on how to proceed...

[Stage5Clinger]

I met this girl and we went on a few dates. I think she really liked me introduced me to her family and she met mine. Then I nessed everything up by being needy and sending her love text messages. She kinda flipped on me aboit how she doesn't know me that well blah blah and wants to be friends. She said she was really hoping we could be something but didn't want to rush back into a relationship.

 

I asked her many times and finally said look I'm going to start dating other people. I took a girl out immediately after this conversation and I think it made her a little jealous. Her interest level went up a little bit but it's been very hot and cold.

 

I texted her last night and she was at calling hours and said shed text me later. She never did so I texted her this morning saying I hope everything is alright and I'm thinking about her. She said she was fine but thanks.

 

I asked her to hangout sometime this week and she said maybe.. She'll let me know what's going on. I'm afraid she won't ever actually hit me up.

 

She responds almost immediately to my texts and seems decently interested but she has this wall up. Since clinging to her she has been hesitant to hangout. I'm trying to give her some space while still letting her know I adore her.

 

Maybe this is just a rant but does anyone know how I should proceed to get back to dating her again? I still feel needy and I'm not getting what I want from her - but should I keep at it? I really like her but I'm afraid I'm messing up.

 

I have other girls to date but I really like this one. She is 24 but relatively mature. Last few times we hungout she barely said two words to me saying she's not ready for a relationship. Any chance of that turning around or am I just going to continue to be heartbroken in this situation?

 

I get attached fast and I guess that's a turnoff when someone really likes you. How sad.

[Mathematics]

Hi there. I believe in the **** yes or no rule. If girls show any hint of disinterest she doesn't tend be interested and isn't worth your time. Go NC with her, if she comes back to you regarding a date then its game on.

[Majormisstep]

Stage5, (love your moniker..too funny!),

 

Anyway, you sound fairly young. People can sense desperation or clinginess right from the get-go and you are setting yourself up for a world of disappointment if you are really putting out the "relationship" vibe.

 

Take it easy. If you like a girl and there seems to be a mutual attraction, what's that line from a movie....be cool, don't be uncool. Pace your texting. You might get better responses and if they are still not interested, move on to the next. Enjoy this time in your life.

[smackie9]

When your emotions are not on the same page, it goes out of balance and it turns them off.....too much too soon, now it's too late. This is something you cannot recover from. I suggest you meet someone new and keep in mind to restrain yourself and follow her lead emotionally.

[GoBlue]

She responds almost immediately to my texts and seems decently interested but she has this wall up. Since clinging to her she has been hesitant to hangout. I'm trying to give her some space while still letting her know I adore her...I get attached fast and I guess that's a turnoff when someone really likes you. How sad.

 

It's not a turn-off when someone "really likes you," it is a turn-off when they move much more quickly than the situation warrants. No one, and I mean no one, is comfortable with that scenario. It indicates a "needy" and an "insecure" mind-set. Love takes time to develop and should develop slow and steady not hot and heavy. I don't know if this girl is going to change her mind or not, but I do know that giving her space and "letting her know that you adore her" cannot usually take place at the same time. She already knows how you feel now it may be time to pull back and let her figure out how she really feels. Have you ever gone and spoken with a counselor before regarding your insecurity? Getting this figured out now can go a long way in helping you prepare for the future. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[xcupid]

You're too hung up on her and it's not being reciprocated because you barely know each other. Probably freaked her out when you started sending love texts. Way too soon for that.

 

 

Believe her when she tells you she's not ready for a relationship. She's in casual dating only mode, if that.

 

 

You need to gain more confidence and avoid focusing on just one woman at this stage of the game.

 

 

She's not showing enough interest to make it worthwhile to put all of your efforts into it. Ask her out once in a while but in the meantime date other women.

[highseas]

I still don't get this "needy" business. Why, really, is it such a bad thing if someone just texts you a bit more and shows some interest (ok, maybe not love texts as in this case)? People automatically assume that people are "needy" as in what? not being to live without you? I think that's self-importance on the part of the one getting scared, more than anything. Instead many people seem to like to get the hard-to-get, like to wait around for texts from someone who won't text them back. That is what's puzzling to me. I am kind of like the OP, conventionally termed "needy" perhaps, but I have my shyt together, my career and friends and things. Just because I share more feelings shouldn't make people think I can't live without them or I have no life of my own. But OP, it seems that the world works in strange ways. What can I say?