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Red flags or calm down?


JiltedJane

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So i've been casually seeing a guy once a week for a month now. We went on two dates back in April, but I was constantly busy and didn't have time to start seeing him again until June. He did consistently ask me out every week though. We've been a 5 dates total. Here are the things that I'm concerned about and need to know if these are red flags or if I need to calm the f down, lol.

 

1. I only hear from him once a week- to make and confirm plans. This actually doesn't bother me too much because if I heard from him everyday I'd go crazy, but since society tells me he should be texting constantly, I'm getting concerned. He also rarely has his phone out, but doesn't hide it when he does have a text. He also said he doesn't like texting.

 

2. Still on tinder- so am i . I know i'm being a hypocrite, but I'm not meeting anybody.

 

3. Told him I only have sex when in a relationship. Still asked me out afterwards, but didn't push for anything.

 

4. Only started showing interest into my personality and likes/dislikes on the 5th date. Before it was mostly him talking and me listening. He finally started asking me questions. Is that a good sign?

 

5. Should I ask him out for the next date? I don't want to come off as clingy.

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Have you asked him what he is looking for? The slow pace would concern me, however he may be hesitant to up it considering you are the one who set the slow pace to begin with. I'd reach out in between dates, if you want more contact, and see what happens. He may just need a push/reassurance you ARE interested.

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So i've been casually seeing a guy once a week for a month now. We went on two dates back in April, but I was constantly busy and didn't have time to start seeing him again until June. He did consistently ask me out every week though. We've been a 5 dates total. Here are the things that I'm concerned about and need to know if these are red flags or if I need to calm the f down, lol.

 

1. I only hear from him once a week- to make and confirm plans. This actually doesn't bother me too much because if I heard from him everyday I'd go crazy, but since society tells me he should be texting constantly, I'm getting concerned. He also rarely has his phone out, but doesn't hide it when he does have a text. He also said he doesn't like texting.

 

"I was constantly busy and didn't have time to start seeing him"

You're constantly busy. That means you don't have time. So he contacts you when he's confirming the time you do have available. Screw what society says. If he feels like texting you more, he will.

 

2. Still on tinder- so am i .

 

End of story. So are you. Doesn't matter why. He's not declared exclusivity with you, so he's free to be on Tinder as much as he wants.

 

3. Told him I only have sex when in a relationship. Still asked me out afterwards, but didn't push for anything.

 

Telling someone that you'll only have sex in a relationship doesn't obligate them to do anything. He's just duly noted it.

 

4. Only started showing interest into my personality and likes/dislikes on the 5th date. Before it was mostly him talking and me listening. He finally started asking me questions. Is that a good sign?

 

Yes. It's what he's supposed to be doing. Do you ask questions about him, too?

 

5. Should I ask him out for the next date? I don't want to come off as clingy.

 

Why would you come off as clingy? You're just getting to know him and you're fitting him into a very busy schedule. This isn't a relationship here: it's an involvement, so there is no need for any clingy behavior to even be manifesting, let alone you worrying about how you're coming across unless your expectations of him are unexpressed and unspoken.

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All my male friends/cousins tell me not to initiate contact because it comes off as desperate.....

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Isn't even possible to remove your tinder profile? I tried once and I couldn't find a way to do it. I deleted the app from my phone in the end, but my profile still existed.

 

 

Is he active?

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it seems he only checks once a day at most.

 

Possible that he is unsure about your feelings since it's going slow.

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So i've been casually seeing a guy once a week for a month now. We went on two dates back in April, but I was constantly busy and didn't have time to start seeing him again until June. He did consistently ask me out every week though. We've been a 5 dates total. Here are the things that I'm concerned about and need to know if these are red flags or if I need to calm the f down, lol.

 

1. I only hear from him once a week- to make and confirm plans. This actually doesn't bother me too much because if I heard from him everyday I'd go crazy, but since society tells me he should be texting constantly, I'm getting concerned. He also rarely has his phone out, but doesn't hide it when he does have a text. He also said he doesn't like texting.

 

2. Still on tinder- so am i . I know i'm being a hypocrite, but I'm not meeting anybody.

 

3. Told him I only have sex when in a relationship. Still asked me out afterwards, but didn't push for anything.

 

4. Only started showing interest into my personality and likes/dislikes on the 5th date. Before it was mostly him talking and me listening. He finally started asking me questions. Is that a good sign?

 

5. Should I ask him out for the next date? I don't want to come off as clingy.

 

Well, at this point, it's about right all the way around. He's initiated enough to be able to do some reciprocal initiating if you want to. You could suggest something and be specific and tell him it's your treat (don't say, "hey wanna hang out Tuesday?" :)) This would not be clingy. Clingy would be doing it a few times in a row without giving him the opportunity to have some control too. You initiate and then give the reins back to him so to speak.

 

And, clingy would be texting or calling him, not getting a response as soon as you'd like or at all and then texting or calling him again. You do it once and leave the ball in his court no matter how long it takes for him to respond. If he never responds, so be it. You'll know what's going on with him.

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YOU kept him at arms length for a long time, you set the pace.

If you want to up the pace then I guess it is up to you to do that too.

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TunaInTheBrine

If I were the guy in this situation, I'd be wondering how interested you were. I agree with others here that you need to reach out and make plans with him.

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So i've been casually seeing a guy once a week for a month now.

 

**We went on two dates back in April, but I was constantly busy and didn't have time to start seeing him again until June***

 

. He did consistently ask me out every week though. We've been a 5 dates total. Here are the things that I'm concerned about and need to know if these are red flags or if I need to calm the f down, lol.

 

1. I only hear from him once a week- to make and confirm plans. This actually doesn't bother me too much because if I heard from him everyday I'd go crazy, but since society tells me he should be texting constantly, I'm getting concerned. He also rarely has his phone out, but doesn't hide it when he does have a text. He also said he doesn't like texting.

 

2. Still on tinder- so am i . I know i'm being a hypocrite, but I'm not meeting anybody.

 

3. Told him I only have sex when in a relationship. Still asked me out afterwards, but didn't push for anything.

 

4. Only started showing interest into my personality and likes/dislikes on the 5th date. Before it was mostly him talking and me listening. He finally started asking me questions. Is that a good sign?

 

5. Should I ask him out for the next date? I don't want to come off as clingy.

 

Re quote in asterisk above --- What I would like to know is what the hell causes someone (in this case you)... to be SO BUSY from April until June that they have no time (not even for a quick lunch or dinner......a walk in the park?)..to spend time with a man you are attracted to and interested in?

 

This makes no sense to me whatsoever.

 

I am sure HE is wondering the same exact thing....the logical conclusion being that you were not that "busy"......just not that " interested."

 

Interested people ACT interested.....HE is, but you're not.

 

Time to step it up girl....call him and ask him to get together... your treat..

 

If he loses interest because if it, he's a loser who was only interested in the chase or being in *control* at all times....and trust me you do NOT want to get involved with a guy like that anyway.

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But even when I do text, it takes forever for him to reply back. We don't really have convos via text. Doesn't that indicate some sort of issue?

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lovexocoach

There's nothing wrong with his behavior from what you've told us here. These aren't red flags as far as I can see.

 

 

I'd suggest you take the initiative and show interest in him. Otherwise he's going to go elsewhere. So, yes, ask him out. That's not being clingy. That's showing interest in him.

 

 

Be thankful he's not texting you all the time. Just because "society" says something doesn't make it right or relevant to your situation.

 

 

Him being on tinder is fine. You're not in a committed and exclusive relationship. He's free to do what he wants - even date other women until you're a couple. By your own admission you've been seeing him casually.

 

 

Asking you questions means he's interested in you. Take it as a good sign.

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So i've been casually seeing a guy once a week for a month now. We went on two dates back in April, but I was constantly busy and didn't have time to start seeing him again until June. He did consistently ask me out every week though. We've been a 5 dates total. Here are the things that I'm concerned about and need to know if these are red flags or if I need to calm the f down, lol.

 

1. I only hear from him once a week- to make and confirm plans. This actually doesn't bother me too much because if I heard from him everyday I'd go crazy, but since society tells me he should be texting constantly, I'm getting concerned. He also rarely has his phone out, but doesn't hide it when he does have a text. He also said he doesn't like texting.

 

2. Still on tinder- so am i . I know i'm being a hypocrite, but I'm not meeting anybody.

 

3. Told him I only have sex when in a relationship. Still asked me out afterwards, but didn't push for anything.

 

4. Only started showing interest into my personality and likes/dislikes on the 5th date. Before it was mostly him talking and me listening. He finally started asking me questions. Is that a good sign?

 

5. Should I ask him out for the next date? I don't want to come off as clingy.

 

1. Make more time in your schedule to be available for dates than you previously have if you really like this guy. If you don't make the effort, you will send him signals that your interest in dating him is lukewarm at best.

 

 

2. Delete your Tinder account now. That is, if you want exclusivity with this guy.

 

 

3. Who cares about sex. That's not even on the table yet.

 

 

4. Maybe he has held back b/c of your busy schedule and thought you weren't that interested?

 

 

5. If you want to ask him out then you should, and make more room in your life for him if he's someone whom you want to pursue seriously. One person shouldn't have to do all the work during the courting phase.

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GorillaTheater
But even when I do text, it takes forever for him to reply back. We don't really have convos via text. Doesn't that indicate some sort of issue?

 

It may mean a lot of different things, including the possibility that he's not too keen on communicating via text. I can relate.

 

Chalk another vote up for the "calm down" column.

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But even when I do text, it takes forever for him to reply back. We don't really have convos via text. Doesn't that indicate some sort of issue?

 

Define "forever."

 

And at least he texts you back, even if it does take awhile.

 

Hell, you couldn't even manage a quick date with him for THREE MONTHS....despite him asking you out once a week.

 

How do you think that made HIM feel?

 

He is being cautious.... as well he should!

 

Step it up...it's time.

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All my male friends/cousins tell me not to initiate contact because it comes off as desperate.....

 

No, it comes off as uninterested. Men need us to give them a green light. They're gonna make an effort for the first and 2nd date but after that if you don't initiate they'll stop wasting their time on you.

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Isn't even possible to remove your tinder profile? I tried once and I couldn't find a way to do it. I deleted the app from my phone in the end, but my profile still existed.

 

 

Is he active?

 

There is like a 7 step to deleting your tinder account. Google how to delete Tinder. You'll be surprise at everything you need to do. It includes going in your FB setting and blocking Tinder otherwise you'll be on there forever.

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1. I only hear from him once a week- to make and confirm plans.

 

2. Still on tinder- so am i . I know i'm being a hypocrite, but I'm not meeting anybody.

 

3. Told him I only have sex when in a relationship. Still asked me out afterwards, but didn't push for anything.

 

4. Only started showing interest into my personality and likes/dislikes on the 5th date. Before it was mostly him talking and me listening. He finally started asking me questions. Is that a good sign?

 

5. Should I ask him out for the next date? I don't want to come off as clingy.

 

 

I personally find it weak.

 

1 date a week and 1 call a week to only confirm a date? meh.... It looks like he is only interested in having a weekend date and not really looking to connect and get to know someone. If it's what you want as well than good but if you are looking to make a connection and build on it you need more interaction than a couple of hours together on weekends.

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I personally find it weak.

 

1 date a week and 1 call a week to only confirm a date? meh.... It looks like he is only interested in having a weekend date and not really looking to connect and get to know someone. If it's what you want as well than good but if you are looking to make a connection and build on it you need more interaction than a couple of hours together on weekends.

 

 

Uhh... She was the one who set the pace for this relationship.

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Uhh... She was the one who set the pace for this relationship.

 

Than why is she unhappy about the pace? lol

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Than why is she unhappy about the pace? lol

 

 

I don't know! I'm just as confused.

 

 

Call him up and express renewed interest in the next few dates. See if his communication doesn't switch up a little bit as you start to get a little closer.

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Than why is she unhappy about the pace? lol

 

Because SHE is not calling the shots anymore, HE is.

 

And she feels off-balance because of it.

 

My guess is....THAT is what she is unhappy about.

 

She admitted herself the once a week text/date does NOT bother her....as she would go crazy if she heard from him every day.

 

It only bugs her because "society" says it should bother her....what is that?

 

And IMO also because she is not the one controlling the pace anymore, he is.

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-I work 60 hrs a week, plus in may i had other projects going on that took up all my personal time.

 

-when i say it takes forever for him to get back, it can be days. Or at least initally it was. Now it can take a day.

 

-I'm taking it slow, because I don't want to get played. We did meet on tinder after all.

 

-Plus, this guy is much better looking than i am, lol. I'm suprised he was ever remotely interested to begin with.

Edited by JiltedJane
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