Peachland Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 I started dating someone two months ago. A week ago he asked me to be his girlfriend and told me he was falling in love. We are both divorced and looking for long term relationships. He's everything I'm looking for on paper. He's financially secure, very accomplished in his career, has the same goals about the future. He treats me like a queen. He's willing to do anything for me. I waited until the 2 month mark for before becoming sexually intimate which is a first for me. I wanted to confirm that he was serious about me which he obviously is. The issue is that he doesn't make my heart flutter. I'm sexually attracted to him but not physically attracted to him if that makes sense. I feel like I should spend more time with him to see how my feelings develop. However I don't want to lead him on during the process especially if he is falling in love. Has anyone been in this situation? Should I continue to see him? Maybe my heart doesn't need to flutter. I'd hate to walk away from someone with all the qualities that I've been looking. Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 I hate to say this but it only takes two months for a woman to fall in love. When it goes, it goes! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zzyxx Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 If you're not feeling it now it's best to let him down easy and hold out for someone you're more confident about. It's better for him to know this early in the game then two years later when you possibly meet someone you do like better and you are both more invested. You shouldn't have to force yourself to want to be with someone, and I feel like for an experienced person two months is usually long enough to have some idea where things are going. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JADIE Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 The issue is that he doesn't make my heart flutter. ...Maybe my heart doesn't need to flutter. I'd hate to walk away from someone with all the qualities that I've been looking. If I were you, I'd have to take the walk. I've only had 3 serious longterm relationships in my life...in the first 2, the butterflies only lasted a couple months or so. The relationship I'm in now is at the 5 year mark and my heart still gets the flutters every time I see this guy...we don't live together but see each other 4-5 times a week, and talk/text daily. :love: I thought this was fairytale bunk but our relationship is just getting better & better over time. Never seen the like before. If you don't have it from the start, I can't see how it could all of a sudden jump start on its own. There are qualities I am doing without or compromising on with him, but this gut level reaction/attraction to him on a daily ongoing basis, nope...gotta have it. It covers over the other little shortfalls in spades. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 If you're not feeling it, chances are the sex part of it will go as well soon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peachland Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 Thanks for the feedback. The comments make sense but my head is telling me to give it a little more time. I'm not used to dealing with someone who is so interested in me. It's a great feeling. Before him I was attracting a string of flaky guys. Link to post Share on other sites
xcupid Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Give it more time to see if there is compatibility in other areas. You're sexually attracted to him. That's a good sign. Now see if he grows on you because he sounds decent and he could turn out to be what you want in a man and partner. You did the right thing waiting to have sex with him so your judgment wasn't clouded. Go with your instinct in this case and don't overthink it. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
yxalitis Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 I say walk.. This is what may happen: One day he'll do something that annoys you, could be a trivial thing.. If you loved him, you'd brush it aside, forget about it. It would simply fade away... But if you don't you'll remember it, and add it to a growing pile of things he does that annoy you. Without love, you start to harbour feelings of resentment and frustration, little things become big things, the ability to forgive and forget is lessened. You'll start bitching to your friends and family about him, and they'll say: "but he's so good to you!" And you'll say "yes, but he can be SO annoying" You'll start to pull away from him, he'll notice this, and start to wonder what's going on That sounds silly, right...? But it's happened to me... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Classic female psychology. That flutter/anxiety aka "the spark" comes from being unsure of where you stand with a guy. It's human nature to be attracted to someone that's a bit more of a challenge. This is exactly why you were more into the flaky guys that kept you guessing. There's no challenge with Mr. Nice Guy because his interest is so obvious. That's my theory anyways for what it's worth. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Classic female psychology. That flutter/anxiety aka "the spark" comes from being unsure of where you stand with a guy. It's human nature to be attracted to someone that's a bit more of a challenge. This is exactly why you were more into the flaky guys that kept you guessing. There's no challenge with Mr. Nice Guy because his interest is so obvious. That's my theory anyways for what it's worth. You know thats not a bad theory. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Classic female psychology. That flutter/anxiety aka "the spark" comes from being unsure of where you stand with a guy. It's human nature to be attracted to someone that's a bit more of a challenge. This is exactly why you were more into the flaky guys that kept you guessing. There's no challenge with Mr. Nice Guy because his interest is so obvious. That's my theory anyways for what it's worth. I get that. But there are some lucky couple who felt the butterflies and racing heart without the drama and uncertainty. Your theory holds a lot of merit. Many women on here would have felt it There are whole online testimates and discussions rife with women who stopped chasing the chemistry and men who took their breath away...... In favour of men who they didn't butterflies for yet who treating them well. It isn't that black and while. Some people have the tendency to feel intense chemistry for available men. I am one of them.. For me, intense chemistry is just that. Any flakyness or drama does NOT enhance it. Current guy seems stable and into me. There wasn't a need for drama to instigate the spark or passion. I think the OP just needs to find someone she can feel crazy about as opposed to the slow burn, lukewarm way that others prefer. I am much like the OP. I need the fireworks and man that can take my breath away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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