Seemingly Good First Date, But No Second Date

[atothe]

Early 30's male met a 20-something female a few weeks out with friends. I approached her and exchanged numbers. Recently, went out for the first time. Frankly, IMHO the date seems to have went well. Decent convo., held hands, exchanged a few kisses, etc. At any rate, followed up approx. two days later with a phone call, no answer. But, received a text the next day apologizing bla bla, how are you and all that good stuff. We exchanged a text or two, where I ended with sending the last text asking if she was free some time. And, voi la... no reply. At this point, its been a few days. I think, speaking for myself, the ball is in her court and I shouldn't reach out again. To put it bluntly its inconsiderate not to respond, irrespective if you're not feeling it, and if so, cool...no hard feelings, just let me know. But, the game is the game and I've been wrong before. So, am I off? Is there another route, I mean is this the "I'm playing hard to get" thing or am I right to conclude she may not be interested?

[Redhead14]

Early 30's male met a 20-something female a few weeks out with friends. I approached her and exchanged numbers. Recently, went out for the first time. Frankly, IMHO the date seems to have went well. Decent convo., held hands, exchanged a few kisses, etc. At any rate, followed up approx. two days later with a phone call, no answer. But, received a text the next day apologizing bla bla, how are you and all that good stuff. We exchanged a text or two, where I ended with sending the last text asking if she was free some time. And, voi la... no reply. At this point, its been a few days. I think, speaking for myself, the ball is in her court and I shouldn't reach out again. To put it bluntly its inconsiderate not to respond, irrespective if you're not feeling it, and if so, cool...no hard feelings, just let me know. But, the game is the game and I've been wrong before. So, am I off? Is there another route, I mean is this the "I'm playing hard to get" thing or am I right to conclude she may not be interested?

 

First of all, if you're serious about asking for another date, you do it in a phone call and you have specifics -- day, time, place. Doing it the way you did it kinda comes off as lackluster at best.

 

Nevertheless, you're right the ball is in her court. Let her reach out to you with and hopefully she'll say I'm available X day.

 

But consider how she's made you feel while you're waiting. If she finally reaches out to you, you're probably not gonna want to see her because she's not showing you enough to keep you interested already.

[atothe]

I followed up with a phone call two days after the date that was responded to in the form of a text. I always maintain flexibility in setting dates, I would not like to be in a position where I offer a date and time and then its not feasible for whatever reason, and then go down then go down the route of hey well then how about this day, etc. etc.

[Redhead14]

I followed up with a phone call two days after the date that was responded to in the form of a text. I always maintain flexibility in setting dates, I would not like to be in a position where I offer a date and time and then its not feasible for whatever reason, and then go down then go down the route of hey well then how about this day, etc. etc.

 

If you offer a specific day, time, place, etc. and they are not available at that time, they will offer an alternate if they are really interested in you.

[atothe]

fair enough, that seems reasonable. However, is your impression that the young lady is not interested or I need to reach out one more time?

[Redhead14]

fair enough, that seems reasonable. However, is your impression that the young lady is not interested or I need to reach out one more time?

 

It's gotten a little gray with her because of the "inconsistency" now. But, really, she knows you're interested, let her show you how interested she is. Leave it there and continue to focus on how her lack of response is making you feel. The more time that passes, I'll bet you will lose interest in her anyway.

 

You could reach out to her one more time with a call and simply say "I'd like to see you again on X day, X time, X place. If she doesn't answer, leave it alone again.

[deathandtaxes]

fair enough, that seems reasonable. However, is your impression that the young lady is not interested or I need to reach out one more time?

 

I say go ahead and call her up with a specific date time and activity in mind. but I wouldn't try a third time. two is plenty. signals you are interested but not desperate.

[atothe]

Alright, cool... Assuming, it goes to voicemail. Leave a message?

[Redhead14]

Alright, cool... Assuming, it goes to voicemail. Leave a message?

 

Of course, leave a message. She'll need to know what the purpose of the call is. If she's waiting for a specific request and you don't give it to her, she's not going to bother responding. Or, she's screening it because she doesn't want another date. So what? You hit the ball to her twice. Maybe she just swung and missed the first time. But, now, if she doesn't hit it back because she's swung and missed or just doesn't want to hit it back, there's just no game. If she's just not good at hitting the ball back, do you want to be her teacher? That's gonna require patience and cause you to be frustrated.

Edited July 5, 2015 by Redhead14

[wizer]

She appears disinterested but you can't know for sure.

 

Call her. What do you have to lose?

[atothe]

Thank you for contributions to the thread. Advice has been solid. I'll likely reach out. But, truth be told I'm slightly thrown off with my current position. Obviously, its very minor and just a blip on the radar, so no big deal. I feel from an objective standpoint that I handled the situation with poise (notwithstanding, setting a specific date b/c I always felt it was kind of pushy). The flow of dating should channel with relative ease, however, you never know what's going on with the other person. Frankly, it doesn't seem like any potential inconsistency or "disinterest" displayed by her has anything to do with an action or inaction from my end.

[fitnessfan365]

In the beginning, you don't know what a woman's schedule is like yet. That's why I prefer simply asking "When are you free to get together?" Then when she provides a few options, you take charge with specifics on one of those days that also works for you.

 

Then after I've been seeing a woman a bit longer and know her schedule better, I'll just bring up a specific day in the original invite.

[atothe]

Update: Received text to invite simply saying hello after obviously hearing the message. I responded with the same cordial response. Then, just got to the point. if you'd like to come cool and if not no worries. Get a text next day something about having to do Something bla bla, but asked the time of the outing. Technically, i had got my schedule mixed up with another day's event, which lead to minor confusion. She asked me where the new event (based on my mischeduling) is located. Told her the general area, but I offered a specific day in the alternative (yeah, I know wasnt suppose to bring it up) more fitting to our schedules. And, bam...that was it...no response. It seems like this not even a display of a lack of interest but just attention seeking behavior. Either way, I'm done reaching out, not worth my time and energy. But, I'd welcome amd appreciate any feedback or perspective on the matter.

[Gary S]

Text is a poor form of communication, I'd call on the phone to ask for a date. If they don't return your call, they are not into you - a woman who likes a man likes to hear his voice.

[atothe]

Brother, I called and left a message. I got a reply with a text, no bueno.

[True Gent]

At this stage it's time to stop wasting your thoughts and energy on this girl. If she was interested you wouldn't even be posting on here.

 

First dates often go really well and lead to nothing. That's because one person wasn't interested and played along for a couple of hours, happens all of the time.

[atothe]

That is probably the best piece of knowledge I've read about the natter. Once you start posting dating matters as it relates to interest on these forums, forget about it's done before it even started. True words, she was just playing for a couple of hours.

[Lansing]

I like how everyone tells you to call but you DID call. If I call and someone texts me back that means to me they aren't comfortable talking on the phone or don't want to talk.

 

I think you got to the point now that you won't wonder "well, what if she didn't get my message" or "what if I didn't get her response" and you can now move on.

 

This type of action really bugs me though. I wish people would be more upfront too. A simple "it was nice meeting you but I don't think there is enough connection to keep dating" or whatever would be much better than just leaving someone hanging like that. So rude.

 

I mentioned it in another thread, but, a female friend told me how she did stuff like this to a guy and how he wasn't "getting the hint" and it made me lose all respect for her. Like, instead of being upfront and saying "not interested" she let the guy chase her and then she laughed it off and kept making comments about how creepy he was for still chasing after her.

[lj.cc]

Early 30's male met a 20-something female a few weeks out with friends. I approached her and exchanged numbers. Recently, went out for the first time. Frankly, IMHO the date seems to have went well. Decent convo., held hands, exchanged a few kisses, etc. At any rate, followed up approx. two days later with a phone call, no answer. But, received a text the next day apologizing bla bla, how are you and all that good stuff. We exchanged a text or two, where I ended with sending the last text asking if she was free some time. And, voi la... no reply. At this point, its been a few days. I think, speaking for myself, the ball is in her court and I shouldn't reach out again. To put it bluntly its inconsiderate not to respond, irrespective if you're not feeling it, and if so, cool...no hard feelings, just let me know. But, the game is the game and I've been wrong before. So, am I off? Is there another route, I mean is this the "I'm playing hard to get" thing or am I right to conclude she may not be interested?

 

 

I wouldn't send another text at all.

[atothe]

Agreed to both statements posted. At the end of the day, it's all good. I focus on my actions, as long as they're authentic and done with personal integrity I can take comfort in doing the right thing and ignore results that don't end in my favor. When done with truth and value, I highly doubt I can look at a situation that I lowered my own personal value and displayed the so called "needy unattractive" qualities that seem to have alot of males concern via these forums. Frankly, these are young girls that display immature qualities and lack the ovaries to to be a true woman. On to the next...

[The Octopus]

You need a two strike policy. How many dates have you flaked out on with people you are interested in? My guess is less than 1. So if she flakes on you once with a good excuse and apologies and all, then give her one more shot. If she flakes a second time, there is no interest. Just move on for your own sanity. Throwing yourself into a stone wall over and over hurts.

[atothe]

Good, and agreed. That was the second strike. Frankly, one strike is enough when they don't counter with a different time.