daphs Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Hi everyone, could you please share your thougths on my situation? Last year I was broken up with by my boyfriend of 10 years, somehow I managed to survive that and enjoyed about 7 months of a little dating. Then I met a great guy who I kinda liked, he was traveling and was waaay too wild, so I didn't expected anything from it, but he came down hard, saying I was amazing and he wanted to be with me, that we should try and figure out a way to be together. He left, and we did 8 months of LDR the whole time he said we needed to figure out how to be together, I applied for a visa so I could visit him in Australia and was granted one, we were planning my trip when he suggested we opened a business together in my home country, that was a permanent solution instead of a temporary... we got to work on it. During this whole time, we skyped every single day for at least 2 hours, he would message me at 4 am as soon as he got up for work, during break, lunch and right after work, we were very much in a routine together. We manage to set up the business and he moved here about a month ago. Things are going really well in the business and he seems very happy, his parents came to visit and they were wonderful to me, mine have met him and like him too, I was happy... the only thing was that our sex life wasn't quite as hot as when he was first here. Now, he used his facebook on my phone the other day, and I got curious cause he's got a lot of female friends, so I went through his messages. All seemed normal, but two conversations: - He has been telling both his mum and a female friend, that he's scared, that I'm very much in love with him and he doesn't know what he feels, and that he's unsure of an actual relationship. The thing is, I've told him a few times that we could just do casual dating, we don't need to be boyfriend/girlfriend and he says absolutely not, he wants to be with me for real and feels like this could be it, forever... he says he wants to meet the rest of my family, even when I ask if he's sure because I don't want to put pressure on him or be too serious so soon. Even more, we got into a fight the other day and I told him we needed to take a breather because I was quite hurt, and he begged me not to leave him, saying he'd do anything to keep me in his life. So, I'm very confused, I don't understand why he would make a serious comitment with me like starting a business together, want to meet my family, he even talked about us moving in together as soon as he got here (we're not), and then tell others things are moving too fast and he's not sure about it. Please help! Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 He seems really confused. Maybe the thrill is leaving for him. Most men think they know what they want in a relationship but as time goes on its like the air goes out of them. As a woman you have to tread lightly when making serious commitments. I hope he can figure things out and I think you should give him plenty of space. Just watch his actions and pay no attention to his words. If he's losing interest in the sex that's a big sign. Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 I think the issue with him is foes he want to marry you or not. He is confused because you appear yo love him more than he loves you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author daphs Posted September 10, 2015 Author Share Posted September 10, 2015 He seems really confused. Maybe the thrill is leaving for him. Most men think they know what they want in a relationship but as time goes on its like the air goes out of them. As a woman you have to tread lightly when making serious commitments. I hope he can figure things out and I think you should give him plenty of space. Just watch his actions and pay no attention to his words. If he's losing interest in the sex that's a big sign. Hi, thank you for your input, the sex thing got me worried first, but he blames it on stress, says there's nothing wrong with our sex life and he's just trying to adjust to a new business, a new country and a new relationship. I can understand that, but it's still concerning. I offered him space already, a little break from each other and he begged me not to do it, that's whats more confusing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author daphs Posted September 10, 2015 Author Share Posted September 10, 2015 I think the issue with him is foes he want to marry you or not. He is confused because you appear yo love him more than he loves you. Hi, I don't understand why is marriage even an issue at this point, I have been very careful not to mention that kind of commitment. Actually just yesterday he said that if our business doesn't work we could move to Holland, where there could be a possible job for him next year, saying that would be the dream, living in such a beautiful country with his beautiful wife (meaning me), so I don't know what the hell is going on inside his head. Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 He's not sending mixed messages at all. He's confiding in his mom and friend about feelings which are arising. if you didn't want to know about it you shouldn't have read his messages. It's normal for people to get a bit anxious when an affair hits them far more seriously than they bargained for. It's also quite normal to talk these feelings out with friends and family in order to deal with the anxiety. He probably doesn't want to talk them out with you for obvious reasons......He's logically quite up to speed with the commitment thing but needs to just deal with his feelings without jeopardising the relationship. it's a pity you don't trust him enough not to go through his private things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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