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FB and Guys Messaging my GF


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Need advice on how to handle/approach this situation.

 

My GF is an exetermely attractive woman, she easily gets plenty of attention but that doesn't bother me. What does bother me are some of the FB messages guys send her. She gets plenty of messages from random guys that she doesn't reply to but there are 3-4 guys that she actually knows that message her. These guys are hitting on her although not directly and forward , dropping hints, and ask her out (not on dates) but to "hangout" and she can bring "friends" but never bring me into the situation.

 

She will respond to these guys intermittently, with Lol's and Lmao's but never comes out and flat out says, sorry I have a BF. Her texts aren't innapropriate but they aren't direct either. I've brought it up before but she says she is being nice as she has known these guys for years (although they never hang out anymore), and they also have known who I am for years.

 

I feel it's disrespectful to me and our relationship to not be forward with these guys, but she isn't leading them on either, she just doesn't come flat out and tell them "no, I have a BF". I would cut any message short with a girl if they said some of the things these guys have said out of respect to her and our relationship. I'm not sure how to approach this without seeming insecure or jealous (which I'm not) but I feel more disrespected and that is the worst thing someone can make me feel. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

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Is this issue worth you breaking up with her over?

 

I've brought it up before

 

She already knows how you feel---you've told her--- but doesn't feel your concerns warrant her checking her friends. She's done all she's going to do about this situation and you can't make her do what she doesn't already feel led to do of her own volition. So, what's left for you to do? Tolerate it or bounce.

 

She's telling you what your feelings mean to her.

 

Also, what you would do is what you would do. She's not you. She should already come with that integrity upgrade. She doesn't.

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Is this issue worth you breaking up with her over?

 

 

 

She already knows how you feel---you've told her--- but doesn't feel your concerns warrant her checking her friends. She's done all she's going to do about this situation and you can't make her do what she doesn't already feel led to do of her own volition. So, what's left for you to do? Tolerate it or bounce.

 

She's telling you what your feelings mean to her.

 

Also, what you would do is what you would do. She's not you. She should already come with that integrity upgrade. She doesn't.

 

No it's not worth breaking up over, it's just something that has been on my mind for a bit and decided to ask for advice. I agree with you on all points, I guess I was hoping maybe I was approaching it the wrong way and was looking for a different way but you're right, I did tell her how I feel so I guess I got my answer. I trust her and I know this isn't a big deal or anything that needs to be stressed about but for some reason thinking about it has gotten it all worked up in my head.

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Does her relationship status say she is in a relationship with you? If so you need to find a way to hush.

 

 

She communicates like many women. Women are not direct & without fundamentally changing who she is, she will never flat out say to any one leave me alone. That level of directness is beyond her & she thinks it's impolite. She is not being disrespectful to you. She is simply using humor, deflection and silence to avoid these men. You telling her that she has to be more forceful is not going to make her do so because it's a skill set she doesn't have.

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Friskyone4u

it is quite evident here that your GF LIKES the extra attention and you are correct that she could totally pour "ice water' on any of these guys any time she wanted to. BUT SHE DOESN't want to.

 

Although you say she is very attractive, she obviously needs these extra ego kibbles.

 

if you are in an "exclusive" relationship, there is no reason she should not be telling these other guys about you and that if they are to be FB friends that the flirty stuff and innuendos have to stop.

 

And for guys she has not known before you, why would she be making FB friends with new guys at all?????

 

Now, some will tell you to ignore this. i would not say break up with her, but if you read how much cheating STARTS with FB messages and progresses from there, i would certainly not be hesitant to tell how you are uncomfortable with some of these interactions.

 

it is called honstly communicating your feelings. If you were not uncomfortable with what she was doing, you would not be posting here.

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ascendotum
Does her relationship status say she is in a relationship with you? If so you need to find a way to hush.

 

I wonder that as well. For me I would have no problem with the my gf being friendly on FB to single guy friends she has none for numerous years. I would be pissed off if she was giving time to chat back & forth with random hot guys that contact her and hit on her, and this girl is not doing that which is good. I think she should be upfront with these orbiters that she has a bf. Maybe she has already and feels no need to keep saying it over, and I guess that's ok if she does not take up the guys offers to hangout 1 on 1. It seems harmless enough on the face of it, but guys know there are plenty of other sleazy guys (who are not their friend) who work on building chemistry/flirting with a girl and who wont hesitate to score a sneaky **** with regardless if she has a bf.

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Does her relationship status say she is in a relationship with you? If so you need to find a way to hush.

 

 

She communicates like many women. Women are not direct & without fundamentally changing who she is, she will never flat out say to any one leave me alone. That level of directness is beyond her & she thinks it's impolite. She is not being disrespectful to you. She is simply using humor, deflection and silence to avoid these men. You telling her that she has to be more forceful is not going to make her do so because it's a skill set she doesn't have.

 

Wow, great answer. I was thinking she WAS being disrespectful, but I think you could be right.

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I wonder that as well. For me I would have no problem with the my gf being friendly on FB to single guy friends she has none for numerous years. I would be pissed off if she was giving time to chat back & forth with random hot guys that contact her and hit on her, and this girl is not doing that which is good. I think she should be upfront with these orbiters that she has a bf. Maybe she has already and feels no need to keep saying it over, and I guess that's ok if she does not take up the guys offers to hangout 1 on 1. It seems harmless enough on the face of it, but guys know there are plenty of other sleazy guys (who are not their friend) who work on building chemistry/flirting with a girl and who wont hesitate to score a sneaky **** with regardless if she has a bf.

 

Yes her status is in a relationship and there are multiple pictures of us together on both our pages.

 

This is where my grey area will get me into trouble. She sees it as being friendly and not burning bridges and I obviously see it differently. She isn't flirting back as I have seen the messages. To me as a guy it's obvious what they are saying in the syntax of their messages, to her not so much. She doesn't hangout with these guys, nor does she even respond all the time, however to me her responding at all even an Lol is encouraging to these guys.

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My ex used to do this on Facebook. She then cheated on me with multiple dudes from Facebook.

 

 

True story.

 

 

Always told it wasn't a big deal and that it was understood that she was in a relationship. I guess that didn't matter to her or to them.

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Does her relationship status say she is in a relationship with you? If so you need to find a way to hush.

 

 

She communicates like many women. Women are not direct & without fundamentally changing who she is, she will never flat out say to any one leave me alone. That level of directness is beyond her & she thinks it's impolite. She is not being disrespectful to you. She is simply using humor, deflection and silence to avoid these men. You telling her that she has to be more forceful is not going to make her do so because it's a skill set she doesn't have.

 

Exactly this! This is how she sees it. She has told them she has a boyfriend and they know. Guys are sleazy, especially these 3 and my opinion is any reply other than directness and it's encouraging to them to keep trying.

 

Maybe I should focus on the other factors such as she doesn't meet them, turns down offers with Lol and lmao, and all her free time with me. It just confuses me because it would be common sense to me to cut it from the first moment and make it plain that I'm in an relationship and that I won't stray.

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I'm going to give you a piece of advice. She is disrespecting you by not stopping the behavior when they ask her out. It's one thing to use these men as an ego boost, but when she doesn't shut it down, it does indeed show a lack of respect for the relationship.

 

 

The women in this thread would not be giving you the advice they were giving you if you were a girl and your boyfriend was not putting these other girls in check. They also would not be tolerating this behavior if they themselves were in this situation.

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Exactly this! This is how she sees it. She has told them she has a boyfriend and they know. Guys are sleazy, especially these 3 and my opinion is any reply other than directness and it's encouraging to them to keep trying.

 

Maybe I should focus on the other factors such as she doesn't meet them, turns down offers with Lol and lmao, and all her free time with me. It just confuses me because it would be common sense to me to cut it from the first moment and make it plain that I'm in an relationship and that I won't stray.

 

 

Men Are From Mars and Woman Are From Venus. To some extend she thinks she is doing just that. You two are using different techniques.

 

 

While guys may be sleazy that doesn't mean women, like your GF, don't know how to handle sleazy guys.

 

 

Think about it this way. Say you & her are going on a date. You would normally take the highway because it gets you there faster. But this night she's driving & she takes Main Street because it's more picturesque & she doesn't like driving on the highway. You still get to the restaurant. Are you going to get in a fight or dump her because you didn't like the route she picked because it wasn't the one you would have chosen?

 

 

If she meets these men, all bets are off. Dump her & run away

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I don't think I've ever met a really attractive woman who would just totally shut a guy down for flirting with her a little while she's in a relationship. Whether it's because they enjoy it on some level, or they've just figured out taking the passive route is the best way to deal with it, or as others said it's just their nature I don't know. Being comfortable with that is part of the requirements of dating a hot chick though.

 

Cause if you start bitching about it too much, especially when she's not giving you any signs of genuinely being interested in those guys, you are going to come off as jealous and insecure. Which is very drying for the vagina.

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Does her relationship status say she is in a relationship with you? If so you need to find a way to hush.

 

 

She communicates like many women. Women are not direct & without fundamentally changing who she is, she will never flat out say to any one leave me alone. That level of directness is beyond her & she thinks it's impolite. She is not being disrespectful to you. She is simply using humor, deflection and silence to avoid these men. You telling her that she has to be more forceful is not going to make her do so because it's a skill set she doesn't have.

 

Would you mind PMing me?

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lolablue17

OP, you post raises the big difference between men and women on that matter. Men and women are not equal!

 

An attractive guy usually must initiate a move in order to start contact, but attractive girls don't. So the question should you ask her is not: "what if a girl hits me and i don't tell her i have a girlfriend..."

 

The real fair question is "What if I start talking to stranger girls (In a bar, at the university, in the gym...) without letting them know i have a girlfriend?".

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Would you mind PMing me?

I wouldn't mind but I can't. As a new member you can't even receive PMs. It's the LS system. You can pay to be a sustaining member & automatically get PM privileges.

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OP, you post raises the big difference between men and women on that matter. Men and women are not equal!

 

An attractive guy usually must initiate a move in order to start contact, but attractive girls don't. So the question should you ask her is not: "what if a girl hits me and i don't tell her i have a girlfriend..."

 

The real fair question is "What if I start talking to stranger girls (In a bar, at the university, in the gym...) without letting them know i have a girlfriend?".

 

They know she has a BF, there is no doubt about that.

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I wouldn't mind but I can't. As a new member you can't even receive PMs. It's the LS system. You can pay to be a sustaining member & automatically get PM privileges.

 

Didn't know that. Ok I was just going to ask how I should approach this if at all? I agree with you and Gauis's advice. When I brought it up she expressed it as you did just in different words. I don't feel threatened or insecure just perturbed by it and disrespected mostly. Maybe it's just how I am but I'm certain a majority of guys would feel the same way, especially in a committed relationship, both early thirties, with children involved.

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davidromero43

Thats some BS. My wife gets hit on as well. She sometimes shows me the message if it is funny. She doesn't respond. She just deletes and blocks them.

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Didn't know that. Ok I was just going to ask how I should approach this if at all? I agree with you and Gauis's advice. When I brought it up she expressed it as you did just in different words. I don't feel threatened or insecure just perturbed by it and disrespected mostly. Maybe it's just how I am but I'm certain a majority of guys would feel the same way, especially in a committed relationship, both early thirties, with children involved.

 

Talk to her about how the men she's LOLing take that acronym as encouragement. Tell her how you feel. Ask her how she'd feel if women were hitting on you & you didn't shut it down hard.

 

 

Suggest that the next time one of these guys invites her to hang out she respond by saying that her & her BF (you) would love to. That should stop the requests if she can't bring herself to tell them to stop asking.

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empresario

The red flag here is...

 

 

She knows how you feel and she doesn't tell these men no. Look, I don't care who the woman is...there are guys that will hit on them regardless of their relationship status.

 

 

If you can't trust her to turn down these suitors (because I promise you it happens in real life when you're not around as well) then I would suggest getting out. It's only a matter of time until she makes a mistake. Even if she never wants to cheat on you, she could put herself in a position where she feels she can't say no. I've seen it happen a million times. You have to be direct with them. If they don't stop, then you offer to get involved.

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autumnnight
Suggest that the next time one of these guys invites her to hang out she respond by saying that her & her BF (you) would love to. That should stop the requests if she can't bring herself to tell them to stop asking.

 

I like this. There was someone I knew peripherally years ago who occasionally gave me compliments in a way that made me kind of uncomfortable. I couldn't put my finger on it, and it was only occasionally, but I didn't like it. On the advice of a friend, the next time he complimented me (I think it was my hair), I said, "Thank, my husband loves it too."

 

He never complimented me again :)

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What I don't get is why women always tell other women that a man " is not respecting your feelings " when they express that they are bothered by something the man does and he continues to do it.

 

 

Here we have the shoe on the other foot, and the advice suddenly turns into a " this is how it is, deal with it " kind of attitude.

 

He expressed that it bothered him, she didn't show one ounce of caring about his feelings, and she continues and will continue to do it. It's literally six words. No thanks, I'm in a relationship. She doesn't want to burn any bridges so that if and when you two break up she can go to any of these guys and say " hey let's go grab that drink "

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autumnnight
What I don't get is why women always tell other women that a man " is not respecting your feelings " when they express that they are bothered by something the man does and he continues to do it.

 

 

Here we have the shoe on the other foot, and the advice suddenly turns into a " this is how it is, deal with it " kind of attitude.

 

He expressed that it bothered him, she didn't show one ounce of caring about his feelings, and she continues and will continue to do it. It's literally six words. No thanks, I'm in a relationship. She doesn't want to burn any bridges so that if and when you two break up she can go to any of these guys and say " hey let's go grab that drink "

 

That is a good point.

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