He keeps cancelling plans/dates...now what?!

[shortee]

This is the guy from work I have been dating. He cancelled our weekend plans and I didn't see him outside of work for a couple week. When I saw him at work the other day, he asked me to have dinner with him on Monday and then come over for drinks. So on Monday, I texted him about where and what time should I be ready. He texted me back saying something came up at work(at his other job) and could we reschedule for Friday. I have no idea if he'll cancel at all this time. But I have no idea why he keeps trying to make plans with me only to cancel at the last minute. He used to do this all the time too when we used to date. But I don't know what to do anymore.

[jen1447]

Two strikes and you're out is my policy on this kind of thing, without some really good reason. It sounds like he's way over two strikes with you, so I'd just blow him off.

[Qboro90]

If a guy wants to see you he will see you. He's not interested in you other than when it's convenient for him and you make it easy by being available and saying yes all the time. Treat him as a second option just like he's doing to you. Try to go out on dates with others (outside of work I would suggest, that never ends well).

[shortee]

Two strikes and you're out is my policy on this kind of thing, without some really good reason. It sounds like he's way over two strikes with you, so I'd just blow him off.

 

We've got plans for Friday though. Should I blow him off or give him one last chance? We used to date and he did this a lot then too. One of the reasons we stopped dating.

 

And both of us still have to work together. I'm not sure blowing him off is the best option.

[h0000]

Now what? Now cancel on him. Let's be fair it is your turn.

Text him on Friday "hey sorry my Aunt is visiting"

[Qboro90]

Don't be childish and blow him off. Do you really want to go back and forth spitefully like that? Go out with him Friday. If he bails then you know he's not worth it. If you do go out though let him know that you were contemplating not going through with the date after he cancelled on you Monday. See how he reacts and what his reasoning is. If it's work then say maybe it's best we stick to Friday and weekend dates if you're work schedule doesn't permit you to see me during the week.

 

When you dated previously, why did he cancel/ what was his reasoning behind it? And how often is "often" to you? Once every 2 months is different than once every week.

[jen1447]

We've got plans for Friday though. Should I blow him off or give him one last chance? We used to date and he did this a lot then too. One of the reasons we stopped dating.

 

And both of us still have to work together. I'm not sure blowing him off is the best option.

 

IMO his track record is already set and he's just plain unreliable, whatever the reason. I'd cancel on him for Friday, being as in my view there'd be no future for the relationship anyway. Why go on a pointless date with a guy who's stood you up more than a few times before?

[katiegrl]

We've got plans for Friday though. Should I blow him off or give him one last chance? We used to date and he did this a lot then too. One of the reasons we stopped dating.

 

And both of us still have to work together.

 

** I'm not sure blowing him off is the best option***.

 

You are right. Don't just blow him off the way HE continues to blow you off, and who will probably blow you off again Friday. I mean why lower yourself to his level?

 

The best option would be for you to tell him this isn't working for ya, wish him well and walk away quietly......and look for a guy who actually gives a crap.

 

Do you not want that for yourself? A guy who gives a crap....at least enough to keep a date with you?

 

If not, why not?

 

I am sorry, but if he cared and was really into you (the way you should want him to be), he would NOT be breaking all these dates with you. Period, the end.

 

You broke up with him once because of this.....you need to break up with him again, because of this.

 

Why did you ever get back with him in the first place? Because you hoped he had changed, and miraculously started giving a shyt?

 

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on ME. Keep repeating.

 

I'm sorry, but IMO you would be very foolish to stay with a guy like this.

Edited July 9, 2015 by katiegrl

[angel.eyes]

OP, you're a backup plan! Plain and simple. You allow it, so it continues.

 

How is it that the day of, on Monday, you were trying to find out where and when to meet him for dinner and then drinks at his??? This from a guy who did this to you when you dated? I noticed you put dated in the past tense. So what are you doing with him now if you aren't dating? Drinks at his with no exact time specified? What does he think this is? ...A booty call? Better yet, what exactly are you expecting based on such an offer? Especially from a guy who, according to you, routinely blew you off when you were actually dating?!? I'm sorry to be harsh, but you need to have some standards if you want to be treated with more consideration.

 

Do you have details for Friday's date...exactly when, where, what? If not, move on! Unless you're also just after something casual whenever it suits him and his schedule, you're wasting your time.

Edited July 9, 2015 by angel.eyes

[Toodaloo]

Oh dear lordy why are you wasting your time on this guy?

 

When he cancels again. Just say no problems and do not ever accept any more future invites from him... a simple oh I am sorry but I am already busy that night will do.

 

You work together now so what changes other than you start to date other men who actually turn up... Its a simple basic thing called manners...

[elaine567]

Oh dear lordy why are you wasting your time on this guy?

 

When he cancels again. Just say no problems and do not ever accept any more future invites from him... a simple oh I am sorry but I am already busy that night will do.

 

You work together now so what changes other than you start to date other men who actually turn up... Its a simple basic thing called manners...

 

This is not some random man off OLD, who is messing around with you as he doesn't actually know you.

This is a man you used to date, who knows you well and he is still acting like this...?

 

Ask him to explain to you why he is doing this to you as it is hurtful, and see if he starts putting some work in here. If he doesn't then you have your answer.

Of course if he is a guy working all the hours God sends to make a living (I note he has two jobs) then you can cut him some slack, but even if that is the case, he needs to show you some effort and not blow you off all the time at a minutes notice as if you do not matter to him at all.

[katiegrl]

This is not some random man off OLD, who is messing around with you as he doesn't actually know you.

This is a man you used to date, who knows you well and he is still acting like this...?

 

***Ask him to explain to you why he is doing this to you as it is hurtful, and see if he starts putting some work in here. ***

 

If he doesn't then you have your answer.

 

 

***Of course if he is a guy working all the hours God sends to make a living (I note he has two jobs) then you can cut him some slack,****

 

but even if that is the case, he needs to show you some effort and not blow you off all the time at a minutes notice as if you do not matter to him at all.

 

^^This is bad advice IMO (sorry elaine)....advice which the OP will probably hang on to with dear life, so as to avoid the reality of the situation..... that being the guy does not give a crap.

 

IMO, it is a futile waste of energy asking a guy why he chooses to treat you like an option, or worse, instead of a woman he actually cares about and has a desire to spend time with.

 

Especially when you are only at the dating stage. THIS is the time YOU need to evaluate whether or not HE is right for YOU.

 

I mean what do you expect him to say? That he doesn't give a crap enough to keep a date with you? Which is the truth, but he would never admit it. Most likely he will give more BS excuses, so why bother asking in the first place.

 

Work is ALWAYS the convenient excuse. My boyfriend has two busy jobs (one full time regular, and the second starting up his own contracting business,).... up at 5:00 am, back at 8:00 or 9:00 PM, gone all day Saturday, sometimes Sunday as well, and we *still* have time to be together.

 

And if we make a plan (commitment) to do something, he KEEPS that commitment.

 

Why? Because he gives a crap! About me and about our relationship.

 

No, no need to ask him ANYTHING......just walk.

 

If you want to ask anything, ask yourself why you are tolerating this BS.

Edited July 9, 2015 by katiegrl

[shortee]

^^This is bad advice IMO (sorry elaine)....advice which the OP will probably hang on to with dear life, so as to avoid the reality of the situation..... that being the guy does not give a crap.

 

IMO, it is a futile waste of energy asking a guy why he chooses to treat you like an option, or worse, instead of a woman he actually cares about and has a desire to spend time with.

 

Especially when you are only at the dating stage. THIS is the time YOU need to evaluate whether or not HE is right for YOU.

 

I mean what do you expect him to say? That he doesn't give a crap enough to keep a date with you? Which is the truth, but he would never admit it. Most likely he will give more BS excuses, so why bother asking in the first place.

 

Work is ALWAYS the convenient excuse. My boyfriend has two busy jobs (one full time regular, and the second starting up his own contracting business,).... up at 5:00 am, back at 8:00 or 9:00 PM, gone all day Saturday, sometimes Sunday as well, and we *still* have time to be together.

 

And if we make a plan (commitment) to do something, he KEEPS that commitment.

 

Why? Because he gives a crap! About me and about our relationship.

 

No, no need to ask him ANYTHING......just walk.

 

If you want to ask anything, ask yourself why you are tolerating this BS.

 

What am I supposed to do when I see him at work? Ignore him at work? I don't think that would work. Yes he did cancel again. He did call me to explain that he wanted to go out with me and was looking forward to it, but his father ended up in the hospital. He did reschedule with me again for next Friday. Yet I have had no contact with him since he cancelled. I really would like to know what is going on with him, so I can just move on without any drama at work.

[h0000]

What am I supposed to do when I see him at work?

 

Treat him exactly the same as you treat other coworkers. And forget everything that ever happened, forever. Also it means never try to go out with him again even if he asks. Just say you are busy.

 

I really would like to know what is going on with him, so I can just move on without any drama at work.

 

You have to know what's going on with him otherwise you can't move on without drama?

Sounds like an excuse. You just dont want to believe there is no chance.

You can move on if you really want to. Dont need to know what's going on with him.

[Redhead14]

keeps the date Friday, you don't

Edited July 15, 2015 by Redhead14

[Redhead14]

Im having computer trouble. If he cancels Fridays date, you tell him not to call you again. When you see him at work, you be polite and professional.

[katiegrl]

So according to my count, he broke THREE dates in a row.

 

Weekend plans, dinner last Monday, dinner last Friday.

 

How many more dates do you need him to break before you realize he's just not that into it, or you?

 

How long have you been "dating" him anyway? Is this breaking dates thing new?

 

I would not give him the oppy to break another date with you - this Friday. I hope you don't.

 

If it were me, I would send him a text now and say, "Sorry can't make it Friday. Hope your dad is okay. Good luck with everything and take care."

 

Then block him or just don't answer his calls or respond to texts.

 

We teach people how to treat us! Three strikes (in a row), you're out.

 

No need to explain anything to him, men KNOW when they're behaving badly.

 

When you see him at work, be professional, polite, and cool.

Edited July 15, 2015 by katiegrl

[yxalitis]

Errr...ummm, what if his dad really IS in hospital?

That's a pretty good excuse...I mena, one of the best, right.

I'd try and find out if that's true, that would allow you to exit gracefully if he lied.

[fitnessfan365]

If he wanted to see you, he would. It's that simple.

 

My advice? Only take plans seriously if you know the day, time, and place when you're initially asked out. If a guy leaves any details up in the air, you're 10x more likely to be flaked on. It's an easy way to keep multiple girls lined up for dates while deciding which one you actually want to meet up with.

[katiegrl]

Errr...ummm, what if his dad really IS in hospital?

That's a pretty good excuse...I mena, one of the best, right.

I'd try and find out if that's true, that would allow you to exit gracefully if he lied.

 

Err, umm, if this was was his first time cancelling, I might be inclined to believe him.

 

But it was his THIRD time. In a row. Come on.

 

Not to mention, hospital visiting hours end at 9:00 PM at most hospitals.

 

When my dad was in the hospital last year, I would go visit every evening, and still have plenty of time to spend with my boyfriend afterwards.

 

And what about lunch? Something!

 

Nope not buying it, sorry.

[xcupid]

What has this guy got that's so great that you put up with that sort of behavior from him? He keeps cancelling and it seems to me you're not his priority.

 

 

Time to bow out gracefully and look for a guy who treats you properly and the way you deserve.

[shortee]

Err, umm, if this was was his first time cancelling, I might be inclined to believe him.

 

But it was his THIRD time. In a row. Come on.

 

Not to mention, hospital visiting hours end at 9:00 PM at most hospitals.

 

When my dad was in the hospital last year, I would go visit every evening, and still have plenty of time to spend with my boyfriend afterwards.

 

And what about lunch? Something!

 

Nope not buying it, sorry.

 

According to him, his dad has diabetes and had a medical emergency. So he stayed with him overnight. IDK if there is a way to really question that. I did see him the next day and asked him about it. What am I supposed to say "F your dad"?

 

I just feel stuck in limbo and I want to move forward, either with or without him. I just want to know either way if he wants to continue to date. If not, then I'll move on no drama. I just want to find a way to say something so that I can move past this drama.

[h0000]

i just want to know either way if he wants to continue to date. .

 

you still don't know?

His Dad probably is sick. So what? he is still not into you.

He may out of the blue do not blow you off this Friday. So what? He will blow you off again next friday (if he ever asks you out again)

He is luckwarm towards you at the best. Yet you still wonder if you have a chance?

Edited July 15, 2015 by h0000

[Versacehottie]

According to him, his dad has diabetes and had a medical emergency. So he stayed with him overnight. IDK if there is a way to really question that. I did see him the next day and asked him about it. What am I supposed to say "F your dad"?

 

I just feel stuck in limbo and I want to move forward, either with or without him. I just want to know either way if he wants to continue to date. If not, then I'll move on no drama. I just want to find a way to say something so that I can move past this drama.

 

easy, just move forward. tell yourself YOU are removing yourself from limbo. Know that if you mean anything to him of significance, he will catch up to you and and try really hard to make it up to you and get back into your life. Use good judgement if this happens. Just that he is throwing you a bone or minor conversation doesn't count. Be discerning. Have confidence in yourself that things will work out the way they are meant to. He probably needs to see a lot of that backbone in order TO BE interested in you seriously. Though it may already be not possible. Sorry. Do the best for you, which is move forward.

[katiegrl]

According to him, his dad has diabetes and had a medical emergency. So he stayed with him overnight. IDK if there is a way to really question that. I did see him the next day and asked him about it. What am I supposed to say "F your dad"?

 

I just feel stuck in limbo and I want to move forward, either with or without him. I just want to know either way if he wants to continue to date. If not, then I'll move on no drama. I just want to find a way to say something so that I can move past this drama.

 

No of course you don't say "F your dad.". Sheesh.

 

Maybe you missed my post wherein I suggested you text him and say "Sorry, can't make it Friday. **I hope your dad is okay.** Good luck with everything and take care." (Asterisk was only for emphasis).. Then block or just don't respond to texts and calls. Be professional and polite at work.

 

Even assuming his dad was in the hospital and he stayed with him all night (the latter being extremely doubtful but who knows) he STILL isn't that into you.

 

I mean how long has it been now since you have gone out on a date?. Four weeks? Come on, use your *noodle* as my late mom used to say.

 

What, he could not see you Saturday or Sunday? Take you to lunch? Four weeks?

 

Walk away. He isn't into it. Sorry.

Edited July 15, 2015 by katiegrl