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Relationship Anxiety


CrimsonTide2218

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CrimsonTide2218

Ok so this is definitely a long one so I'm sorry for that.

I've been in a relationship for a year and a half now with the only girl that has ever actually excited me. Like I've been with some girls for just a week or two but nothing ever actually stemmed from it. I met this girl at work and immediately became attracted to her. We clicked, became best friends within a week, and always talked. She had a boyfriend at the time so we were strictly friends. A few months later she came to realization that her boyfriend was manipulative and so she left. Weeks later we began seeing each other. Everything was perfect, we were always together, always talked, it was just perfect. We were the best of friends. We made it past the honeymoon phase and I still loved everything about her. We went on a cruise together with my family a few months ago and everything was awesome. I've thought about marriage and truly think she's the one. Then something completely knocked me off my high horse. One night while on FaceTime everything was normal. We were just talking casually about God knows what, until she asked a very simple question. "are you getting bored with me?" That question has singlehandedly sent me into some anxiety ridden rut that I can't seem to get out of. As soon as she asked that I felt sick, almost threw up, and couldn't sleep for days. I kept having doubts I knew weren't true.

First, I thought I WAS bored with her, but then quickly proved myself wrong when we hung out next. Then another doubt popped up, you don't love her, which I dismissed again. Then it was •"you have to break up" which I don't want to. I love her. Now I'm stuck thinking "because this is your first relationship it can't work. First ones never do". It's just killing me. I've always overthought things and I think that's what is going on again. It should be added that at times I feel completely normal again, and I feel overwhelming love for her again, but then my anxiety and overthinking brain will find something to obsess about. Like we can be sitting watching tv and all of a sudden my brain says "you have nothing to talk about, that's means you shouldn't be with her". I know doubt means don't or whatever but I honestly know I love this girl and want to be with her. I force myself to imagine life without her and I feel sick and really anxious, but then I think oh well I'll just get back together with her and I feel happy again. I used to take things day by day and it helps a lot, now I'm always concerned about tomorrow and if we are gonna be together and it kills me. I just need advice. I can promise that I love her and want to be with her, and I know these the thoughts aren't true. Has anyone else struggled with similar thoughts and overcome them? I want to be with her and will do anything to do so, maybe I need therapy I don't know.

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I think you just realized how you would feel if she was no longer in your life....that is what is sending you down this road....it's fear. Don't worry the shock will wear off in time.....knowing she is still with you.

 

I think that's why she asked you, because she is worried about losing you, so she is going through her own anxiety. People in love do this....natural reaction.

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TunaInTheBrine

When you have not had a relationship before that has progressed this far, you have no mental template for what a relationship looks like after this stage. Hence, you are paranoid that there may not be a relationship after this stage and are trying to figure out how to keep it going. Your feelings are normal based on your history. Unless you have some compelling evidence directly from your girl that is telling you the relationship is in jeopardy, I would accept that you are paranoid. The good news is that paranoia is a feeling, and feelings come and go. Try telling yourself that "this feeling too shall pass" whenever it gets intense. Talk with a therapist if you think it will help. Practice meditation. Do anything you can to learn to sit with your feelings.

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Ok so this is definitely a long one so I'm sorry for that.

I've been in a relationship for a year and a half now with the only girl that has ever actually excited me. Like I've been with some girls for just a week or two but nothing ever actually stemmed from it. I met this girl at work and immediately became attracted to her. We clicked, became best friends within a week, and always talked. She had a boyfriend at the time so we were strictly friends. A few months later she came to realization that her boyfriend was manipulative and so she left. Weeks later we began seeing each other. Everything was perfect, we were always together, always talked, it was just perfect. We were the best of friends. We made it past the honeymoon phase and I still loved everything about her. We went on a cruise together with my family a few months ago and everything was awesome. I've thought about marriage and truly think she's the one. Then something completely knocked me off my high horse. One night while on FaceTime everything was normal. We were just talking casually about God knows what, until she asked a very simple question. "are you getting bored with me?" That question has singlehandedly sent me into some anxiety ridden rut that I can't seem to get out of. As soon as she asked that I felt sick, almost threw up, and couldn't sleep for days. I kept having doubts I knew weren't true.

First, I thought I WAS bored with her, but then quickly proved myself wrong when we hung out next. Then another doubt popped up, you don't love her, which I dismissed again. Then it was •"you have to break up" which I don't want to. I love her. Now I'm stuck thinking "because this is your first relationship it can't work. First ones never do". It's just killing me. I've always overthought things and I think that's what is going on again. It should be added that at times I feel completely normal again, and I feel overwhelming love for her again, but then my anxiety and overthinking brain will find something to obsess about. Like we can be sitting watching tv and all of a sudden my brain says "you have nothing to talk about, that's means you shouldn't be with her". I know doubt means don't or whatever but I honestly know I love this girl and want to be with her. I force myself to imagine life without her and I feel sick and really anxious, but then I think oh well I'll just get back together with her and I feel happy again. I used to take things day by day and it helps a lot, now I'm always concerned about tomorrow and if we are gonna be together and it kills me. I just need advice. I can promise that I love her and want to be with her, and I know these the thoughts aren't true. Has anyone else struggled with similar thoughts and overcome them? I want to be with her and will do anything to do so, maybe I need therapy I don't know.

 

Have you escalated your relationship in anyway? I mean, have you talked about engagement, marriage? Has the relationship stagnated for you in terms of displays of affection from you? Have you been away a lot? There is something that is causing her to question your investment in her. She's feeling that the relationship has stagnated.

 

You need to communicate effectively with her. Ask her why she asked you that question and tell her you're sorry that she's feeling that way and what it is she needs from you. Don't just sit there when she's communicated that there is something lacking for her. She's given you a head up that she's somehow feeling that you're losing interest or something like that.

Talk to her. You're in a position of knowing that there could be something you need to do and will improve the relationship instead of her not having her needs acknowledged and met and simply moving on.

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