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Signs he's a PLAYER?


veganpilot

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veganpilot

We only went on two dates, but so far:

- He never takes out his phone except to show me stuff when we're together.

- Asks some really personal things about family, hobbies, goals, life and even weather! It really seems like he's interested in getting to know me.

- He does most of the talking and asking questions.

- Wants me to meet his friends after the first date.

- Finds excuses to touch me, but they are really innocent (IE hands brushing or asking for hugs)

- Flirts but innocently, nothing remotely sexual.

- Never looks at other girls.

- Girls try to flirt with him a lot. I decided to test him and told him I'm going outside to finish my drink. He immediately stopped talking to the girl and went outside with me for 30 minutes waiting for me to finish drinking.

- Told me out of the blue he doesn't sleep around.

- When I was going on holiday, he asked in detail whether I will ever come back and he seemed worried. When I told him I will, he was relieved.

- I tested him again. I told him girls expect too much and everybody cheats on everyone. He told me if he is really into somebody, they should commit because trust is VERY important in a relationship.

- Added me on Facebook after first date.

 

But here are a few red flags:

- Can't post on his FB wall.

- Seems busy most of the time, working, band practice, etc.

- Has a lot of female friends and pictures with them.

- Friends with a stripper and liked a photo of her butt.

- When he saw his friend he told me to stay while he went up to talk to him.

- Is a band player. C'mon, all of them cheat!

 

So is he a player?

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We only went on two dates, but so far:

- He never takes out his phone except to show me stuff when we're together.

- Asks some really personal things about family, hobbies, goals, life and even weather! It really seems like he's interested in getting to know me.

- He does most of the talking and asking questions.

- Wants me to meet his friends after the first date.

- Finds excuses to touch me, but they are really innocent (IE hands brushing or asking for hugs)

- Flirts but innocently, nothing remotely sexual.

- Never looks at other girls.

- Girls try to flirt with him a lot. I decided to test him and told him I'm going outside to finish my drink. He immediately stopped talking to the girl and went outside with me for 30 minutes waiting for me to finish drinking.

- Told me out of the blue he doesn't sleep around.

- When I was going on holiday, he asked in detail whether I will ever come back and he seemed worried. When I told him I will, he was relieved.

- I tested him again. I told him girls expect too much and everybody cheats on everyone. He told me if he is really into somebody, they should commit because trust is VERY important in a relationship.

- Added me on Facebook after first date.

 

But here are a few red flags:

- Can't post on his FB wall.

- Seems busy most of the time, working, band practice, etc.

- Has a lot of female friends and pictures with them.

- Friends with a stripper and liked a photo of her butt.

- When he saw his friend he told me to stay while he went up to talk to him.

- Is a band player. C'mon, all of them cheat!

 

So is he a player?

 

It's two dates and you're analyzing this much? Some of your red flags are really just pink anyway. Sit back, focus on your needs and let him show you what kind of man he is. Find out what he is looking for as soon as possible, i.e, is he dating for a relationship with someone or just to casually date. If you are looking for a relationship and he isn't, you two aren't on the same page anyway so you'll already know it's time to move on.

 

Even if he says he wants a relationship, observe how he treats you and whether or not he is dating you that way. If he's making short notice dates or cancelling regularly, is inconsistent with communication, that's not the proper way to date for a relationship. Get clear in your head about what your needs are in a mate/relationship and pay attention to whether he is bringing enough to the table for you. Don't be intimate with him especially before you've had the dating goals conversation.

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We only went on two dates, but so far:

 

But here are a few red flags:

- Can't post on his FB wall.

- Seems busy most of the time, working, band practice, etc.

- Has a lot of female friends and pictures with them.

- Friends with a stripper and liked a photo of her butt.

- When he saw his friend he told me to stay while he went up to talk to him.

- Is a band player. C'mon, all of them cheat!

 

So is he a player?

 

I had a girl I was into do this to me a while back. I added her on FB but was added to the "restricted" list which means I wasn't able to post on her wall, nor see most of her stuff. Not to say that the same will happen to you but later it turned out that this little fact wasn't just irrelevant and over-analyzing.

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I have no interest in adding anyone to my FB who I go out on dates with at all.

 

Me neither. I wouldn't even add a boyfriend.

 

No man I'm seeing will be added until we are married. And I don't want to be added to his until we are married either.

 

This is not because I have anything to hide, but rather, because I don't want to deal with any FB-induced relationship drama.

 

My FB is only for my family and old friends from back home so we don't lose touch.

Edited by Popsicle
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My FB is only for my family and old friends from back home so we don't lose touch.

 

- I like that.

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Waiting until marriage to add someone to facebook, Lol facebook has never caused any drama for me in relationships .. Anyway its too early on to be analysing this much. Wait til you get to know him some more and build trust. What is this, player unless proven otherwise? I dont know why you jump to that conclusion

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You need to simply sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. See where it goes. You'll know soon enough what type of guy he is. Don't over think it either.

 

 

As far as Facebook, I don't have anything on there that I wouldn't want a potential new GF, employer or government official to see.. I think if someone has an active FB account w/family photo's, kids, etc.. it helps build a better picture of the person you're dating. If I start dating a girl and after a few dates things are going well, I have no problem friending them.

 

 

It quite easy to block on FB if it fizzles out! Ask me how I know. lol

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We only went on two dates, but so far:

- He never takes out his phone except to show me stuff when we're together.

- Asks some really personal things about family, hobbies, goals, life and even weather! It really seems like he's interested in getting to know me.

- He does most of the talking and asking questions.

- Wants me to meet his friends after the first date.

- Finds excuses to touch me, but they are really innocent (IE hands brushing or asking for hugs)

- Flirts but innocently, nothing remotely sexual.

- Never looks at other girls.

- Girls try to flirt with him a lot. I decided to test him and told him I'm going outside to finish my drink. He immediately stopped talking to the girl and went outside with me for 30 minutes waiting for me to finish drinking.

- Told me out of the blue he doesn't sleep around.

- When I was going on holiday, he asked in detail whether I will ever come back and he seemed worried. When I told him I will, he was relieved.

- I tested him again. I told him girls expect too much and everybody cheats on everyone. He told me if he is really into somebody, they should commit because trust is VERY important in a relationship.

- Added me on Facebook after first date.

 

But here are a few red flags:

- Can't post on his FB wall.

- Seems busy most of the time, working, band practice, etc.

- Has a lot of female friends and pictures with them.

- Friends with a stripper and liked a photo of her butt.

- When he saw his friend he told me to stay while he went up to talk to him.

- Is a band player. C'mon, all of them cheat!

 

So is he a player?

 

Dating is so hard these days. With the exception of your "testing" him by saying everyone cheats, what does any of this have to do with being a player?

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veganpilot

Yeah it might be too early to tell actually. That's what I'm trying to do, but if things end I hope it would be with least drama and hurt from either parties as possible. Going on a trip for three weeks but don't really know how to spice things up. I messaged him talking about computer games but he did not reply. I want to leave it like that and phone calls are reserved only for stage 5 clingers. Plus I hate phone calls anyway.

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He sounds good. I don't know if he is a player or not. Time will tell I guess.

 

Real players are very good. They know how to handle women, they know how women think, they tell them what they want to hear and they can be very difficult to spot. The best players really like women, but they just like them a bit too much...

They often want to keep the plates spinning and thus want to keep a harem as well as chasing new women, so they are like a bee flitting from woman to woman, with always a flower to settle on somewhere.

 

This is KEY. To be the best player when it come to seducing women you cannot be perceived by the girl as a player. You must generally be seen as a cool, sociable guy out to have fun and enjoy himself and NOT to be a “player” and seduce women.

 

Pseudo players in my book are just guys who sleep with a lot of women and who screw around. They usually rely on their good looks, but have little idea of how women really think, and are usually easier to spot, unless you are very young, inexperienced or naive.

They make mistakes, they are too sexual, they are too arrogant, they are often uncaring and a lot of them do not actually like women, they only like what they can get ie the sex and are not fussed about keeping the plates spinning.

They prey on the naive and are more "hit it and quit it" than thinking of building a bank of regular sex and comfort, for years to come with many women.

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veganpilot

Just thinking if he only wanted to get into my pants, there are plenty other women that are more than eager to. He's super tall, attractive and fit. He looks like Nick Carter from BSB actually. He,'S also about 8 years older than me. Why would he have the patience to go out with me when women can sleep with him on the first date if he is looking to get laid with me?

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veganpilot

And why would he add me on Facebook though? On the second date we went to a restaurant and although he parked outside the restaurant, he decided to walk far towards the train station and waited for me there. Also when texting, he kept on calling me "hun" but when we talk in person, he does not call me by my nickname which I prefered go be called "Chris" but he calls me my full name "Christina".

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re: The posting on facebook thing - maybe he's just not interested in posting his whole life on facebook? Not everyone is interested in having their whole life on facebook ;)

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veganpilot

Um no. He goes on quite often and all he posts on his wall are random stuff on the internet. Also we met on a dating site but after hitting off really well, he deleted his profile and texted me the next day saying how he wants me to meet his friends. Not sure why one day when I he saw his friend working that he told me to stay there and went up to talk to his male friend? Strange.

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Just thinking if he only wanted to get into my pants, there are plenty other women that are more than eager to. He's super tall, attractive and fit. He looks like Nick Carter from BSB actually. He,'S also about 8 years older than me. Why would he have the patience to go out with me when women can sleep with him on the first date if he is looking to get laid with me?

 

No idea

Some men just want young women - young, often firmer bodies turn them on.

Having a young women can increase their kudos amongst their buddies too.

Some men want younger women unfortunately because young women may be more naive, less experienced and easier to control and dominate.

I am not saying that is his MO, but just be aware.

 

How old are you?

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It sounds like you have trust issues or have been through bad relationships on the past and are waiting for the "other shoe to drop" so to say with this guy. Adding you on Facebook is completely normal. That's what Facebook is for isn't it? Your questioning him because he pays attention to you and not his phone when you're out in a date? That's a gentleman. You're wondering why he wants you to meet his friends? Another good sign, if he was a player he wouldn't do this.

 

"Testing" guys is only going to end badly for you. I had girls that used to do this and I purposely would "fail" and flip it on them because I knew what they were trying to do. That's childish and no one likes to be tested. It's insulting to him and makes you look bad honestly. It's also tough to pass a test when you're not aware you're being tested lol. You're the only one who knows what you want to see happen and therefore you're setting him up to fail. After 2 dates you're thinking way to deep into this. Enjoy the getting to know you phase, take a couple risks if you like him and enjoy the ride.

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What is your definition of a player? If I were him I'd be concerned about someone who automatically assumed I cheated because I was a musician.

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autumnnight
What is your definition of a player? If I were him I'd be concerned about someone who automatically assumed I cheated because I was a musician.

 

This. That assumption is just insulting.

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veganpilot

He's 27 and I am 19. Why would a young, attractive, charming, very tall and fit guy look for commitment when all sorts of women are throwing themselves at him? He's a musician that's good with his guitar, for God's sake! Don't know what he sees in me. Not sure, but I'm a student pilot and (not to brag) regarded as attractive by many others and can be charismatic. I'm referred to as an "Alpha" female.

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He's 27 and I am 19. Why would a young, attractive, charming, very tall and fit guy look for commitment when all sorts of women are throwing themselves at him? He's a musician that's good with his guitar, for God's sake! Don't know what he sees in me. Not sure, but I'm a student pilot and (not to brag) regarded as attractive by many others and can be charismatic. I'm referred to as an "Alpha" female.

 

Stop focusing on him and focus on yourself and don't try to be in his head. Focus on your needs and whether or not he's meeting them. Let him show tell you/show you what he sees in you. Be the "alpha" female. If he likes alpha females, he'll come to you. And, if he interest is strong enough, he'll show you. You don't know that women are throwing themselves at him. You don't know anything right now about those women or him yet.

 

Right now, you might be seeing that you two are compatible on one level - "and can be charismatic" --If you need one little positive sign, it appears, at this moment, he is charismatic too.

 

You are already too invested in him at this point. You're analyzing and spending time focused on him too soon. Sit back and let it play out. Go out and have fun :)

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veganpilot

Yeah and maybe things will actually work out if I stop over analyzing and stuff. I think it's the family making me feel this way because initially I didn't care about it and wanted to see where it goes. I wanted to date but nothing serious. Parents gave me hourly lectures about how he may be a player and stated I didn't care because we're not going out and it's fair game for him to see other people. I guess my family Just wants me to ditch him and concentrate 100 percent on studies.

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toscaroscura
And why would he add me on Facebook though? On the second date we went to a restaurant and although he parked outside the restaurant, he decided to walk far towards the train station and waited for me there. Also when texting, he kept on calling me "hun" but when we talk in person, he does not call me by my nickname which I prefered go be called "Chris" but he calls me my full name "Christina".

 

Have you told him that you don't really care for pet names ("hun") or that you prefer Chris, and he just calls you whatever he wants anyway?

 

Because if so, this is a bigger red flag than anything else you've written about him. It's one of those silly little flags that sounds nit-picky to people who haven't dated a lot, but a man who insists on calling me whatever the hell he wants while disregarding my preferences usually means he's a cocky jerk who thinks he knows what I want better than I do. Or he's testing his boundaries with you and seeing what he can get away with without protest from you.

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