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24 year old male and 17 year old girl in love -- nothing physical till she's 18.


thisismenow

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thisismenow

I am an international grad student in a prestigious US university. To blow off steam after an assignment, I went online on a website that lets strangers around the world do a text chat and met a Latina girl there. She lives in Mexico. Initially, on chat, she told me she's 19. So we started talking and we both liked each other since we both have the same interests and thoughts. Our talks were strictly non-sexual, about general things in life. Then, we both started to like like each other and one morning, after a week of having met here, she told me: "I can't do this to you anymore, I'm actually 17 years and 11 months. I will be 18 in a month".

 

I got a little upset and confused. I'm an adult and she's not... well, she's 17 years and 11 months so she's almost an adult, but technically she's not. I have strong ethics and wanted to stop talking but she pleaded that it's only a month. So, I finally gave in and I'm still talking to her. She told me she loved me over a voice note one day and I said it back -- because I really do.

We have decided to meet in the USA after one entire year of staying in conversation online. By then, she will be 19. And of course, there's no possibility of any sexual or physical contact between us during this time.

 

 

Facts:

  • I'm an international grad student in the USA.
  • She's in Mexico.
  • There's no possibility of any physical contact.
  • We will meet for the first time after 1 year, when she will be 19. She will come to the USA where I study.

 

Now, legally, is there a problem that I said 'I love you' to a 17 year 11 month old girl and have been in a distant relationship with her? Any chances of me getting in trouble when she finally meets me in the USA after 1 year (when she's 19), since our relationship began when she was 17 years and 11 months?

 

I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm crazy or something, but I've worked very hard to get admission into this university in the USA and I don't want to screw things up. Any chances of legal problems?

 

Thanks!

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Not sure what the age of consent is in Mexico, do a bit of research. Here in the UK it's 16. Some countries it's higher, others it's lower.

 

I wouldn't worry if I were you.

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A young woman will become a different person at 20 than she was at 18, once again a different person at 22, and their final version usually rolls around about 25.

 

 

The question is, will you still be the object of her affection after all of these life changes? Probably not, it's extremely uncommon.

 

Don't put all of your eggs in this girls basket, literally and metaphorically.

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Ninjainpajamas

I think you're being very paranoid, without actually doing anything with her in person I think you're pretty clear and even if you went to Mexico they'd have to prove it..I mean just don't do anything stupid and make it public or have someone hack you who greatly desires to mock you, it's very low risk if any risk at all.

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I think you're being very paranoid, without actually doing anything with her in person I think you're pretty clear and even if you went to Mexico they'd have to prove it..I mean just don't do anything stupid and make it public or have someone hack you who greatly desires to mock you, it's very low risk if any risk at all.

I think he's being overly paranoid too, just with saying ILY. That's no crime even if the age of consent in the US state he is residing in happens to be 18. I think the age of consent in Mexico is something like 14 or 15, so he would have no problems if he flew down there even now (and things got physical) let alone in the next year while you wait for her to study in the US. Is she that special that you want to wait a year?

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SandraTempleton

Not saying you can't meet up with this girl in the US when she's planning to visit but I would recommend checking her age on her ID. If she lied about her age then, whose to say she didn't lie about it again?

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Move on. She's a girl and you're a young man. Cutting this off will help you with women in the future. There is always another girl, car, house etc etc.

 

Take it from someone who was in a LDR like yours, move on now while it's easy.

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I agree with needing to know the laws for consensual sex and age gaps per state/country.

 

In my state (could be different in others) the age gap is 17 to 24. Anything younger (or you being older) and sexually suggestive conversations/text/anything could put you in jail and force you to register as a sex offender.

Sex with a minor, would land you in jail with harsher penalties for statutory rape as well as being a sex offender.

 

In this case, it doesn't sound like you're being too racy, she's out of country and and ILY won't land you in jail no matter who you say it to.

 

My problem here with this scenario is:

A- she lied about her age. Why? I would ask her this.

B- she's in a different country. Why would she bother messaging some stranger when there's plenty of fellas in her home country?

C- like someone said previously, "why aren't you focusing on the (more age appropriate) local ladies?"

 

To each his own, but if you're serious about this girl, I think you need more communication with her.

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I think you should worry less about the age gap but instead focus on how far you two are already going. You've never seen each other but exchange "I love you"'s?! Aren't there any girls in your university or dorm or city to date and have fun with?

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Understand most teenage girls fall in & out of love faster & more often then most men change their socks.

 

Right now you are the dashing older man in her computer. You are barely more than a fantasy. this is not real & will never be real until you meet in person. I don't know where you are from but the immigration issues alone that you are facing would keep me from even attempting this.

 

Enjoy the distraction but don't bank on this.

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thisismenow
A young woman will become a different person at 20 than she was at 18, once again a different person at 22, and their final version usually rolls around about 25.

 

 

The question is, will you still be the object of her affection after all of these life changes? Probably not, it's extremely uncommon.

 

Don't put all of your eggs in this girls basket, literally and metaphorically.

 

Thanks Keenly. I have been thinking about the same thing. However, she assures me constantly that she's not 'one of those'. But anyway, I understand that she may not understand herself completely yet to be sure that her feelings would last -- which is why I'm reconsidering the whole thing.

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thisismenow
I think you're being very paranoid, without actually doing anything with her in person I think you're pretty clear and even if you went to Mexico they'd have to prove it..I mean just don't do anything stupid and make it public or have someone hack you who greatly desires to mock you, it's very low risk if any risk at all.

 

I think he's being overly paranoid too, just with saying ILY. That's no crime even if the age of consent in the US state he is residing in happens to be 18. I think the age of consent in Mexico is something like 14 or 15, so he would have no problems if he flew down there even now (and things got physical) let alone in the next year while you wait for her to study in the US. Is she that special that you want to wait a year?

 

Yea, I do realize that I'm being over-cautious and paranoid. But these things are so sensitive that people are quick to judge, misunderstand, and show up at your door with torches. Also, I've heard that authorities in the USA are a little too overzealous(?) on building cases against you in situations like these. Anyway, since there's no physical contact or sexual talk, I guess I'm not violating any laws -- which is just what I needed to be sure of.

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thisismenow
Not saying you can't meet up with this girl in the US when she's planning to visit but I would recommend checking her age on her ID. If she lied about her age then, whose to say she didn't lie about it again?

 

You know, I thought of the same thing. If I do decide to continue this, and we do meet, I would definitely need to make sure that she's 18/19. That should be fun, things get romantic, we're about to kiss, and then I say: "Hang on, can I see some ID?" OR meet her at the airport and go: "Before we go any further, I would need to see some ID". Haha, that should be fun. :D

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thisismenow
Understand most teenage girls fall in & out of love faster & more often then most men change their socks.

 

Right now you are the dashing older man in her computer. You are barely more than a fantasy. this is not real & will never be real until you meet in person. I don't know where you are from but the immigration issues alone that you are facing would keep me from even attempting this.

 

Enjoy the distraction but don't bank on this.

 

There's a lot of truth in what you said. I've been thinking the same and reconsidering the whole thing.

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