are racists. The thing is, they are willing to say they don't like black people. This means they are willing to do a lot worse stuff.

 

Sure they might come around. But I wouldn't want to be the person that causes the rift in your family. Family is important to me, so in a good match for me, it would also be important to you as well. And this would be a deal breaker: causing a rift in a family.

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First of all, good for you for not adopting your racist parents' attitude. Racism and discrimination continue because these sentiments are passed on through generations. You're breaking the streak in your family and that's so important.

 

I'm a social worker and vehemently anti racism, so I don't know what I'd do. Probably just bring my S/O around and tell them their behavior is disgusting and to get the hell over it. I'm imagining that's not the best way.... I'd take this to one of your parents first, whoever might be "softer" or more likely to accept your gf. Tell that parent what you're feeling. If they come around, ask them their advice about speaking to the other parent about it.

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As long as this is your policy, you will always be their child, not their grown son. Let them cut you off if you believe in your love for this woman. Work hard to build your own. Make your own money, carve your own so that no one ever again can threaten where you lay your head at night.

 

 

 

She doesn't fear them because she wasn't raised by them. She doesn't know what they're capable of doing and saying. You do. She may be able to win them over with her charm, but you have to figure out where you're going to stand when (and they will) decide to go in on her. Are you going to protect her and stand by her or are you going to cower and let them savage her?

 

Of course I'll stand by her.

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If they cut you off because she's black , then they really are racist, as opposed to just wanting you to date a white girl. I'm black myself and having faced racial prejudice, I wouldn't want to have that from my BFs family.

 

It comes down to how strong willed you are and how much you can stand up to your parents. By far the most important thing I'd want for my kids is that the person:

 

Loves them

Is faithful

Kind

Treats them well

 

If your GF is nice and polite, then they may warm to her. They're more likely to have a problem if she fits their stereotypical image of black females.

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mystikmind2005

I would imagine in America it is not so much about racism but intimidation/fear because of all the crap they see on TV involving these wild black people doing crazy **** all the time? And when i watch those American police patrol shows i can totally understand it, seriously!

 

I'm sure once your parents get to know her, that fear will pass? I hope this is true, good luck!

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My ex gf who is an immigrant from South America....she told me her father would disown her if she married black or Mexican.

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